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[FIELD REPORT]RP is the best damn thing that ever happened to me, and let me tell you why. (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by augustbeam

Meet augustbeam three years ago: A college freshman who grew up in a broken family with an abusive father. She seeks to be one of the guys, and is drinking and smoking weed to ridiculous amounts. She sleeps around, rejects female friendships, and calls herself a feminist because of it. She's angry and scared, fat and depressed. Her grades are pathetic and her eyeliner is constantly runny. She's a mess who refuses to change. She dates guys who are losers and disrespect her, because she thinks that's what she deserves. I wouldn't recognize that girl today.

My feminist ideals almost destroyed me. They made me blame men and desire to distance myself from "other girls." They told me it was okay to be masculine and aggressive, and that my mental disorders weren't my fault and I shouldn't have to take responsibility for them. I could do whatever I want and behave however I wanted, and if anyone didn't like it they could suck my dick. (Seriously. This is a phrase I used. Major cringe.)

And then I discovered RP. I've done a 180 and I have never been happier. I started to respect myself. I began to lose weight, wear cute, feminine clothing, and got my makeup situation on point. I stopped hating men and thinking they were monsters, and recognized masculinity as something I could appreciate without claiming it for myself. I stopped seeing other women as lesser beings or competition, and instead admired their femininity and welcomed sisterhood. I realized that I was squandering my life and began to take my studies seriously and to pursue new hobbies and interests to enrich myself. I repaired my relationships with my mother and sister.

I was raised to hide my emotions and to always be emotionally strong. I struggled with the idea of true intimacy and trust. But then, I found a wonderful man. A man who respects me and the journey I have taken, and who refuses to let me sell myself short. When he saw I was hesitant to seek treatment for my mental disorder, he accompanied me to the psychiatrist and paid for my visit and medications without a second thought. He called me out when I hid my emotions, and refused to let me shit-test him or get away with passive-aggressive behavior. He demanded that I be my best self with him.

A RP relationship is just that - demanding the best from your partner, and giving them your best in return. Love is not passive. Love doesn't let you get unhealthy or unhappy, love doesn't let you morph into a harpy or a bully, love doesn't sit and watch you fail. Love is respect. Love is not tolerating your partner holding themselves to anything less than what they are. Love is a partnership, and partnerships only work if both parties are giving 100%.

He is my captain. I don't know if it's biology or what, but our dynamic works. I spent my whole life alone, hiding my emotions and hating myself. I was exhausted until he came. He is my rock - my emotions and trust are safe with him. To know that he is there, to know that I don't have to always be the strong one... I can never describe the overwhelming gratitude. And I am his first mate. He has someone who is devoted to him completely, who trusts him and is always on his side. Sometimes, I am the strong one. When he lost his home in a fire, I comforted him and let him lean on me. And sometimes, he is the cheerleader. He encourages me to pursue my degree and tells me how proud he is everyday.

I know some outsiders might think so, but I don't see RP relationships as being unequal. We are all seeking stability and fulfillment, and we've found a way to have that. We've found a community that values honesty, communication, appreciation, loyalty, compassion, and balance. RPW encourage one another to be happy, to be less selfish, to be women of character and charm. We don't guilt one another or tolerate those ridiculous, catty attitudes. We're honest here, and it's so refreshing.

I know I'm not the only one who has has an experience like this, and I hope this resonates with someone. I hope a young, lost girl sees this and decides to look into what TRP is about some more. So if you're a lurker out there looking to change your life, come say hello. We're happy to have you.


[–]MrsKittenHeel 25 points26 points  (3 children)

I am so happy for you :) RP relationships are not unequal, and being feminine is nothing to be ashamed of or too look down on women for. I mean thats what we are, women.

Guys love to be the hero, girls love to be looked after and guided. Girls feel good when their partner is someone to look up to, guys like to be looked up to. It just f'king works. How awesome :*).

I love it here, I just feel sorry for everyone else who is still munching on the blue pill.

[–]Larry-Man 3 points4 points  (2 children)

MrsKittenHeel... I am sad that you feel sorry for me as a "blue piller" because I definitely respect and appreciate the ladies here of /r/redpillwomen even if I don't always agree with you on everything. I check out this sub from time to time and think it's absolutely amazing that there are so many ways to find happiness in this world. The way of the red pill doesn't work for me as it does people like you and OP (I really like what OP has to say) but doesn't make you wrong.

[–]buttholette 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Totally curious, and I absolutely am not trying to start debates, but.. why doesn't the way of the red pill work for you?

