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FIELD REPORTTry to lose the weight no matter what he says (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by BlueberrySea

TRP say that women often say something and mean something else. However, men seem to do this too. Or, at least, my husband does.

We have been together 10 years. I have always been a little bit on the curvier side. Never too overweight. But definitely curvier. He has always said that he loves curvy women, he loves my curves etc. He likes grabbing my thighs and things like that. Whenever he sees someone who is super skinny he always says "I don't know what men see in that kind of body type".

Needless to say, I work out to stay toned but never bothered to lose the extra weight.

Recently, however, I've been really appreciating the RPW community and have been trying to improve myself in every single way. I'm improving how I eat and am working out more often. This has naturally resulted in my losing quite a bit of weight in the past year (10kg).

And since then he has been obsessed with my body. I don't think I've ever seen him this turned on about my body before. He keeps saying all the other men are going to be jealous of him because his wife is so hot and he keeps talking about how toned everything is and his libido has gone through the roof. I am so happy about this!!

It could just be the fact that its a change. And men like change and diversity. It could also be that I'm more confident and he is picking up on that. Not entirely sure.

But, I don't know... It seems to me like losing weight and working on your body is always a good idea. I just thought I would put this out there if any of you also have a man who says the things mine used to say.

It's worth the work!


[–]WhatIsThisAccountFor3 Star 59 points60 points  (6 children)

Very few men will actually tell their S/O that they are not what the man prefers body wise. Nearly everything you see and hear about women essentially points to “never criticize her weight”.

His saying he can’t see how men prefer those other women is likely just him trying to convince himself that he doesn’t prefer those women. he loves you and would prefer you regardless, but you are absolutely right. There is no subtle way for a man to bring up to his woman “you should lose weight”.

From what I’ve noticed about men, the less desireable they are, the more they will claim to desire bigger girls. It’s sort of a self worth thing. They understand that the only type of women they cane realistically get are fatter women, because slimmer women don’t see them as valuable. So instead of being bitter, they just convince themselves that is what they prefer to save their pride. Realistically tho, if fit women approached them instead they would obviously take them in a heartbeat.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (1 child)

The last part is so true! I have noticed it too.

If you want to see what men prefer physically, observe the wives and girlfriends of men at top of the dominance hierarchy. They are the ones who get to choose.

[–]marlybarrow 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Another way to find out is to go on /r/gonewild and sort by "top". Reddit upvotes don't lie.

[–]PhaedrusHunt 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Very few men will actually tell their S/O that they are not what the man prefers body wise.

Not before breaking up anyway. It's simple biology. There is a metric for waist to hip ratio that men prefer, just as women prefer a certain shoulder-to-hip ratio. They're both markers of health, and one is a marker of fertility and the other of fighting ability.

[–]Lilviscious 2 points3 points  (2 children)

While that might be true, men settling for curvier women because they believe they can't get better, I do know many men personally who have fine self esteem and still prefer a more chubby woman.

My own boyfriend has an decent ego, don't get me started on how he flexes his muscles in front of the mirror ever since he started going to the gym, but he is very honest about his preferences and also has had a preference for curvier women.

Just wanted to leave this to let people know there are plenty of men who do not lie to themselves and to women about their preferred body types, and you should not be on your toes every time a slim lady talks to your man.

[–]WhatIsThisAccountFor3 Star 3 points4 points  (1 child)

but he is very honest about his preferences and also has had a preference for curvier women.

So was OP's husband til she lost weight.

Not saying you're wrong in your instance, but most of the time, your instance is not the case.

[–]Lilviscious 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, which is why I said I wanted to share my experience and show it is possible for men to speak the truth.

[–]RedDespair 26 points27 points  (5 children)

Heh your husband is “filtering” what comes out of his mouth. We say this about women: watch her actions, not her words. I guess it’s true for self editing men.

Anyway, congrats on your progress. Now you know the truth. Keep at it, no matter what society tells you.

[–]ragnarockette4 Stars 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Ya I mean unless you are unhealthy or gross I doubt most good men are going to make disparaging remarks about their wife’s body.

[–]BlueberrySea[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I see what you mean it must be very hard to tell women the truth. But the thing is when my husband and I first got together I was already the same level of chubby I used to be before the weight loss. That's why I believed him when he said he liked my weight. I guess he probably was just self editing.

