RELATIONSHIPSCassie Jaye, director of the Red Pill Movie, describes how "Feminism hid my privileges in my own relationship." Video (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by VigilantRedRoosterModerator

In this video (4:31), Cassie Jaye of the Red Pill Movie fame, describes how feminism kept her from seeing the privileges she enjoyed in her own 5+ year relationship.

(paraphrased) For the first 2 years of the relationship I was a hardcore feminist. I would argue that both of us worked, so why should I be responsible for housework on top of that? I came to realize that I was choosing easy, enjoyable jobs while my boyfriend worked in much harder conditions, longer and less desirable hours, but for substantially higher pay. THIS was his contribution to the household.

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

....wow from 3rd wave feminzi to a unicorn.

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (4 children)

I honestly don't understand how there are people who can be in a relationship and be blind to the things their spouse is contributing or going through. Aren't your ears and eyes open? That's some serious entitlement issues. Kudos to her for getting her act together eventually.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)


    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    The water probably doesn't participate in arguments though or have an opinion.

    [–]okaygirl123 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Yep, it just keeps going with the flow

    [–]anothergoodbook 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    I understand it. When you just get really focuses on your own crap and forget there's actually another human there (that has actual independent emotions). My husband was working 2 jobs (his day job was physically demanding and his night job was delivering pizzas until midnight or so). I was so wrapped up in my own depression and managing 2 kids in the meantime I couldn't see what he was contributing at all. We went through a seriously low point in our marriage because I kept demanding more and more out of him. I woke up finally to see the damage I was causing, but at the time I couldn't see any of the hurt he had. I seriously thought he didn't care about me at all! I'm not excusing it one tiny bit. Just showing that it does and can happen when people just sort of "fall into" their relationships versus being intentional.

    [–]Effervesser 18 points19 points  (8 children)

    The past few days, my wife has been sick. Since her job was my old job, part time and lax about how things get done I filled in. Yesterday I did my job plus overtime, her job plus some extra construction that was needed there, and some house chores. I left home groomed and fresh at 8am, came home at 1am covered in water, cuts and grease. And this is while coming down from my own sickness and six hours of sleep with mostly red bull and a bowl of teriyaki chicken over rice the whole day. Men will do some serious work.

    [–]okaygirl123 2 points3 points  (7 children)

    Heh, that sounds so hard!

    However, I wouldn't say that all men do this. Most don't. And since we're sharing anecdotes, I'll share my experience of watching my father and my uncle.

    The last couple of months, my mom fell and broke her hand, and the doctor refused to put her in a cast because she would just happily get back to work and not allow it to heal. In that time when she was in excruciating pain, what did my father, her partner do? Nothing. He didn't even step into the kitchen, no, he expected me to do it. And the minute she was cleared for light work, he got her making his stuff at once.

    I once fell pretty sick, but the cat's litter box needed changing. Usually it's my job to take care of it, but with me having an extremely high viral fever and my mom out of commission, I asked my dad for help. Did he even offer help? No. Did he even bring a garbage bag so that I could clean it up? No. I had to do it all myself while he sat watching the freaking news.

    Now my dad is a great, great guy. He took the initiative to sit with me during one of the most important exams of my life, and I recently found out that I scored a 96 in the subject he taught me. He never asks us for anything and never says no.

    My uncle, on the other hand, is a bit more "patriarchal" in the sense that he sees himself as the supreme Lord of the house. His wife, my aunt, definitely isn't helping matters. She routinely suffers from illnesses, and I'm pretty sure she's anemic but never gets treated for it. He knows this, but never even makes an effort to help her.

    Now I don't mean to discredit what you've done and it makes me happy that you could take initiative like that, but saying that men do this is a fallacy. And I appreciate what my dad does for the family. He's the only earning member and is also in a high position so he works his ass off for us. We always support him no matter what he does.

    However, in the moment when we need him the most, when my mother spent a night in the hospital, it wasn't him that spent it by her side. It was her friend.

