The response to my last post, a letter to young women, was so heartwarming. Thank you all for your support and encouragement to keep writing. So as promised, I will expand on the topic of what I think it means to be truly "beautiful." While this post will mainly focus on guiding young RPW to develop into beautiful and admirable women, I hope that all of you will find value in this advice and use it at any age to further cultivate your femininity.
Beauty, as I mentioned here, is a trait that indicates longevity in a woman's desirability, and elevates a woman above a potential sexual conquest to a potential LTR, wife, and life partner. A major contributor to this trait is a woman's ability to be a caregiver. Here's what I've learned.
I remember when I was first getting to know the man I'm with. I remember telling him about my experiences working as a nursing assistant in a long term care hospital, and later in a group home for developmentally disabled people. These stories are hard for me to tell and open up about, because many of the people in my life, including very close friends and my previous significant other, communicated disgust and aversion to the mere idea of my job, let alone the specifics. I'm currently working toward my second degree, in nursing, and have devoted my professional life to the care of people who can't take care of themselves. And while I understand it is not a glamorous profession, my experiences have fundamentally changed my character, and made me into the woman I am today. I believe it will help me be an exceptional wife and mother someday (really good at changing diapers?).
I remember sitting on his couch, and strangely, he really wanted to hear about all the things I've seen. Most people my age have little idea what true suffering looks like, and no desire to find out. But I shared some of it with him, the most life-changing patients, the hardest shifts, and my worst fears and proudest moments. And I remember his eyes full of emotion, speechless, and he saw me, clearer than anyone ever had, and loved me.
I promise I'm not saying go get a job in a nursing home, necessarily. But I deeply believe there is immense value in pursuing opportunities to learn to take care of someone other than yourself, if you have the chance. That, to me, is one of the core essences of womanhood and femininity. Esther Perel was on TEDx, and explained that while we are all born knowing how to be loved, we must somehow learn how to love. To learn sacrifice. And many women don't learn this, I would argue, until they are a mother, or far later in life, or possibly never. But I believe that it is a trait you can cultivate and develop now, and will help you stand out as a true woman in a sea of selfish, egocentric, superficial, vain, demanding, ungracious girls, and many other traits clearly associated in developmental psychology literature with the behavior of young children, which is sadly encouraged by feminism and "sorority" culture on campuses.
Comedic side story: I have also gotten very good at making beds, and once, when we hadn't even really started dating, but had been best friends for months (he was definitely into me), I jokingly showed him how to make a perfect hospital bed, mitered corners and all, after helping him do laundry. He pulled on my shirt and made a joke: "Oh what material is this? Wife material?"
My point is that caregiving is an incredibly attractive trait in a woman, particularly to men who someday want marriage and a family. How can a man see your potential to be a phenomenal mother and home maker someday if all you've ever pursued is self-interest? Which is certainly not a bad thing - it's absolutely the norm. But RPW often are not satisfied with being the rule, but rather by being the exception. Be the exception. Here are a few ideas if you have an extra hour or two throughout your week:
- Volunteer or work at a hospital or long term care facility, even if you don't want to get hands-on, the people in these facilities are lonely and desperate for someone to talk to
- Volunteer with disabled people or children, reading to them, playing music for them, providing companionship. Many mentally disabled people don't often get out into the community, and need people to take them on hikes, grab an ice cream, or would love to meet and play with your dog.
- Work at a daycare, after school program, babysit, or tutor children who are falling behind in school
- Volunteer at an animal shelter, or foster a dog or cat that needs a temporary home if you're not ready or sure if you want your own
- Volunteer at a retirement community - older generations of women also have fantastic advice and wisdom :)
- Volunteer at a homeless shelter or a domestic violence shelter, even if it's just to cook or clean.
Or any other idea you can think of to devote some of your time each week to learning how to love, how to care for someone in need, to be someone for those who have no one. My work has taught me patience, compassion, communication, and has given me purpose, gratitude, and fulfillment. That is femininity, that is beauty, and might help you on the path to becoming the type of woman a man notices, and realizes his life would be much better with her in it than without.