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FIELD REPORTNobody Ever Told Me... (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by rockstarberst1 Star

I had taken the blue pill without even realizing I swallowed it.

10 years ago, I was a raging, hippie liberal feminist. Fresh out of my college indoctrination, angry at George Bush, and fighting battles with anyone who was to the right of me, I rode on a bus with other angry college kids to protest drilling in ANWAR, and I was knee deep into the CODEPINK culture.

I look back now, and I laugh. I loved that girl -- her fiery passion, her fearlessness, her desire to change the world... but MY GOD did she have it all wrong.

Thankfully, God, the Universe, a higher power of sorts, had a different plan for my life. When I turned 23, I met a guy -- a raging conservative -- who took each and every one of my world views and shredded them. He challenged all of my arguments and annihilated them. At first, I was lost, angry, and super confused. But as I began to learn more, read more, and understand more, I learned to appreciate this young man's frame of mind. I willingly swallowed the red pill, at least from a political perspective.

We dated for 2.5 years, but I still didn't know what I wanted in a partner. We split up, but 8 years later, I'm still friends with this man.

While normally we discuss politics, history, or religion, we began talking relationships a few months back. We had an interesting discussion.

So, here's a little back story on me. I'm a smart, independent woman -- I have a college degree, a good job, I own a rental property, I'm almost debt free. I have an insatiable thirst for knowledge, I (usually) take good care of my body and I cook & clean as well. I'm positive, and I'm outgoing -- I also went through a pretty nasty break-up 2 years ago, and have really just been working on getting myself back to "good".

I took a solid inventory of myself and what I offer in a relationship and realized the things that I want in a partner. In fact, I do most of them myself. I just figured, at some point, I'd find someone to mirror that... lead by example, right?

But nobody ever told me what a man would want from me. Actually, that's not entirely true.

You know who I got my advice from?

- Magazines (Cosmo, Seventeen, Redbook)
- Hollywood (TV, Movies... Super realistic, I know)
- My girlfriends (Not men...)

Never once did I sit down and ask a man what he truly thought would make a good girlfriend, partner or wife.

Now, when men do tell us what they want, feminists call them misogynistic and the media tells them that they're wrong. Imagine that -- a man, being told that what he chooses for himself, is wrong...

Anyway, back to our discussion. So, I asked my friend pointe blank -- what do men actually want in a relationship or a marriage.

He said, "Men are simple. We want a girl that lets us lead. This doesn't mean she's a doormat, but she doesn't try to take control of every situation. We want her to take care of her body. Ideally, she'd be younger, but there are some young girls that are flat out idiots (look at you when I met you, he said. Haha). There's good physical chemistry, she knows how to communicate and resolve conflicts. If she can make me feel good about who I am physically and mentally (and she can cook, he added) she's worth my time."

Interesting. We talked a little more. Basically, none of my accolades mattered to him (except the cooking part. Ha).

He said being debt free is a bonus, but he makes decent money, so some student debt was okay. He said major credit card debt was a red flag. He said it was nice that I owned property, but so does he -- and he wouldn't live in a girl's place anyway. He said college degrees are nice, but not necessary. He said keep learning and keep working out. A sexy mind and a sexy body do wonders for women.

Then he asked me why I was trying to be a man.

I was taken aback by his question. He said, "All of the things you do, you are essentially your own provider. Where does that leave room for a man in your life?"

I had honestly never looked at it that way. I always thought that I'd find a good partner because I embodied things that I wanted in a partner -- but it turns out that I've actually become my own worst enemy because, well, he's right. I don't technically need a man, even though I'd really like one.

His words struck a chord -- and although my sample size is quite small (yes, a whopping 1) I think there's a lot of truth in what he said.

Here's what's interesting... I'm not the only woman who's living like this. The woman who, although she's feminine, has adopted a lot of "masculine" traits. Who believes and supports TRP philosophy, but is still living in a very BP world.

But nobody ever told me what men really want. Who knew you had to go to the source?!

I started taking his advice a few months ago and have been poring over TRP, RPWomen and other books, blogs and articles for answers.

Now that I know what my biggest obstacle is (myself) I can work on healthy ways to make a man feel needed and appreciated.

It's time we start adding men back into the conversation about their wants and needs, and not trying to dictate that for them. I'm glad that this group exists because it's providing much-needed insight to the male mind and how we, as women, can be better partners.


[–]LuckyLittleStarModerator | Lil'Star[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (3 children)

It's time we start adding men back into the conversation about their wants and needs, and not trying to dictate that for them.

A lot of questions arise about why we allow men to post here (at all). This is why.

Feminism was created when women stopped caring about men wanted, and RPW is about appealing to men again. The only way we can do that is if we allow men back into the conversation.

