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THEORYDread for women (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by KittenLoves_Endorsed Contributor

A trap I think many women may fall into is believing that the male method of applying dread (showing a woman, generally in a subtle or covert way, that he has other options available) would work equally well if applied by her.

It doesn't.

First, let's talk a bit about why it doesn't work, then we'll get into what female dread actually looks like, and how to effectively apply it.

In essence, a woman applying "male dread" would look something like this: her flirting with another guy in the presence of the man she's attracted to; her posting pictures with other (attractive) men on social media; even passively recieving comments and compliments publically from other men, making it clear they're interested in her. But if this kind of thing can work for men, why doesn't it work for women? In short, it's because this does little more than demonstrate that other men want to sleep with her, and more than likely whatever man she's trying to apply this dread to already knows this, because the majority of women can get sex much easier than the majority of men. This is like trying to brag that you have a lot of air to breathe. It's obvious and not noteworthy in the slightest. Furthermore, most men don't particularly like the idea that their potential partner is a hundred other men's wet dream. Yes, a man will definitely be happy to be with a woman he is aware is beautiful, but that doesn't mean he wants to be given the impression that he's just one in a long series of men to take, or wanting to take, a dip in that lake. (Likewise, male dread performed poorly by a man will give a woman this same impression, which is generally also unpleasant for her -- it's the difference between the player (undesirable) and the man with many options (desirable).)

Avoiding using male dread does not mean you need to dress like a nun and avoid male compliments. It does, however, mean that if you're trying to seduce a man, you shouldn't be actively seeking to show him how many other men are interested.

So if male dread doesn't work, what does?

I'm using the term "dread" here because I do consider this the female counterpoint to the male term, but the point in a woman doing this isn't to instill a sense of uncertainty in her partner, but instead to instill a sense of luckiness.

What this means is that, if you want to show a man, "damnit, you should be lucky to have me!", don't go about it by trying to show him how many other men want you and would be lucky to have you. This may work for a man if done well, but it's highly unlikely to work for you. So that means don't go farming for compliments with a risqué picture on instagram. Instead, work on showing him why he should really be feeling so lucky. This means doing small but noticeable things -- compliment him more (men are generally very lacking in terms of getting compliments), give him a massage, just do something nice for him in general. Attractive girls are a dime a dozen. An attractive girl who cares for her partner and treats him with respect and kindness, however, is a girl worth cherishing. Be that girl.

Edited to add: I mentioned in a comment that I learned not to try male dread the hard way. I think my experience may add a valuable note.

In the very early stages of dating my boyfriend, I tried to show him I was valuable by trying to rub in his nose how many other men were dying to date me. I posted pictures on social media not with the intention to get validation, but with the intent to show him that I was desirable. Not only did this not work, I later found out that it was my other qualities (qualities like those listed above among others) that had not just attracted him in the first place, but that were the reason he didn't leave me in spite of my incredibly failed attempt at making him see me as valuable. Truth be told, there are still occasionally ramifications that come up as a result of how I behaved. Don't be like me.


[–]ayvyns 52 points53 points  (1 child)

You don't show him how other men want you. You show him why you are better than other women.

[–]organicsunshine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly my thoughts. Good comment.

[–]Red-Curious 24 points25 points  (2 children)

Insightful and very well written.

[–]KittenLoves_Endorsed Contributor[S] 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Thank you. Truth be told I speak from personal experience. I spent a lot of time on TRP (years) before I found this sub. And while some of the advice there is definitely gender neutral, some things, like dread game, are absolutely not applicable to women. I learned the hard way so the rest of you don't have to.

[–]Pixie03103 Stars 19 points20 points  (0 children)

It's easy for women to get sex - not necessarily commitment, which is what most of them truly want. The kind of women who can secure real commitment are desirable, like the kind of men who can secure real sexual attraction.

To me, it boils down to: be wife material. Like you said, the instagram bikini girl? She's (generally, typically) the opposite of wife material. If you want a guy to realise he better lock you down, show him traits that are rare, genuinely valuable, and permanent.

Boobs aren't really those things (great as they are), and neither is being attention-thirsty.

Be nurturing. Be modest and respectable. Build him up in public (and private!). Believe in him. Be socially graceful. Try to make a really good impression on his family. Be elegant, kind, composed, and sweet. It's harder than being an instaskank, but it shows you're truly desirable (from a man's perspective) and I think gives you a much better chance of him wanting to lock you down long-term.

[–]BewareTheOldMan 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Here's something else to consider and other reasons dread doesn't work for women - especially in marriage...the men who are very eager to have sex with someone else's woman generally have ZERO interest in taking care of another man's wife/girlfriend...sex sure, but producing and generating an income and providing financial support, providing leadership, general protection, demonstrating compassion and concern, and "being there" for a woman for which he has no investment is a NO GO. This goes double and triple if a woman has children - married, divorced, or otherwise. Most other men don't want to hear about children produced by another man.

