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RELATIONSHIPSA Good Relationship Is Built In The Bedroom (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by Shaela90

...just as abs are built in the kitchen. One of my core beliefs is that a good sex life will elevate the quality of a relationship and more often than not, it is the glue that keeps two people together when times get rough.

Disclaimer: I have a somewhat high N count, I've mostly seen and done it all. Am I ashamed of it? No, as I always approached sex with curiosity and carefully selected my partners. Would I advise a potential daughter to act the same way? Also no, although I believe some experience can go a long way. Hence, the point of this post. A smart person learns lessons from other people's experience, doesn't necessarily jump head in to make their own mistakes. I'm not trying to reinvent the wheel here, but to challenge each of us to step it up a notch between the sheets.

As we all know, sex is VERY important to men. It could be argued that sex is what draws men to women in the first place. Sure, a family, a 'partner-in-crime', a nice meal, maybe even children are nice prospects to the majority of men, but I've yet to see a truly happy guy who doesn't get quality sex from his wife. It's amazing just how many 'relationship issues' could be resolved in the bedroom.

I also believe there's a huge difference between 'sex' and an amazing, hot, steamy session in the bedroom (or any other place, really - but more on that later). Sure, to a man who's been starved for sex all his life, getting it once a week in the missionary position would be a pretty sweet deal, but it can get so much better than that, for you and for him.

A. First, start with YOU. Great sex is about GIVING, about putting the other person's desires above your own and you can't give if you feel drained yourself. For women, desire is a tricky business. We have to FEEL and perceive ourselves as sexy in order to really want it. Make it a mission to work out, take care of yourself, eat right and pamper yourself from time to time. Get acquainted with your body, spend a few minutes every day naked, looking in the mirror and start appreciating yourself. We all have physical qualities, find them and start loving yourself.

Your body is a temple, treat it with love and care and you'll see the wonders it can do. Have light meals, never eat until you're full and start liking salads and healthy smoothies. Pay attention to your weight and fitness level, we all have 24 hours in a day, it's not at all difficult to work out at least 30 minutes each day. Make it two sessions 15 minutes each if you have to, but just do it. Working out also slightly increases your testosterone level, which, you guessed it, makes you want more sex. Find a hair removal routine that works for you and keep yourself trimmed at all times. Take care of your skin, hair, nails. A woman can be sexy well into her 50s, never ever give up on yourself. You only have one shot at life, make it as good as possible. Now.

Last but not least, learn to please yourself. Touch yourself, let your imagination run wild and notice what you respond best to. Learn to give yourself orgasms so that you can guide your man to better please you. A man who loves you will get greater pleasure in seeing you enjoy sex with him than in his own orgasm. This is one sure way to make him feel like a man, like THE man. Sex is your realm and one of your biggest assets, use it wisely.

B. HIM. Again, men LOVE good sex. The though of getting a good romp later during the day could very well be the main reason they get up every morning and go conquer the world (no matter how big or small their world is). They work out, learn game, acquire wealth, provide resources just to get the best sex they can. This alone speaks volumes.

The only men I met that claimed they were not really into it, were those who never actually got to enjoy good sex. Once they did, they were ready to give their all and much more to the woman who knew how to make them feel good in the bedroom.

The thought of a lifetime of steady sex with his sexy girlfriend is what makes a man want to commit further and take a shot at marriage. When you look at it this way, I cannot fathom why on earth would a woman let herself go and reject the husband of HER choice. Sexual rejection stings horribly for men and transforms them into doormats and chumps, who feel inadequate and failing at life. Guess where will that take them? Yup, getting fat, depressed and withdrawn. It is my belief that a woman can easily bring her husband up and encourage him just by providing him with good sex. It's also true that she can easily tear him down by constant rejection.

