68
69

INSIGHTFULI left the love of my life because I thought I could do better. Now I'm childless and alone at 42 (dailymail.co.uk)

submitted by [deleted]


[–]TheTerrorSquadEndorsed Contributor 48 points49 points  (4 children)

While she still loved him, Karen began to feel embarrassed by Matthew's blue-collar jobs

Fuck Karen!

[–]RojoEscarlata 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Fuck Karen!

That's the problem, nobody wants to anymore. Hue

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (2 children)

We have a saying in my country: "You want a husband with a big car, whereas your father owns just a bicycle. Why can't you be humble like your mother?"

[–]frakistan 2 points3 points  (1 child)

which country is that?

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Kenya

[–]AerobusTRP MOD 33 points34 points  (20 children)

Matthew was romantic but incredibly practical, something that would later come to annoy me. His gifts to me that Christmas were a leather jacket - and a pair of thermal leggings.

Ladies, if there's one thing I'd like to you to understand about men, please don't take offense if we gift you something like this. The fact that we are gifting you things that you can and will use regularly--things you need to use--is our way of showing you that we care about you.

Yes, I get it, you might like flowers more because they are prettier. But for a man, from his logical perspective, a pair of thermal leggings seems to us like a better gift to give you.

[–]moggymojo 28 points29 points  (8 children)

TThis is so true. One year my husband gave me a water filter for my birthday. It took me aback at the time when he asked me what kind I wanted, I was tempted to say I didnt want a water filter of all things at all. But I told him the kind I preferred and in due course it arrived.

Of the kind I had nominated, a ceramic drip filter system, he had perfectly chosen one to suit my aesthetic taste, locally and ecologically made and told me at length about how much thought and care went into its choosing.

I have had it 5 years now, it gets used every single day and makes the best tasting water, so I am never dehydrated. l regularly tell him it was the best present I have ever received, which is the truth.

I am blown away and humbled to know he knows me so well, and wanted to get me something that would take care of me every day, in a way so subtle that I couldn't even grasp it in concept.

[–]AerobusTRP MOD 26 points27 points  (2 children)

You should read this comment out to him. It will really brighten his day. A lot of times when we think practically like this initially the response is annoyance, and later on when the woman does appreciate the gift, she doesn't express those emotions to us.

[–]ColdEiric 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You should, moggymojo.

[–]moggymojo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I haven't read the comment to him, but I have expressed the same sentiment to him, in virtually the same words, on more than one occasion.

[–]angeliswastaken 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I love tea when I'm sick. Last year I was home sick and my teapot broke. On his way home from work my fiance stopped by the store and bought me a shiny new teapot in my favorite color. I use it all the time, and I melted my heart that he could care so much.

Were getting married in 3 weeks!!

[–]frakistan 0 points1 point  (2 children)

well have you?

[–]moggymojo 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Have I what?

[–]frakistan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

duhh, read your husband the comment?

[–]Chrysoscelis 12 points13 points  (5 children)

"Bitches love vacuums."

[–]BakerofpieEndorsed Contributor 8 points9 points  (2 children)

My Dyson is one of the best Christmas presents I've ever gotten, f'real.

[–]Techsanlobo 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I know what you said was partialy a joke, but watch this guy's videos. I have ZERO interest in vacuums, but this guy is simply amazing in how much he loves his job.

Also, this guy HATES dysons. Bagged vacuums all the way!!!

[–]toriar 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I love this comment because I asked for a vacuum for Christmas this year. xD

[–]angeliswastaken 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My fiance bought me a small handheld carpet shampooer for Xmas last year. Everyone teased us but fuck them, we have three pets and I love it. Its exactly what I wanted.

[–]YaFloozeYaLose 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Flowers die. As a romantic gesture it's great. As an actual gift, they suck.

[–]RedPillWife_June2014 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Flowers are clutter-free; that makes them great in my book.

[–]scallopkidEndorsed Contributor 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, and they make the house so pretty while they last. Add far as romantic gifts go they are much better than a lot of other stereotypical things like jewelry and stuffed animals etc.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

My bf's romantic gestures are him updating my PC while im sleeping <3

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Unsurprisingly, after one particularly nasty argument, Matthew put the phone down and refused to take any more of my calls. I didn't realise it at the time, but I would never speak to him again.

