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THEORYClarifying strength - alpha vs empty confidence (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by kittxxn2 Star

I’m in a very serious relationship with the most wonderful man, we have talked about long term plans, and he has communicated that he knows I’m the “one.”

I had a conversation with him last night that helped me clarify to both myself and him a few things about strong men. I think it might help some of you too.

He earned a bachelors degree in economics but felt like he wasn’t being challenged, so decided to get a second degree in computer science. He’s in the hardest classes at the university, taking a heavy course load to graduate in one year, and for the first time in his life, he’s feeling like he’s not the smartest guy in the room. He’s working long long nights, competing with people who have been coding for ten years longer than him, and he’s beginning to worry he’s out of his league.

He’s had a hard few months, and yesterday was especially rough. We talked for a while, and by the end, he was apologizing to me for “complaining” and mentioned it probably wasn’t very attractive or masculine to tell me he’s feeling like a failure. He said he probably shouldn’t come talk to me at all, that he doesn’t like to feel weak in front of me.

I stopped him right there. I know we are driven by evolution to seek a successful strong man, and men are driven to provide. But I was witnessing in front of my eyes my man’s growth, he was figuring out what he’s capable of, pushing his limits, and discovering who he is and what he wants in life. And ladies, that is a gift. I told him that I admire endlessly the strength it takes for him to pursue something so difficult, with the intention of making a better life for us and our family. And to me, there’s nothing more masculine and alpha than being able to admit your fears, insecurities, and limitations to the woman you love, and to bear the challenge anyway.

There is nothing weak about it. Weakness hides within the empty confidence of many of these self proclaimed alpha men we’ve all encountered at the bars and elsewhere. The men who are all talk, all game, and no substance to back it up.

Be a woman your man can come to on days like this. Be a woman who believes in him, encourages him, and trusts him with your future, even when he’s lost or unsure. Hold on to him, reassure him, and be there for him, in whatever way he needs.

Find a man with the character, not the salary, of a successful man. He’s only 22, and I have the utmost confidence in his ability to achieve whatever he wants in life. He has ambition, a powerful work ethic, humility, integrity, and a high capacity for sacrifice and ability to lead. He is my captain, and I couldn’t be more proud of him.


[–]bunniebell1 Star 20 points21 points  (0 children)

This is definitely the view point of a woman in love with her perfectly balanced alpha/beta captain.

Furthermore, alpha men (and women) aren’t confident in themselves because they compete against the easiest adversary. They seek strong competition, because they know better than most of us that there is always more to aspire to. This is also why we, as RPW, are always self-searching and improving ourselves. What a wonderfully symbiotic relationship you have! Much love and well wishes!

[–]strategic_expert 19 points20 points  (0 children)

This is beautiful. I admire not only your ability to see his strength, but also your ability to nurture and help him grow - especially when he needs it the most.

Highly inspirational femininity.

[–]organicsunshine 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thats awesome. My man often tells me he wants me to be the soft pilliow he lays his head down on, not a wall or rock to hit his head against. Being together through growth and challenges shows true colors and builds a solid foundation. Growth is not a weakness, settling for OK is.

[–]2-3-or-not-2-3 5 points6 points  (1 child)

You have hit several nails on the head.

There is nothing weak about talking of concerns or limitations. Of course if they are routinely crying or depressed on it then that's something else but that's not been my experience.

With my husband, I find that where I express and feel my feelings about other things towards him but he "describes" his towards me. It took me awhile to get used to that, and I don't know if it's common. He just takes a super calm rational approach, describes the problem that occured, how he felt, and what he plans to do. I've learned not to ask any questions on "how does that feel" but more "What is the best/correct move you/we should take".

On men following a moral code I completely agree, it's one of the most attractive things, it turns them into knights

[–]BACONisKEWL 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is normal for most well-adjusted men.

[–]BlueberrySea 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I 100% agree. I used to think that the fact that women look for a higher status mate than them didn't apply to me. I've been in the same relationship for a long time now and I've had phases where I definitely earned more than him or phases where he was a bit lost and my attraction to him never wavered. But at some point I figured out that it was because I looked up to him regardless of how much he earned or what he was doing because of his inner strength and values. I feel like he could guide me anywhere with what he's got internally.

Reading this was like a treat! It's so good to see a women respecting her man's character. It speaks wonders of you as a person, I bet :).

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

[deleted]

[–]BewareTheOldMan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"...if they are routinely crying or depressed on it then that's something else..."

(from u/2-3-or-not-2-3)

This statement is important in that some men don't understand the nuance of constant and consistent displays of weakness in front of women. Also explained (from 2-3-or-not-2-3's statement) was the basic format of:

-Problem (identified)

-Conduct Analysis/Develop Course(s) of Action (CoA)

-Implement CoA(s) and Follow up to Resolution

RP-Aware Women generally don't have a problem with men who understand their own limitations and weaknesses on occasion. ALL men have a lapse somewhere as it's difficult to be an expert or knowledgeable in EVERY subject.

For long-term and/or extended issues I advise men to seek the counsel of other men. It's fine if men wish to offer awareness of a problem to their SO, but continued demonstration of problems and weakness leads to rifts in the relationship...much of which is difficult or impossible to overcome.

I like OP's Summary Posting - kudos to her for knowing the difference and acting accordingly.

Laughing Rhino offers a realistic and male perspective. It's something to take into consideration.

[–]kittxxn2 Star[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

You’re right, but you’ve totally missed the point. The point is - I didn’t perceive one ounce of weakness. What I saw in my man that night was raw, honest, strength. My man was not quitting, cowering, lying, making excuses, growing resentful, or denying responsibility. That is weakness, and you’re right, would leave me running for the hills. Instead, he was bearing the weight of the world on his shoulders, fighting his battle, and doing so despite having an easy way out. I didn’t just think it was sweet that he was being emotional (misrepresentative chris hemsworth analogy), I was moved with admiration and respect for him. And I believe with the most sincerity that my never ending faith in him will strengthen him even more. He says I have given him a purpose, a future to fight for, and has promised to be the man I see in him.

That. Is not weakness.

[–]WilliamWyattD 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Given that there was no weeping like a baby, or compulsive shivering in a fetal position, I imagine it was all in the presentation, as they say. The way it went down, it seems like the articulation of certain more superficial weaknesses elucidated a deeper and more significant strength. Great story. I don't see how this is unsustainable, though again, it really all is in the 'presentation', and we're not privy to that. But it seems to me that even the Alphaest of men can and should articulate and share some of their deeper concerns and worries with their women, provided said articulation is typically done in a sufficiently 'manly' way, and that the women in question are strong enough to bare it. In good relationships with strong women, I imagine the difference between 'Captain' and 'First Mate' would usually be invisible on the day to day, though perhaps still important and consequential at certain times. I don't see this as a case of a good RPW trying to combat her biological tendency to feel sexual disgust in the face of weakness. It's possible that this is the case, but I don't think it is. The OP is finding that when a Captain 'keeps it real' with her, the strength that remains is deepened. There's no more show. What's left is the real deal.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You make a very good point.

However, what op is doing is good because she's consciously doing what she can to not lose attraction as a result of his weakness.

Every man has weaknesses, but men have known for millenia not to show it lest the women lose attraction and/or punish them for it.

[–]wispo-wills 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Amen! My husband has a nasty habit of keeping his failures and anxieties to himself, thinking I'll consider him weak for admitting it. I've told him several times I like knowing because it makes our bond stronger. Because I know he has no one else to tell and I feel left out of his life when he avoids telling me, like he doesn't want to be close.