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FIELD REPORTPerfect Example of a Shit Test (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by [deleted]

The question of "what's a shit test?" Is typically always followed by "can you give an example?" Well yes, yes I can because I (without even realizing it!) just pulled one on my husband. Here it is:

In our home my husband's one regular job is to take out the trash. He was getting it all ready to go and when he put a new bag in, as soon something was tossed into it, one side started sliding into the can. I didn't fix it and somehow I got it in my head to "see if he'll fix it".

The can kept getting more and more full and internally I was shaking my head thinking, "I can't believe he hasn't fixed it yet! Or noticed it needs to be fixed!"

DH comes along and finally, the bag has completely disappeared under all the trash and says, "why isn't there are bag in here?" I said, "there is, I was just waiting to see how long it took you to notice there was a problem," to which he laughed and said "that's insane. Why am I the only one allowed touch it? If you needed permission you could have just asked." (He's the king of amused mastery without knowing what it is.)

That's the point! Why didn't I just fix it? I don't have an answer. I got it in my head that he should do it and never stopped to ask myself why. That's a shit test. Here's why: there was no right answer. If he ignored the bag or didn't notice the problem, he fails because he didn't fix the problem. If he did fix the bag, I wouldn't have been happy because it's something he "should be doing anyway". There's no right answer for him.

Actually the third option, which is to point out how stupid the whole idea was, that's the right answer. I felt so dumb. I didn't even realize I was pulling a shit test. And what for?

So there it is ladies and gents, a real life example of a shit test. Merry Christmas RPW, I love this community and I'm so grateful for it.

~Sadie


[–]youreallmeatanyway 40 points41 points  (12 children)

I sort of pulled a similar shit test on my wife. I'm usually the one to do the dishes, and it annoys me, but I put up with it because asking doesnt work and I'm not going to yell or beg. Anyway, the company was sending me to Chicago for 5 days and I wanted to see if she'd "steer the ship" while I was away.

So the morning I left I deliberately left my coffee mug in the sink instead of putting it in the dishwasher. 5 days later I come home and the mug is still there...along with 5 days worth of dishes. And as a bonus I had to learn how to deal with a swarm of fruit flies because the garbage hadnt been taken out either.

She's my exwife now.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

my ex-wife refused to take out the trash. The conversation that ended in divorce was her asking me to take care of the trash on my first day off in 10 while I was cleaning dishes to cook out son breakfast.

[–]youreallmeatanyway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

sounds like there was a lot simmering just below the surface.

i can relate to that

[–]Cardiscappa 2 points3 points  (9 children)

Wow. May I ask what you saw in her at the beginning and why you married her?

[–]youreallmeatanyway 26 points27 points  (8 children)

The worst of her behaviors didn't manifest until after we were married. And it's not like she's a terrible person...just damaged from her childhood and never tried to get over it. If I could I'd take her pain away so she could at least be happy.

Anyway, we dated in high school and back then she was happier. We wanted the same things in life and she was all about building a life with me.

But a couple years after the wedding bells she started to put on a LOT of weight...and her depression grew more severe...and her laziness began to worsen...and she started to get into metaphysics which resulted in her spending a lot of time trying to astral project her consciousness on to a higher plane (which always ended up with her falling asleep in the middle of the day instead of looking for a job).

To answer your question in brief: the woman I married and the woman I divorced were very different people.

[–]LateralusYellow 3 points4 points  (7 children)

the woman I married and the woman I divorced were very different people.

I know this is 13 days later, but... how the fuck do you avoid this?

[–]youreallmeatanyway 9 points10 points  (4 children)

Man, thats the 64 million dollar question right there.

While I dont think its possible for everyone to avoid something like that, here is what I think would have helped me to not even marry her in the first place:

  • Be brutally honest with yourself. Dont ignore the signs of bad weather on the horizon
  • Date more. Having more options prevents settling for what's familiar
  • Know your value as a partner
  • Make your non-negotiables actually NON-NEGOTIABLE.

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[deleted]

    [–]youreallmeatanyway 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    Glad I could (retroactively) help?

    Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about your break up...even when you know its for the best they can still hurt you a lot.

    If I can give one more piece of advice its this: keep your ear to the ground. I met the most incredible woman about a year after I initiated divorce proceedings (roughly 6mo after papers were finalized).

    Never expected to fall in love that hard, that fast, but it happened.

    [–]SellMeAllYourKarma 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    I'll let you know how I'm doing a year from now, thanks for the advice

    [–]youreallmeatanyway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Good luck, buddy.

