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FIELD REPORTThe single most important thing I've learned from you (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by LSDMusicLady

It's so simple, how did I manage to miss something so simple, so fundamental, and so beneficial all those years?

I blamed nature and the food industry for my weight, men for my insecurities, my work environment for my lack of motivation, people for my anxiety and boring personality, technology for my procrastination, the list went on and on.

I was a blamer and a complainer.. always looking outside of me for cause and solution. I feel like I'd been looking at the world through a distorted lens!

It was mind-blowing to discover the overwhelming majority of my problems were actually 100% my fault.

Thanks to you ladies, I now look inwards first and that's where I find the most rational answers, it's not as easy as pointing fingers, it is hard work.. but at least I know it's only going to get easier with time, and the quality of my life exponentially better.

When something upsets me, I now first and foremost ask myself:

  • How did I help create the problem?

  • How will I help solve the problem?

Through this process, I also discovered how amazing my man truly is and how patient he had been, he "handled" me so well even though, as an adult, I shouldn't have needed "handling".

Thank you all for the tough love.


[–][deleted] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

the overwhelming majority of my problems were actually 100% my fault.

when you take personal responsibility for everything in your life, it means you are mentally accepting that it is your fault, sure. but the door swings both ways. when everything shitty in your life is your fault, everything that's also awesome in your life is your success. this mentality allows you to ask what you could have done to have a better outcome, and you realize that you are in control of your future. this is freedom.

[–]dottywine 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You sound like you just came back from a Tony Robbins conference, haha! I am very happy for you. Now, that you see that life is up to YOU, you can live it how you want it to be lived! :)

[–]testmypatience 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The serenity prayer and golden rule. Two of the most life saving concepts.

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor 2 points3 points  (4 children)

That's amazing! It changes everything. It's way more empowering than feminism has ever been as it blames "the patriarchy." It's so crazy, but sometimes I've gotten the reaction that I'm a battered woman when talking about issues in my relationship and mentioning things that I've done to create the problem. But hey, at the end of the day I'm in a good relationship.

You can only get better from here, and you can always improve. You're also lucky to have a man who accepted you as a mess. Now he'll be rewarded! Best of luck!

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 2 points3 points  (1 child)

But hey, at the end of the day I'm in a god relationship.

Nice typo you got there ;)

battered woman

People overuse the term abuse. It's a true disservice to those who are truly abused and battered.

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And woops! Usually I proofread, but I was in a hurry. And yes, they way overdiagnose abuse. It's frustrating when you're talking about a problem and admit some fault and then the next thing you know you're being advised to end your LTR. I've learned to not talk about my relationship with most people.

[–]HobbesTheBrave 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I'm a battered woman when talking about issues in my relationship and mentioning things that I've done to create the problem.

Girls who cry wolf. If only girls knew how much they fed sheep to the wolf, how much they let the wolf tear everything to shreds.

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think I'm crying wolf though... I mean it's not like I'm saying my SO is hitting me. I'll say, he was mad last night because X happened. I acted like X and I think I should have acted like X. But male anger is seen as unilaterally abusive these days, and female responsibility is seen as abuse.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yay! I love reading this! I think personal responsibility is one of the most powerful and underused resources around.

[–]AboveZoom 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Beautiful post.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was the best lesson for me too! It's liberating.

[–]WholesomeAwesome 2 points3 points  (1 child)

RPW is doing wonders. Thanks RPW, for raising the quality of women. Supply Supply... SUPPLY!

[–]yourewelcome_bot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You're welcome.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was a blamer and a complainer.. always looking outside of me for cause and solution. I feel like I'd been looking at the world through a distorted lens!

Always remember, when you point at someone else, you're using two fingers to point at them and the other three fingers are pointing back at yourself....

Excellent post!