...

Yet again, I had inadvertently caused problems in Matthew's life, so it was unsurprising I never heard from him, despite writing several times over the next few months.

Why do I get the feeling that this entire interview is also a crazy-ex attempt to keep herself in the spotlight of a relationship she should have nothing to do with.

[–]RedPillWife_June2014 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Why do I get the feeling that this entire interview is also a crazy-ex attempt to keep herself in the spotlight of a relationship she should have nothing to do with.

That is my gut feeling, too. She's psycho about this guy and needs professional help.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Great article and a wonderful story of warning. Some of the people that commented on the story however, seem determined to ignore her words.

Karen it seems there were red flags in the relationship that you were smart enough to recognize at the time. Those things that bug you before marriage - only magnify after marriage. If you did not have utter peace with the relationship, you did the right thing by moving on. Stop torturing yourself and as one commenter said - open you heart (as Jane Seymour says - I suggest you read her book "Remarkable Changes" it's really quite good. Move forward -God has a plan for you. Place God first in your life and all else will come in God's good time. The best things happen when you are following your own passions and heart and not desperate on the lookout for someone. And yes, you are still young enough to have children. I work at a hospital and we just had a woman (48 years old) who conceived naturally and had a beautiful healthy baby girl. Chin up girl....life awaits you! Seize the day and forget about this long lost love who probably wasn't the best many for you after all.

and

Well, Miss Karen Cross--you're not dead! And you're obviously more attractive at 42 than you were all those years ago. But you have GOT to let the past go! Completely. Utterly. And yes, Matthew is part of that past. Your assessment of now being too old for children is also (as you Brits say) rubbish. We have absolutely no idea what the day will bring--but you're clearly trying to exile yourself to a past that, frankly, should no longer matter. You made your choice--as now Matthew has made his. There is NO going back. No man (or woman) can compete with our all too frequently fantasy riddled pasts--so stop limiting yourself with those old chains and open your eyes. There is absolutely no telling who you are yet to meet in this lifetime. The best may very well be yet to come--but you must face the future will open eyes (and an open heart) not bound with the blinders of the past.

On the one hand, yes - encouragement is a good thing and people should always maintain their optimism. That said, these commentators don't want Karen to dwell at all "shake it off and move on! You can still have everything you want! You're gorgeous!" I found Karen's article surprisingly honest and fresh. She didn't try to wash over her mistakes or justify her misguided decisions. She accepts that she got to where she is now on her own two feet, which I think will help her. I see this article as a way to close this chapter of her life, and move forward with eyes open.

I do hope she finds happiness and earns the love of a good man, that said - I'm glad she doesn't simply expect mr. Wonderful to fall into her lap.

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (23 children)

Good for him for moving on and being happy (or at least seeming that way). Why do people just walk away from perfectly fine relationships like they'll find another good relationship ASAP? It's just pure insanity. I have no sympathy for her.

[–]AerobusTRP MOD 21 points22 points  (6 children)

If you have a good relationship, but you don't think it's good enough, the smarter thing to do is to work on that relationship to make it good enough, instead of leaving and hoping you find a good enough relationship immediately.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (5 children)

That's logic a lot of people my age and slightly older don't seem to understand. There's a concept of "working on a relationship." They like to think every good relationship they've ever seen (like, say, their grandparents') was just sugar and rainbows the entire time.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

This is entirely it. My grandparents have been married for 50 years. They support each other and have the "dream relationship". They have a slew of grandchildren and 1 great-grandchild already. They are so in tune with each other its amazing. They anticipate what the other needs and wants and do it for them without question. Its like a well oiled machine. And they obviously love each other very very much.

What people don't know is they got married when my grandma was 17 and she only did it as a desperate way to escape her shitty life, not out of any kind of love. He was 30 and had some issues but he had money and a house. They argued and fought and had their share of bad times. Their relationship was never perfect. Grandad was an alchoholic for a long time. Grandmom was stubborn as hell. But they worked on it until it WAS what they both wanted. Now in their old age they have a huge family to take care of them and they have each other.

