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SELF IMPROVEMENTLetter to Young Women Part 2: The charm of the caregiver (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by kittxxn2 Star

The response to my last post, a letter to young women, was so heartwarming. Thank you all for your support and encouragement to keep writing. So as promised, I will expand on the topic of what I think it means to be truly "beautiful." While this post will mainly focus on guiding young RPW to develop into beautiful and admirable women, I hope that all of you will find value in this advice and use it at any age to further cultivate your femininity.

Beauty, as I mentioned here, is a trait that indicates longevity in a woman's desirability, and elevates a woman above a potential sexual conquest to a potential LTR, wife, and life partner. A major contributor to this trait is a woman's ability to be a caregiver. Here's what I've learned.

I remember when I was first getting to know the man I'm with. I remember telling him about my experiences working as a nursing assistant in a long term care hospital, and later in a group home for developmentally disabled people. These stories are hard for me to tell and open up about, because many of the people in my life, including very close friends and my previous significant other, communicated disgust and aversion to the mere idea of my job, let alone the specifics. I'm currently working toward my second degree, in nursing, and have devoted my professional life to the care of people who can't take care of themselves. And while I understand it is not a glamorous profession, my experiences have fundamentally changed my character, and made me into the woman I am today. I believe it will help me be an exceptional wife and mother someday (really good at changing diapers?).

I remember sitting on his couch, and strangely, he really wanted to hear about all the things I've seen. Most people my age have little idea what true suffering looks like, and no desire to find out. But I shared some of it with him, the most life-changing patients, the hardest shifts, and my worst fears and proudest moments. And I remember his eyes full of emotion, speechless, and he saw me, clearer than anyone ever had, and loved me.

I promise I'm not saying go get a job in a nursing home, necessarily. But I deeply believe there is immense value in pursuing opportunities to learn to take care of someone other than yourself, if you have the chance. That, to me, is one of the core essences of womanhood and femininity. Esther Perel was on TEDx, and explained that while we are all born knowing how to be loved, we must somehow learn how to love. To learn sacrifice. And many women don't learn this, I would argue, until they are a mother, or far later in life, or possibly never. But I believe that it is a trait you can cultivate and develop now, and will help you stand out as a true woman in a sea of selfish, egocentric, superficial, vain, demanding, ungracious girls, and many other traits clearly associated in developmental psychology literature with the behavior of young children, which is sadly encouraged by feminism and "sorority" culture on campuses.

Comedic side story: I have also gotten very good at making beds, and once, when we hadn't even really started dating, but had been best friends for months (he was definitely into me), I jokingly showed him how to make a perfect hospital bed, mitered corners and all, after helping him do laundry. He pulled on my shirt and made a joke: "Oh what material is this? Wife material?"

My point is that caregiving is an incredibly attractive trait in a woman, particularly to men who someday want marriage and a family. How can a man see your potential to be a phenomenal mother and home maker someday if all you've ever pursued is self-interest? Which is certainly not a bad thing - it's absolutely the norm. But RPW often are not satisfied with being the rule, but rather by being the exception. Be the exception. Here are a few ideas if you have an extra hour or two throughout your week:

  1. Volunteer or work at a hospital or long term care facility, even if you don't want to get hands-on, the people in these facilities are lonely and desperate for someone to talk to
  2. Volunteer with disabled people or children, reading to them, playing music for them, providing companionship. Many mentally disabled people don't often get out into the community, and need people to take them on hikes, grab an ice cream, or would love to meet and play with your dog.
  3. Work at a daycare, after school program, babysit, or tutor children who are falling behind in school
  4. Volunteer at an animal shelter, or foster a dog or cat that needs a temporary home if you're not ready or sure if you want your own
  5. Volunteer at a retirement community - older generations of women also have fantastic advice and wisdom :)
  6. Volunteer at a homeless shelter or a domestic violence shelter, even if it's just to cook or clean.

Or any other idea you can think of to devote some of your time each week to learning how to love, how to care for someone in need, to be someone for those who have no one. My work has taught me patience, compassion, communication, and has given me purpose, gratitude, and fulfillment. That is femininity, that is beauty, and might help you on the path to becoming the type of woman a man notices, and realizes his life would be much better with her in it than without.


