Warning: Rant incoming
I'm a medical student on the road to becoming a doctor and I hate my life. I've been lurking on RPW for a while and think the ideologies really make sense but I don't know how to deal with this "career woman" path I got myself trapped into. I am absolutely miserable as a medical student but have way too much debt to not follow through. I looked deep into myself and realized that all I really, truly, deeply want is to build a family with a man who cares for me and takes care of me. But I've been indoctrinated with the idea that women HAVE to strive for success, especially given how lucky I was to have the opportunity for a great education.
Men who want a serious relationship and a family don't consider me because my career is a huge hindrance to that. And I totally understand that. No matter how feminine I act, or take care of my body/looks, I still am restrained by my career in terms of time and energy I have to devote to a man. By the time I'm done residency training, I'll be old (+ stress aging!) and reaching my last years of fertility. Not to mention many men just straight out assume I'm the bitchy, cold, "career woman" type the second they learn that I'm a medical student (thanks for this reputation, other med student gals 🙄)
People recommend that I just find a "house husband" to take on the feminine role, but I can't feel any attraction towards a man who is not more masculine, high-achieving, intelligent, and ambitious than me. Meanwhile alpha men don't want to deal with competing with me or dealing with the fact that so much of my energy must go towards my masculine ambitions.
I am so distraught that I will never find the relationship I've always wanted because I chose this stupid career. While I still agree with the feminist idea that women and men should be ABLE to achieve the same things in the work sphere, I am so mad that modern feminism made me believe that it was the BEST way to go. Because no amount of career accomplishment is going to squash the little girl in me who just wants to be loved and protected and cared for.