[–]Larry-Man 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh, no problem at all! I am most definitely not here with any ill intent. It would be difficult for me to explain all the nuances of reasons, but I think of it as an analogy like this: BDSM is about trust and is a crazy extreme trustfall example of things. That is also something I totally respect without being something that works for me. That said, there are definitely things I learn here that do work for me, others definitely do not. Long story short, people are beautifully different and I see you gals doing your thing and I respect that.

PS: I am sorry for that vagueish answer but I'd pretty much have to go through the sub and explain what I do and do not apply in my life. If you're really interested I wouldn't mind talking via pm, maybe my impressions are wrong too.

[–]peasnbeans 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My feminist ideals almost destroyed me

I don't want to express my opinions about anything else that you said, but it does not really sound like you were a feminist per se. As you said, you were scared and angry, but that is not what being a feminist means. Of course, it means different things to different people, but it sounds like you were just adopting a caricature of feminism that comes down to "hating man" or something of the sort.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

wonderful!!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I loved your little spill. :) It's always exciting to read about others' success.

[–]OilyB 5 points6 points  (1 child)

TIL: 'Red Spill'

[–]_Bless_Your_Heart_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That just brought some horrible mental images my way. Ew.

But congrats to OP for her happiness! It's all that really matters.

[–]a_killa_kitty 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love this. I'm so happy for you.

[–]redpillshadow -5 points-4 points  (11 children)

You might be redpill, but I doubt your partner is.

But then, I found a wonderful man. A man who respects me and the journey I have taken, and who refuses to let me sell myself short. When he saw I was hesitant to seek treatment for my mental disorder, he accompanied me to the psychiatrist and paid for my visit and medications without a second thought.

This sounds very blue. It sounds like you are more important to him than he is.

He called me out when I hid my emotions, and refused to let me shit-test him or get away with passive-aggressive behavior. He demanded that I be my best self with him.

Could be some red here.

Sometimes, I am the strong one. When he lost his home in a fire, I comforted him and let him lean on me. And sometimes, he is the cheerleader. He encourages me to pursue my degree and tells me how proud he is everyday.

More blue. Especially since he tells you how proud he is every day. He might also be a fixer.

[–]MrsStrom 17 points18 points  (4 children)

This is RPW; we focus on long term relationships, not plate spinning. For a healthy ltr, the man needs to balance alpha and beta behaviors.

[–]TheGreenPill 1 point2 points  (3 children)

For a healthy ltr, the man needs to balance alpha and beta behaviors.

Not quite. Compassion, patience and forgiveness are not beta ideas.

A alpha in an LTR still holds the morals, ethics and goals from before the LTR, but now the focus is on the family group instead of just himself.

This guy treats Augustbeam as a member of his family and protects, encourages, admonishes her as appropriate. But these are not beta ideas, they are a projection of how he treats himself onto his 'family'.

He provides, guides and supports as needed, not because he expects anything in return, but because he wants a whole, cohesive and strong family as his family represents him and his ideals.

A beta does something because he expects something in return, an alpha does something because it is right.

The comment by redpillshadow is off the mark a bit as well, but for different reasons.

Augustbeam should keep a sharp eye on her guy lest he fall to beta behavior and in the way he supports her she should encourage and support him to be as alpha as possible.
Because in the long run, the partner of an alpha is given the chance to be the most stable, provided for and safe person in a community. Which is an ideal environment to raise children and create a greater good in the world.

[–]MrsStrom 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Alpha and beta are behaviors. No one is purely one or the other. Alpha behaviors create sexual attraction and beta security. Trp has more on that in the sidebar and SH posted a great meta on it a few months ago.

[–]TheGreenPill 0 points1 point  (1 child)

beta security

This furthers my point. There is no security in beta behavior.

It is a mistake to conflate an alpha that provides with a beta that bribes.

Beta behavior is generally self deceptive. This lack of honesty leads to passive aggressiveness and other losses of emotional control, sometimes leading to domestic violence (the ultimate in beta behavior).

Good men do not consciously decide to be sexually attractive. They strive to be the best man they can be. This does make them sexually attractive, but that is not the intended goal.

A beta male will decide to alter his frame to be sexually attractive, but that is because he wishes to manipulate and hide his lack of self certainty.
This deception might fool a woman long enough to get married but the relationship won't last as the guy is ultimately not suited to respecting himself, the woman or the relationship. Which he can't be because he started from a point of dishonesty.

My position in distillation is that no beta behavior has a place in a healthy long term relationship as beta traits have dishonest foundations.

