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THEORYWhy hobbies are so important (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor

RPW, I just realized something over the weekend. Perhaps it's me being slow, but this concept really hit me right on the head lately.

The reason why hobbies are so important is not only does it make you interesting long-term, but it means that you are able to put your energy into developing a skill/passion instead of constantly seeking male attention.

Too many women essentially use male validation as a hobby - the consequence is that even if she does secure marriage, she still is a risk at infidelity because she seeks her fun and interests in men instead of herself and her own life.

Even if you are technically loyal to him, he wants to see that you are able to be happy regardless of any male attention/validation. THIS is true security in oneself.

This is why it's so important to have your own girlfriends, to have your own hobbies, to have good relationships with your family/siblings.


[–][deleted] 38 points39 points  (4 children)

Great observation. Not much more to add, other than to say I agree completely. It's an extremely good idea to have a hobby that is completely unrelated to your man/any man/men in general. Even if it is "boring" or "not cool" - it's for you, not anyone else, so f 'em.

Men find clingy women unbelievably trying. Being able to be happy and content with a hobby that you truly enjoy is wonderful, especially if it is yours and yours alone. Your man will be grateful he doesn't feel like he has to provide 100% of your entertainment and fulfillment.

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Your man will be grateful he doesn't feel like he has to provide 100% of your entertainment and fulfillment.

That's the thing - he needs to know, when he's not around/when he's busy with work or with his friends, what do you do? Do you instead seek male attention elsewhere because he's not giving it to you, or do you instead make use of yourself??

THAT is the true meaning of "being happy with oneself." A truly happy woman doesn't constantly need male validation. She's fine without it.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Being able to be happy and content with a hobby that you truly enjoy is wonderful, especially if it is yours and yours alone. Your man will be grateful he doesn't feel like he has to provide 100% of your entertainment and fulfillment.

Great point you made here. In addition to maintaining a happy relationship and personal fulfillment, having hobbies kept me out of trouble when I was a teenager and I think it helped me develop into a fairly well rounded person.

I'll add that volunteering is a great hobby in case anyone wants another idea for something to try out. I've had the opportunity to interact with people I wouldn't have the chance to otherwise and it just feels good to know you're helping.

[–]SirenOfScience 5 points6 points  (0 children)

having hobbies kept me out of trouble when I was a teenager

Agree with this 100%. Having musical or band practice all afternoon and evening really prevents you from getting wild. You'd have to go home and do your homework afterwards or you'd start to fall behind. The kids I knew who had no hobbies whatsoever normally partied the most. Hobbies also provide a well-needed space for venting. If I'm mad, I can write and/ or sing a song at the top of my lungs and feel release without starting a pointless bicker session with my hubs. I can take the same principles applied to singing, dancing, acting, etc. and apply them to my career too.

I'll add that volunteering is a great hobby in case anyone wants another idea for something to try out

This is a great suggestion. Volunteering gives you perspective and tbh it's one of the best things you can do with children too. Growing up, my family spent Thanksgiving cooking food for the elderly and a local church would host dinner for those with no families or delivered the food to those to ill to leave home. I also did missions trips as a child and teen and they shocked me to how freaking lucky I was here.

[–]Garqui 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Men hate a woman who doesn't know what she wants and what she likes. It's not only about having a hobby, it's about having a life and enjoying it, being independent and responsible of her own happiness.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (4 children)

I agree very much with this sentiment. I remember when my first husband and me split up, I had to prioritize things in my life. I went back to work, but I stopped my favourite hobby which was writing. It broke my heart. I even stopped working out, another important hobby. I had promised myself that when I finally met someone, I would pick up my hobbies again. Dating took a lot out of me, mentally, physically and financially. When I met my husband, things fell into place again, and I picked up sewing too as an extra hobby. We're still talking about a baby, I'm sure that will eat into my time as well as taking care of our older kids.

Thing I loved about my writing hobby is I did it with 2 girlfriends and we critiqued each other's work, sewing - I would get coaching from my aunt and then the working out, I had a group of gals at the gym I met with every day.

It was good getting back to me and consciously not having to seek a mate or male attention.

[–]NubianIbex 3 points4 points  (3 children)

I had promised myself that when I finally met someone, I would pick up my hobbies again. Dating took a lot out of me, mentally, physically and financially.

I feel the same way. I wasn't even actually dating as much as I was emotionally preoccupied with it. I feel like being in a stable and fulfilling relationship with a life partner is so essential in my hierarchy of needs at this point in my life, that it's hard to distract myself. Now that I'm in a loving LTR I'm at peace (to a degree), yet I feel that once I'm married I'll have the full impact of the weight lifted off my shoulders.

Actually I was somewhat guilt-ridden about this. I sometimes felt like I was obsessed, that I wasn't prioritizing right or that I was making excuses for being lazy. It's nice to know that at least I'm not the only one who is drained by dating.

[–]WikiTextBot 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Maslow's hierarchy of needs

Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a theory in psychology proposed by Abraham Maslow in his 1943 paper “A Theory of Human Motivation” in Psychological Review. Maslow subsequently extended the idea to include his observations of humans' innate curiosity. His theories parallel many other theories of human developmental psychology, some of which focus on describing the stages of growth in humans. Maslow used the terms "physiological", "safety", "belonging and love", "esteem", "self-actualization", and "self-transcendence" to describe the pattern that human motivations generally move through.


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[–]DonutsJunction 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I understand what you mean. I think that after being single for so long as well you just start to wonder if it's in the cards for you at all. It can be such a sad place to be. When I start worrying too much I tell myself to chill and that worrying is going to push good things away, but then when I don't worry at least a bit I think I'm not going to get what I'd like to out of life.

This time around I'm maintaining my own identity while also being in an LDR. I think ldrs make it extra challenging though because you already have all this time to yourself and lack physical and emotional intimacy from your partner. I've been kinda struggling with that 😐

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know that guilt so well. People would ask, “why aren’t you writing?” And you’re right, how do you stop them and give them a lesson in Maslow?

[–]ShawtySayWhaaat 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Not a woman and I don't think Ive ever posted here before, but this is exactly why my last relationship failed. She constantly seek my attention and at a point it just became too much.