[–]antariusz 9 points10 points  (0 children)

He wasn’t lying when he told you he liked you before.

Some men like apple pie.

Some men like cherry pie.

He might have a preference for apple pie over cherry pie, but he isn’t going to turn down one if he can’t get the other. Just because healthier is better doesn’t mean the other option is terrible.

[–]Rian_StoneEndorsed Contributer 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Yup. So few men can be honest about a girls weight. It makes her cry, and it bothers men too much to make her cry.

[–]PetuniaBunghole 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Thank you for this. I was actually going to post a question about whether or not to trust a man who claims to want to make you fat. Mine is always feeding me and says he wants to "make-a me nice-and-a fat!" Yet all of his exes were on the thin side, and he first became attracted to me while I was fit myself. Watching his actions more than his words, I opted to maintain my size as it was, but always wondered if that was the right thing to do, never having anything to compare it to. Thanks for clearing that up!

[–]growingstronk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is possible he might prefer a more curvaceous figure, but definitely not fat.

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars 24 points25 points  (8 children)

He has always said that he loves curvy women, he loves my curves etc. He likes grabbing my thighs and things like that. Whenever he sees someone who is super skinny he always says "I don't know what men see in that kind of body type".

For the record, the skinny anorexic models you see in media are NOT the only alternative to being curvy. There's a whole range of fit, trim, and slim that is VERY appealing to the average male. Few men want super skinny women; many want slim ones. There's a reason a .7 waist-to-him ratio is seen as highly favorable across cultures. The super-skinnies have no curves and are about as aesthetically pleasing as women shaped as apples. Less, in some ways, because when you go too thin you lose a lot of the secondary sex characteristics that make you feminine. Then you start appealing to men who like boys (which is one reason the mostly-gay fashion designers hire anorexic women as models).

[–]BlueberrySea[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You're right! Being fit and toned does not mean being model skinny. I wonder how many men are actually into the super skinny look.

[–]WhatIsThisAccountFor3 Star 14 points15 points  (6 children)

Then you start appealing to men who like boys (which is one reason the mostly-gay fashion designers hire anorexic women as models).

This is a really odd thing to say. Most famous men date model types, and model types are usually very slim.

[–]m3dli 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be fair, there are different types of models with varying body types for their specific roles. Runway models are generally stick thin and boyish, whereas underwear models are still slim but must also be curvy enough to fill out the merchandise. You can see the distinction.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

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    [–]WhatIsThisAccountFor3 Star 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    The apex males who date fashion models do so as much because the female models have power and status themselves for being models, as they do because they are attracted to them.

    Men don’t really care about a woman’s status. As long as she isn’t homeless or in massive debt or something, this is for the most part a negligible factor in dating for men.

    You seem to really be enthralled with the word anorexia. Anorexia is a behavior/illness, not a weight class. You can be fat and still be anorexic if you just don’t eat enough for a prolonged period of time.

    Also, high profile men don’t date high fashion models, they date bikini/lingerie models. The ones with big tits and tiny waists. Like Heidi Klum, Giselle Bundchen, Bella Hadid, Adriana Lima, Rosie Huntington Whitely, etc.

    [–]glawkneintehn 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    That neoteny or young-looking females thing is totally fucked. I can absolutely positively tell you it's an entirely different feeling not just attraction when you're with a pretty AND very young looking girl. It is so much different than "oh this girl is so hot," it permeates through your whole being, really short circuits the system.

    Especially when she knows how to be enthusiastic and has just the proper reactions. One specific example is when cooling down from sex I would quickly place my hand on her bare chest, feeling her heartbeat. She would let out a surprised sigh and a worried look. Then it would shortly turn into the smallest smile yet somehow communicated the greatest joy. She would quietly whimper and tuck herself under my shoulder. I would hold her so close it felt like our bodies were wired together. Holy shit nothing has made me feel as much as those experiences. I guess this is that "provider instinct thing" that is talked about around here and oxytocin is a hell of a drug.

    Now this girl was also very emotionally manipulative. Like a venomous snake she was very well aware of what she could do to me. Due to our differences we knew we could never respect each other properly, but due to such great differences we were addicted to each other and we wouldn't let go. It required both of us to do a lot of damage to each other before we finally came to our senses and walked away.