We may circle around arguing about what beta behavior is but I think we actually agree, just with different words and specific definitions.

[–]MrsStrom 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Deal.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

she FEELS led by him, i think thats the most important aspect here.

[–]aaron_the_just 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Now let's just hold on here.

I've driven girls to an ER or dr appointments before. It depends on your frame with the women. If your frame is strong, and she is sufficiently weak, your actions end up being actions of strength , n ot of supplication.

Besides, any guy who can get a girl to start seeing a psychiatrist has my utmost respect.

Regarding losing his home in a fire - yeah, he should be careful leaning on his woman too much, but every now and then that's OK. And I've encouraged nearly every women I've been with to pursue degrees and tell them I'm proud of them for their intellectual and career achievements. Of course, it's insincere, but I still do it. The cost to me is zero. (What a woman is really longing for is to know she's hotter than any other woman in my life, not that she has more advanced degrees.)

[–]FleetingWishEndorsed Contributor 4 points5 points  (3 children)

I've always maintained that one of the key differences between an alpha and a beta is that a beta does things because he has to, and an alpha does things only if he wants to. Motivation is all that matters. If he is giving kindness because he feels obligated to keep her happy, then she won't respect him. If he gives her those things because he truly appreciates her, and wants her to be happy, then he will have her respect, and she will feel loved by him, and he'll make her extremely happy. I'm guessing this is clearly a case of the later, since she loves and respects her captain very much.

[–]jhangel77 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I LOVE that explanation! :-)

[–]redpillshadow -4 points-3 points  (1 child)

I'll try to put it mildly. You can't smell motivation. The difference between filing one and the same action either as obligation or as it is what he wants is a rationalization in her mind. And once the attraction is gone that same action suddenly looks vastly different.

Looking objectively at actions we can assign them positive or negative smv. Regardless of what type of relationship we are looking for. Difference is for plates all we need is smv and next. For ltrs we need more. Bottom line. Motivation doesn't matter much. The actions matter. Many men are genuinely nice and want her to be happy. It doesn't work like that, that is unattractive. That gets twisted into "obligation" or another bad motivation and them branded as "nice guys". Once they find out the truth they end up as stage1 angry guys on trp.

Now looking at the OP we have a woman who rode the carousel, had no female friends, daddy issues, a feminist, was overweight and made horrible choices in her mate selection. That does not sound like a woman a rp man would go for. Neither does a rp man believe in "the past is the past". The red pill is pretty clear on carousel riders who jump off to reinvent themselves and suddenly look for a beta provider. And quite a few pointers in the original post make me think that this is the case here.

It sounds like OP is in an equal relationship to me, but believes it is redpill since she was a radical feminist before and that skewed her perception. Yes the buzzwords captain/ first mate are in. The text just doesn't support them.

Once the honeymoon phase is over she will no longer feel that he leads her. Cause he doesn't.

[–]FleetingWishEndorsed Contributor 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You can't smell motivation.

Actually, you can. Or actually to be more precisely correct, a woman judges motivation based on past behavior. When man does things all the time for a woman she judges that he must be desperate to keep her. You're right that his actual motivations don't matter, but his demonstrated motivations do. If a man shows that he has standards and options through his actions, then she will see gifts as being from a man who cares about her, rather than from a man who is dependent on her.

Read or watch a romance sometime. The ultimate female dream is to have a man who could have anyone, choose her, and be kind to her. That is the female version of succeeding in life. All of us here have alphas who show us kindness, and we accept that because it's already established that we have deep respect for them.

That does not sound like a woman a rp man would go for.

You may be right. Her past history is not something most RP men would go for. But, she could have gotten lucky and found someone who saw something of value in her. I was lucky, my alpha found me when I was ugly. Dana got lucky, her alpha found her when she was past the wall. The chances of finding someone isn't zero, it's just significantly less.

It's also possible that she reformed making her more attractive, and actually it sounds like this from her post. See, a woman who was a slut and suddenly decides she wants a relationship is unattractive because she is raising the price for what she once gave away for a couple drinks. Not to mention she's shown past inability to keep a relationship. However, if a woman raises her value (by getting prettier, losing weight, becoming more feminine, etc) she suddenly becomes an attractive deal again. She raised the price, but she justifies it by raising the value, as well as become someone capable of maintaining a relationship.

However, that all said, it's still possible you're right. He could be a beta, luckily there's an easy test. If she respects him, he is an alpha, if not, he is a beta. Since her post is dripping with respect for him, I'm going with alpha.

[–]Ganjgirlsandsteelies -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Respect.

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