DISCUSSION“Men are intimidates by intelligence in women” (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by Rivkariver2 Star

(*Intimidated, sorry I’m on mobile.)

Ever hear that phrase? It’s very common in the mainstream view these days.

We’ve debunked it here before, but thought it could do with more discussion.

I don’t believe this statement to be true, that men are intimidated by smart women.

I do believe that men in general are not turned on by contrarian, argumentative, prideful women. Which is all too common these days among women who proclaim themselves smart.

I know I always had good grades, but I had to unlearn this “points for speaking up, even if you have nothing good to say” lesson. I was always critiqued in school for only talking in class when I had something to say.

The idea of intelligence these days is often linked with cutthroat competition, corporate climbing, debating and shutting down the opposition, mic drop, etc.

Being that competitive isn’t conducive to love or friendships.

Intelligence as valued by mainstream culture also is divorced from life wisdom, street smarts so to speak.

I’m certain men are very much interested in women who are practical and can handle life well, making wise choices that make things easier for the family.

So far cry from sitting in an ivory tower insulting people’s intellect. Imagine having a PhD but no idea how to be frugal, negotiate, or judge character.

As you can see, the modern idea of intelligence is divorced from femininity.

Think of a stereotype like a sexy nurse, librarian, or secretary. Men are clearly aroused by these roles that all require being very smart. But what they share in common is feminine demeanor. Nurses nurture, librarians assist, secretaries are helping a superior, traditionally male in the stereotype.

So I think men are not in fact turned off by smarts. They are turned off by aggressive competitive arguing, or intellectual pride showing off but detached from being a woman. Would you want to be friends with anyone like that? You might read their blog, but hang out with them? In fact several studies say that men admire that intellectual quality from a distance, but not up close and personal.

Men also don’t require intelligence as a top priority the way women require in men.

So, being smart is no excuse for trouble with men.

The good news also is that if you have areas where you aren’t as smart, (I know I do,) it’s not a dealbreaker for most guys. And if you’re smart, you don’t have to hide it, just don’t make that your main personality trait; be agreeable, and don’t assume your intellect is going to impress him the way respect and femininity would.

Edits for typos.

Edit: I fully support competition in fun things like arcades or board game dates.

[–]leftajar 95 points96 points  (7 children)

"Men are intimidated by intelligent women" has got to be one of the biggest misconceptions in modern dating.

Smart men desire smart women! The problem is, many intelligent women have a chip on their shoulder and try to be competitive with men. To make matters worse, smart people tend to go to college, which is strong with the Feminism.

There's nothing more appealing than a smart, traditional women. Men are scrambling to find and marry women from this rare and dwindling group!

[–]tuyguy 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Agree. I love smart women, but I am turned off when they get all high, mighty and aggressive. I'm certainly not intimidated.

[–]leftajar 19 points20 points  (0 children)


I had a woman tell me that men found her intimidating. I almost told her, "Oh honey, you're five foot-four and smell like flowers. Men aren't intimidated; many just find you annoying and combative."

[–]Rivkariver2 Star[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I think the mistake some women make is putting intelligence as their greatest accomplishment and central personality trait.

This leads to bitterness when they feel their smarts aren’t being recognized.

Being a good person is better than being a smart person, and truly smart women know to show good character more than showing off cleverness. It takes humility, which itself is a virtue.

[–]Pie_021 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I find people who claim to be intelligent usually aren't. Most intelligent people tend to humble about it and don't really advertise their "intelligence level".

If he/she has intelligence, great, but no one knows everything. There is a reason why Google is so popular.

[–]Crockmaster420 4 points5 points  (0 children)

girls acting like they have to prove their intelligence all the time has to be similair to guys trying to prove their alpha-ness all the time

it's not very endearing

[–]Waterboo2 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Intelligence often comes with a price. Either your social skills are affected negatively or you are arrogant and difficult. I don’t think many men like socially inept or arrogant women. At least, it doesn’t seem like many do! Look at the qualities most men desire: beauty, youth, fun, and domestic skill. Intelligence is pretty low on the list.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Men are very much attracted to smart women, we just aren't attracted to women acting and behaving like men.

[–]theoppositeopinion1 40 points41 points  (1 child)

It's not the smart part that causes problems.

