Back to the basics - women are the gatekeepers of sex
The natural state of women
At her core, a woman is a someone. A person of worth who deserves to be cherished, loved, sustained and taken care of. This isn't objectively true. However, it is the way women view themselves and the way men view women. Women deserve to be treated well just for existing. Thus, women are human beings.
Women value emotional reality over objective reality, feelz over realz. Your feelings are 100% valid even if you're objectively wrong. Whereas men tend to evaluate the objective reality and tell you to stop feeling the way you do because you're being ridiculous, women tend to validate your feelings first even if you're being ridiculous from an objective standpoint. The premise behind that is - I exist, therefore my feelings are just as real as the reality of the world around me.
When mommy is happy, everyone is happy and when a woman is in distress, everyone comes to her aid. Both men and women reinforce her sense of existence.
Female bonding desire
If a woman is a full on something, what more can she need? The answer is - some of the male's nothingness. A core need of women is to pair and bond with a man.
Men begin from a position of nothingness and need to achieve to become a something, women begin from a position of being a something and need a man to imbue them with a sense of nothingness. Female sexual desire includes being dominated by a strong male (hello fifty shades of gray, a best seller book!). Female relationship needs include men who are decisive and who can lead. Women date up, marry up and have sex up. One way to look at the common thread in all of this is - women need to feel smaller in the presence of their man. They need to feel more nothingness.
This feeling of nothingness before her man does not contradict the feeling that's at the core of her being - that of being a something. She will always see herself as an inherently valid something who wants to lose herself in the strong arms of the best man available. Thus, she wants a man who will cause her knees to turn to jelly, not a man who will actually turn her into an actual nothing through abuse and the like. Therefore, women are extremely picky with regards to men. Only the best men are up for consideration.
Gatekeepers of commitment
It's therefore no wonder why men hold all the cards when it comes to commitment. If a man's worst fear is being a nobody, a woman's worst fear is being all alone. OTOH, unlike men whose default is to be sexually attracted to all women with the exception of those who turn him off, a women's default is to reject all men except for the ones who make the cut. This means that most men aren't even in the running, but if you're from the few who are, you decide on the degree of commitment.
This is as true once the relationship is well underway as it is true during that first day of commitment. While the man may feel like he committed to her forever, she certainly doesn't feel that way (just like he doesn't feel sexually desired forever). His commitment to her is something for which she needs constant reassurance. A woman will be plagued with self doubt that boils down to - am I still lovable today? And therefore - will he still commit to me today? When a man expresses his love and desire or makes her feel special, he signals his commitment to her. Just as he needs constant reaffirmation of his sexual desirability, so too does she need constant reaffirmation of her worthiness for commitment.
The problem is when expressing his love for her and commitment to her decrease her sexual attraction to him. This is like a self destructive autoimmune disease and will be discussed in a future post.
The natural state of the woman is to be a deserving someone, her fear is to be alone. What she craves is for some male nothingness to be instilled in her heart by the strong arms of a powerful man. She feels secure when her knees turn to jelly in his presence. She needs constant reassurance of his commitment.
Unfortunately, most men don't measure up. This part of female nature is cruel to men. Those who do measure up hold the keys to commitment.