    [–]Luis_McLovin 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    the woman I married

    how the fuck do you avoid this?

    don't marry

    /s

    on a serious note, take AS LONG AS POSSIBLE until getting married. If you go your whole life spent together and never marrying, you had a wonderful relationship.

    Who says you need to marry a person to spend your lifetime with them? It's a god-damn piece of paper.

    [–]TheMedsPeds 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Date them for 3-5 years including living with them before even thinking of proposing. PS if you start dating them in high school add another 5 years.

    [–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

    Thank you so much for sharing this example! When I came accross RP ideas I was horrified to realise how often I subconsciously "tested" my OP. Somehow hoping he would "prove" or "not prove" something. I am now trying really hard to take a step back when I have the urge to do this and take responsibility for my feelings by either sorting the situation myself or communicating my problem (not solution!) before my mind turns it into a mini crisis!!
    Even with this awareness it's so easy to forget and slip back into doing it so it's so reassuring to read an example from someone whose posts and contributions I admire. Gives me hope for future improvement in the face of slip ups. Merry Christmas to you too :)

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    It's awful how it creeps up on you but it does get better the more you work at it. I thought it was a perfect example so I'm almost glad it happened.

    [–]jmottram08 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    What is good about this is the realization that there are no good answers for shit tests... and that means that no matter what, you will be unhappy with the result.

    And I am not sure that I had realized that before. It's not like little quirks that annoy your SO (like leaving the lid off the toothpaste), it's constructing a situation where there is no good outcome for either of you.

    In other words, you are making yourself miserable when you shit test someone. Try to stop doing it, not just because of how it makes your SO feel, but because you are ultimately unhappy with whatever the outcome is.

    [–]lidlredridinghood 5 points6 points  (2 children)

    Ah! I've been wondering after examples.

    I like the definition of "there being no good way to answer the riddle but pointing out it's a shitty riddle"... now to go find my own examples. Ah well....

    [–]jmottram08 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    The classic is "Does this make me look fat?"

    The best case here is that it doesn't... and then the GF is just "demanding" compliments, which is a dangerous trend to start for several reasons.

    Worst case is that it does, and there is no great answer there. Either you are forced to lie or you are forced to bring up an uncomfortable situation / fight.

    There is no good answer. It's a shitty riddle (for both people in the relationship). Don't play those games with people you care about.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

    [–]jack_hammarred 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Can this be in a sidebar somewhere...

    [–]kaane 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Great contribution. It is very eye opening to see the shittest equation from a womans perspective. TRP is filled with posts about shittests but they rarely deliver informative real life scenarios.

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (6 children)

    And what for?

    To feel tingles when he passes it.

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (5 children)

    Well options a and b would have been a fail but all I did feel was embarrassed when he made fun of me. Embarrassed because I should know better than to do things like that. But it's a good learning experience lol.

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children)

    You're glad he acted the way he did is the point I'm making. :)

    I'm not justifying you doing it btw

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    Lol yeah you're right I am. I'm glad he doesn't take any shit but he's not a dick about it which is refreshing. It's hard to resize that you still do shit like this. I've been RPW for almost 3 years and it's like... You think I'd be past this by now. It's definitely infrequent but I'm battling against subconscious will. It's aggravating.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    I think not being too much of a dick about it is a big part of passing the test. If he reacted too dickishly, then that would indicate he was butthurt, which betrays being beta.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Its a fine line to walk. Complicated things, these social interactions!

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    It's also a great example in the difference between RPW and TRP that newer women often bring up. It's extremely important for men to learn to recognize and pass these tests (ie: passing = not complying but not acting butthurt either). On the other hand, it's not necessary for women, etc.

    [–][deleted]  (8 children)

    [removed]

    [–]Fancy_Bits 8 points9 points  (5 children)

    That is exactly what she is saying. Try some reading comprehension before jumping her. She took a risk, being vulnerable and sharing how she made a mistake and what she learned, and you're criticizing her?

    Don't be an ass.

    @OP - it's crazy how we build narratives in our head sometimes, isn't it? Your Captain handled it very well, and I'm glad you not only learned your lesson but even more important, gained understanding of what happened and how you built up to the shit test in your head.

    I do the same thing. I hate it, but i hope I am improving on it. That is all we can do, right? Work to be better at it.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    He's (my husband) really great at calling me on my BS, lol. It gets easier with time. I wonder if it will ever fully go away. It's honestly been a while since such a thing has happened.

    [–]theScarlettWomanModerator | Scarlett[M] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    You are being unneccesarily aggressive and rude for no reason. Comments removed.

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    This post is a helpful example for women who need to know what sort of shit tests they may pull with their men. That's what this community is for. I have a wonderful marriage. Is it lonely up there on your pedestal?