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RP THEORYRPW is not "one simple trick" to fix all relationship problems (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by [deleted]

I feel it needs to be said, RPW is not a panacea for every possible relationship problem.

RPW works to correct certain structural attraction problems with normal to high dominance men. it cant overcome drug addiction, alcoholism, mental illness, perennial low dominance weirdo-ness, or a host of other relationship issues (though it CAN help you deal with those things if you are married and make the conscious decision to stick your marriage out.)

If your SO is not a captain, not dominant in general, defectively weird in 100 ways that dont need to be listed, a pretty dress, a BJ and a more yielding state of mind isnt going to fix anything

the time to ROOT OUT men who are ill suited for LTR/marriage is BEFORE marriage. men aren't broken toys that can be fixed with RPW superglue. some relationship problems are down to the PEOPLE IN THEM, and the only RPW or PRACTICAL solution is....NEXT!


[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (9 children)

Great points! While we are on the subject of RPW is 'not one simple trick'... it also isn't one size fits all! We are not robots. We don't have a feminine nail polish. We don't have a feminine way to eat soup. Actually, this should be another post entirely! I just dislike when people say things like there are 'rules' to being an RPW and that if you follow this formula, your romantic relationship will be 100% better.

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (5 children)

but what is the RPW way for me to peel carrots, cooch???!?!?!? My husband says he doesnt care, but i want the RIGHT RPW way to peel them! should a make a carrot peeling spreadsheet and let him pick a way???

[–]southernRPW 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I'm about to snort a RPW peeled carrot out of my nose after reading that.

[–]cxj 6 points7 points  (1 child)

MALE INVADER HERE

The proper way for gentle ladies to peel carrots is to keep both pinkies extended. I once saw it on a cooking show at 330 am and the chick doing it gave me a boner so this must be the proper way. If your man does not insist on this carrot peeling method you have a bad Captain, and should certainly message me instead. You'll have to compete with my thousands of other plates and perform (insert detailed, explicit sex acts here), but it will be worth it because I will never marry you because I don't wanna get divorce raped out of all my $TEM earnings.

I know you're all grateful I could take time out of my busy day to school the little ladies, so you can repay me with nudes to my inbox.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lol

[–]tintedlipbalm 15 points16 points  (2 children)

We don't have a feminine nail polish.

Speak for urself. Go neutral pink or go home

[–]LauraXVII 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Oh god I've just painted mine neutral beige, brb gotta go take this off now!!

[–]Littleknownfacts 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Too late! -3 SMV

[–]TempestTcup 17 points18 points  (8 children)

Seriously, the number of "I have a loser BF, what do I do?" posts RPW gets is ridiculous. You have been with him for 3 months, you aren't married, you don't have kids together: lose the loser.

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

[deleted]

    [–]cxj 4 points5 points  (2 children)

    he has so much potential

    • “Potential," I said, "doesn't mean a thing. You've got to do it. Almost every baby in a crib has more potential than I have.”*

    ― Charles Bukowski, Women

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    I assume you've seen the film "Barfly"?

    [–]cxj 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Yes, love it. Read all his novels, too. Bukowski is redpill as fuck. You must never let them know that you care, or they will kill you. LOL

    [–]MentORPHEUSTRP Endorsed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    When I suggested to a poster that her boyfriend is not captain material, holy crap, the women rally. That's not what she asked advice for blah blah blah

    I am reminded of The Coxswain post. (since deleted)

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    this is the reason i don't post too much. i hope some of the new changes add some life to this sub where we can continue to talk more about structure and improving ourselves.

    [–]tintedlipbalm 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    Be the change you want to see ;)

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    touché. ;-) i have yet to submit a thread because i'm not sure what to submit to the community. LOL

    [–]southernRPW 15 points16 points  (29 children)

    men aren't broken toys that can be fixed with RPW superglue. some relationship problems are down to the PEOPLE IN THEM, and the only RPW or PRACTICAL solution is....NEXT!