It's the arrogant attitude that causes problems.

[–]xRedWolfx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What do you consider arrogant attitude though?

[–]Pixie03103 Stars 31 points32 points  (2 children)


To me, this is equivalent of a man saying "I'm too good-looking, and that's why I have problems with women. They are jealous of me because I am attractive."

It sounds ridiculous, because it is. And if you met a man saying this - even if he was really good-looking - you'd be questioning what's really wrong with this guy. For one thing, he's going around talking about how attractive he is, which makes him kind of conceited. But we all know that great-looking guys who are also good guys are not sitting home crying that they can't find women.

Same goes for intelligent women who are also well-rounded in other ways.

Just because men are traditionally praised for intelligence (since it's usually vital to get ahead in the workplace) doesn't mean they are afraid for their woman to be intelligent. Just like women aren't really horrified by a good-looking good guy, afraid he'll steal the spotlight.

But if he's also arrogant, overly feminine / prissy, rude, or condescending? That's a whole different set of problems.

In my personal opinion, same for smart women who are crying that guys don't like them, and saying it's because they're smart. It's just easier to blame that than it is to look at what the real problem might be.

Don't mean to sound too harsh, but I know this from experience. I was one of those women, even as a teenager I bought into it. I thought the guys wouldn't really come to me because I was too smart / deep / mature. And I am a physically attractive person, so I figured that had to be it. But I was missing the fact that I was emotionally dark, slow to laugh or joke, socially awkward, conceited, and painfully self-conscious. That's what the kept the boys away.

Being smart was just a convenient scapegoat.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 13 points14 points  (0 children)

This is a very thoughtful comment. I think it's star worthy u/pearlsandstilettos (my phone has your username on auto type lol)

Arguments and intellectual head butting has no place in a marriage. Most men aren't interested in having constant debates with their wives. The wives are supposed to be a soft landing, not a combative debate partner. Sure, the occasional debate adds spice to the marriage, but just like spice - you add a spoon or three to a whole pot! If you cook spices, it'll too much and you can't eat it.

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I play dumb on my dating profiles.

Every time I dated a "smarter" gal she was demeaning, condescending, lording her accomplishments, e.g. making partner by 30, 2 masters degrees, law review, etc.

It was only at the end of the date that I reveal I hold a stem PhD from a top ten school , 30 published articles, patents, etc.

An arogant ass is an ass regardless if you are a man or a woman.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (2 children)

The issue is that "intelligence" literally corresponds to a low level of agreeableness. Feminists, "career women", "smart women", all have low levels of agreeableness, which is required to be successful in business.

Unless women are aware of this in themselves and actually put work into learning how to regulate their emotions and communicate assertively under pressure, they will be intimidating. And considering that women usually score higher in neuroticism, self-reflection just won't come as easily.

[–]BajaBlast90 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Feminists, "career women", "smart women", all have low levels of agreeableness, which is required to be successful in business.

This. Men and women who work in the business word understands that this is what it takes to succeed. People who don't work in business just don't understand the level of assertiveness needed for success.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

low levels of agreeableness, which is required to be successful in business.

After reading about the success of Dale Carnegie in business mentorship, I can only partially agree with this. =P But beyond what's quoted, overall I agree, which is maybe why I don't own a business.

[–]chomponthebit 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Have my upvote!

I will happily lose an argument to a knowledgeable woman who uses logic, reason, careful listening, and a measured tone to teach me where I’m wrong. Knowledge and reason make everyone more genuine and graceful, thus, attractive

I will happily discard loud & obnoxious ideological parrots the moment I see the whites in their eyes and the shrill in their voice. Trigger me timbers

[–]Rivkariver2 Star[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I feel the latter group also tend to overestimate their own intelligence.

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Intelligence has the same effect on dating as a university degree; it reduces the pool of men that a woman will choose from because women tend to want men who are as/more degreed and intelligent than they are.

There isn't any stigma on intelligence per se, any more than there's a stigma on height (both are out of your control). But just as most women prefer taller men (so a tall woman has a harder time dating), smarter women prefer smarter men and the same difficulty applies.

