Today I'll be starting a series of posts called back to the basics. Each post will focus on a concept of RP theory. If it goes well, more posts will be added more frequently. Today's post will be about value.
What is value?
The basic meaning of value is when someone or something is meaningful in some way. Everything that exists has value to someone, not everything has value to you.
The biblical idea that "man is created in the image of God" means that every human being has intrinsic value and we therefore may not murder them (or cause unnecessary harm to them). Not all societies placed intrinsic value on every human life but that's a separate discussion.
Even if you agree that every human life has intrinsic value in the eyes of God, it's still true that not every person is valuable to you. Even among those who are valuable to you, you value some more than others.
Sexual and relationship value
In the search for a suitable mate, one must ask themselves - does this person bring value to my life? How much value? What kind of value? What value do I add to their life? The answer will depend on what you're looking for.
Generally speaking, men and women value different things. Thus, men need sex, love, intimacy and a soft supportive landing from women. Women need sustenance, stability, commitment, leadership and bug squashing from men. (Partial lists here). Men and women each offer to the other, what the other needs. Thus, we complete each other. That's how it works when things are balanced and therefore working well.
There are some things that have value sexually but have no value or are detrimental to a relationship and vice versa. Therefore, when looking to start a LTR, attention must be given to balance your own conflicting needs with each other to find a happy medium.
Some examples of sexual value
Men are generally attracted to young, slim (but not stick thin) women who have curves (but aren't fat), who smell nice and are pleasant to be around. Who are receptive, open to their advances and less complicated. Of course there are exceptions, but this is generally the case.
Women are generally attracted to men who are better than themselves. Taller, stronger, smarter and wealthier are just some examples. Men who are fun, spontaneous and witty. Dangerous but protective of her. Women tend to be more picky and particular about what they sexually desire in a man.
Having more qualities that are valuable to the opposite sex, makes you a higher value potential sexual partner. You'll therefore be considered sexy by a greater number of members of the opposite sex.
Examples of relationship value
Men generally want a woman who's respectful and yielding, supportive and uplifting, and pleasant to be around. A woman who can create a soft landing spot for him, a cozy home to dwell in. A woman who can cook and keep house and not need his guidance on every detail. A woman who's frugal and appreciates what he does for her. A woman who will be a good mother if children are desired. A woman who's honest, kindhearted and pleasant to be around.
Women generally want a man who has stability of income, who can support them financially and emotionally, who will accept their emotional turbulence and who will be their rock. A man who will take on challenges that face the family whether big or small. A man who will lead and who is decisive. A man who will give her children and help her raise them (if children are wanted).
This is really worthy of its own post and perhaps another post will be written on the matter. But in short - some values conflict with others. For example the female sexual desire for a fun, spontaneous and witty man might be in direct conflict with her relationship desire for a stable, steady and responsible man. Finding the perfect balance in the same man is almost impossible and a highly unrealistic goal to set. These conflicting desires need reconciliation and a degree of compromise is absolutely necessary to have a sustainable marriage.
Everything has some sort of value, but only some things have value to you. The question is - what's valuable to you and how will you compromise to reconcile between conflicting internal values.