Meet augustbeam three years ago: A college freshman who grew up in a broken family with an abusive father. She seeks to be one of the guys, and is drinking and smoking weed to ridiculous amounts. She sleeps around, rejects female friendships, and calls herself a feminist because of it. She's angry and scared, fat and depressed. Her grades are pathetic and her eyeliner is constantly runny. She's a mess who refuses to change. She dates guys who are losers and disrespect her, because she thinks that's what she deserves. I wouldn't recognize that girl today.
My feminist ideals almost destroyed me. They made me blame men and desire to distance myself from "other girls." They told me it was okay to be masculine and aggressive, and that my mental disorders weren't my fault and I shouldn't have to take responsibility for them. I could do whatever I want and behave however I wanted, and if anyone didn't like it they could suck my dick. (Seriously. This is a phrase I used. Major cringe.)
And then I discovered RP. I've done a 180 and I have never been happier. I started to respect myself. I began to lose weight, wear cute, feminine clothing, and got my makeup situation on point. I stopped hating men and thinking they were monsters, and recognized masculinity as something I could appreciate without claiming it for myself. I stopped seeing other women as lesser beings or competition, and instead admired their femininity and welcomed sisterhood. I realized that I was squandering my life and began to take my studies seriously and to pursue new hobbies and interests to enrich myself. I repaired my relationships with my mother and sister.
I was raised to hide my emotions and to always be emotionally strong. I struggled with the idea of true intimacy and trust. But then, I found a wonderful man. A man who respects me and the journey I have taken, and who refuses to let me sell myself short. When he saw I was hesitant to seek treatment for my mental disorder, he accompanied me to the psychiatrist and paid for my visit and medications without a second thought. He called me out when I hid my emotions, and refused to let me shit-test him or get away with passive-aggressive behavior. He demanded that I be my best self with him.
A RP relationship is just that - demanding the best from your partner, and giving them your best in return. Love is not passive. Love doesn't let you get unhealthy or unhappy, love doesn't let you morph into a harpy or a bully, love doesn't sit and watch you fail. Love is respect. Love is not tolerating your partner holding themselves to anything less than what they are. Love is a partnership, and partnerships only work if both parties are giving 100%.
He is my captain. I don't know if it's biology or what, but our dynamic works. I spent my whole life alone, hiding my emotions and hating myself. I was exhausted until he came. He is my rock - my emotions and trust are safe with him. To know that he is there, to know that I don't have to always be the strong one... I can never describe the overwhelming gratitude. And I am his first mate. He has someone who is devoted to him completely, who trusts him and is always on his side. Sometimes, I am the strong one. When he lost his home in a fire, I comforted him and let him lean on me. And sometimes, he is the cheerleader. He encourages me to pursue my degree and tells me how proud he is everyday.
I know some outsiders might think so, but I don't see RP relationships as being unequal. We are all seeking stability and fulfillment, and we've found a way to have that. We've found a community that values honesty, communication, appreciation, loyalty, compassion, and balance. RPW encourage one another to be happy, to be less selfish, to be women of character and charm. We don't guilt one another or tolerate those ridiculous, catty attitudes. We're honest here, and it's so refreshing.
I know I'm not the only one who has has an experience like this, and I hope this resonates with someone. I hope a young, lost girl sees this and decides to look into what TRP is about some more. So if you're a lurker out there looking to change your life, come say hello. We're happy to have you.