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FIELD REPORT“Whatever you think is best” really works (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by bambiliftsweights

Just wanted to share a little win I had today.

Currently on my honeymoon and my husband and I were scheduled to have dinner with another couple (friends of ours) in a Hawaiian town about an hour from where we are staying.

He didn’t really feel like going and it was also an hour away (super inconvenient for us to Uber there) and, although I was worried it would be rude of us to cancel last minute, I remembered what I had read in Surrendered Wife and just said, “Whatever you think is best.”

He decided to cancel it and then we find out that the other couple is having an insanely busy day themselves and secretly didn’t want to host us either.

Can you imagine if I had insisted we go because I was worried about being rude? Not only would it have caused a mild disagreement between us (and loss of intimacy) the other couple would have equally not wanted us there, resulting in four unhappy people.

Now, we get to surf late tonight, get drinks and dinner whenever we feel like it and enjoy a carefree night.

It was a little win and I wanted to share it with you all!! I feel lucky to have found this space.


[–]teaandtalk4 Stars 32 points33 points  (3 children)

Congratulations on your marriage! You are lucky to have found good marriage resources so early on :)

[–]bambiliftsweights[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I completely agree!! I don’t even remember how I stumbled on all this stuff but I read Fascinating Womanhood in high school and have been researching men’s psychology since college.

It’s been a worthwhile hobby.

The only thing I was missing was other women who think like me and now I have that!

Couldn’t be happier!!

[–]WhatIsThisAccountFor3 Star 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Not very conducive to discussion, but I read this as “you are lucky to have found a good marriage resource so early on”. I thought you were referring to her husband as a marriage resource and was so shocked at first lol.

[–]teaandtalk4 Stars 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Lol!

[–]companyllc 14 points15 points  (2 children)

So glad that worked out and you guys are off to a great start to your marriage!

I'll add a warning from my own personal experience...after reading the Surrendered Wife I started using this one, too. It worked great until my husband noticed the pattern. Now it really annoys him when I say it. He doesn't mind me trusting him to make choices, but just saying the exact same phrase sounds uninterested and robotic to him and he really hates it. Whoops lol. So maybe try to mix it up.

Enjoy the rest of your honeymoon!

[–]bambiliftsweights[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Ha! Thanks for that warning - I can actually totally see my husband getting annoyed if I use the same one over and over again, too.

What other ones do you use?

[–]companyllc 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I know in the Surrendered Wife, Laura is big on using that specific phrase. I have found mixing it up gets the same idea across without sounding robotic. So for example if he asks me what I want to do for dinner, I might say something like...

What are you thinking? What are your thoughts? Whatever you think is best! Whatever you want! Whatever you think, I trust you babe. However you want to handle it! I'm down for whatever you're thinking. What did you have in mind? I'm good with whatever you think. Whatever you're thinking works for me!

...you get the idea lol.

And sometimes he really does want to know what I think, so in those situations I will just tell him but agree and support whatever he finally decides on. I kept pushing the "whatever you think" bit once and he got huffy about how he asked my opinion because he wants my opinion and if he didn't want it, he wouldn't have asked...anyway I learned my lesson on that one too haha. You know your guy better than anyone so go with your gut if some of the advice doesn't apply or needs to be modified for a given situation.

I think as long as you sound engaged and like you're not just reciting something you read in a book, however you phrase it is going to be fine! :)

[–]zershia77 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Congrats on the marriage! Hope you aren't on the big island near the spewing lava!

[–]bambiliftsweights[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Everyone is asking us that! We aren’t - on a smaller island! Thank god.

[–]MoDuReddit 3 points4 points  (5 children)

Nice to read :)

If the resulting situation wouldn't have been so positive with the other couple, would you still do the same again?

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 5 points6 points  (2 children)

When you say - whatever you think is best - you have to be ready to stick with it and not complain if things don't work out. If you do complain, next time when you say "whatever you think is best", he'll hear - I want to leave this decision to you but I'm not really gonna do that because I don't trust you to get it right. So I'm giving you a chance to attempt to get it right so I can come across as trusting you, but if it doesn't work out, I'll bite your head off.

[–]MoDuReddit 1 point2 points  (1 child)

So, the cliché "where do you wanna eat?" - "anywhere you want" - *chooses place* - "oh, not that!".

I like the way you explain things.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly!

[–]bambiliftsweights[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Great question! Yes, I would have, definitely. The other couple’s reaction was an added bonus I couldn’t have predicted at the time.

However, my husband does not make a habit of canceling last minute, fortunately. If it seemed like we were continually canceling plans on people, that would be a cause of concern for me.

Fortunately, this was more of an issue of logistics rather than laziness.

Hope that helps clarify.

[–]MoDuReddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I do feel those are some magic words, especially when you mean it and stick with it.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

[–]MissNietzsche 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I was thinking the same.

Her husband had no idea the other couple didn't want to host them. She can't credit him for that.

That said, if she finds this approach works for all her other situations still, good on her.