Random men will gladly accept offers of sex and attention and take advantage - "no skin off their back," but the second a woman needs compassion (concern for her life-issues), assistance (financial, during illness or injury, domestic assistance, etc.), or understanding in any way, he's out as quickly as he popped in for the offer of sex.

For women who "don't need a man," it's just as well as that woman is now replaceable. There's always some other woman, somewhere who needs and desires a Good Man in her life. The "don't need a man" women are essentially doing those women a favor by "releasing" that man for availability - especially if other women have naturally demonstrated interest.

Smart and "Game Aware" men know these relationship dynamics and are well aware very few women can make the transition to a man of equal and higher status - even if a woman is capable of making the switch it's fine as she has now freed that man to pursue other women.

I can account for few, rare, and notable exceptions, but it's as if virtually every scenario is a loss for women and a win for men.

Whenever a woman tried to apply dread - intentional or otherwise, I saw it as disrespect, disloyalty, and disruption to my life...and in my head that specific woman was immediately expendable/replaceable.

The ex-wife attempted dread, became an even worse partner, and was summarily dismissed via divorce.

I won't offer details, but one woman who had a myriad of life-issues once said to me "how lucky I was to have her in my life." Her best and only two assets were sex and her attractiveness and nothing else - she was summarily dismissed and the relationship terminated.

Other commenters are spot on with demonstrating sincere respect, nurturing, concern, love, being truly genuine and interested, and invested in the relationship. No need to apply dread - be a true wife and/or girlfriend of value and most men will hold such a woman in high regard.

[–]xelaandra23 9 points10 points  (6 children)

I totally agree with this (commented that already :)) but after reading the other comments, I wanted to add that I personally don't really find the male method of applying dread effective either. It's probably just me, but I don't really care if other women dig my guy. Sometimes I actually like it if most women don't because that means what we have is more special. I'm never very impressed by or that into the guys who it seems every girl is into. If I am, it's a mere coincidence - I find the fact that other girls are into him a turnoff if anything.

[–]KittenLoves_Endorsed Contributor[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I understand what you're saying, and I tried my best in the post to subtly include the fact that not every women is going to be "charmed" by male dread, and that it can definitely backfire if done poorly. That being said, I'm not sure if the point is necessarily for a man to make the woman actually like him more, so much as for him to inspire her to put in more effort.

For example, Dan and Jane are dating, and Jane notices that Laura has been flirting with Dan (and Dan has not crossed any lines in their interaction). Jane in this case is likely to feel a little jealous, and may decide to treat Dan a little nicer, dress a little sexier, and be a little more flirtatious, so that Dan doesn't feel like he has a reason to seek out Laura instead.

This isn't always going to be the case, of couse, but it does seem to be the general trend.

I think it's a bit more rare for a woman to actually be actively turned on by the fact that a lot of other women are interested in her man. :P

[–]subgirl182 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If a woman flirts with my husband and he completely disregards her and seeks me out, I find that sexy. Doesn't matter if you're a man or woman, you want your long term partner to make you feel special. If a man flirts back with another woman, his value drops big time x

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[removed]

    [–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    Do not concern troll. The reason that it only mentions one side is because we can only change ourselves and our own behavior.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [removed]

      [–]MissNissa[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Don't be snarky.

      [–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      and more than likely whatever man she's trying to apply this dread to already knows this, because the majority of women can get sex much easier than the majority of men. This is like trying to brag that you have a lot of air to breathe. It's obvious and not noteworthy in the slightest.

      👌

      Attractive girls are a dime a dozen. An attractive girl who cares for her partner and treats him with respect and kindness, however, is a girl worth cherishing.

      That's how you build love goggles.

      Very good post!

      [–]W0zzy 24 points25 points  (0 children)

      For me it comes down to a simple 'empty balls, full stomach'. I spoil him both sexually & domestically.

      [–]Rivkariver2 Star 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      So by this logic I’m wondering about the gatekeepers of commitment thing—does a man find a woman who, say, has had multiple proposals she had to turn down, attractive in the same way a man who can bed many woman is?

      I don’t know either way but I’m curious as to your opinion.

      Regardless I agree it’s not good to desperately try and get lots of male attention.

      I’ve noticed that it can backfire too because men more than women are likely to take it as a compliment when other men find their woman attractive.

      [–]KittenLoves_Endorsed Contributor[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I'm not sure I could really speak to whether men find women more attractive if they've turned a lot of people down. It seems like it could be the case, but I'm not a guy so anything I say would just be supposition!

      [–]DoctorNini 2 points3 points  (2 children)

      The 'male dread' you appear to be focussing on, starts from level 6. The first 5 have nothing to do with validation or attention from others, and I think those CAN be translated to women.

