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ADVICEI've started hating my fellow woman. (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by sunnfluer

I found TRP a year ago, and right away thought "HOW DARE THEY" and slowly, after lurking for so long, and sifting through the threads, I realize "Fuck, they're right with a lot of this".

Now, I've started hating women, as a woman who has always thought of myself as a feminist (a feminist who wants men to have parental rights, who wants men to have their own birth control, who enjoys baking, sewing, video games and fishing all at the same time). I have realized the term "feminism" has been tarnished, and even the people in the women related forums bring up points that are exactly what real feminism fought against (ex. have a baby, disappear for years and then come back to demand money from a guy you didn't bother to inform about the pregnancy in the first place)

I don't know how to go back to being proud to be a woman, now that I see how fucking terrible we can be, to one another and to men.

Did anyone else go through this? Does it ever go away?

(I don't mean to offend you guys, I know this is a women's forum but I can't really post in the regular ones, seeing as, well, they won't get it...)


[–]i_have_a_semicolon 41 points42 points  (12 children)

Yes. I went though this. What helped me get over it was realizing that the # of shitty women is being disproportionately reported by men on TRP. You will never hear anything good about women on the site, I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but rather it gives the wrong impression of the female population as a whole.

Instead I have learned a few things. One, that women not only have the capacity to have honor and nobility, but there are plenty of women who fufill that quietly in their day-to-day lives and no one goes online to report it :). Second, I have taken my anger not towards my Sex and other women, but rather that society produces and allows such behavior. I truly believe we can stand against these injustices caused by women. In fact, the reason why I am so active in these "pill" reddits is not because I am seeking to improve my relationship (though self improvement is a goal), but rather to understand issues on a wide-spread scale so that I could find like minded people who believe that these things are not only wrong, but should not be tolerated and changed.

this goes against many Red Pill stances (you cannot blame women for their nature etc) but I believe women have agency, so I believe they should be held accountable for their own wrong doings, and find it completely unfair that they are not and it is overwhelmingly men who are shafted and take the blame today.

[–]sunnfluer[S] 6 points7 points  (9 children)

Thanks, I appreciate the input. I know there are good women out there (because I have met a few) but even my closest friends are women who the Red Pill speak of (shit tests, trying to get their bf's jealous, refusing to "allow" their bf to go out with their guy friends etc). It's hard enough finding female friends, let alone female friends who don't piss you off with their stupid antics. I've just started assuming "yeah she's probably cheating on him" or "She just wants to get his money" to every woman I meet who shows some of these traits that are spoken of.

Am I supposed to start calling out my friends on these things, in hopes that I can teach them TRP without saying "No, you're being a total bitch just because you've gotten away with it this long?"

I get that some of the posts in TRP are coming from men who have dealt with the WORST of 'em. It's just so hard to ignore, because a lot of what they say are indeed what some women do. Even as a woman, I realize that I can't trust many other women because of their bullshit games.

Ugh. I don't know how to think anymore to be honest.

[–]scallopkidEndorsed Contributor 8 points9 points  (1 child)

I think eventually you start to realize that all the nonsense they pull isn't really making them happy, and you start to feel bad for them. Maybe it sounds kind of hippy dippy, but I've found that the more you yourself start to act in a sweet, positive, feminine way, the more people will reflect that back at you, so you can try to lead by example.

If you want to try to influence your friends, the important thing is to inspire reflection, to avoid making them feel judged. "I'm going to try to make my boyfriend jealous." "Oh :/ poor guy, I remember how awful that feels." Focus on how it makes you feel sad, and then drop it quickly. If you call your friends out they are just going to dig in and justify it more to themselves.

[–]sunnfluer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That makes a lot of sense. Thank you for that. I think this is what I'll do from now on.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Lol, there are tons of men on TRP who won't let their girlfriends have girl nights out or travel.

TRP is full of shitty men who hate women. I love myself and I don't care about what the rest of my gender does. I'm not responsible for them, just like I'm not responsible for all the shitty men out there.

[–]i_have_a_semicolon 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Am I supposed to start calling out my friends on these things, in hopes that I can teach them TRP without saying "No, you're being a total bitch just because you've gotten away with it this long?"

I would personally call them out from a place of understanding and well-meaning. I dont have many girlfriends and the girlfriends I have arent anything like RP says, so I don't have this issue. But I'd only ever be able to give advice that I would apply to myself. So if you would call yourself out, you should call them out, too. :)

Even as a woman, I realize that I can't trust many other women because of their bullshit games.

