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DISCUSSIONI want to be a housewife. (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by wannabe_housewife

Hey r/RPW,

My greatest desire in life is to be a housewife.

I want to create a loving, clean, relaxing home for a husband. I'd love to greet him at the door with a smile and a drink. Kneel at his feet and take his shoes off and listen to him tell me about his day. Cook, sew, clean, work out, repeat.

When I share this desire, no one seems to be able to respect that.

"You'd have to give up your career! Isn't that why you went to college?"

"It's not feminist to want to serve your man. You'd be like property!"

"You wouldn't have a life! Wouldn't you want to have your own job?"

I don't understand why running a household is not a "real" job? Is taking care of a family, a husband, children and a house not full time work? Why would the assumption be that I don't have a life?

Most importantly, why is housewife now a dirty word?

So now I keep it to myself, but if I had to choose a way to live, that would be it.


[–][deleted] 34 points35 points  (8 children)

Most men cannot support a stay-at-home wife in today's economy. Of those who can, not many understand, agree with, and support your ambition.

The rare man who fits your target window has a lot of women to choose from. You need to be thinking to the next step beyond what you want: you need to be asking yourself why the man you want, would want you.

Cultivate your domestic skills, your looks, your demeanor. Practice biting your tongue when your impulse is to argue. Train yourself in anticipatory service. Learn the things that will set you apart from your competition.

[–]margerym 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Most men cannot support a stay-at-home wife in today's economy.

Not true. Most men can, most people don't want to live the way that means you'd have to live. People that look at my husband would probably say he couldn't afford it. Yet we do and live comfortably. It's about rejecting consumer culture and living simply. If you want to do it it can be done.

[–]dman8000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Completely agree.

Finding a husband who makes 50k a year is completely reasonable. And thats enough to support a family if you are somewhat frugal.

[–]wannabe_housewife[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you want to do it it can be done.

Yes I think the key is going into it knowing that some sacrifices have to be made to live that way, but it is possible.

[–]TempestTcup 5 points6 points  (3 children)

I think that it is possible if the wife is good at budgeting and and the couple keeps their life as simple as possible. If the wife has to have the latest everything plus the McMansion it is not as easy.

If the wife works and then they have kids, daycare, commuting, work clothes and other extra expenses from her working will eat up her salary. Also, some stranger will be raising their children. If there are no kids or if the kids are grown then the wife working would be adding income to the marriage.

[–]wannabe_housewife[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Also, some stranger will be raising their children.

And it's crazy expensive!!!

[–]margerym 3 points4 points  (1 child)

In a lot of cases it's cheaper to stay home than to deal with child care. It is in our case. I can't afford to work!

[–]wannabe_housewife[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! That's what I've heard from my friends with children. You miss out on raising them AND pay your entire paycheck to childcare.

[–]wannabe_housewife[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the very sound advice. I definitely need to focus on myself and making a plan for improvement, sticking to it, etc.

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

[deleted]

[–]taraga185 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Agree, similar situation. We don't drive new cars, don't do vacations, etc., but to pay for quality day care full time would cost us nearly (or more) our house payment each month. Plus work "expenses"-gas, work wardrobe, eating out, etc., we might be able to break even, or minimal profit. For us it's simply not worth it, and I would much rather be at home raising our children and supporting my husband to further his career.

[–]wannabe_housewife[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow congratulations! That sounds fantastic. :)

[–]margerym 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I want to echo this. We are far (far!) from wealthy. We just make sacrifices. You really have to reject the idea of what is "needed" in our current society. We don't need half the things we think we do!

[–][deleted] 45 points46 points  (20 children)

Who cares what other women think

[–]wannabe_housewife[S] 8 points9 points  (19 children)

That's a good point. I do care what my parents think, though. I hate disappointing them. They worked so hard to help me in college, and I think throwing that away would devastate them. :(

[–]MrsStrom 21 points22 points  (8 children)

Housewife here: don't let undersexed career women lie to you- they're jealous.

I also, have a college degree. Its now my hobby. My main concern is my husband and children- and they are happier and healthier for it. And quite frankly, so am I.

I have time to cook dinner, clean the house, bake cookies, work out and keep myself looking like a million bucks- then STILL have enough energy to lay Mr. Strom like tile.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

    [–]wannabe_housewife[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Making homemade pie crust for apple pie is one of my favorite stress relievers. Or anything with dough, really!

