Ok so the title is a little click-baity but I could't help myself. :-) So let me give y'all a little background first so you understand the eff up...
I've been trying to strike a good balance between my work and home life. I need to work part time to help make ends meet and provide breathing room in our budget. I work in healthcare and I'm per diem which means I set the hours I want to work, when, how many, what day, etc. Its a sweet deal, I work at a skilled nursing facility so there's always tons of hours available and I just get to pick and choose what I want. My husband works regular office hours and I'm second shift so I can stay home with the baby (9 months old today!!) and that way he isn't in daycare. However if I work 3 nights a week, I see less of my husband. Its a trade off. This week, I decided to try and work two "doubles (aka 16 hour shifts) to get all my hours into 2 days. So I worked from 3p Monday afternoon until 7am Tuesday morning and Thursday night to Friday morning. I nap when the baby naps and its definitely tolerable.
LB (Little Boy) Dunham is on a feeding schedule like most babies his age. He's getting pretty good at sleeping through the night. Before I left for work on Monday I explained the schedule and went to work. Well they slept through a feeding and got it three hours late so LB woke me up after only an hour of sleep. I talked to Mr. Dunham again, told him what happened and explained the importance of the schedule. Well the same thing happened again this morning. This time I was pissed.
Why is it that I can keep the schedule and he can't? I feed the baby every single night, he can't do it while I'm at work?! I have to work AND take care of the house! Doesn't he get how tired I am?!
And I could have yelled all these things at him. I'd definitely have a right to. I think every woman here that has a child completely understands my anger. I had worked sixteen hours and then had to come home, barely fall asleep only to be woken up by a hungry baby who was very happy to see me.
Instead, I erased the nasty text message I was planning on sending him and instead said, "LB tells me you didn't feed him this morning." To which he apologized and said he totally forgot, he had set an alarm but it didn't go off for whatever reason. I didn't feel I could say anything nice, so I didn't say anything else about it. Tonight when he got home he apologized again and promised he'd get it right for next week.
The whole point of this FR is that there is no grand closure to this story. I don't work again until next Monday. The point is that even though it should have been a simple task and he screwed up twice and really inconvenienced me is that I still love him and he's still my husband. We all make mistakes, we all screw up. I had an expectation that he would do something and he failed, twice. But that doesn't make him a failure and it doesn't make him incompetent. Just because my husband makes mistakes doesn't mean he isn't trustworthy. I could have raked him over the coals and I'm pretty sure he expected it, but I value the harmony in our marriage more than being right and making sure he knows it. Consequently, he told me the fact that I didn't yell made him feel worse, especially when he walked in the door tonight and saw how exhausted I looked.
There isn't always a happy, rosy ending. Sometimes our husbands fail and just suck at doing things. Be RPW anyway. Its not always easy or always fair or always rewarding but that's life my dears. I'll make up the sleep tonight, but the damage my harsh words could have done to our relationship and his confidence as my captain could have lasted for far longer than that.
Treasure your husband, treasure your marriage.