[–]happygrays 29 points30 points  (1 child)

Thank you so much for writing this! Can we laugh and send some love to our old outraged liberal selves? I was trying so hard and was so so wrong then! It's wild to think how deeply indoctrinated feminism was in my young life, even my grandmother was a feminist (with a horrible and sad marriage). Took me a long time to shake that part of my upbringing, and I still am working on it. I'm so happy now and delighted there are other women out here making big changes in our lives and of the men around us. I see how much my man and our love has changed (and wow I'm lucky he saw the good through my early crazy) and how healthy our relationship is now. I'm so proud of him. Like you said, adding him back into the conversation and letting him lead rather than wrestling for control has made everything lighter and more easy going for us both. I see him grow too, and I'm so proud! Nobody ever told us how good it could be!

[–]rockstarberst1 Star[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Haha! Yes, you can definitely laugh at and send her some love. In fact, here's a toast: To the crazy girl who [finally] grew into a sophisticated woman.

So glad to hear you are in a happy, healthy relationship.

Cheers!

[–]llamapickleem 27 points28 points  (5 children)

Totally agree. I’ve done a 180 degree switch from my “the woman has to work” mother’s influence (who has had 3 unsuccessful marriages), as I am a stay at home wife with no kids yet. She would ridicule a woman like me, who cooks, listens to her mans needs, submits to a man, etc. and I’m happy in my life as well. Blue pill=unhappy marriage IMO

[–]rockstarberst1 Star[S] 7 points8 points  (4 children)

This is great insight!

So, just out of curiosity, what do you do as a SAHW? What kind of things does your husband expect from you by staying home?

[–]llamapickleem 26 points27 points  (3 children)

So I’m 100% responsible for cooking, cleaning, meal-planning under budget,all laundry, dealing with mail, appointments, paperwork, pet care and also dealing with every random annoyance or emergency that pops up throughout the days. I also like to redecorate a lot, bake cookies. Dinner is hot and ready when he gets off of work, etc. We will probably have our first child within the next five years!

[–]rockstarberst1 Star[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is awesome! Thanks for sharing.

[–]LaneysWorld2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

May I ask how you usually schedule your household chores and how much time they each take? I'm still trying to create a schedule that makes me a more efficient homemaker :)

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 13 points14 points  (0 children)

His words struck a chord -- and although my sample size is quite small (yes, a whopping 1) I think there's a lot of truth in what he said.

Many men will agree with what he said.

While specific men differ in their specific needs, wants and desires - there are certain male character traits that are found among most men. Being simple creatures, needing respect and admiration, plenty of sex full of sexual desire with a woman who takes good care of herself, the need to be useful, to be a provider and her hero etc. There's a handful of basic things that are extremely important and the rest is all irrelevant or a nice addition but unnecessary.

The recent posts by u/girlwithabike on the book - for women only - contains a wealth of information on this topic.

It's time we start adding men back into the conversation about their wants and needs, and not trying to dictate that for them. I'm glad that this group exists because it's providing much-needed insight to the male mind and how we, as women, can be better partners.

It's a very sticky issue, even within this forum. Most of the time, the women of this forum aren't really interested in knowing what men really want. Some are interested to the degree it directly affects them but only a tiny few are truly interested in what men want out of interest in the well-being of the men. As TRP saying goes - men love women, women love children, children love puppies.

[–]decembertist 40 points41 points  (8 children)

I loved reading this! I'm 18 and I think it's unfortunate many of my friends have adopted the belief that they can be they're own providers and have a super masculine man as well...but
Masculine energy can only attract Feminine energy :/ I think the saddest part is that they think being feminine is being weak

[–]rockstarberst1 Star[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Damn, lady! You're wise beyond your years. If I could go back to 18 I would've done a lot of things differently! Haha.

You nailed it though -- feminine isn't weak. This whole notion of feminists having to "save" women is one of the biggest lies that's ever been perpetrated.

Men and women are inherently different, and that's not a bad thing. If women keep trying to be men, where are the men supposed to go?

[–]Redslif 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I think the saddest part is that they think being feminine is being weak

The irony in this statement is mind boggling to me.

The single biggest weapon women have over men is their "Femininity". Take a woman's femininity away and she becomes a poor version of a man.

Good for you that you have noticed the dynamics in play at a very young age.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The single biggest weapon women have over men is their "Femininity". Take a woman's femininity away and she becomes a poor version of a man.

Soft power is a woman's strength. Soft power is utilized through building up your man by feeding his ego, feeding his stomach and feeding his penis.

And.... Most men crave for this.

[–]MissNietzsche 5 points6 points  (4 children)

"Do not mistake feminine meekness for weakness."

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars 4 points5 points  (2 children)

"That which bends is not always weak."

