Someone asked me in PM for advice on how to attract, not just "men", but particular men she desires, once she's seen them.
This leads us to an area where many modern single girls are particular weak: the approach.
Obviously, approaching a man allows you to make something happen. But many women's immediate reaction to the very idea is "I do not want to approach men." There are a number of reasons for this, some good, some bad, which tend to boil down to this list:
- I don't want to look so starved for male attention that I have to chase men.
- I don't want to look like a slut.
- Men don't like to be approached. They want to do it... right?
- I don't want a man who isn't bold enough to make the first move.
- My ego requires that men do all the work.
- It's men's natural role to approach, not mine.
- Approaching is scary.
- Uh... I don't know how.
Most, if not all of these are based on single misconception.
Approaching or making advances doesn't just mean making a male-style overt pass.
It means any way of starting an interaction that can lead to something.
When a man approaches a woman, the effective way to do that demonstrates masculine virtues: courage, decisiveness, assertiveness, leadership skills, and so forth.
When a woman hears: "You can approach men, go ahead! It's fine! Men like it!", she often thinks of that particular process and either cringes in horror at the thought of acting like that, or naively forges ahead, and chats up dudes as if she were one... at which point they eye her as one would a crazy person or a rabid dog, and start edging away.
There are feminine ways to begin an interaction.
The first tier of this is signalling willingness to be approached. This is mostly done with eye contact, and many women already understand it.
Make eye contact deliberately. Hold for a few seconds. Smile. Break eye contact by dropping the eyes down, not looking away. Repeat. Turn toward him, displaying open body posture. Laugh at lot. Play with your hair.
... this isn't hard stuff. Most every girl knows how to do this.
The rarer skill, which we'll focus on here, is being able to actually open the conversation. There are several elements here:
- You must fabricate an excuse to talk to him.
- This excuse must be an excuse, and not your overt reason.
- This excuse must not be too good... in fact, it should be pretty bad.
- You must continue to fabricate bad excuses to give flirtation time to happen.
The point here is that you are using indirect speech.
He must be aware of your real intent, and he must think that it is about him in particular, not that any man will do, or that you want attention.
If you use an overt reason ("I find you attractive") rather than an excuse ("Can you help me with this homework problem?"), then you have broken the delicate surface tension between "Looks like she's really into me", and "This is weird, why is she acting weird? Is she crazy?". Then you look desperate, or like a slut, or neurotic, or whatever explanation he comes up with for your bizarre behaviour.
However, if your excuse is too good, then he either believes it, or is unsure whether or not it is an excuse. Both are bad. If he believes it, he will focus on the ostensible "purpose" of the interaction, miss any attempts at flirtation you make, and probably leave when the fake task is accomplished. If, for example, he really believes that you just need help with that one homework problem, he'll either focus on math, and leave when you seem to get it, or he'll decline (because he's not your unpaid tutor, and has things to do).
Where most women err here is excuse too subtle. They are often afraid of being too blatant or obvious, and not always aware that men do not speak to each other is subtleties.
There is no such thing as an excuse that's too bad, so long as it is an excuse and not an actual direct statement that you want to continue talking to him because you find him attractive. Remember that he's supposed to see through it, and that's its fine if others see through it as well. This can't be stressed enough. Men often miss what you think of as glaringly obvious, because men do not typically talk to each other that way. If it feels about right, it's too subtle. If it feels embarrassingly obvious, it's probably about right.
Once the conversation begins, and your bad excuses allow it to continue, flirtation has time to happen. If logistics intervene, a bad excuse can be made to resume contact in the future.