    So much this. When I first started lurking on RPW, I was with a low motivation, low dominance guy. I started applying RP tactics to desperately try to fix my relationship but no matter how many new dresses, new hairstyles, new makeup techniques, or new ways of being pleasant I produced NOTHING worked in turning that slacker into the captain of my dreams.

    Being RPW desn't mean lack of self-respect and willingness to put up with constant unmitigated bullshit at the expense of our own happiness. In fact, 1 year later I'm engaged to the man of my dreams all due to the new found self respect I've unearthed due to RPW.

    Sometimes I want to shake these poor girls because I remember being one of them. Hint: If you can explain your relationship with the words "Everything would be perfect except for INSERT HUGE GLARING ISSUE..." then it's time to move on. Save yourself the disappointment and don't waste time you could be using to find a good man.

    [–]TempestTcup 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    You should write a field report!

    [–]cxj 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    If you can explain your relationship with the words "Everything would be perfect except for INSERT HUGE GLARING ISSUE..."

    this is a great one liner, thanks for posting

    [–][deleted]  (26 children)

    [removed]

      [–]Camille11325[M] 0 points1 point  (25 children)

      I am so confused by why you posted this as a response. Are you even an RPW or familiar with this community? You've already had one inappropriate comment deleted in this very post. Familiarise yourself with the subreddit rules and what we expect of contributors before posting anything else. The sidebar is the best place to start.

      [–][deleted]  (24 children)

      [removed]

        [–]TempestTcup 2 points3 points  (23 children)

        Believe me, women communicate way too much, and he had already heard all about his shortcomings before she found RPW and tried honey instead of vinegar. This is the way of women. The thing about ultimatums is that they work for a month or two and then the person goes right back to their natural ways.

        Why on earth would a woman want to date a man she has to ultimatum every couple of months when she can, instead, dump his lazy ass and get a man as motivated as her?

        Dating is for finding a good man, and until they are married, all bets are off. They weren't married, they had no binding ties, and there is no reason to prolong a bad relationship and waste her youth and time on a slacker.

        [–]southernRPW 3 points4 points  (1 child)

        Hmmm...seems as though I missed some comments here. I'm assuming the deleted commenter was claiming in some way that I didn't try hard enough or issue enough ultimatums or give my slacker ex enough time to reach his full "potential."

        I just want to say that Tempest is right on - I did try ultimatum after ultimatum and everything would be better for a matter of weeks before going back to normal. A few weeks here and there is not enough time to enact any sort of meaningful change in your life or settle into good habits so no progress was ever made. I gave my ex 6 years of my youth until I realized we were doomed to repeat this cycle forever. It made me bitter and resentful and frankly hopeless. I constantly had to bail him out of financial trouble due to his poor planning and I paid for every single "adult" expense (clothes, car repair, savings, veterinary bills for our pets, etc.) while he spent his money on beer and video games. He failed out of college twice despite his massive "potential" while I managed to get my degree despite chronic illness. I could have no nice things in my home for fear of them being destroyed due to carelessness and, if I bought myself a nice bottle of wine or spirits in preparation for an event or the weekend, it would be consumed the first time my back was turned. I felt like a mom to an overgrown toddler. Being the mom is NOT sexy - for either party in the relationship. In my final ultimatum, I wrote him a letter and attempted to break up with him. He decided to take up residence on the couch. He was adamant he wanted to "fight" for the relationship and I gave him six months. Needless to say, he moved out about 8 months later (his dad had died right before the 6 month mark so I let him stay longer). I financially contributed to him starting a new life because I value him as a person and didn't want him to end up totally screwed. It was an amiable break-up and we are still casual social media acquaintances.

        Never again will I go through that. It was a hard fought and valuable lesson. I have a massive desire to love and nurture my partner and my bitterness killed that desire totally. I was becoming someone unrecognizable. While I am no perfect angel and had a number of flaws and missteps, no amount of "work" will make up for fundamental incompatibility. I know things like goals or future life plans are not sexy in the earliest stages of the relationship but more girls need to be having these conversations before they either give up intimacy or commit to a relationship with these Barneys.