My favorite motto/quote from the Kushiel's Dart books. MC makes her (sorta) submissive/yielding/accepting nature a world class asset.

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor 2 points3 points  (1 child)

"That which yields..."

I had to look up the quote. Same idea but 'yields' is an even better word for RPW IMO. Awesome trilogy.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yield is a more accurate RPW concept than bending.

Similarly, receptivity and not submission (as explained in my recent posts called leaders and followers)

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Do not mistake feminine meekness for weakness."

Please explain based on the actual definition of the words meek and weak.

[–]WhisperTRP Founder 19 points20 points  (3 children)

[–]LuckyLittleStarModerator | Lil'Star 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Granted! Keep up the good work /u/rockstarberst

[–]rockstarberst1 Star[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you!

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I was gonna recommend a star but decided to check the comments first. 🙂

[–]red_philosopher 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This was a great post and a great read.

Then he asked me why I was trying to be a man.

I've asked so many women why they try to be men.

I was taken aback by his question. He said, "All of the things you do, you are essentially your own provider. Where does that leave room for a man in your life?"

So many women attempt to qualify themselves to me by telling me how independent they are, how they have their own jobs, how they don't need anyone, etc. Just last evening this happened. Honestly, it's pretty boring to have to listen to it.

Glad to see you've lifted the wool from your eyes.

[–]FreedomByDiscipline 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Wow. Best read of the week for sure. Great insight!

[–]lord-denning 5 points6 points  (0 children)

These are wise words, and hopefully more than a few 23 year olds will see this post.

There is also cause for hope in the amount of hard truth you have been able to tell yourself. Many people cling to their views for their entire lives, unable to deal with the fact that what they believe is wrong. Men and women in the West have been told lies about each other for some time now. I will leave speculation as to why this is for others to consider, but if we can self-reflect and then help each other arrive at the truth it will bode well for our society.

[–]jg-6 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Looks like I am where you were at 23.

I’m dating someone (I’m 23, he’s 27 ; we have been friends for two years) who encouraged me to be more of a woman and less of a woman-man (wamen man as he calls it).

Thank you for sharing this. I only got to know about this subreddit in the last two months or so, but me and my man have both been following TRP without even knowing about it.

[–]the-snow-monster 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This gave me so much to think about. Thank you for posting.

[–]bulkychameleon 4 points5 points  (0 children)

To repeat what others have said, thanks again for posting as it really made me think.

[–]0icomefromnowhere0 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I resonate with this so much.

[–]HarshaCity 1 point2 points  (1 child)

"Let me inform you about the best a man hoards; it is a virtuous woman who pleases him when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives her a command, and guards his interests when he is away from her." - Prophet Mohammad.

I follow this teaching. It is so difficult and easy at the same time...

[–]Okay965 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wise words

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

[removed]

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

It's not a contest. Take the complaints about women to TRP. RPW isn't the right place for this.

[–]SmamelessMe 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I've tried to put it as a joke. Hoping the Monty Python (video, and getting rotting fish dumped on me) reference would give it away.

I was hoping for more of you're not alone feel. Apologies if it did not come across that way.

I think it accurately reflected similar issues OP faced when getting accurate information from the opposite gender about desirability traits, and why the opposite gender should be included in the conversation, as stated in the stickied comment.

I certainly didn't expect it to be deleted after less than 7 minutes. I invite anyone anyone to peruse my posting history on RPW to judge how much of woman hating misogynist I am.

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I forgive you. You didn't sound angry or bitter (Monty Python helped!) but it's still a bit complainy about us ladies and so it's out of place here.

[–]SmamelessMe 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Understood, but I still honestly believe that having correct information is something both men and women could very much use during their formative years. My anecdotal experience was meant to underline that.

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

[removed]

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Please note that our rules require men to have a presence on TRP or askTRP before posting to RPW.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I do not say that rule in the side bar, #8 "Posting Requirements" is also void of this requirement. I dont want to fight, but i will shut up if you wish. Not really a fan of the boys over at TRP

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I understand, our rules contain rules within the rules because reddit gives us a limited character length and it is possible to miss things.

From now on, men should only comment on this sub if they also have already put forth the time and effort to participate on one or more of the following subs: askTRP, TRP, or MRP. If you are a man reading this, and you have no activity on any of those subs, then you need to take a break from RPW and concentrate your efforts elsewhere for now.

That is what I was referencing which can be found within one of the links under the male contributors rule.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Understood, Tassob out.

Good luck to you all, I hope you find what you are looking for.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[removed]

[–]LuckyLittleStarModerator | Lil'Star[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

While a valid topic for discussion, this is off topic for this particular thread. So I'm removing it to not derail the thread. Feel free to make a new discussion topic, or ask in the monthly simple questions thread when it comes around on the 1st.