C. The Relationship. Ok, you've dated and vetted and found a guy who gives you the tingles and is also a good prospect. It's time to take your relationship to the physical realm and you're both nervous and eager. After all why wouldn't you be? You like this man and want to make it work. Knowing the importance men place on sex, you may tend to get all worked up over making it a pleasant experience for both of you.

Some men are experienced and dominant. They really know what buttons to push and make you lose it and submit to them. Should he also be looking for a serious relationship (which you already know, via good vetting), this is the ideal case. Let him lead, do not be afraid to show him you want him and let him woo you.

The majority didn't get the chance to actually enjoy good sex with a woman. Maybe they're young. Maybe they're inexperienced. Maybe their ex was a shrew, a bitchy self-proclaimed nympho who was way too centered on her own pleasure. It's with these men you really need to be careful and this is where knowing and loving yourself really proves crucial. Usually, if you let one of these guys lead, the first time won't be a very sexy experience and it might get him to close off and you'll have a much difficult time helping him open up later on. Maybe he finishes too soon. Maybe he doesn't know what to do, he's too aggressive or too timid. Again, show him you want him and COMING FROM A PLACE OF SUBMISSION, take the lead. Caress him, guide him as to where you like to be touched, get down on your knees and blow him, then gently whisper in his ear you're ready for him. Don't get your hopes up for the first time, getting to a point where sex is really good, for you and for him, takes time and dedication. Don't show him everything you know in one go. Surprise him, but don't pull all your cards at once. Let his mind wander on which other thoughts of ways to please him go through that pretty head of yours.

Ffw, some time has passed, you know each other and your relationship has progressed. Now it's the time to get really freaky. Don't be afraid to pose for your man. Send him sexy nudes when he's away. Go buy some new lingerie just to show it off. Try out clothes in front of him, dress up, even if it's just for a chill evening at home. Get out those sexy heels he likes, make the house your catwalk and I guarantee he'll snap out of whatever he may be doing. You think he's watching too much TV in the evenings while you slave away cleaning up the house? Forget about cleaning the kitchen, put a V-neck sweater or some short shorts and go dust the living room table or the shelves. He'll drop the remote like it's going out of style and start eyeing you like crazy.

Play with him. Don't be afraid to (gently) moan during sex, tell him you find him sexy, when you think he looks good in that shirt or when he's changing the tire. Forget about all your insecurities and really, TRULY, love your man from head to toe. Master your BJ skills, train your gag reflex so you can surprise him with a deep-throat session. Be open to anal, you might even get to enjoy it yourself. Talk about what you'd like and ENCOURAGE him to speak about his fantasies. Never belittle him, never show yourself disappointed. You both have a lifetime together to learn mutual pleasure. Give all of yourself to him, be his sexual slave, listen to him. Throw all of your insecurities out the window, this man chose you for YOU, the bedroom is not the place to be insecure. Casually walk around the house naked when he's busy doing his own thing and enjoy feeling his gaze following you. Don't be afraid to have sex everywhere in the house or in the car. Take him out for a night of stargazing to a remote place and blow him while he's watching the night sky.

Get accustomed to his semen. It's just a body fluid. Swallow, let him come anywhere on your body, show him you love every tiny bit of him. After all what's the worst that could happen? It stings when it gets into your eyes but so do countless pesky little flies throughout your life. If you find he tastes too bitter and it makes you sick, tell him that, advise him to hydrate properly, drink less beer (as beer usually makes semen very bitter) and instead, incorporate more pineapple into his diet. He'll be more than happy to oblige and you've also successfully saved him from some useless carbs and made his diet healthier.

Please notice I never mentioned anything about you asking or demanding stuff from him. Talk about what you like but NEVER demand. Maybe he'll like going down on you, maybe he won't. If he doesn't and you really really want it badly, then ask yourself if this is something you can compromise on. Focus on GIVING him the best sex of his life and he'll reciprocate.