[–]nowyougotdryballs 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Wife Material

"The real fabric of our lives"

[–]Wakka_Grand_Wizard 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I could not help but laugh. That guy is a charmer but you gave him reason to be as well =)

[–]Ok_Philosopher 15 points16 points  (1 child)

I want to marry /u/kittxxn

...and I'm a straight (already married) woman.

[–]kittxxn2 Star[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ha! That is so sweet of you!

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Your writing is always so positive and more of what this sub needs! Thank you

[–]purpleskygreensea 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Oh hey, I'm gonna be a CNA soon!

Anyways, I find it really immature when girls take pride in being demanding and selfish. I'm not particularly selfless, but I wish I were. For some rare people (like my grandmother), it's effortless. Most of us have to work at it. It's a dirty word, but I'm glad my parents shamed me into not becoming like other women who act that way. It's really easy to turn out like that because there is 0 pressure on girls to strive for excellence nowadays. And if there is, you can bet feminists will destroy those measures. Women are actually supposed to be more sacrificial than men. It's not unfair, it's supposed to be a privilege...to continually strive to be a better, more generous human.

This comment from a while ago relates a lot to your post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/3360te/what_makes_a_girl_marriage_material_and_at_this/cqhv3wc/

If she's kind. Not 'fake kind'... Actual kindness.

As men, we die younger and our bodies tend to break down more. It is probable that one day we may be in a situation where we really can't take complete care of ourselves. Is she the type of women who, through endearing love/kindness/all that, will take care of me while I'm shuffling off the last bit of this coil? Or is she going to be overcome by the burden or just "not feel like it" and help ensure my twilight years are spent in abject misery?

This is why I wouldn't consider marrying a girl who doesn't like dogs/animals. If she doesn't, it's usually because "they shed" or "they smell" or "I have to take an hour a day to engage with it and pick up after it"...Huge red flag, as those are apt descriptions for many aging men as well.

[–]kittxxn2 Star[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Good luck!! If you haven't gotten a job yet, the most important thing to ask is what the ratios are. My first job had me working 1 to 30 sometimes on the overnight shift, which is just too many people, and nobody ever received good care. Another critical piece of advice: take care of yourself. You won't be any good to anyone if you burn out or aren't well rested and fed. The first month I worked I never took a lunch break even though it was taken from my paycheck, because there's so much work that can be done in half an hour I couldn't justify it. That was really stupid. Find someone you can talk to after your hard days, it might be a coworker, it might be a family member, or it might just be writing in a journal. You will have days you might feel hopeless, because you're working so hard and none of the suffering you see is being alleviated. But you have to remember everyone there is better off with you showing up than if you weren't there. If you can, work a fixed section instead of being a float, if you get to know your patients, you'll learn their routine and capacity and you'll be much more efficient. I'm so proud of you for taking this on, it takes courage, and many people give up. Don't. You are capable of more than you think you are. And take care of your back and wrists!!!

But please remember, above all, their suffering is not yours to bear on your shoulders. No one is strong enough to take that on. You can always contact me if you need any more advice, have questions, or want someone to talk to. This job will change your life.

[–]purpleskygreensea 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice! Yes, I'm sure it will.

[–]glitterchild 4 points5 points  (0 children)

YOU ARE AMAZING . Keep writing please!!

[–]kam_rn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good post :)

This is just a personal anecdote but it might be helpful to someone.

My boyfriend is a lot older than me (and he has two teenagers a teenager and a 20 year-old) so he was understandably on the fence about us having a baby. I've always wanted to be a mommy and it was really important to me to have a baby with the man I love but ultimately I understood why he had reservations. He thought about it for awhile and eventually decided it was okay, he said knowing I would be a really good mother influenced his decision. My job (nurse) was one of the reasons he felt I'd be a good mom- he knows I love my job and take pride in being really good to my patients.

Personally, I think it's good for women to always work on developing or improving our nurturing traits (regardless of whether or not someone wants marriage and/or kids).