        [–]TempestTcup 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Here is the comment that wrapped up all of his other comments:

        Of course you cannot change him. He must change himself. But calling him a loser is calling her a loser because she hasn't got the presence of mind to make the judgement call on day one of meeting him. Six months down the line makes her the equal loser.

        So I'm rooting for no losers. The RPW way is to act passively until the relationship hits the skids and then bail. By that time, "she" is in her thirties and without children, facing a vague destination.

        Because on day one of meeting him, you are supposed to know he's a loser, and evidently, because you were passive, the relationship hit the skids, because RPW are so passive never saying what we think or anything, LOL! *So, it was your passivity that caused him to be a layabout by this guy's thinking, because, of course, there are no layabout men until they stumble across a passive woman and then CRASH! they come tumbling down.

        In another spot, he said that once you start dating someone, it is your obligation to nag and ultimatum him into raising his standards and becoming an attractive mate.

        So, yes, it is all your fault for him not being successful in life. /s

        [–][deleted]  (20 children)

        [removed]

          [–]tintedlipbalm 2 points3 points  (14 children)

          Consider who has all the power after the ultimatum is issued. Do you think it goes back to the (now dreaded) man?

          [–]TempestTcup 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          True, now she has all the power, and it isn't going to change him for the better except temporarily, anyway. They would both be happier with people more suited to them: him with a slacker GF and her with a man with goals.

          [–][deleted]  (12 children)

          [removed]

            [–]tintedlipbalm 2 points3 points  (4 children)

            You're a guy, right? You're probably identifying with the dropped guy here, but do you really think he would have seamlessly changed into what she wanted?

            I think you're imagining the perfect example, instead of seeing how it likely pans out. He'll get some momentum at first, sure, but then gets back to his natural state. Then she'll remind him again. Then he might continue trying, even if begrudgingly. Long story short, she feels justified in nagging him and feeling resentful, and he is also resentful.

            Where it gets out of control is when people stop communicating their needs and expect the other person to automatically know what they want.

            I think we might be confusing "communicating one's needs" and "changing a fundamental trait in a man".

            [–][deleted]  (3 children)

            [removed]

              [–]TempestTcup 1 point2 points  (6 children)

              I don't know why you are rooting for the loser. "You can change him!!!" "You can make him better!!!" "Turn that sow's ear into a silk purse!!!"

              [–][deleted]  (4 children)

              [removed]

                [–]southernRPW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Oh snap, the Mulan quotes are coming out! ;) Now I know this person deserved to have their remarks deleted.

                [–]TempestTcup 0 points1 point  (4 children)

                You aren't going to make a man step up his game by issuing an ultimatum; he isn't going to change from a slacker into a man with goals.

                [–][deleted]  (3 children)

                [removed]

                  [–]TempestTcup 2 points3 points  (2 children)

                  Oh please, you don't think women date slackers? All he needs is a little charm.

                  [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                  [removed]

                    [–]little_red_ 8 points9 points  (2 children)

                    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                    [deleted]

                      [–]little_red_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Sometimes ya just gotta celebrate ya bad self

                      [–]Littleknownfacts 6 points7 points  (0 children)

                      Great post, unfortunately the people who would benifit most from this won't listen because, clearly they are special snowflakes that can motivate any man to be a winner if only they had the right RPW formula.

                      [–]tintedlipbalm 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                      men aren't broken toys that can be fixed with RPW superglue

                      Brilliant phrase <3

                      [–]rpvelvetcupcake 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      If your SO is not a captain, not dominant in general, defectively weird in 100 ways that dont need to be listed, a pretty dress, a BJ and a more yielding state of mind isnt going to fix anything

                      Yes, yes, yes -- never defer to a man that can't be a good captain. All of the effort you put in will be in vain. And you'll drive yourself crazy.