On the bright side, due to how the gendered IQ bell curves work, there are MANY more intelligent men to choose from than comparably intelligent women if you're at least one standard deviation smarter. (Once you're in the 140IQ range, I think you're outnumbered something like 5:1 male-female). The drawback, of course, is that a man doesn't require a woman to be as intelligent as he is, so he has a larger pool to choose from than you do.

[–]masterofthebarkarts 4 points5 points  (0 children)

In my experience, everyone likes intelligent people. No one likes people who spend all their time talking/bragging about how intelligent they are, regardless of gender. If you have to spend all your time talking about how smart you are and bragging about your intellectual hobbies, you're arrogant, not intelligent. I don't even think it's actually a gendered issue, since (in my experience anyway) those people are unbearable regardless of if they are women or men.

I've never met a man who was intimidated by my intelligence. I have, however, met women who are just kind of shitty who use that as an excuse to avoid any kind of self-reflection.

[–]Banincoming 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The smartest people on earth tend to be very good conversationalists as well. They can judge their audience and talk at their level, whatever it may be. When I hear the phrase in the title, I just assume they are insufferable narcissists who TELL everyone how smart they are.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is an awesome post! If the title is changed to "men are not intimidated by intelligence in women", I think this post is sidebar worthy. Definitely should earn a star IMO. What do you say u/pearlsandstilettos?

Generally speaking, men are not intimidated by women and people are not intimidated by intelligence.

Intimidation is a type of fear of the potential for violence. That generally isn't an emotion that women inspire in men nor is it an emotion that intelligence inspires in people.

Women can be annoying to men, frustrating to men, maddening to men and many other things, but usually not intimidating.

Intelligence inspires awe in people who aren't as intelligent. Awe causes you to want to come close but not too close. To be in the presence and bask in the glow of the awesome thing but to not be overwhelmed by it. Come into close proximity of a brilliant person and you'll feel awe, not intimidation.

So now that the words are properly defined, we can understand why women say that men are intimidated by their intelligence. Because there's some projection and conflating going on here.

Women are often intimidated by men and women need to be with men who are better than themselves in some way (taller, smarter, faster, richer etc). Therefore, many women assume that intelligence in her should be as valuable to him as his intelligence is to her. When she realizes that it isn't + the fact that she often feels intimidated by men, she concludes that they must be intimidated by her intelligence. Nothing can be further from the truth as explained above.

This "calculation" isn't necessarily conscious. It likely is usually not conscious.

All this is in addition to the reasons you gave in your wonderful post.

[–]young_x 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Intelligent, humble women do just fine.

[–]WhatIsThisAccountFor3 Star 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Men are not intimidated by intelligence, men dislike snarky, egotistical women.

Most self proclaimed intelligent people aren't actually that smart. They just think they are, and believe they're never wrong. If you're actually smart, it will show without you having to clarify it.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I have observed and seen the opposite- men like intelligent women. Women that can talk about anything, broaden their perspectives, know a thing or two about whatever subject.. I find that having more useful, survival-like knowledge attracts men, more than knowing algebraic equations and what not.

For example, I get a lot of male attention when I start talking about animal husbandry (I have been breeding and raising poultry for years). They start asking a bunch of questions, they seem to be really intrigued.

What men do not like are know-it-alls, arrogant people, obnoxious behavior, the like. Women don't like this either. Not many like this kind of person. It shows that they are over-compensating for something. They lack personality.

[–]Rivkariver2 Star[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s kind of what I was getting at. Practical knowledge is way more interesting. But even then don’t become arrogant or make that your personality. You are a person not just the sum of your knowledge.

[–]GodOfDinosaurs 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I absolutely love highly intelligent women with strong opinions about philosophy, politics, science, etc. I don't consider those categories "feminine" at all, and guys I know complain that there simply aren't many girls interested in those things. I think there's a pretty large and underserved market for intelligent, opinionated women.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I upvote this comment because I'm a woman who loves philosophy, politics, culture/arts in general. It was actually one of the defining factors that led my boyfriend to be attracted to me - because on my days off I go to the pool and read Wikipedia. He says too many women are into the newest "fashion trends" or superficial things.