Always try something new, flirt with him, even after 20 years together, you have a duty to be desirable to your husband. In turn, he'll also keep desirable for you. No man will let himself go knowing he won't be able to have all that amazing sex anymore. He will think long and hard and you'll have to really screw up to get him to leave you, when his sexual needs are met in a way that makes him think none of his friends get the quality sex he does. Tell him how turned on by him you are and enjoy the thought that he gets hard the next day at work just by thinking about what you did to him last night. Encourage him to talk about this too then connect through sharing a moment like this when you're out to dinner with friends and he can't get up as his erection is showing. Create sexual memories together regarding places. While we`re at it, sometime when you're out, dressed all classy, like the good girl you appear to be, get up, go to the bathroom, get off your panties, come back and place them in the palm of his hand. He'll go crazy with desire and you will have created a good memory together.

In closing, while you enjoy a stellar sex life which makes you act and feel younger and the thought that your man gets hard by just thinking of you, you'll also notice he's much more willing to do his share of the household chores, listen to you when you`ve had a bad day and be overall, much more connected to your needs and desires as a woman.

Never close the door on your partner's desires, but strive to open up as many windows as possible, until you can peek into his innermost persona and he into yours.

LATER EDIT: Not being in the mood is NOT an excuse to reject your man. Sometimes however, there'll be days when all hell breaks loose and you can't wait for them to be over so sex might very well be the last thing on your mind. Even then, if you see your partner is in the mood, try to reciprocate as best you can. Still, sometimes our bodies just don't feel it, even to the point that penetration is very difficult, if not impossible. In those cases a gentle delay and waking him up with an enthusiastic BJ the next morning is a much better alternative than just lying there, waiting for it to be over. However, this should be an emergency situation, not a weekly occurrence. For example, there was this only one time this year I rejected my boyfriend. It was a particularly long day at work, also had to juggle 3 different job interviews all throughout town carrying a laptop in my backpack in a dreadful humid heat and on top of that, it was also the first day of my period. When I got home, I just wanted it all to be over, but my bf wanted some attention. Feeling horribly ashamed, I gently declined, but made sure to be extra sweet and attentive to his desires for the next week. Don't force yourself to do something your body tells you not to, you'll only start building resentment. Also, our bodies tend to have a certain sensorial memory, if sex hurt badly last time you did it, next time you'll notice you have trouble getting wet and relax. But don't make this a habit, this should really be just a very, very RARE exception to your eagerness to please your man.

L.E2: It just stuck me that I've never said anything about size & duration. These are sensible topics, tread carefully.

If your guy is well endowed, he probably knows it. Never skip the chance to tell him how good it feels. The reverse of this is, if he's on the rather small side, don't lie. Find other things to compliment him about, like his technique, his abs and all that. How would you feel if someone told you you've got a beautiful nose when you know you objectively don't? Yeah, lied to your face, maybe like he's trying to gain something from you. Don't do this to your man, it would be a huge faux-pas. Also, a smaller penis might actually work better in the long term too. I'm a small woman and the thought of getting stretched at least once daily for years doesn't really sound like the perfect scenario. Rather, his 'tool' should 'fit' and that usually can be seen in how well you 'fit' physically as a couple. My encounters with tall men have all turned painful after a while. Also, for the curious out there, if you want to get an approximation of his size & girth down there, look at hands and especially his fingers. I've found they are very telling.

How long he lasts in bed is also a hot-topic. Some guys really last for hours or might even have trouble finishing but that also tends to get a painful really fast. Most guys however, don't. Never make him feel bad for this. You can get your orgasm next time, or, learn to get there faster. Rather, take it as a compliment and feel proud. How long he lasts can be improved in time, with patience. Also, the more diverse, steamy, regular sex a guy has, the easier it is for him to last longer.


[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor 37 points38 points  (3 children)

Awesome post and not surprised it came from you, dear!

Also just wanted to say - sex drive, fitness/weight, fashion are all correlated. If you are fit you will want to show off that body to your man. Keep fit and keep sexy. The sex and enthusiasm will generate naturally, I guarantee you. If you feel and look sexy then you won't want to gorge or stuff your face.

