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DISCUSSIONAnalogy for what men look for in women (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by sekoiasan

Hey everyone!

So my friend and I were discussing relationships and fantasizing about the ideal man. Then we realized how vividly we knew how the ideal man would make us feel, but had absolutely no idea how men want to feel in presence of their ideal woman. I write "feel" because all of the desired traits in a partner basically result in a positive feeling (warmth, comfort, passion etc.)

So women want to feel protected, small, coddled, adored in the presence of a man. The man is basically an ideal version of a father. So what feeling does an ideal woman inspire in a man?

The same feeling you get when you are petting your purring cat. Or dog. Or whatever animal that adores you and can express that affection in a way, that you can pick up and identify.

This is the perfect analogy for me and here's why:

After a long day, I come home and I honestly don't want to talk for the first 10 minutes. I lie down on my sofa, and a cat jumps on my lap and lies down. It purrs. It's warm. It's so cute. It's affectionate. It asks no questions. No "Can you do this for me?", "What do you want for dinner?", not even "How was your day?" I tell you, I don't even want to hear or answer considerate and caring questions right then. ALL I want in those first 10 minutes is to zone out.

Now the cat analogy applies for other moments as well. During depressing and hopeless times, I personally don't feel the need to TALK about it, and I don't think men do either. I even want to avoid talking about it, because there is nothing to say, and it hurts thinking about it. What I want is to FEEL affection and support from my loved ones. And that is expressed through touch, through vibes. The cat would just hug me, and not say a word. It would purr. And I'd be in a healing trance.

So when you try to emulate the ideal woman, and try to engineer an atmosphere that is most pleasing to your man, be the cat.


[–]youreallmeatanyway 61 points62 points  (3 children)

This kind of brutal honesty is the kind of thing that would get someone crucified if said almost anywhere else.

I love this sub.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I was thinking the same thing. I love this place.

[–]hellena1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Crucified? How come. Seems perfectly reasonable to me.

[–]PurpleBanner 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is refreshing to read.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

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[–]sekoiasan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your comment made me smile :D

[–]Nyquil-Junkie 56 points57 points  (7 children)

So when you try to emulate the ideal woman, and try to engineer an atmosphere that is most pleasing to your man, be the cat.

Just don't poop in a box and barf on the couch. Guys really hate that.

[–]TankVet 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Most guys really hate that.

FTFY

[–]Nyquil-Junkie 3 points4 points  (0 children)

FTFY

Ewww.

[–]radioactivities9 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Haha!!! Barfing on a couch tho --some dudes really dig that.

[–]testmypatience 6 points7 points  (1 child)

You must have found a niche.

[–]radioactivities9 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The 'if it's action it's good' niche. :P True classic.

[–]est-la-lune 3 points4 points  (0 children)

LOL, that made my day. :)

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (2 children)

It's nice to hear the male perspective. I'd never really considered that silence might be something a man needs. I'll be sure to keep that in mind for the future. Thanks for this post!

[–]Docbear64 5 points6 points  (1 child)

It's not so much silence as Peace. When you come home from work and meetings, when you've handled all your errands, when you finally get to the cozy little nook you can call home with a person you hopefully love those ten minutes of just " being" or whatever are restorative it feels good to have survived another day , come home to someone special and just peacefully recharge with someone who cares about you .

That's what's so troubling about nagging women, you come home to your place of peace and can't even briefly escape the hostility and chaos of the outside world even at home.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Poor choice of words, I suppose. A moment of peace after a long day is definitely restorative. I agree that nagging your partner after he's already had a particularly long day is a shitty thing to do, but then again, nagging in general is pretty shitty.

[–]Banincoming 10 points11 points  (0 children)

In my case at least you are 100% correct. I sometimes get an emotional surge and think to myself, "I should get a dog to lavish this excess love on who will adore me back."

I haven't had a LTR since around the same time my last dog passed, and I when I think of the LTRs, I just think of the extra stress and burden they brought my life.

[–]nonnimoose 7 points8 points  (4 children)

Interesting...I'm a woman and that's exactly what I want when I get home - moments of peaceful and quiet companionship with space to unwind without engaging.

And I like cats.

[–]sekoiasan[S] 8 points9 points  (1 child)

A woman can of course enjoy this trait as much as a man. I mean I'm the same as you when I come home. I think that both men and women want a mixture of feminine and masculine traits in a partner, but that their partner's default is their own gender's typical traits.