    Men do do some serious work. But I have not seen them take the initiative like you did when their partners were out of it, at least in my experience.

    [–]Effervesser 2 points3 points  (3 children)

    Thats probably why people say ideal guys have beta traits mixed in. In general I think men want to provide, sometimes to a pathological level, but with some guys, when they provide all the funds to a home they see it as the beginning and end of their contribution to a family. They worked hard to get the capital to support the house so feel they don't need to be bothered with the menial stuff because someone 'feels bad'. They built the castle so need to enjoy it not handle the serf duties.

    Me, I have certain 'daddy' instincts. Oldest kid of four, I took care of my siblings, I took care of and taught kids for work, I took care the animals my family couldn't be bothered to raise right, so I think I picked up that a man's job was to handle stuff because somebody has to and they can take it. If I choose a wife or chose to have children they're my responsibility because they're my choices so I'll be damned if they turn fucked up.

    I'm not going to say which attitude I think is more ideal, but yeah, guys approach the provider role really differently and some guys don't approach it at all, just by the fact that you got to separate the good dudes from the bad dudes somehow.

    [–]okaygirl123 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    That's funny, my dad's the eldest of four as well! Not only that, he's also a top level management and is known to take care of his juniors, no matter who they are. And from what I can tell from my mom's stories, he did help out when I was a baby.

    I'm not sure where this shift happened where he doesn't even step foot in the kitchen to help out when his wife needs him. Also, while he loves our cat, he absolutely refuses to do anything for him other than feed him and smother him. I'm the one left with the responsibility of cleaning the litter box, training and bathing the cat along with other stuff.

    What's your take on it, I'm curious?

    [–]Effervesser 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Kitchen stuff can be intimidating to start if you've never done it. My dad taught me how to cook so I do it well enough that I attracted a wife that doesn't know how to cook. Now that we're in the position where I'm working a lot and she's at home a lot there's a struggle to get food on the table. I have to make MRCs (meals ready to cook) , prepped dishes to put in the oven so she can learn to not die while I'm at work. Same goes for a lot of things. Personally I went through the same song and dance with my wife when it came to laundry, cleaning, a d she wouldn't own an iron right now if I never. Hell the iron we have now was my grandpa's. Sometimes people go into a relationship with someone that does stuff that they don't so barely function when their other half shuts down.

    [–]okaygirl123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    That sounds interesting, but it's not really the case in my house. My father knows his way around the kitchen well, and he actually taught my mom how to cook in the first place. Now she can manage the house amazingly. It somehow seems like because my mom is now doing her part of the arrangement he's just given up on doing anything that even resembles housework. It's at a stage where I sometimes feel lucky that he takes time out of his day to study with me (I do feel lucky, but it is a part of his role as a parent, isn't it? He's not doing any favors to anyone.)

    [–]JackGetsItEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    I appreciate hearing a counter example and there's no doubt that fathers like your's exist. It's pretty extreme not to pitch in when a partner has a serious illness and and in my experience this isn't the norm. Could your family situation also be a case of simply a broken marriage that stayed together for you?

    [–]okaygirl123 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    I don't think so. It might seem like that on the surface, because all I've talked about my family is a couple of paragraphs, but their relationship goes much, much beyond just a simple "phobia" of sorts.

    My father is not a perfect man, and neither is my mother a perfect woman. It is just one of his few flaws, that actually take a backseat when you look at him objectively. The things he does overpowers the few flaws in his personality.

    I just put up this example because someone attempted to put men on a pedestal, and I know that it is wrong. Women do not deserve to be on that pedestal, but neither do men. It was just a response to an anecdote with another anecdote.

    [–]JackGetsItEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    because someone attempted to put men on a pedestal

    I didn't see that in his comment but upon rereading it I can see where you'd get that impression. I agree with your position that neither sex as a whole should be pedestalized; I think the grand standing and hero worship comes because people are trying to overcome a narrative. The gender war has done a lot of of white washing of the sexes when the reality is always a lot more nuanced like your father.