      For instance, level 1 is about shit tests. For men this is about passing them, for women it should be about not doing them and using clear communication instead. Level 2 to 5 can be translated quite literally, in my opinion. Women should also have an action plan to improve the major areas in their life (level 2) and should lead an interesting life outside of their LTR/marriage (level 3). Level 4 is a bit more tricky, as it is about using time as a reward for good behaviour. Sherry Argov wrote about this in 'Why Men Love Bitches', demonstrating that if done in the right way, this can definitely benefit women as well. Lastly level 5: dress up regularly, form a strong feminine frame, and follow your man's leadership.

      I think these first five levels of dread are ABSOLUTELY something that can and should be used by RPW. They have to be adapted to the feminine situation instead of the masculine, but I think that it is well worth to do that. It provides an easy guide towards self improvement and improvement of the relationship.

      So while I agree with you that going beyond level 5 will cause problems that might harm your relationship, I don't think the 'levels of dread' as used by RP men should be completely shoved aside.

      [–]KittenLoves_Endorsed Contributor[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

      Yes, you're absolutely right about that. However, the 12 levels of dread are generally more to be used in LTRs (failing ones, at that!). My post is more about women trying to attract and seduce a man initially, by trying to show abundance and practice dread (the kind of dread that starts at level 5/6). Of course, once in a relationship it's possible that a woman will feel like she needs to do something to make him recognize how lucky he is. But most of the time, it's women attempting to get a relationship, or just in the early stages of one, who misunderstand how to attract or keep the man she wants.

      After all, levels 1-5 aren't dread so much as basic self improvement, which is of course applicable to everyone.

      [–]DoctorNini 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      My apologies, didn't realise you meant the phase of starting a relationship. I absolutely agree with you that it is no use to show a man you have more suitors. I do think it is important to show him that while you want him, you do not need him, as you have a fulfilling life with or without him. I would consider that a form of dread, but I guess that's just semantics as we seem to be on the same page. :)

      What I think is VERY important about your post, is the use of social media. While men like to show their mates that they've hooked up with the girl with the hot bikini shots on instagram, they would never consider marrying her. I think this is a trap many women of our generation fall into.

      [–]WonderfulandValuable 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      I think we should, apart from being the best wife possible, strive to show that to his family, his employer and his friends as well. If they would call him stupid for cheating and blowing such an amazing marriage up it makes for a strong incentive to keep it in the pants.

      [–]PhaedrusHunt 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      Good stuff and the comments here are very good.

      You are correct.

      My girlfriend and I are both 39 and we're both attractive. She's a knockout, looks similar to Lisa Bonet or Rae Dawn Chong. She says to me that I actually know what it's like to be a woman, in the sense that she's seen women throw themselves at me. It's always been easy for me to meet and date new women, especially the last few years.

      But she's tried to do the dread thing with me a couple of times. It's like, DUH! Of COURSE just about every guy out there wants to sleep with you. Mind you this was at the beginning of our relationship before I decided to be exclusive with her. And to be honest, it was a complete turn off.

      But what keeps me with her is the support I get from her. It's the qualities that I've never seen an another woman I've dated or been married to.

      [–]xelaandra23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Great post. This is something I've thought about but never put into words. :) I agree.

      [–]ReddJive 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Compare it to business. Men are in a constant state of earning profit. We want to end our fiscal year in the black. Some of us have multiple gigs/businesses going. Of course these prices will vary based on market value but go with it...

      • Sex maybe earns $10.
      • Certain sexual acts ups the margin. Varies between the man.
      • Supporting your mission in life maybe $20.
      • being supportive $35 per action
      • Doing laundry, cooking, let's say $30 for each time it is done
      • Nag? Complain, be negative all the time then the account losses money to the bank. At three times the rate it went in. (NOTE there is a difference in her coming to you for support and just plain being negative)

      At the end of the quarter, fiscal year the man will take an account. If the account is in the black when he makes this assessment he will make a return on that investment. if not...then he looks for other profit centers. Why would a man continue his investment in a profit center that is losing money or a low earner? If he is putting in the time to fix it, to get it to earn again but the maybe the business has run its course.

      Maybe it was never really a viable idea to begin with. Maybe he is just a bad business man. As time goes on you will look at that account and wonder why you only accept having $17 for your time and commitment, when you know someone is willing to make a bigger investment. But the man can only do this once he knows his business acumen is solid and proven.

      [–]polakfury 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Trying to make a alpha man jealous is a one way ticket to getting less respect from him.

      Put that wasted energy into doing positive acts for him.

      [–]subgirl182 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Before I'd ever heard of TRP, there was a guy who kept commenting on my posts and my husband thought he was getting a little flirty. I said to him then 'that dude is a 2, I'm a 6, you're an 8. Do the maths!' lol. Anyways, I moved the guy into a different contact list so he wouldn't see my posts any more and he married a beautiful Ukranian girl so it's all good now!

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [removed]

      [–]KittenLoves_Endorsed Contributor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      ...what?