For example, a man wants a feminine woman who is very pleasant and vulnerable. However, if they are long-term partners, they will come across difficulties. And during those hard times, I'm sure the man would appreciate a woman who can quietly and non-aggressively tackle those problems without breaking down. This is strength, and clearly a typically masculine trait. It'd be absolutely exhausting to try and solve the problem and simultaneously baby a grown woman.

I think the type of "strength" that men find unattractive in a woman is the dismissive, condescending and defensive strength. This would be someone who constantly has to PROVE that they're strong by doing everything themselves. This is so off-putting, since it removes any room for a PARTNERSHIP (where one helps each other). The type of strength men appreciate is when a woman accepts help graciously when offered, but steps up to the task when HER help is needed.

[–]the_alpha_phoenix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think the type of "strength" that men find unattractive in a woman is the dismissive, condescending and defensive strength. This would be someone who constantly has to PROVE that they're strong by doing everything themselves. This is so off-putting, since it removes any room for a PARTNERSHIP (where one helps each other). The type of strength men appreciate is when a woman accepts help graciously when offered, but steps up to the task when HER help is needed.

Yes, you are very much correct on this point.

[–]Willow-girl 3 points4 points  (1 child)

LOL, I'm a 1950s husband personified! I want to work all day and then come home to my robe and slippers, a nice supper, a little conversation then maybe some sex before sleepytime. LOL!

[–]hellena1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same here.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

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[–]the_alpha_phoenix 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My take.. when a guy is with what he believes is the right woman, he feels he can take on the entire world and nothing can stop him. There is no better feeling.

Most men, my observation and experience, will respond most dramatically to women who are nurturing and empathetic and that appears to be authentic.

It's sort of sad to me, because a little nurturing, to the average guy, is basically rocket fuel. But most guys I know get little to none of it.

This is so completely on point. If this wasn't written by a man, then it must have come from a woman who has unusually exceptional insight into the male brain.

[–]En-Zu 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was just kind of thinking about my criterion and I was just thinking I had two qualities 1. They're attractive. 2. They actually like me.

2 seems pretty simple bit it ecompasses a lot because it entails all the things that women take into consideration when they're vetting a man. For example, I appreciate when a woman understands what I'm saying on an intellectual level and can appreciate it but I don't need for her to be so educated if it's not a big deal for her. I learned this when I was dating a nonnative english speaker and she really didn't have flowery or interesting language as one of her 'standards' and I was ok with that.

But what you're saying is very interesting about the cat and I find myself agreeing with it. Something i liked in my last LTR was just that we could sit in the car and listen to music and not talk. Enjoying a comfortable silence.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

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[–]sekoiasan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is SOO CUTE!! (I love that they made the meow-voiceovers with a human voice)

[–]tempintheeastbayEndorsed Contributor 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Aw, this hit so close to home. My BF calls me kitty and pets me all the time :)

[–]hellena1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

When my boyfriend and me comes home from work we just cuddle in silence for like ages until we get hungry or have sex. Bliss. I wish I could purr though.

[–]CK_America 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Thank you for articulating this. As a man you helped me understand something I always knew I wanted.

[–]sekoiasan[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There was an article on the manosphere mentioning how badly most women treat unattractive men, compared to how men treat unattractive women. That most women (especially attractive women) have absolutely no patience, empathy or even sympathy for unattractive men, and treat them worse than dirt.

This is something I'm working hard on, never to treat any "low-status" person badly, and even go the extra mile to be kind to them. After all, they're the ones who need it most.

Anyway, my point in response to your take on how an ideal woman behaves:

Being authentically nurturing, supportive and empathetic comes quite naturally when I truly respect a man. I don't know whether it's the same for other women, but when I'm with a strong, capable man who doesn't take shit from anyone ever, I can't help but become gentle. I slow down, talk softer, patiently listen to everything he says, touch him gently on the arms... That's why I'd recommend that women only be with men they truly respect and admire. The right behaviour just comes naturally as a result.

However, it's true that some women out there still aren't gentle and supportive, despite being with their dream guy. I used to be unable to relax and just let my femininity guide me.This is something I learned from RPW.

[–]nymphelle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've actually been thinking the same thing lately. I totally agree.

[–]godfatherchimp 3 points4 points  (1 child)

It's a great analogy as a matter of fact, when you consider the hierarchy of love. Men love women, women love children, children love puppies (or cats)

[–]Willow-girl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

women love children

Or cows!