    I've never had an equal experience with anyone else before. I've also never been with anyone who seemed as short, fit, yet skinny and young as she did.

    [–]meh613 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    TRP say that women often say something and mean something else. However, men seem to do this too. Or, at least, my husband does.

    Around 80% of trp applies to humans, irrespective of gender.

    [–]ayogyrh 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Yeah, now that I've been in weight loss mode for several months, my SO has felt more comfortable commenting on women with smaller bodies than mine in positive ways. I'm not sure what's going on in his head though.

    My friend is like 120lb less than me and he says she's pretty and has a good figure but if I say I want to look like some picture I show him he says the girl looks disgusting...?

    I do hope this is true though, that they're just being nice or believe they can't get better suggestion from another comment. I love him dearly and would not like to lose him over something so important to our future, that needs to be done for my livelihood as I get older. One of my greatest fears is self imposed limited mobility.

    [–]patience9 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I can't read your SO's mind, but my guess is that he's lying when he says the picture "looks disgusting". Not that many men find fit women repulsive. The more likely hypothesis is that he's lying.

    [–]imdar3ald3al 3 points4 points  (4 children)

    There's a smaller percentage of men that actually prefer a woman with a BMI that renders her overweight or more, and most of them come from some minority communities (and in my opinion as an African American, this is mostly seen in African American men in the US, originally as an adaption from the cultures of 3rd world countries in Africa where excessive weight is seen as a symbol of NOT being impoverished).

    But yeah. As a woman, youth and being slim are damn near statistically preferable universally with some exceptions. Same thing with curves as well.

    [–]Redfox1972 5 points6 points  (3 children)

    Being slim is no guarantee of fidelity or love from a spouse. If that were the case, that beautiful Swedish model married to Tiger Woods would not be divorced.

    Look at Pierce Bronson and his wife....still going strong!

    [–]imdar3ald3al 3 points4 points  (2 children)

    I agree with your general proposition. I think celebrity examples make poor examples for generalizations.

    [–]Redfox1972 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    Well alright then, I know some married couples that are still married and love each other, regardless of physical perfection. The celebrity couples were examples I used because most people know them because of fame. The couples I know, you don't know personally, so that's why I used the celebrities as an example.

    People who fall in love, not in lust, love the person's soul; their mind (how they think), their emotions (how they feel), and their volition (how they choose). People who fall in lust, fall in love with another person's body only......that's specially why they those relationships do not last. They usually fizzle out pretty quickly

    [–]imdar3ald3al 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Good points.

    [–]Thegoldenmean19876 1 point2 points  (3 children)

    I hear you. I just had a baby 4 months ago. I lost the pregnancy weight rather quickly (yay breastfeeding!) but I'm flabbier and much less toned than I was before. My husband tells me I'm beautiful at least once a day and he gets noticeably irritated when I tell him I'm on a diet. I can't really follow an exercise regimen because I'm chained to my baby, who feeds every hour and a half. But I do what I can. There is always room for improvement and even little changes will be noticed and appreciated by my husband, I hope!

    [–]BlueberrySea[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I'm sure he will appreciate every change! Congrats on the baby and on working on yourself! You can do it :)

    [–]dashdotdott 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Oh man! I'm really hoping that my next one (due next month) will help me with the weight loss! My eldest got me down to my high school weight! But my middle one wasn't quite as greedy so I didn't lose as much weight. I'll need all the help I can get this round.

    [–]StefwithanF 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Congratulations new momma! There were some Isometric toning excercise that my ob)gyn recommended after my c-sections that I was able to to while nursing. It's been a while, but something you could do while feeding bb might make a difference. :)

    [–]WhisperTRP Founder 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    Many male desires have been characterized as unacceptable, and many women present the appearance, accurate or not, that they will be "hurt" if men tell the truth.

    So sometimes if you want to get at a man's real opinion, you have to trick him.

    Don't ask if he likes you better this way, or wants thinner. Don't show him a picture of a woman and ask how she compares to you.

    Don't ask him to compare you to anything at all.

    Show him pictures of women, all of whom are not you, and ask him which he likes best.