Because I am someone who likes these subjects (I don't claim to be intelligent but I just claim to be interested), I did find that I needed a certain type of man, a man who is confident enough in himself. I found that when I dated men who couldn't hold these types of conversations, they were actually quite insecure.

[–]GodOfDinosaurs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't claim to be intelligent but I just claim to be interested

You really distilled the essence of what I'm trying to say here. That interest is such a rare quality. There are tons of "intelligent" women, but seemingly so few that care about abstractions beyond their immediately lives and/or popular culture.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"Men don't like smart women" statement is completely invalid for the reasons you stated. Although, "Men can be intimidated by women smarter than them" might have substance to it.

The reason behind this is that women usually don't regard men who are below them in the smarts department highly. So, some men tend to have a defensive reaction against these women (not because being smart is off-putting, it's merely to avoid rejection). Others are able to present themselves as respectable men by compensating with other qualities.

Putting it simply: A man prefers a woman that is not smarter than he is, because if she is smarter, his chances with her are going to get slimmer.

Or that's what i believe at least.

[–]MsAfrodisiac 1 point2 points  (5 children)

I do believe that men in general are not turned on by contrarian, argumentative, prideful women. Which is all too common these days among women who proclaim themselves smart.

I really want this to be true. However, I am in a family that is completely dominated by two, extremely prideful women. The first, is the matriarch. Although, she has multiple degrees, her spouse is a Harvard graduate and is very accomplished. Nevertheless, she has completely emasculated him and he supports or even encourages her behavior. The second, is training to be a doctor. She is very tall, assertive, and prideful. She will literally stand over people to make them feel physically inferior. She has had many relationships and two engagements. From my observations, these women's confidence attracts many suitors. These suitors encourage the behavior.

I am very educated as well. However, I have a quiet, soft-spoken demeanor. I enjoy allowing men to take the lead. This has resulted in me being a complete shadow in my family. I have had far less suitors. That being said, men are very chivalrous towards me and I have never dealt with the types of volatility that I have witnessed the other two women experience.

[–]Rivkariver2 Star[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Do you think those men are actually turned on, or more pressured to be submissive? Perhaps there is a fetish there, but even that isn’t going to be 24/7.

The question is if you really want a man who acts like a puppy following you around, or the more chivalrous type you attract?

[–]MsAfrodisiac 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Definitely, the pressure to be submissive but I sometimes confuse this with attraction. Sometimes, it seems like the men are drawn to the confidence. I do think there is such a thing as quiet confidence, though. That is tye type of confidence, I as a woman feel is more attractive. I would prefer the latter.

[–]Rivkariver2 Star[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I think the ideal is to have that confidence in a non-abrasive way, but make the conscious choice not to compete or do power struggles. So, you’re submissive by choice, not by default. I think men appreciate when a woman doesn’t have to be submissive, but chooses to.

[–]sonder_one 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No woman who says this is intelligent.

[–]ContemporaryBelle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree that this statement is nonsense. I am considered by most who meet me to be intelligent. I've got the accolades to prove it too. However, I don't think I have ever met a man intimidated by my intelligence even if it exceeded his own. Contrary to the popular myth, I think intelligence is a turn on for a lot of men. The self-absorption and combative nature that can accompany it in some people, however, is a big turn off for almost anyone.

[–]WhisperTRP Founder 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Intelligence is neither attractive nor unattractive to men.

Therefore it adds no value.

Intelligent women are more difficult to impress, therefore they require more value.

Therefore, intelligence in a woman requires more value, but provides none.

A junior Disaster Area accountant, visiting the shipyard where this ship was being constructed, had demanded to know of the works foreman why the hell they were fitting an extremely expensive teleport into a ship which only had one important journey to make, and that unmanned. The foreman had explained that the teleport was available at a ten per cent discount and the accountant had explained that this was immaterial; the foreman had explained that it was the finest, most powerful and sophisticated teleport that money could buy and the accountant had explained that the money did not wish to buy it

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No question this statement is true for intelligence in the way it is thought of by most people in modern conditions. Feminine competence by comparison is extremely attractive. I would argue that competence is a result of conditional intelligence.

[–]renegade 2 points3 points  (4 children)

"competence is sexy"

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Intelligence isn't competence.

[–]scallopkidEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]procrast1natrix 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Would upvote twice if possible.