    [–]TempestTcup 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I know quite a few women that pursued a career in law and a few of them ended up being divorce lawyers. Wouldn't that be a dreary career!

    I imagine that most jobs in law are a lot like most jobs in accounting where you are in a well-dressed sweatshop, every task worked as billable hours. Yuck.

    I work in a tiny office, and make a bit less, but am a lot happier for it. Maybe, if you have to work while you pursue housewifedom you could find a comfortable small office with little stress or drama.

    [–]wannabe_housewife[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I have time to cook dinner, clean the house, bake cookies, work out and keep myself looking like a million bucks- then STILL have enough energy to lay Mr. Strom like tile.

    I don't know you, but I like you! :D

    [–]purplemilkywayy 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    Just curious: What does your husband for for a living?

    [–]MrsStrom 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    He does telecommunications maintenance. He installs and repairs cable/internet hardlines and equipment. Why?

    [–]purplemilkywayy 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Would you be a housewife no matter how much or little money your husband made? In other words, are you only a housewife because you can afford to be one? If your husband didn't make enough money, would you still choose to stay home, or would you work to supplement the household income?

    [–]MrsStrom 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    I worked off and on when before he started doing cable. I'm not completely opposed to women working. I just think most women are spoiled brats and would be happier with less.

    [–]breauxaj 2 points3 points  (5 children)

    How is it thrown away?

    [–]sugarcrushEndorsed Contributor 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    I'm assuming she feels like she would be throwing it away because as a housewife she would never work. So if the point of getting a degree was to get a job (which most people think it is), it would be a waste.

    [–]MrsStrom 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    Americans' way of thinking about education is backwards. You don't get educated to get a job- you get educated so you can have an education. You learn job skills to get a job. Education goes far beyond what you do at work and into who you are and who you will be. It helps define every fiber of your being.

    [–]wannabe_housewife[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Well I don't think it's throwing it away, but they would think that :(

    [–]TempestTcup 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Tell them that it will be very helpful raising intelligent grandchildren for them :)

    [–]wannabe_housewife[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    haha that's very true!! I try to point out how my grandmother went to college and still was a housewife, and she was one of the greatest ladies we all knew!

    [–]winkums 6 points7 points  (2 children)

    What happens if you get a divorce? Do you live off the alimony or look for another husband pronto?

    [–]wannabe_housewife[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    I don't know. I haven't thought of that. I don't think planning on divorce is healthy, but I don't know. If I get married, I plan on it being permanent.

    [–]dman8000 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

    I don't think planning on divorce is healthy, but I don't know.

    I understand what you are saying, but at least having a prenup costs nothing.

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    If it makes you feel any better I wasted a law degree my family paid for. Needless to say they were thrilled.

    [–]crankypants15 10 points11 points  (8 children)

    If you want to be a housewife, be honest and find a man that wants that also. Don't let other people bring you down with forced gender roles. Now go forth and be happy. :)

    But also realize it's not economically feasable for most families to have a non-working spouse these days.

    Most importantly, why is housewife now a dirty word?

    A subgroup of feminists wants to force you into a gender role THEY chose. Sounds just like the 1950s doesn't it?

    [–]wannabe_housewife[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    A subgroup of feminists wants to force you into a gender role THEY chose. Sounds just like the 1950s doesn't it?

    Absolutely!

    But also realize it's not economically feasable for most families to have a non-working spouse these days.

    I think given the right man who wants it and knowing we'd have to make sacrifices to live that way, it could be possible. It wouldn't necessarily be easy, but I think it's worth it :)

    [–]Vault91 -1 points0 points  (6 children)

    A subgroup of feminists wants to force you into a gender role THEY chose. Sounds just like the 1950s doesn't it?

    and what exactly are you guys doing?

    [–]crankypants15 2 points3 points  (5 children)

    There's no forcing anyone to be anything here. The women want to do this. It's their choice.

    Can you clarify your question?

