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THEORYTips for the Hypergamous Woman (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by electrokiwi

written by me, primarily for me, but thought you ladies might be interested.

If you're anything like me, sometimes even the best of captains won't be able to keep you from noticing shiny new men in your life. This isn't completely your fault. Studies show that both men and women employ two main mating strategies, those being monogamous and promiscuous, or restricted and unrestricted, as explained here in this handy wiki on sociosexual orientation: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sociosexual_orientation. This means that women on the end of the unrestricted spectrum are more likely to continuously seek out multiple partners in order to have the chance of reproducing with the best mate. Women like this see benefits in short-term mating. If you're a woman towards this end of the spectrum, then you're naturally hypergamous.

Furthermore, over time, it is natural for women's sexual desire to decrease in an LTR, as demonstrated here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-power-pleasure/201204/does-desire-really-decrease-length-relationship

Does this mean that it's impossible for naturally hypergamous women to have happy, healthy committed relationships with their captains? Of course not! You have free will. It will just be a little more work to fight your natural mating instincts than for women not so evolutionarily inclined to the carousel. Here are some tips on stopping the hypergamous instincts from jump-starting your hamster, and jeopardizing your long-term happiness.

  1. Cut yourself a little slack: If you're a RPW you've been cultivating a more feminine persona both physically and socially, and your growth probably hasn't gone unnoticed. It's OKAY to feel a confidence boost when you notice high-value men noticing you. You've worked for it.

  2. Like all good things, slack is best in moderation. While it is acceptable to appreciate this confidence boost, it is NOT OKAY to be actively seeking validation from men other than your captain to give you that confidence boost. There's a fine line between an inner smile, and an errant daydream when you sense someone flirting with you, and engaging them, giving out signals that you are available, and escalating the interaction. You know yourself and your tendencies. You know the difference. Do not lie to yourself.

  3. Stop the hamster, before it starts. The way to stop the hamster is to appreciate your Captain when you feel your roaming eye act up. As a RPW you probably had good reasons to choose your captain. He's been vetted for traits you admire and that make you happy. What are these traits? List them to yourself and consider if they're worth losing over the temporary tingles you get from a superficial interaction.

  4. Are the pastures really greener on the other side, or are you just not watering the lawn? A happy relationship takes the work of two, but you're only in control of yourself. If things aren't so great lately, ask yourself how are you contributing to the relationship to help your captain lead? Think of actions that would make your captain happy, not solipsistic actions that would satisfy you because you're not dating you! Consider ways that you can be generous towards his desires (I highly recommend The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Laura Schlessinger. It's a bit simplistic and overly-religious, but it boils down to core issues for keeping a happy home.) This way your captain can easily take the lead and continuously provide you the tingles you seek from other men.

  5. How would you feel if the tables were turned? Don't let the hamster run amok and try to justify flirting with other men. Imagine if your captain was the one being flirted with by other women. If you're like me, you'd be somewhat proud that other women notice him, as it corroborates his high-value, but very grateful that he stays loyal to you. And if he doesn't? If he engages these women in flirtatious behavior and escalates his involvement with them, how would you feel? Would you feel disrespected, and even betrayed? If so, why would you inflict those emotions upon a captain you chose and profess to care about? You're better than this. Don't forget that. That's what brought you to RPW, and what keeps you here.

  6. Non-negotiable signs that it really isn't you, it's your captain. There are a few instances in which you really can do better for yourself than your current captain. These include if your captain is cruel, has addictions, cheats, is entirely unambitious and unmotivated to any form of self growth, (this is not strictly financial,) is uncommitted to a future with you, or disagrees with your future thoughts on having a family. If any of these apply to your relationship, the answer is still not flirting with other men while you're committed. What you need to do is grow some ovaries, cut your losses, take what's left of your SMV and RMV, possibly nun mode until you've healed, and then put yourself back on the market. (I highly recommend an interval of nun moding, because as insensitive as it may sound, baggage isn't cute. The type of man you're looking for wants to be your captain, not your bellboy. It's good to make sure your hurt emotions from your past relationship are firmly in storage before you proceed to vet a new captain.) This way you can find a new captain who both gives you tingles and meets your requirements for a mate.

In closing, what differentiates us from animals is that as humans we have the ability to outsmart nature and bend it to our will. As a conscious and conscientous woman you have the power to be better than your instincts. While your thoughts may occasionally betray you, your choices define your character. Choose to be a good woman. I'm rooting for you.


[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I love the points that you made, they were very well thought out. This post is useful for RPW at all stages! Thank you!

[–]dixiebug7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for posting that. I loved the last paragraph especially. Being a good woman is so important!

[–]rkristen1234 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is great!

[–]thescarletlilly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is really, really good advice and I'm going to read it whenever I feel myself drifting away from being good and reasonable. Thank you.

Monogamy and loyalty takes work like anything else, and it's important to take responsibility for actions that may lead to straying. I find a lot of the times I presented myself as blameless, when in reality I full well knew I was doing things I shouldn't have.

This set me straight. I find society doesn't illustrate that it's hard work and mindfulness, and it's just "accidents", or monogamy is effortless and natural. I bought into it and I'm thankful for this post.