                      Edit: typo

                      [–]closetrpw 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      Drug addiction, alcoholism, mental illness, weirdness...definitely grounds for nexting.

                      Some other reasons for nexting (before marriage):

                      1. Loss of respect for your man. This is incredibly hard to get back once you lose respect for him.
                      2. Loss of sexual attraction. You cannot find sex out of a relationship (unless yours is not conventional), so this is honestly extremely important.
                      3. You feel like a plate/you do not feel desired or valued/you do not feel he is as committed or takes the relationship as seriously as you do. This might be something that could be solved when you communicate or become less of a controlling shrew but if he doesn't give a f# about you, you can't make him care more, and if this is happening 3 months to a year into a relationship before marriage, you shouldn't have to work to the point of crazy anxiety and exhaustion for scraps of his affection. This for me is probably what I need to work the most on identifying in my own relationships.
                      4. You're really, truly miserable and you'd be better off single and alone without him.

                      [–]littleteafox 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Yes yes yes yes yes!

                      [–][deleted]  (7 children)

                      [removed]

                      [–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

                      theres no help to offer you with this man and you are suffering from what's called the "sunk cost fallacy". three years is nothing, it is the honeymoon/vetting period. after three years you are coming acropper of what you really dont like about this man. you are disgusted by him. we cant give you advice on how to change him, only yourself. you want us to advise you to just deal with it and stick with a man who is BLATANTLY not husband material from your own posts? that's not our mission. we are not going to "support" you in your decision to persist in a bad match

                      edit:

                      Well if you commited 3 years of your life to someone, I can see why someone would want to stick to that relationship and make the best of it.

                      i broke up with a man after 8 years when we had rings and a marriage license. it was a bad match we were trying to SAVE with marriage. three years is nothing and you already cant stand him

                      [–]cxj 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      it was a bad match we were trying to SAVE with marriage.

                      so many people try to do this and I've never seen it work. I have seen unplanned kids work miracles, rarely

                      [–]little_red_ 5 points6 points  (2 children)

                      You think its a coincidence that multiple people "misinterpreted" your relationship with this man? It's odd that so many people would gather the same mindset out of nowhere. You may not be reading what you are writing but you are certainly conveying your relationship a certain way and I just don't think you like the mirror that's being held up.

                      [–]tintedlipbalm 7 points8 points  (1 child)

                      You may not be reading what you are writing but you are certainly conveying your relationship a certain way and I just don't think you like the mirror that's being held up.

                      It's the monkey house.

                      "I have this refrain about the monkey house at the zoo. When you first enter into the monkey house, you think, ‘Oh my god this place stinks!’ And then after you’re there for 20 minutes you think, ‘it’s not so bad’ and after you’re there for an hour it doesn’t smell at all. And anyone entering the monkey house freshly thinks, ‘this stinks!’ You've been living in the monkey house." (Tim Gunn said this once on Project Runway)

                      [–]southernRPW 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      Oh wow, great anecdote.

                      [–]TempestTcup[M] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                      I wasn't specifically talking about your situation when I said "lose the loser" because we get those exact same type of posts constantly. You don't have anything good to say about your BF, though, and you have made two posts complaining about him.

                      Oh, and really, three years is nothing. It's a flash in the pan. My parents have been married 65 years, and I've been with my husband 30+ years. Do you REALLY want to put up with all of your complaints for 62 more years? 29 more years?

                      You can't change him, you can only change yourself, so you need to decide if this is what you want for the rest of your life.

                      [–]tintedlipbalm 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                      Now I kind of feel like the hat serves me, mostly because of the comments.

                      For what it's worth, you're not the only one this is about, it's a recurring theme on RPW.

                      You will not mold the advice/observations given here into what you want to receive. You might ignore it and continue on this relationship, like many women here have done before you. But the point still remains. There's only so much RPW can be applied to, and it won't come down to fixing a man's mental illness, addictions, hygiene...

                      It's a shame you have deleted your OP because it could serve you to read it with a cool head, and notice the things your attachment to him doesn't let you see.