    [–]Vault91 -1 points0 points  (4 children)

    There's no forcing anyone to be anything here. The women want to do this. It's their choice

    hmm ok then, I can't exactly argue with that

    however

    does backlash against a woman being a housewife exist? definitely, its is the general Idea (a feminist Idea) that we can and should do what it is we want (also it seems redpill DOESN'T support this Idea but I digress) breaking out of traditional enforced gender roles is seen as a good thing, a liberating thing, for some people seeing woman choose a traditional lifestyle is kind of like seeing a slave go running back to master once they are freed..I'm NOT saying thats the case and most women are mature enough to recognise you should respect other peoples choices even if you don't quite get them...and heres the other thing

    being a housewife is perfectly fine...but the thing that bothers me is theredpill goes one step further and turns it into what essentially looks like a slave/master relationship, operating on the Idea that the woman is inferior to the man

    [–]crankypants15 2 points3 points  (3 children)

    I see what you're getting at. First, TRP (for men) is a bit different from RPW (for women). The stated goals of TRP is to recognize, in individuals, what they are good at, and not good at. Use your strengths together to form a strong relationship. Admit your weaknesses and allow your SO to do something if they are better at it. What too many posts are about in TRP though, is saying or implying that women actually are inferior to men. And that's why I don't go there.

    Men and women both have strengths and weaknesses. I am very good at managing money, I have known only one woman who is. That does not imply women are inferior. Woman are good at some things I'm not good at. That does not imply men are inferior.

    being a housewife is perfectly fine...but the thing that bothers me is theredpill goes one step further and turns it into what essentially looks like a slave/master relationship,

    I think one of the links in the TRP sidebar basically says most women get to a teenage mentality, and their mental faculties stop growing at that point, as a trend. The danger here is assuming all individual women are the same and there are no exceptions to the trend. As always, there are irrational nutters in every group. That's why I don't go to TRP.

    TRP seems to be a magnet for men who think all women are the same (they are not), or for people who are just bad at making their point clear. And I don't take them too seriously. I don't want to go back to the 1950s where women couldn't choose, and women were beaten, and the police and judges ignored that.

    [–]Vault91 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    The stated goals of TRP is to recognize, in individuals, what they are good at, and not good at. Use your strengths together to form a strong relationship. Admit your weaknesses and allow your SO to do something if they are better at it. What too many posts are about in TRP though, is saying or implying that women actually are inferior to men. And that's why I don't go there.

    huh....that's interesting, I'm skeptical though in regards to where Ideas of redpill come from fundamentally...I feel like your giving them too much credit..

    Men and women both have strengths and weaknesses. I am very good at managing money, I have known only one woman who is. That does not imply women are inferior. Woman are good at some things I'm not good at. That does not imply men are inferior.

    people have strengths and differences, why the gender distinction? yeah its true that women are not as physically strong generally. My problem here is when people often say "men and woman are not equal they have different strengths" I find they are gearing up to say something sexist like "therefore women are great at having babies and making sandwiches! men are good at running the world!" I mean come the fuck on....

    I think one of the links in the TRP sidebar basically says most women get to a teenage mentality, and their mental faculties stop growing at that point, as a trend

    I don't even buy that as a trend, the "child" mentality is not tied to gender, its tied to the individual and upbringing, ever hear the term man-child? its actually almost a modern phenomenon..the reasons being economic and social and probably a bunch of other stuff

    TRP seems to be a magnet for men who think all women are the same (they are not), or for people who are just bad at making their point clear. And I don't take them too seriously. I don't want to go back to the 1950s where women couldn't choose, and women were beaten, and the police and judges ignored that.

    I...guess thats good then

    [–]crankypants15 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    huh....that's interesting, I'm skeptical though in regards to where Ideas of redpill come from fundamentally...I feel like your giving them too much credit..

    I don't them any credit. I don't really agree with them. First, there's a difference between RedPill stated goals, and the types of posts in the actual subreddit. The stated goals, either in the sidebar, or in a link on the sidebar, state the ideas come from science. Men tend to be better at X, and women tend to be better at Y.

    But if you look at the posts in the subreddit, they tend to be generalizing too much, and have a bit of a sexist tone. That's why I don't go there much. I don't have any use for TRP. I don't totally agree with TRP, I'm just trying to explain what I've read.

    [–]neutrally_buoyant 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    A lot of people who engage in housewife-shaming "doth protest too much", projecting their own guilt over secretly wishing to be provided for by a man (or, if a man, wishing they had the resources to provide, or that they were alpha enough to attract someone to provide for).

