85
86

FIELD REPORTThis sub has saved my marriage (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by PMOTM

I found out 2 months ago my husband had an affair. He was seeing another woman for three months. Throughout that time I didn’t notice because I was working so much, and when I did speak to him, it was to yell at him or talk down to him. I was so stressed, he wore all of that stress.

I don’t blame myself for his cheating, he could have come to me first, but by reading about rpw, I could see that I was to blame massively for the state of my marriage leading up to this.

I have changed jobs so I don’t have to work so much, changed the way I approach him when I am unhappy, I have even started losing weight. This other woman is done with and he keeps talking about how happy he is.

Just wanted to say thanks to this sub.


[–]WhatIsThisAccountFor3 Star 42 points43 points  (6 children)

Always great to hear people getting real worl benefit from this sub!

It's one of the main reasons I enjoy it so much. There are other subs that are more blue pill, and there is almost never a success story. Never anything about their happiness increasing. It's all just complaints and "Why isn't the world like I want it to be?". This sub seems to actually genuinely help and change people's lives for the better and it's awesome to see that in effect.

All the success posts always seem so relieved too. Like a weight has been lifted off the woman's shoulders. Keep up the good work!

[–]Ariel125 21 points22 points  (2 children)

so much this! Just today I was thinking about how 'blue pill' and being feminist is such a joyless existence, especially for woman. Sure, they might be happy or somewhat Okay with life, but joyful? Absolutely not. There is such a huge weight lifted off the woman's shoulders when she goes red. There is so much room for pure joy.

[–]lespetiteschoses 1 point2 points  (0 children)

exactly :)

[–]Xtinamina 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What a sweet comment!

[–]ragnarockette4 Stars 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Other subs also are always first to suggest an ultimatum or pressuring the other person to change rather than examining your own behavior.

[–]NewMindRedPill1 Star 0 points1 point  (1 child)

May I ask, what are the other subs? I originally joined reddit for this sub so I didn't have any experience in the blue pill subs and wanted to look out of curiosity.

[–]ragnarockette4 Stars 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was speaking mostly about r/relationships.

[–]asdasda5453 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Congrats

[–]lespetiteschoses 9 points10 points  (0 children)

you're right that you shouldn't blame yourself for his infidelity - i strongly believe that both partners are wholly responsible for how they behave in a marriage. however, people do make mistakes and you can change your behavior to hopefully prevent him making those mistakes again.

you've recognised your own mistakes in how you treated him leading up to his cheating, and it sounds like you've changed that for the better. hopefully this is enough to keep him happy and home with you.

did you only realize your own bad behavior once the cheating came to light?

[–]tempintheeastbayEndorsed Contributor 2 points3 points  (1 child)

It takes such a big heart and profound humility and love to look THROUGH the cheating (not away from it, not ignoring it, not past it) and see your role in its underlying causes. Your attitude sounds mature, well-adjusted and strong in the face of what must have been a very painful time. I'm so glad you're starting to find the joy on the other side of it!

[–]PMOTM[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much Xx

[–]therewasguy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you've got a heart of gold

[–]CrossDressingGeisha -2 points-1 points  (3 children)

Hmmmm so was he actually cheating because of you working? Tried that couples therapy stuff to find out how you 2 really feel?

[–]PMOTM[S] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

He cheated because he was lonely, and he had a pretty girl throw herself at him -at work (happens a lot) and for the first time he didn’t say no. I think if he wasn’t being ignored, chastised and disrespected by his wife, his reaction would have been different. We’ve been together 12 years and he’s never cheated before. I know how we both feel, we talked like adults.

[–]CrossDressingGeisha 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah I see, hope things go well!

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Couples therapy is not usually the best route for fixing marital problems. A few reasons:

  • It forces a couple to dwell on the negative aspects of a relationship rather than the positive.

  • Therapists can get involved in placing blame.

  • It does not focus on personal responsibility.

  • It lacks an understanding of male/female dynamics in favor of compromise and equality.

  • Many women go into therapy with the idea that it will fix their husbands instead of looking at what they can fix in themselves.