I am proud to say I blow my boyfriend more than we have PIV, and I love it so much my boyfriend even teases me - "you should see yourself doing it, you are really enjoying it." Love his dick, it can be yours forever.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    That's crazy. I want to feel worshiped during sex and I want my SO to feel the same way... For me sex is a very spiritual event, even if its quick or rough... People are too sensitive anymore.

    [–]Shaela90[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Thanks!

    You post is also very good! I too find that stuffing my face and feeling sexy dont really go well together. Which is awesome, because my bf knows how much I like sex so we're both sure I'd never choose excess food over some good ol roll in the hay 😁. Hence, he's got the promise of a sexy body in bed for as long as I can keep it

    [–]Moobx 19 points20 points  (1 child)

    I want to correct a huge misconception people have about losing weight, specifically that u have to start eating salads and fruit smoothies...my obese coworkers try to do the same and guess what, they're still obese and EVEN more hungry/miserable.

    It is true that weightloss is about eating less, but it is possible to do it without being miserable. Eat things that fill the tummy up, and take longer to process, and u will suddenly be able to go 4 hrs in between meals. This means eat protein, complex carbs, and healthy fats. If u are still gaining weight while doing this lower the portions, and do not overeat just because it can fit. A chicken thigh and a cup of rice is enough for a 5'1 person like me. My bf is 5'11 and needs 3 chicken thighs, and maybe 2 cups if rice.

    /end rant

    [–]LOST_TALE 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    keto is life. piece of cake

    [–][deleted] 42 points43 points  (13 children)

    I have a pretty high sex drive as a rule, but sometimes I'm really tired, or stressed, or sad, etc. and I don't feel like I'm in the right mindset for sex.

    What we all need to realize is that you don't have to be in the mood for sex to have it.

    Here's an example: I was out late with my ex, and he tells me in the car that he really wants me to blow him when we get home. I'm so tired, as it's really late and I've had a long day. I don't think I'm really up to doing it.

    I started blowing him, and you know what? The more I kept going, the more I started getting into it, and the more he started enjoying it, which made me get into it even more. I completely forgot that I was tired.

    Ladies, you have to learn how to honestly LOVE giving blowjobs. Don't think of it as you're doing him an act of service, a favor, etc. No. You are doing it for YOURSELF. You're doing it because you love how big and hard it feels in your mouth. You're doing it because YOU derive pleasure from sucking him off. I get soaking wet from giving blowjobs because that's the mentality I have. It works as foreplay for me, even though he may not even touch my body at any point. No amount of Cosmo "secret techniques" will ever teach you how to really be good at giving head. Every man is different. There's no one magic technique that will work on all of them.

    It's your mindset that will make you great at it.

    [–]Shaela90[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    Yup, I forgot to mention this! Thanks for pointing it out. Not being in the mood is a shitty excuse. So you wake up every morning to go to work when you're not in the mood but don't let your man pleasure you because of the same reason? Hmm ...

    Honestly, I can't even imagine a good enough reason to say no to your man's advances. Men are not evil, a happy, steadily satisfied man will never try to get sex when you truly are ill, so any excuse to say no is just that, a lame excuse showing how little you value your man.

    I second the BJ part too, it's amazing how men just love them!

    [–]beingthehunt 19 points20 points  (6 children)

    Are you so insecure about your relationship to think that it would collapse because you don't perform to you partner's desires at the drop of hat? I agree that sometimes you can rouse your sexual desires seemingly from nowhere but encourage women to be slaves to their male partner is sickening. No wonder men feel entitled to women's bodies if this is what women are telling to each other.

    YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE SEX IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX.