[–]renegade 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. This is something I remember telling my SO after we'd been dating long enough for it to be serious. She's still competent and sexy :-)

[–]OkJicama 2 points3 points  (2 children)

don’t assume your intellect is going to impress him the way respect and femininity would

A little bit "ouch" but a little bit "I needed to hear this." It's a good reminder to prioritize being a human being above being a brain, if that makes sense.

I'm not willing to "check my brain at the door" in a future relationship, though I agree with the multiple other comments that emphasize that the attitude of the woman is what makes a difference, not her perceived or actual level of intelligence.

[–]Rivkariver2 Star[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Don’t check your brain! You said it exactly right, it’s about being a human being. Intelligence is not actually a virtue; it’s neutral. Properly ordered with humility and a good personality it’s a very good thing.

[–]OkJicama 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Intelligence is not actually a virtue; it’s neutral.

Helpful words!

[–]mytrpaway 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I don’t believe this statement to be true, that men are intimidated by smart women.

I think there is overwhelming evidence that romantic love of men by women is predicated on a foundation of respect.

It is sometimes the case that women can't respect men who are less than them in some particular way.

Some women can't respect men who are shorter than them.

Some women can't respect men who make less money than them.

Some women can't respect men who are physically weaker than them.

Some women can't respect men who are less intelligent than them.

All people shy away from relationships they believe won't work; there's no way to know ahead of time, but most people have developed reasonable heuristics based on personal experience and observation of others.

This is a long-winded way of saying: I think you're wrong. There are probably a good number of men who look at exceptionally intelligent women and reject them preemptively as a low percentage shot, in the same way that men might preemptively reject women who are unusually tall, strong, or who have a substantial income.

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agreed. I think just as most men don't date out of what they perceive to be their league, most men don't even consider asking out smarter/more educated/taller women.

It's not intimidation, that's the wrong word. It's just self-selection.

EDIT: Also, I would replace 'some' with 'the majority of'

[–]Atticus_Crowley 1 point2 points  (2 children)

My two cents: If we take the term "smart" and kinda broaden it to just "women who have their shit together", the phrase can make some sense. I'm currently working on myself, and I am far from any of my goals. Sometimes I encounter women who are successful and they show interest. Unless the chemistry is off the charts, I'm probably not gonna go out of my way to pursue anything with them, because once they see past the fun guy at the concert/bar/party, they'll know they are on a different level than me and move on.

So, a guy who has his act together, unless he just wants a dumb subservient trophy, won't be intimidated by a smart woman. But for a guy who might not quite have his act together, I can see why they might avoid the smarter women, since they probably know that those women know better than to hang around them.

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gotta disagree with you on this one.

because once they see past the fun guy at the concert/bar/party, they'll know they are on a different level than me and move on.

I think this isn't broad enough. I think that ANY area where the woman excels the man (except in looks, where it's expected) is a place where there is likely to be strife.

She earns more? Has a higher degree? Higher IQ? Has her life in better order? Yeah, she's less likely to be interested in a guy who has a lower SMV/RMV.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So, a guy who has his act together, unless he just wants a dumb subservient trophy, won't be intimidated by a smart woman.


[–]catsuramen 1 point2 points  (7 children)

I heard there's a saying that men like smart women, just not smarter than themselves. Thoughts?

[–]Rivkariver2 Star[S] 4 points5 points  (3 children)

It could be true, but what does it mean? As in book smarts? Smarter than him in his field of expertise? Might be difficult. But smarter than him at feminine arts or a totally different field? I would guess it’s ok in my experience. I think men admire women who are good at things they have no clue about, a good example is creativity and crafts, but it could be any area.

[–]Waterboo2 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Smarts usually means IQ level, book smarts, academia, etc, not feminine arts.

[–]Rivkariver2 Star[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I wasn’t talking about arts as something not about intellect. To say things like music, sewing, knitting are not intellectually challenging is false. Just random examples based on me, but could go for any subject, just not being competitive.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

just not being competitive.

This is what's unattractive about intelligent women! The competitive, combative, know it all woman causes men to feel emasculated. How many men want that?