    [–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

    "It's not feminist to want to serve your man. You'd be like property!"

    THIS is exactly why I found a familiar place here. If it's what you wish then there should be no problem. I am not able to do the housewife thing but I offer you a broader question which has seriously plagued me. Most importantly, why is 'being attentive' now a dirty word? Why is it suddenly something you do in daily interaction shut up in the 'kink' closet? I am right there with you in having to keep it to myself, but public interactions sometimes create complications. Suddenly a show of caring like him ordering for me in a restaurant gets funny looks. I can totally understand sick of getting flak for an entire life choice when even the little things tend to get such a rise out of people they need to comment and intrude.

    [–]wannabe_housewife[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Yes! I don't understand why if my man is taking care of me it's wrong for me to want to commit to taking care of him. That's how I want my relationship to function. I love your line about him ordering for you in a restaurant.

    [–]Zackcid 12 points13 points  (22 children)

    I'm a male that occasionally stops by here, so I might be wrong, but this sounds trollish or a bait. This part, more specifically:

    Kneel at his feet and take his shoes off and listen to him tell me about his day. Cook, sew, clean, work out, repeat.

    Going down to his feet like you're about to kiss them and then perform menial tasks over and over again like a robot? This has to be a joke. I don't think RPW is about being inferior to her man, it's about complementing the man like he complements you.

    Sounds like you're a bluepill or feminist here to troll your favourite, yet most hated demographic. You're fitting into almost every stereotype TBP has about RPW. Gtfo if you're not sincere.

    EDIT: this poster is actually a real. She just made a throwaway after lurking here for a while. My mistake.

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]wannabe_housewife[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      That's so sweet about your mom and dad. I love hearing stories like that. Also hearing about you taking care of your ex husbands clothing. Thank you for sharing!

      [–]Zackcid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Yeah, that's why I said I might be wrong. I haven't been exposed to RPW much yet and pretty much all I've known was your feminist type "modern independent woman", so it came to a sort of surprise to me.

      But the trolling issue has been addressed and I know she's legit.

      [–]wannabe_housewife[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

      No I'm not a troll. :(

      [–]TempestTcup 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      We get a LOT of trolls, and most of our submissions are made by trolls, so we automatically assume that most of the posters are trolls until fully vetted. Since this is a new account, we don't have anything to go by and trolls always create throwaway accounts.

      I don't think you are a troll, but I certainly understand everyone's apprehension.

      [–]wannabe_housewife[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Yes I can understand that too. I should have also pointed out in my post that this is a throwaway account. I have been lurking from my main account for a few months, but I have yet to share this with my boyfriend until I'm sure how to present it.

      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

      Yeah they always add that over the top line that ensures you know they are a troll

      [–]wannabe_housewife[S] 7 points8 points  (3 children)

      I'm not a troll. I wrote this above, but my current boyfriend and I also practice BDSM, and one of the most intimate things I do for him is removing his shoes at the end of his work day. It helps us bond. He works on his feet at a very labor intensive job, and it's one of my favorite things to do for him.

      We don't have a 24/7 dynamic, but that is one BDSM type activity that bleeds into the rest of our relationship.

      [–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

      BDSM

      That explains it.

      [–]MrsStrom 5 points6 points  (1 child)

      Have you undressed him before bed? You should. ;)

      [–]wannabe_housewife[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      NO, but I reeeeally love that idea. :D

      [–]Zackcid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Yeah, we get this shit over at TRP sometimes too. Most recent one was about trying to get us to endorse rape by saying how it arouses women or something. And it gets easy to spot after a while. A successful troll would be mindful about not overdoing the whole gag.

      [–]wannabe_housewife[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      My current boyfriend and I also practice BDSM, and one of the most intimate things I do for him is removing his shoes at the end of his work day. It helps us bond. He works on his feet at a very labor intensive job, and it's one of my favorite things to do for him.

      We don't have a 24/7 dynamic, but that is one BDSM type activity that bleeds into the rest of our relationship.

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]Zackcid 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        Yeah, I understand that now. It's just such a rare thing in North America that I haven't had the chance to witness it personally.