    [–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (3 children)

    Um, no. I just know that sex is extremely important, and you can't just neglect that aspect of your relationship because you may not "feel like" doing it. This is a pretty widely held belief here on RPW. I don't know what you're on about. It's pretty obvious that you don't know much about this community.

    slaves to their male partner

    Yeah, this smells like feminism. Have you read our sidebar? This is an antifeminist community.

    men feel entitled to women's bodies

    Yep, still smells.

    [–]beingthehunt 8 points9 points  (2 children)

    If it works for you, I'm happy for you. But you don't know that sex is important for anyone other than yourself. Every relationship is different. You can't extrapolate from personal experience.

    I didn't come here purposely to attack your ideas but I couldn't read that comment and not say anything because I believe that particular bit of advise to be damaging to women and society in general. If girls and young women come here looking for advise and leave thinking that the only way they will ever please a man is to open their legs to him whenever he wants and they get no choice in the matter, I believe that is a damaging idea to have.

    [–]mrpthrowa 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    I didn't come here purposely to attack your ideas but I couldn't read that comment and not say anything because I believe that particular bit of advise to be damaging to women and society in general. If girls and young women come here looking for advise and leave thinking that the only way they will ever please a man is to open their legs to him whenever he wants and they get no choice in the matter, I believe that is a damaging idea to have.

    Horrid standard feminism speak. Save those girls will you?

    [–]Shaela90[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    Where do you actually find these men that you say feel entitled to women's bodies? I truly have not met a single one of them.

    Might be because I just happen to have standards regarding the people I associate with and cut them off at the first sign of incompatibility with my own values. And I'm sure there are other, more subtle cues that a man(or a woman, for the matter) might be an asshole.

    No need to get all worked up, but know that you will always get the treatment you settle for. Don't keep the company of assholes.

    [–]wsba910am 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    I think from looking at your use of language, such as phrases like "at the drop of [a] hat" and "seemingly from nowhere" and "slaves" that you have an unhealthy view of the kind of relationship that OP and this community are talking about when in discussions like these. You warn OP in a following reply not to extrapolate from personal experience, yet your use of language shows your own experience all over your posts. It's a good thing you said you didn't come here to attack OP, but seriously, if we were talking about the kinds of relationships I'm sure you're thinking of, you'd be right. But your straw man argument is built on the fictitious notion that guys are bad. Red pill women are intentionally talking about guys who are worth being in relationships with. This is why your opinion seems different, and you still stay in this community. Because you and OP are talking about different men.

    [–]AshleyAccount 3 points4 points  (2 children)

    I am very lucky, I have loved giving blowjobs all my life, it's a wonderful gift I've been given. It's one of the most intimate things a girl can do, and it's always brought me closer to my partner. I love the way it makes the man feel, how it feels in my mouth getting harder ("I did that :)"), the smell, the taste, when the man loses control for that few seconds before climax, all of it. My girlfriends don't all agree or understand, but really do it for myself and it really turns me on. I like to be creative and change things up a bit to always have a little surprise for him :)

    It's one of the things that brought my husband and I very close before we got married.

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    That's awesome! I feel the same way about blowjobs, as you can tell from my original comment. Keep up the good work; I'm sure he'll appreciate it :)

    [–]AshleyAccount 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    :) he's always very appreciative--it's win-win :)

    There are even some times (more than a few) when i have to initiate/convince/ask to give him head. I start to think about it, and then i sort of have a craving, then i go find him :)

    [–]Breatheinprawna 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I love to give pleasure. What a gift.

    [–]DatingCoach111 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    The guys and I over at TRP would kill to have women like this in our lives, but RP-aware or traditionally submissive women are a rarity. The pain of sexual rejection is as strong as you say it is; we choose a very special woman to commit to, and to have her reject us (habitually) takes a huge hit to the ego. We go to the gym, whiten our teeth, work long hours for money, shower thoroughly, get haircuts, build new skills, work on inner game, all because we do our best to be attractive as possible to women. We will never have expectations for our partners to do the same, but we also don't have to stick around for someone who consistently lacks appreciation by letting themselves go, rejecting us, and allowing us to feel neglected. There are no double standards here, however; men who don't appreciate their female partners should not be tolerated.