Doesn't really matter who's really the winner of the debate. One thing is for sure, if a woman wants to be a winner in marriage, she ought to keep debates with romantic partners to a bare minimum if at all.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Men don't want to be with women who will openly or publicly emasculate him. Women who claim their intelligence intimidates men, are the ones who can't keep a man as a result of being disrespectful. Like OP said, men do appreciate intelligence, just not being talked down to. So even if you are smarter than your man, it isn't a factor so long as your not being an asshole about it. I'm sure women feel the same.

[–]DoctorNini 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think that is true to an extent, in the sense that men don't like women that make them feel bad about their intelligence.

To use my own marriage as an example: I have a higher IQ than my husband. We are both aware of this, and although I think it bothered him slightly when he first realised this, it's not an issue. I think this is also because he is still way above average (he is a MD training to be an anesthesiologist), but is mainly because I have always stressed that although I may be more intelligent, he is a lot smarter. He has more 'know how' and knowledge on many topics, so I don't think he feels emasculated in any way, causing him to not care about the difference.

Then again, I am not sure my situation translates to all others, so if anyone disagrees I'd love to hear it.

[–]Waterboo2 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is why I try to steer clear of discussing any type of academic or “heavy” topics with my partner. I like to keep things light, like goofing around and laughing and doing fun activities. I have a feeling he would be turned off and see me as too masculine if I broach heavier topics. I would rather discuss those topics with people online. Anonymity is nice.

[–]kharlowe 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Thanks. That's among the most lucid things I've ever read, and mercifully devoid of irritatingly stupid sexual politics.
Women have two fallback positions when they fail with men--their intellect is threatening, or the man is gay. Intellect is, in fact, sexy. Real intellect, the possession of actual knowledge and the ability to utilize it, increases a woman's allure quite markedly. It distinguishes her from the insecure, hyper sensitive, self infatuated, immature females who have become the predictable banality. Intelligence makes a woman seem more wordly, more accepting, more confident, more simply human. Those are desirable traits in either sex. Who wants braying jackasses for friends? I think you’re correct to assert that intellect now, at least at the level of pop culture, is considered “street smarts”, a comination of urban legend, mythology, and superstition. Those coporate leaders you reference aren’t really all that bright, they’re generally accepted as such because the same people who believe in street smarts think intellect equates to wealth. What’s more irritating to me are those people, of both sexes, who make a point of informing you that they’re strong, independent, confident, blah, blah, blah. There is an axiom that is worth repeating--you are nothing (NOTHING!) you have to tell people you are. If you are those things, your demeanor, your elocution, your very being telegraphs that information to those with whom you interact. And if they don’t, you’re a fraud. Before I start ranting, I’d like to thank you again for that post. As a person with testosterone polluting my blood stream, I simply can’t tell you how nice it is to read something from a woman that does not consist of white hot hostility, accusations, or flaming condemnation. You're restoring my faith in humanity, at least half of it. I’m trying not to gush here, but even though I know nothing about you (how old you are, what you look like, what you do, where you live), allow me to say you seem desirable just based on what you’ve written. (I’ll shut up now.)

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Real intellect, the possession of actual knowledge and the ability to utilize it, increases a woman's allure quite markedly.

Yes. Problem is, in today's society too often Smart is paired with Sassy, and that's one sarcastic comment away from bitchy and that DOES turn men off.

[–]cryptohobo 1 point2 points  (2 children)

If a man is intimidated by intelligence, that’s not a man I’d want to date!

[–]blanabbas 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I’m married now, but when I was dating I immediately lost interest when a man told me he was intimidated by me. Maybe I’m not intimidating, maybe you’re just a beta. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[–]2018Now2018New 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No I'm a male and I like intelligent women. It's the stupid ones that intimidate me. Unfortunately most women and men are stupid.

[–]shockinghillaryquote 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've only dated women with high intelligence / great sense of humor. I get bored otherwise. I love sass and spunk.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)


[–]Rivkariver2 Star[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is sad, that women have been sold a lie. Even being a RP woman myself, I had a moment of weakness the other day due to a lot of factors and somehow it came out like I felt I had to be very successful at some projec or career thing and my bf was so sweet and just said, “you don’t have to succeed at something to impress me.” It was such a relief to hear, even though I knew.