People only see the end result. Even if you ask my grandmother directly she will not tell you how bad it was when she was younger. Shes embarrassed or wants to spare my grandfather the shame of having his family know he was an alchoholic and had some bad times. Im not sure exactly what all went down but it wasn't "pretty" like people believe marriage is always going to be. I would bet that a LOT of the old couples you see started out like that... people getting married out of desperation and then simply adjusting and making it work. Even if they tell you they were in love it might not have been that simple.

The point is relationships take dedication. Work. Sacrifice. What comes out in the end is going to be great but only if you actually put effort into it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My grandparents were 16 and 19 respectively. I don't know all of the details of their marriage from when they were younger, only what I got from my mom and aunts about when they were growing up. My grandparents were tough as nails, but you wouldn't have known that from looking at them in their last few years! They seemed like the sweetest couple and just never argued if they could help it (and if they did, the arguments were very minor).

I agree that love and relationships are about effort. It doesn't just fall out of the sky and into your lap. Some people don't learn that until it's far too late.

[–]gabilromariz 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I think this is even more prevalent with younger people. At the first sign of trouble, they bail, especially girls

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Whee. I see Gen Y (my generation) constantly just leaving relationships rather than trying. Ironically, I tried hard in most of my relationships (mostly out of sadness at the thought of being left alone) until there was just literally no point anymore. It never made sense to me why people would just abandon a relationship because of a job loss or because of one fight. You can bounce back from those things, but they'd rather ignore any potential pain.

This generation is all about the pleasure and avoiding pain at all costs rather than enduring it for longer-lasting pleasure.

[–]gabilromariz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We want everything and we want it now! :)

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (7 children)

It's not even like she had anything concrete to move on to when she left, it was just a feeling she deserved something better. Oh the lies we're sold.

Strange woman though. Usually I hear stories of branch grabbing and eventually swinging, not running away to singlehood.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (4 children)

I've heard of it happening out of jealousy of friends' "fun" single lifestyles, but not just out of the blue because "I can," so that's extra crazy to me.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    That's why I always look at all of the positives of my relationship over banging anything with a pulse. Instant gratification is not always worth it.

    [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    Yeah my crazy alarm is buzzing, I need a slap if I ever looked at my single friends life of Tinder, wanting a guy, but banging everyone in sight and thought 'wow give me some of that'

    [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Some just get curious of what the other side is like (especially if they've never experienced it), and as we all know, curiosity kills.

    [–]ArchwingerTRP Vanguard 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    I have little doubt that the author, being the strange woman in question, may be relating a slightly doctored version of events. I can almost guarantee you that with all of her alcohol-filled magazine career parties, she had some sexual opportunities she wanted to pursue, and those opportunities spurred her action. Not a vague feeling she wanted better.

    Women will coast in a shit marriage indefinitely, but the second they have another offer, that's when they'll "realize" how unhappy they are.

    [–]squishles 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Magazine writer actually meant some degree of status back then. (no internet ect) Probably extreme validation overload, gave her over inflated standards. That whole making more money than so thing, their's a reason it's avoided.

    [–]DianaDewAsmr 10 points11 points  (3 children)

    She lost her tingles because she felt superior to him and didn't see him as attractive anymore.

    Especially if you don't know about the dynamics that come into play (and just hamster to yourself that men and women should be equal) it's easy to start seeing him with little respect.

    A man doesn't need a high paying job to be respected.

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Superiority complexes bother me so much. sigh If you're "better" in one facet, it doesn't mean you're better in all and that your boyfriend/husband sucks because of it. But that logic apparently doesn't make sense.

    [–]DianaDewAsmr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    yep and in a world where women have been replacing men in workplace and jobs usually taken by men have been drafted overseas for decades you have to keep respecting your partner even if he earns less than you unless you want to end up alone. money isn't everything and some lonely post-wallers are learning it the hard way.

    of course that requires some thinking - thinking not hamstering.

    [–]RedPillWife_June2014 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    A man doesn't need a high paying job to be respected.

    QFT

    [–]herewegoaga1n 6 points7 points  (2 children)

    It's a "the slutty grass is always greener on the other side" mentality. I don't feel sorry for women that throw away good relationships on a whim one bit.