    [–]patience9 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Many male desires have been characterized as unacceptable

    Seconding this. There's a lot of social pressure out there for men to not focus on looks and weight as much. The result is men concealing their true preferences.

    [–]uddipta 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Relationships aside, physical and mental fitness are most important to a long life. No matter what anyone tells you, being fat or thin, both are bad. Both come with complications that will affect you in the long run. I myself have been fighting fat for a while and am seeing significant results since last year or so, so it's not an easy road. And it's very easy to feel comfort and give up after some appreciation (personal experience). People will say don't try too hard, make your small efforts seem significant, but it's always better to be fit, than ignore your body. Most people are obsessed about what others think of them, but they don't realize that what they think of themselves is most important. And it's always good to encourage oneself towards practicing exercises for better physical and mental health.

    I think your partner is very attracted towards your personality, and it is amazing that he shows a positive outlook towards your physical changes as well. It's always good to encourage each other towards better physical and mental health.

    [–]Lilviscious 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I have experienced somewhat the same. I lost 8kg in 5 months and our intimacy has really increased. However, in my personal case I noticed it's because I feel more confident and more alluring now that I have less blob to move around. I'm sure my partner picked up on it, and it might be the same for your man as well. Women like confident men, but I have noticed men like confident women as well (at least confident in their looks..) Thanks for sharing!

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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    [–]BlueberrySea[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    He is, thanks! I feel very lucky! :)

    [–][deleted]  (22 children)

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    [–]BlueberrySea[S] 4 points5 points  (3 children)

    I'm sorry to hear about the guy you're dating. I hope moving on goes well! And I agree, I lost the weight for myself because he didn't seem to really want me to. I just ended up finding out my weight loss was very welcome to him :)

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

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      [–]BlueberrySea[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Thanks!

      [–]WhatIsThisAccountFor3 Star 4 points5 points  (12 children)

      It sounds to me like you’re talking to yourself with this one. No where in her post did she say anything but positive things about her husband, and his view toward her.

      [–][deleted]  (11 children)

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        [–]WhatIsThisAccountFor3 Star 1 point2 points  (10 children)

        Thanks for your opinion and no need to comment on my self talk

        Just letting you know, but talking bad about partners here without clear reasoning is not allowed. So projecting like you did in your post is something that could get your comment removed in some cases.

        If you want someone to talk to, I will be a listening ear, and I'm sure many posters here would be as well, so you're free to message anyone here, but putting blame on the spouse/S/O around this sub is not something that's taken very well without clear and just reasoning behind it. This sub is about self improvement and realism, not passing blame.

        [–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor 4 points5 points  (9 children)

        This sub is about self improvement and realism, not passing blame.

        Very much this!

        And u/kittenlovesred cut the attitude: no need to comment on my self talk. Take care you posted in an open forum where anyone can comment and on top of that you aren't following the rules when you bad mouth your SO/ex.

        [–][deleted]  (8 children)

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          [–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (7 children)

          I did read your post. You took the opportunity to go off topic so that you could complain about the man you had previously dated. The OP made no mention of being with a "man who treats her like garbage" so that part of your post was entirely solipsistic. Then you told someone who pointed that out, on a sub about self betterment, to not comment to you. Your submission to any man is not in question here nor does it have anything to do with these comments.

          You have an attitude and it isn't a good look. I hope you are more charming in life than you are being here. There is no reason for the rudeness or the negative off topic talk about men.

          I would invite you to reconsider the persona you are projecting to the world.

          Have a lovely day.

          [–][deleted]  (6 children)

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            [–]Guywithgirlwithabike2 Stars 4 points5 points  (5 children)

            You appear to have the concept of Red-pilled Woman confused with what the BDSM community calls a "brat" - and even those in the BDSM community find brats insufferable.

            Pro-tip: No one can give you the slap you so desperately want over the internet. You have to find that in real life.

            [–][deleted]  (4 children)

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              [–]KittenLoves_Endorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (1 child)

              I'm just replying to your comment because our usernames are so similar o_o

              But I am sorry you've had that experience

              [–]LuckyLittleStarModerator | Lil'Star[M] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

              Keep your personal issues to yourself. This post is not about you.

              [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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                [–]LuckyLittleStarModerator | Lil'Star[M] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                Everything that gets posted here is my business.