We were all told the lie that you shouldn’t even let yourself be open to love until you have a career like a man. Or that the only way to be smart is to be arguing and debating and talking for the sake of it.

We were told that being book smart was the only way to not be homeless and have a terrible life, and it’s just not true.

[–]gretamine -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I agree a lot of people who say that phrase are actually just argumentative assholes. But I do think men, on average, like their partners to be less intelligent than them. Not necessarily stupid or unintelligent, but definitely not more intelligent than them. Men have large, fragile egos.

[–]fairydust91 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Oh come on ladies, own your intelligence. What a waste.

[–]BajaBlast90 -2 points-1 points  (6 children)

I disagree to a certain extent. Hear me out.

Men aren't necessarily intimated by a smart women. However, many men are intimidated by women who are smarter and/or more successful than they are. It's normal for most people to be threatened and insecure of people smarter and/or more successful than they are. Highly intelligent individuals (men and women) are often socially isolated by those around them who can't relate to them on their level.

I think that many posters here have a misconception of the self-proclaimed "intelligent woman" as the angry, competitive feminist. I think this is where a lot of subconscious sexism comes into play, especially when there are women in business and/or the top of their industries who are shattering stereotypes and kicking a**

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars 0 points1 point  (5 children)

It's normal for most people men to be threatened and insecure of people smarter and/or more successful than they are. Highly intelligent individuals (men and women) are often socially isolated by those around them who can't relate to them on their level.

I haven't known men to be socially isolated by their high IQs, except to the extent that they have not learned social skills (think your typical engineer with a touch of Asperger's (I'm in Houston, I know a lot of them who work for NASA)). These men don't care how smart you are, they make friends across the spectrum.

I find that smart women, however, simply won't date average-IQ men. They usually can't muster the respect for them. The reverse isn't true because men aren't seeking someone to look up to, they're seeking someone to wake up next to.

[–]JJ33141 Star 0 points1 point  (4 children)

I definitely hear this. I think any woman who is extremely smart should use her intelligence to determine what’s reasonable. I understand that hypergamy exists, but I see the redpill world using it too often as an excuse for douchebag behavior amongst women—I see this from men and women.

If you are a woman and a genuine outlier in intelligence (IQ wise), understand that, while statistically there are more men out there with your IQ than women, you are still in a rare category. The harsh answer is: date down or die alone. It’s not that hard, especially if you are not young and moving in a social circle where you are surrounded by highly intelligent men. This is all the more true if you are not particularly attractive, or starting to age into the older single category.

Men also have a biological tendency—they have a tendency to want to have sex with as many attractive women as possible. How many women would find this an acceptable excuse for a married man cheating on his spouse, especially if she is good to him, and takes reasonable steps towards maintaning her appearance? Hell, many women would hold it against him even if his spouse actually let herself go. The answer for men, particularly in the first case is: grow up—no one gets everything they want in this world. Why should we relate to hypergamy any differently?

Dating down doesn’t mean dating and marrying an imbecile, but if your IQ is >140, don’t shit all over men who are likely to be “merely” >120/125. Most of the learned professions have average IQs in the 120s or so, with some tipping over into the 130s. The bottom line is that you do not have to literally be a genius to do well in this world. Most life problems do not call for brilliance to successfully negotiate.

Better yet, how about simply seeing how a person approaches their personal lives, assessing their overall competence by seeing how they have lived life until this point, and seeing if you can have satisfying conversations with them? How about seeing if they are capable of being loyal, and are ethical people? Relying on credentials and test scores is an imperfect approximation to these more “real world” assessments.

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Better yet, how about simply seeing how a person approaches their personal lives, assessing their overall competence by seeing how they have lived life until this point, and seeing if you can have satisfying conversations with them?

Problem is, this requires EMOTIONAL maturity. Something that is always, for both genders and all ages, in short supply. Though the problem is significantly worse on the female side of the equation, given the current social environment of female entitlement and woman-can-do-no-wrong.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Honestly, I think this has been my problem; I feel confident in my sense of character but at the same time, if I can’t have a satisfying conversation with a guy, deep down I am disappointed. Like you said, I feel my lack of respect, which makes it impossible for me to feel seriously attracted.