    [–]ColdEiric 7 points8 points  (1 child)

    The grass is always greener on the other side, if you do not take care of your own side.

    [–]herewegoaga1n 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Exactly. Most people these days don't know about working hard in a relationship, caring about someone else, or the sacrifices that come along with it. It's more of a comment on society as a whole, but it's just heartbreaking to hear about people having it so wrong.

    [–]angeliswastaken 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I agree, he made the right choice to cut her off. She was dragging him down and trying to hold him in the past due to her own selfishness.

    [–]jcob-ross 12 points13 points  (2 children)

    Sad story.

    I don't wish that kind of regret to anyone.

    [–]Bea_Noemi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Agreed. I read it three times in a row.

    [–]randomsquirrel05 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    actually I wish it to my (soon to be) ex-wife who did exactly that (and brought me round to TRP in the first place). I'm determined to cut her out of my life as fast and as thorough as I can.

    [–]skunchers 19 points20 points  (2 children)

    Anyone else think it's kinda creepy that as soon as he was single, after he'd already told her years ago to leave her alone, she wrote him letters. Knows where he lives, who he's with, and still sends him cards?

    If that behaviour was from a dude, he'd have a restraining order.

    [–]YaFloozeYaLose 14 points15 points  (1 child)

    I was thinking the same thing. While she is thinking ''this is my chance'' he's thinking, ''Glad I didn't end up marrying that crazy bitch''

    [–]skunchers 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Exactly. I have an ex who is a friend, but it's mutual, not one sided creepy -oh I'm just being polite and friendly keeping in touch- it becomes something so much sadder when he simply doesn't reply. Ever.

    [–][deleted]  (4 children)

    [removed]

    [–]my-redpillthrowaway 6 points7 points  (3 children)

    Only a few women can handle marrying down. Most can't.

    FTFY

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

    [removed]

      [–]TheTerrorSquadEndorsed Contributor 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      What happens if you husband loses his job?

      [–]Florist_Gump 5 points6 points  (1 child)

      In the summer of 1989, while out for a romantic meal, Matthew proposed properly with a diamond solitaire ring

      Properly? Its this mindset that is the root cause of the problem, all the worry and concern about the symbolism of a thing instead of focusing on the thing itself. Is the relationship strong enough to support a lifetime partnership? Who cares, you got a pretty rock!

      "Lets spend the equivalent of a down payment on a house we'll spend the rest of our lives in for a single day's party celebrating 'my' big day, and lets do the touchdown celebration at the start of the game instead of, say, at a 20 year anniversary that would actually merit a celebration"

      Every single thing about the Wedding Day mentality in our culture is toxic.

      [–]HerbiMama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Bloody well said!!

      [–]IAMATriggerWarning 11 points12 points  (0 children)

      Now I am 42 and have all the trappings of success - a high-flying career, financial security

      $100 says he paid (still paying) for that security.

      [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      This whole article is solipsism and "me, me, me".

      [–]RPForseti 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      I am a man who has gone his own way but it is really refreshing to read the insightful comments from so many amazing women on here. There is hope for the world, viva la RPW.

      [–]through_a_ways 10 points11 points  (0 children)

      Haha. She deserves it.

      [–]DianaDewAsmr 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      This comment sums up what I think. If she didn't progress in her career she wouldn't have seen him as inferior and would be happy now very likely (or found another man to make her happy!).

      Ah, the lovely legacy feminism has left for women. Nobody wants to say it but if she didn't have a fancy career she would probably have had everything she wanted by now. The truth is, when the woman makes more money there is a significantly increased chance the marriage or relationship will end. The more women move up in the economy, the more unhappy they become. Experts here in the states are baffled that women supposedly "have it all" yet from every angle their happiness has been declining over the last 40 years relative to men's. I don't work. I've never had a career. I'm one of those "deadbeat" housewives out there that "doesn't do anything" (or at least that's how modern society has come to view those like me thanks to feminism the truth is I do a lot). This story really made me want to cry but I know there are millions of other women just like her out there. I think hopefully my generation is slowly catching on that the feminist movement has been bad for us

      [–]angeliswastaken 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      This is a terribly sad story, and I hope younger women take heart in it.

      [–]Union_of_Onion 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Wanted to put him on ice....