I’m in a very serious relationship with the most wonderful man, we have talked about long term plans, and he has communicated that he knows I’m the “one.”
I had a conversation with him last night that helped me clarify to both myself and him a few things about strong men. I think it might help some of you too.
He earned a bachelors degree in economics but felt like he wasn’t being challenged, so decided to get a second degree in computer science. He’s in the hardest classes at the university, taking a heavy course load to graduate in one year, and for the first time in his life, he’s feeling like he’s not the smartest guy in the room. He’s working long long nights, competing with people who have been coding for ten years longer than him, and he’s beginning to worry he’s out of his league.
He’s had a hard few months, and yesterday was especially rough. We talked for a while, and by the end, he was apologizing to me for “complaining” and mentioned it probably wasn’t very attractive or masculine to tell me he’s feeling like a failure. He said he probably shouldn’t come talk to me at all, that he doesn’t like to feel weak in front of me.
I stopped him right there. I know we are driven by evolution to seek a successful strong man, and men are driven to provide. But I was witnessing in front of my eyes my man’s growth, he was figuring out what he’s capable of, pushing his limits, and discovering who he is and what he wants in life. And ladies, that is a gift. I told him that I admire endlessly the strength it takes for him to pursue something so difficult, with the intention of making a better life for us and our family. And to me, there’s nothing more masculine and alpha than being able to admit your fears, insecurities, and limitations to the woman you love, and to bear the challenge anyway.
There is nothing weak about it. Weakness hides within the empty confidence of many of these self proclaimed alpha men we’ve all encountered at the bars and elsewhere. The men who are all talk, all game, and no substance to back it up.
Be a woman your man can come to on days like this. Be a woman who believes in him, encourages him, and trusts him with your future, even when he’s lost or unsure. Hold on to him, reassure him, and be there for him, in whatever way he needs.
Find a man with the character, not the salary, of a successful man. He’s only 22, and I have the utmost confidence in his ability to achieve whatever he wants in life. He has ambition, a powerful work ethic, humility, integrity, and a high capacity for sacrifice and ability to lead. He is my captain, and I couldn’t be more proud of him.