This is really unfortunate. Like I said I don't have many female friends but the ones I do have are great, and not shitty at all. Sure they arent perfect either, but neither am I. I dont find anything they do appalling at all... Im guessing you need a new group? :)

[–]sunnfluer[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Yeah maybe that's it. I've kind of been with the same few girlfriends for many years, and just got used to their stupid games. I think the last time my friend said "let's go out and get drunk and have random guys buy us drinks", I replied with "Would you be okay if your bf did that, and flirted with girls to get drinks?" She hasn't mentioned things like that to me ever again.

What would be the best way to meeting girls as friends, other than work?

[–]i_have_a_semicolon 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Do you have any interests? Maybe a club or support group of some kind? Meetups?

I dont desire female friends outside of the ones I currently have. I am okay with having a few female friends, my boyfriend, work friends, and family as my support group =)

[–]sunnfluer[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My bf's friends have gf's and we all get along fine. But we don't hang out on our own (not sure if that's just lack of trying to hang out, or if we just don't have anything really in common to)

Yeah I'll check out some clubs in my city and see if there's anything I'm interested in!

[–]maya_elenaEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would personally call them out from a place of understanding and well-meaning.

I really like that statement. Being circumspect and tactful applies not only to men, but also to other women. Also, a lot of girls behave these ways more out of ingrained habit than ill will; they might still be good, loyal friends to you.

[–]hereicum2trolltheday 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Women have agency, but if no one ever holds you accountable and you live in the false reality that society is driven by the male imperative rather than the female one, then there is never any reason to hold yourself or any other women accountable for shitty behavior. If society started demanding more of women, I would like to think that most women would respond. The problem is that society never will because holding women accountable is basically the antithesis of the female imperative.

[–]WhisperTRP Founder 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I don't know how to go back to being proud to be a woman

Don't. Being proud of stuff you were born with is stupid.

Instead, do things in your own life that you can be proud of.

[–]scallopkidEndorsed Contributor 18 points19 points  (2 children)

Why do you need to be proud to be a woman? The accomplishments and failings of other women are not something you've contributed to. Value yourself based on your own accomplishments and failings.

[–]sunnfluer[S] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

I have started to feel like other women's bad choices are reflected onto me, without me actually having anything to do with it. I never had a problem with being a woman before, and now I feel like reading all these stories of how shitty women can and have been, ESPECIALLY within the Women Subreddit, it makes me worried about what people may assume about me, who may not care to see otherwise.

There was a post about a man requesting to get a paternity test done, because of how sketchy his fiance was being with her boss. She threw a fit, left him after the baby was born, and nearly every woman in the comments area AGREED with her actions, and told the OP they would have done the same, and "enjoy paying for it the rest of your life". This kind of shit just embarrasses me.

[–]FleetingWishEndorsed Contributor 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I think I understand the issue now. You are worried about being generalized with the negative assumptions about women. Even though generalizations (positive and negative) are ubiquitous, they are easy to overcome. All you have to do is show people how you are different, and they will very easily accept you that way.

Assumptions are easily dispelled by the presence of new information. That is how the human mind works.

[–]Procrastin8n 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not all women buy into that garbage and conduct themselves in that way. Have you heard of the men's rights activist Karen Straughan? https://www.youtube.com/user/girlwriteswhat She makes me proud of being a women by the example she sets as someone truly concerned about equality (what feminism should be!) I honestly don't associate with any woman like what you have described - but maybe Im just lucky - at my age most of my friends are married with a few kids and respect their husbands and themselves.

[–]the_spiraline 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think hating women in general makes about as much sense as hating men in general. There are good and bad people in every demographic group, which is why I'm not "Team Anti-Woman" any more than I'm "Team Woman". TRP makes some good points and is a necessary outlet, but some of those guys are locked into toxic mentalities where they blame women for all their problems. Some are just as bad as feminists with their victim playing and generalized bitterness against the opposite gender. That is not the path to a happy life and I think you know that, which is why you're here. But it may be something you need to go through now to arrive at a more balanced place.

And I don't think I've ever been "proud to be a woman." I enjoy being a woman but I save my pride for my accomplishments, not accidents of birth.

[–]PommeDuTerre 4 points5 points  (1 child)

You can't change other people, and generalization happens to everyone, regardless of how different they are. Stereotypes are how we, as human mind, can make quick judgements to get us through our daily lives. For the most part, stereotyping and generalizing works because it reflects the average of a certain group. In terms of worrying about TRP men, or men in general, generalizing you or applying a stereotype to you, there isn't much you can do about that. If someone is so bound by their dogma and blinded by their generalizations that they cannot tell when someone is different, then it reflects on poor judgement on their part.

