FIELD REPORTThank you for reminding me to do self-care. It revealed a bigger problem's depth. (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by Nessunolosa

I had stopped shaving, period. I washed my hair once a week. I just threw it up into a bun on my head, same style every day.

As part of experimenting with RP ideas on femininity and re-committing to becoming my best self, I discovered that these things were actually symptoms of depression. I wasn't taking care of myself well enough, and only trying to be more feminine really revealed it.

I'm happy to report that I'm getting better day by day, and that my husband is really responding to the fact that I'm not a hairy, smelly, mess anymore. I realise that this should be the absolute basics, but when you are depressed it can seem totally normal.

I wonder if this indicates that many women who don't take care of their physical appearance are depressed, too?

Thank you, ,RPW. I'm slowly coming back.

[–]Queen_BW 17 points18 points  (7 children)

I went through the same thing when I was with my ex. He understood what I was going through because it was more of "I don't feel like doing my makeup/Im too sad to get a shower/I don't have the energy to go out" than "Im not shaving my armpits for the patriarchy".

[–]M23W0OH7FV2t 12 points13 points  (6 children)

"Im not shaving my armpits for the patriarchy".

Do you feel that such a statement is just depression-in-denial?

[–]lunatic_in_the_hall 13 points14 points  (1 child)

That's an interesting point. I think a lot of radical feminists probably do things like that ("defying beauty standards") because they're very insecure and don't want to put in the effort to better themselves.

[–]CcyCV 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have a theory that reactive, radical feminists are fueled by anger, and more tame feminist followers are depressed and feel their choices validated by the anger filled cries of the former. This is oversimplification of course, but I find the emotional paths that lead to lifestyle choices really interesting. I was very feminist minded in the past, and observing my own reasons and past choices has suggested this

[–]Nessunolosa[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

This was originally why I started not shaving. Shame on me, I know. It was back in my days of being a feminist.

[–]M23W0OH7FV2t 2 points3 points  (2 children)

It was back in my days of being a feminist

I have gotten the impression that a rara-girls-can-do-anything-boys-can-just-in-a-dress-and-high-heels phase is one that all females go through, and some never emerge from.

[–]Nessunolosa[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I was a much more committed one. I don't really know where I fit now.

[–]M23W0OH7FV2t 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm beginning to realise that the whole pill thing isn't either-or. We're not red or blue, we have aspects of both.

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I think many people who don't take care of themselves are depressed. I also think that many people don't realize that taking care of yourself can help you develop self respect and self esteem, which can help alleviate depression. Glad you're doing better.

[–]Rivkariver2 Star 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I find little shortcuts. I'll take a relaxed bath and wash my hair tomorrow if a shower is too much work and it's cold in my bathroom. I don't feel like brushing my wet hair so I leave conditioner overnight and rinse it in the morning. Go easy on yourself. Half my stress was from some idea o got somewhere that unless I'm feeling tortured I'm not really working hard enough, no matter the task.

[–]lunatic_in_the_hall 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I can tell you that, from an outsider's perspective, seeing a girl/woman dressed up really nice and feminine makes me super happy for them. I can tell they're comfortable in their own skin, and seeing someone clean up nice is just... satisfying, you know?

Then again, I know some girls who haven't made an effort to mature, and dress the same as when they were 12 (literally..). I don't know what's going on inside their heads, but they definitely don't look as confident and happy as mature, feminine girls.

[–]RainbowKitty77 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah it's usually depression.

[–]undercovervegan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm so happy to hear things have gotten better!! You're doing awesome. Please be gentle with yourself and keep practicing self-love and self-care. Even if you don't feel like doing your self-care one day, try to focus on how good you'll feel after you get done!