        [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (5 children)

        Yeah, I saw that as well. I wasn't sure if it was a Man walks in and her forehead is to floor or just he sits in his favorite chair or couch and her preferred place is on the floor next to him. I know I do the later because often he is playing music or he has the laptop (occupied lap) and it's the best way for me to project that closeness he enjoys, see what he is showing me and its convenient for idle foot rubs while we chat.
        I will say it took him a bit to get used too. He had the cutest expression about it and now he seems to really like it.. as if comforting and familiar.

        If I fell for troll bait, I'm sorry but I still stand by my words and if it helps engage others who might actually feel some of this then all the better.

        [–]wannabe_housewife[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

        It's that he sits on the couch and I enjoy sitting on the floor next to him. I'm not a footrest or anything, but it makes me feel close to him to sit like that. It took my boyfriend time to get used to it as well, but now it's the preferred way for us to sit when it's just the two of us at home.

        Additionally my boyfriend works at a job that is long hours on his feet and very labor intensive. It feels very intimate for me to remove his shoes at the end of a long day, and relaxing as well for him. It makes me feel like I'm really taking care of him, and symbolizes the feelings I have for him as well.

        Thanks for your response. I appreciate hearing from others who also enjoy sitting like that!

        [–]soThisIsHowItEnds 1 point2 points  (3 children)

        The woman I'm talking to also wants to do that. Just out of curiosity, and feel free to not respond, but does he 'pet' you so to speak? She has absolutely beautiful hair that I'd like to just stroke at that time.

        [–]MrsStrom 5 points6 points  (2 children)

        Obviously not OP, but Mr. Strom "pets" me when I sit at his feet. BUT, he also calls me "kitten" and we may or may not have BDSM tendencies.

        It is very comforting. You should stroke her hair. She'll probably like it. :)

        [–]wannabe_housewife[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        Kitten is a cute nickname! My bf calls me "pet" sometimes which just gives me all sorts of happy feelings. :)

        [–]mister_zd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Do you have a twin sister? :)

        [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (4 children)

        My ex wanted to be a housewife, too. Too bad she wasted my money on a university education she didn't take seriously, didn't keep herself in shape and couldn't demonstrate proper housekeeping skills. In short, I gave her six years to prove she could do it then released her into the wild at 28 do she has a fighting chance to find another guy that would tolerate her slovenly ways.

        [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        [email protected] her into the wild

        [–]wannabe_housewife[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        Yikes I'm sorry to hear that :( I'm glad you are free to pursue a more fulfilling relationship now though.

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        Don't be. It was illuminating for me. I'm now with a fitness fanatic, tall, blonde, long legged, quasi-celebrity, beautiful, intelligent girl who makes an effort every day to remind me how much she respects and appreciates me...and she's obsessive about keeping a clean home. It's all good.

        [–]wannabe_housewife[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Well then let me change my earlier comment and say congratufuckinglations that you seriously upgraded. It sounds like you are doing great, and that is awesome!

        From dating a deadbeat prior to my current bf, I can say that sometimes you need that experience to wake you up.

        [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        Being a housewife is not only a legitimate job, it's one of the most important jobs a woman can have. Family is the foundation of civilization. A woman who strengthens civilization by building and nurturing a strong family is a performing an invaluable service to humankind.

        [–]Ketsa 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        Its a bit risky for a man to invest so much in a woman when she can leave at will getting the kids, the house, alimony and child support...

        [–]mister_zd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Dont have to get married, same things can happen without all the legal entanglements.

        Actually it would mean ALOT more without the legal entanglements, since you'd know as a man she would be in it for its own sake not for backstabbing you at some later date.

        [–]mister_zd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        I have met a few women expressing similar wishes. With similar shaming...

        This is the kind of woman I'd be looking for a LTR and I've expressed it a few times. apparently I am a misogynist.

        Apparently wanting to come home to a nice relaxing home after a stressful day and making love (or fucking, depending on the mood of the moment) to the woman who made it happen is now pure EVIL.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        So you want to be a nothing to the world? Be a gold digger instead of having a real life? This subreddit and its members are pathetic wastes of life.

        [–]floating_man21 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        Haha you seem mad.

        Women are biologically not suited to careers.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        jesus fucking christ

        [–]onemanclic -1 points0 points  (0 children)

        I always preferred the term "homemaker" over "housewife". The latter bears a connotation that described a particular problem that the majority of our society has progressed past.

        edit: clarification