TRP is a theory, and it's helping many men claim back their lives, and as women, when we read TRP we can see the theory in action in our day to day lives, whether with ourselves, our friends, family, etc. Personally, I'm an aspie, so I see things differently. Growing up I had my female friends always backstab me and play petty games, but I never understood why. I never quite got the memo when it comes to playing female games, or even flirting. In fact, I never even knew I was a "pretty girl" until I met my current husband, the first and only man I've ever been with (I was always straight forward with men and never played games with them).

So for myself, I barely see myself reflected in the behaviour they report, but reading it has helped me immensely in understanding my fellow female and why they behave the way they do, and why I had to endure so many years of years of bullying. To me the concept of jealousy or sabotage was just so out there, I simply didn't get it, or the catty games. I spent many years hurt and offended and heart broken, but realized it was just the way of the world. Manipulation was something bizarre to me, I saw others do it and wondered why. Female aspergers is a weird thing I tell you.

The thing is though, even though I'm different, I'm pretty and because I'm pretty men will always assume, especially TRP men, that I am just like everyone else. It is not until getting to know me you realize that I'm not normal. So you shouldn't live your life worried that because you're a woman you are being judged. You are being judged regardless of what you are and there will always be people who put you in a generalization box. The thing you should remember though is because you are different, you will attract different. So don't worry about it just be yourself openly. People will judge regardless, and who cares about those people that generalize you. It's those who actually take the chance to get to know you, they will realize how nice and different you are and they will be refreshed.

[–]Hollyburn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fellow sorta-aspie checking in! I was largely shut out of Girl World growing up because I didn't have the social skills to navigate it, so I, too, suffered from bullying and petty games that I didn't know how to play. I didn't get to observe "regular" women in their natural environment until my mid 20's, and it blew my mind. TRP helped me understand their behavior in more detail than "bitchez be crazy".

The thing you should remember though is because you are different, you will attract different.

I have to remind myself of this from time to time. I've gotten compliments from men who tell me that I'm "different", so that gives me hope. Thank you!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Whatever you feed grows. Hate/Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for your enemy to die.

I am constantly disgusted by behavior, so I get where you are in this "coming to" stage. I can tell you that the less I allow ugly feelings, the less ugly I act.

Maybe that only makes sense to me. Anger is healthy, and it's an important part of our awareness of self and others. We can't let it drive us or we drive off the cliff.

Thank you for sharing.

[–]TomRoberts2016 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't think you should feel bad. If anything, you should feel bad less than anybody else. It's funny how the good people feel bad, while the sociopaths are happy as can be.

Best thing is to find other RedPillWomen and men, and be supportive of each other.

[–]aanarchist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

if you feel so strongly maybe you should look into activism. be the next girl writes what. the world won't get better unless more women stand up against the feminist bullshit.

[–]FortuneGear09 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have gone through it and I still do from time to time. Its like the veil as been lifted. But! now you, and I, have a better ground at choosing friends and the people we want to surround ourselves with. We are in a position to pick quality people.

A few women have already said lingering in TRP will show you the worst and we are not to ever take it personal.

IMO, what has worked is not to blatantly point out flaws in people, that makes them defensive. But instead I am the best example of an RPW I can be. So far this has yielded best results and I only tell people my view when prompted.

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

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      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I've removed this user, thanks for the heads up.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I am at that stage where i don't trust women either because of our nature of seeking male validation.

      I can trust feminist women because at least some are honest at being typical selfish women. I don't trust WaF at all (they say they're against feminism because they need chivalry, something they don't deserve).

      I hate my nature because i used to be more self centered than i am today. Trp side effects include being self aware and being aware of your nature.

      So far the only good thing about our nature is being nurturing. Other than that we shouldnt have you go girlism because it literally destroyed womens behaviors, anti feminist or not.

      [–]maya_elenaEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Eh, "luckily", many people divorce (get it?) their theoretical and political beliefs from their actions. I have little tolerance for social justice warrior types, but I find among my friends that even women with professed "feminist" or "gender-studies" views use their feminine wiles, take care to look attractive, and follow many a stereotypical path that their ardent feminist sisters would condemn. (E.g., choose psychology instead of math.) And that makes them so much easier to live with.