FIELD REPORTFeeling the benefits of my attitude change (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by RainingGlitter28

Hey Ladies! Please forgive me in advance for not knowing all the acronyms. I'm new to TRP, even though I love the traditional relationship dynamics - I realised I haven't been behaving in a way that reflects that.

So recently I've been seriously trying to work on my relationship of 2 years, with a wonderful man. The first year was great, and the second was a disaster to be quite honest. We both had our own personal problems and this led to a really crappy cycle of us treating eachother badly and there was not much peace left in the relationship, constant fighting, an almost DB and feeling pretty hopeless.

I really did think it was ALL HIM. And that I was simply reacting to his bad treatment of me. how far my head was up my own ass I couldn't tell you.

I thought that being rude and aggressive towards him would 'make him see' that I needed him to treat me well. I thought that rejecting his advances towards me would 'make him try harder' for me. Sadly, this list could go on and on. I'm a huge asshole and I had no idea just how much (and how deeply) I was hurting him. Didn't realise I was damaging his pride and damaging the love he had for me. I was pushing him away, whilst expecting him to love and adore me. How ridiculous!

So this is a (small) success story about how I realised I was being witch (with the help of TRP), and what I have done to change it and what results I have seen!

*I've become aware of my tone of voice when speaking to him! (I was snappy and short sometimes)

*I compliment him on his manly attributes often, which makes us both blush!

*I dress in a more feminine way when he is around. I take care of the little details, makeup, jewellery, nice nails etc. (instead of covering up all the time in boyish clothes)

*I randomly make him snacks/meals for work/home without him asking (we do not live together)

*I initiate sex more often, and I never reject him when he approaches me in that way.

*I ASK him for help and/or advice. And LET him help me. My 'fierce independence' was ridiculous and egotistical.

*I've taken an active interest in his interests, and I'm trying to get involved in them.

*I show him appreciation for the things he does and the man he is. For example telling him when I feel cared for/loved/looked after. Letting him know he is a good man to me.

*Behaving in a more feminine way, realising I do not need to compete with him or 'one up' him, ever. Actually being submissive.

*Respecting his authority, and his wishes.

There are more but I realise I am basically writing a novel at this point.

I have noticed he is treating me better, and is happier within himself. He feels more confident because I am not knocking him back all the time, and he wants to do things for me without being nagged. We have had some amazing sex, and some lovely long chats (which was a thing of the past!) He has told me he can see that I am trying to be better, and he in turn wants to be the best he can be for me. I really feel like I am building him up, instead of tearing him down.

He has shown me brief bits of tenderness over the last few weeks that have almost made me sob. He WANTS to take care of me and be my captain. I just wasn't letting him before.

He is softening towards me and I am so grateful that it wasn't too late. I am ashamed at who I was to him before, never again will I be that witch.

If you made it to this point thankyou for reading!! And thankyou for sharing so much great information and all your stories, they really do help! LONG LIVE TRP!


[–]HumanSockPuppetEndorsed Contributor 17 points18 points  (1 child)

The fact that you accepted responsibility for your role in hurting the relationship is much to your credit. Well done.

The key thing for women to realize is that men have both a powerful built-in protective instinct for them, and strong sense of reciprocity (a desire to give back). All you need to do is behave in a feminine manner, and these masculine virtues will awaken in him naturally.

Keep practicing, keep giving credit to your gender role, and please keep reporting back here. This sub benefits from field reports like yours.

[–]RainingGlitter28[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your positivity!! That's great advice and I've really seen it happen with my relationship. Instead of complaining and moaning and crying, or anything like that- I let my feminine nature inspire him to be the man I know he wants to be. The man he really is inside (when I am not henpecking him.)

HE feels better about himself and about me. And vice versa with me.

It really has been so hard to gain much needed self control but I'm so glad I did.

I will continue to update the sub, thanks!!

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

A man once told me that the worst thing a woman can do is criticize her partner, and that will kill a relationship. I took this advice to heart and so should we all. Being less cranky and more approachable, presenting a pleasant demeanor, it all adds up.

[–]RainingGlitter28[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thinking of how much I did this to him, and the image I have in my mind of him while doing this (body language, facial expression, tone of voice) really makes me feel like a monster of a woman. I realise now how downtrodden he felt because of me and my attitude.

I'm not trying to treat him like the best thing that I've seen all day when he comes through the door - because he is.

I was so stupid thinking I was somehow 'teaching him a lesson' with my moods and attitude. I'm so grateful for TRP and everyone who contributes here.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Congratulations on getting your emotions under control and realizing it before it was too late :)

I’m sure those ways of being softer will come easier to you now. Wishing you success.

[–]RainingGlitter28[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was so all over the place with my emotions, I can't imagine how hard that must have been for him - my consistent crying and sensitivity.

I really hope like you said this way of life will settle into who I AM as a woman, and won't always feel like it's concentrated effort.

Thankyou for your well wishes!!

[–]happyinsummer 2 points3 points  (4 children)

That's great! I've been trying to soften my attitude in my relationships (very difficult with a fiery personality like mine!) and your story has really inspired me to contribute more into my relationships. It really does take two to tango and improve the dynamic!

[–]RainingGlitter28[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

I really relate to what you said! I am also fiery, but sometimes I use that phrase as an excuse to steamroll people, Which is not who I want to be.

I'm glad you're inspired to work on your relationship, if you want to share that together feel free to PM.

Good luck and I hope that you achieve the relationship that you desire.


[–]happyinsummer 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Aw thanks! I'm not in a relationship (sadly!) but I meant my relationships with other people in general. Still I'm really keen to share progress! I'm thinking about asking if RPW wants to start a support group chat..

[–]RainingGlitter28[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Use this single time wisely :) x

I'd be up for that! Can you have a chat feature on reddit? or do you mean like a group chat via a messenger? x

[–]happyinsummer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! Studying and working keeps me pretty busy :p

I think they just made a chat feature, I'm not always on reddit though. I also have snapchat, whatsapp and messenger on my phone all of which I use more often..not sure what's best for others though!

[–]Pie_021 1 point2 points  (1 child)

What made you realize what you were doing wrong and decide to change?

[–]RainingGlitter28[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It literally got to a point where I realised- either I try something different to change this or its going to be over within the next day or two.

He definitely had his faults but he was so angry towards me he couldn't see any of his own behaviour. And me crying over it and asking for him to change wouldn't work. He was blind/deaf to anything to do with me, I had pushed him soooo far.

I realised I had to turn this around or we would lose what we had between us completely.

I had to take that first step, and my consistent steps have made him soften and play his part in being better too.

[–]Honey_Mommy_82 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great post.

[–]polakfury 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Self responsibility is an amazing trait to have. Congrats.