    Love this post.

    [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    You've explained this so well. Great post! I really like the way you've emphasized the importance of having a genuinely positive attitude about sex. I was an inexperienced virgin when I met my husband/then boyfriend (he wasn't) and some of the "advice" I found online was really intimidating. Basically, lists of tricks, horror stories and posts claiming it's impossible to have 'good' sex as a virgin/until you've had multiple partners. Friends shared some helpful knowledge but it more about technique, which can still be overwhelming for someone new to sex. Porn was off putting at best. So, I decided to stop overthinking, reading, and stressing about it in general. I was excited to share my sexuality with him and chose to focus on that, combined with his attitude everything fell into place.

    [–]Wissenschaft85 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    I'll just say this is the right attitude for women to have. The idea that love and desire are things you have to fight to maintain seems like a foreign concept to far too many in modern society. Far too often when a I hear a woman complain about sex and I ask what they are doing, the answer is nothing. How can sex be good if one partner does nothing?

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

    [–]Shaela90[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Hahahaha! I love this! Awesome!

    [–]juneburger 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    Nice post. Don't send nudes.

    [–]lolahaze11 4 points5 points  (3 children)

    These are all really great tips and Im almost positive I follow them all, but what if even though I do all these things hes just always too tired or his mind is somewhere else? Whenever I hint or try to act and dress sexy he says hes too busy with work, too tired, or its just not where his head is. I've even tried walking around naked & shaking my butt on him and it doesnt even work. We have sex once a week on the weekends but its just not enough for me even though it is for him. We have a ten year age difference and I understand couples can go through sex phases, but how can I get his head back in the game when none of this is working for me?

    [–]Shaela90[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

    Does he work a really stressful job or do other factors make him stressed?

    Has he always been like this?

    Objectively, how good do you think you look?

    Does he work out and maintain a healthy lifestyle?

    Did you use to reject him a lot?

    Do you have your own life apart from him?

    These and many more are questions you need to ask and answer for yourself, then maybe try discussing them with him and see where he stands. Don't make it about him, but about you and see where YOU can improve, as you have no control over anybody else. You can only do your best and if that best doesn't bring you the relationship you wish for with him, then maybe you need to reevaluate it. Work on yourself first, then on your relationship with him, but don't nag or criticize. In the end, there are pluses and minuses to every relationship, look at what he is bringing to the table and then and ONLY THEN at what he is lacking, then do the math.

    [–]lolahaze11 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Yes, that's true.. Thanks so much for the insight, I'll definitely think about all this.

    [–]thr0wawaydyel2 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Check for Low Testosterone.

    [–]lidlredridinghood 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    This post is great and I'm glad it's being discussed. Understanding how these things fits together, really does make have a satisfactory relationship so much more practical....

    [–]Igotsfeelingstho 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    You are SPOT ON girl! Sex is so important to a relationship, it's healthy, it's therapeutic, and in my opinion one of the best forms of communication ;)

    And I love the way my husband looks at me after I have satisfied him - he'll stroke my face as his fingers tremble with a dazed look of admiration. It makes me feel like the most beautiful, desired woman in the world.

    And I agree with not withholding/rejecting sex - I have never withheld sex from my husband, even after a heated argument, and I have learned so much from that. Sex is a great way for us to stay connected when life gets tough. It's a way to reset things after a stressful argument (which don't happen often, but are usually due to stress anyhow), it calms us down and bonds us. It's also a great way to express our feelings during hard times - Sometimes it's just easier to say how we feel to each other through our lovemaking.

    [–]lidlredridinghood 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I was branch swinging for years, and completely confused. I started playing with my captain, who was much higher MV, and I decided to get in shape. Figure out how to be a girl. Learn game.... there he introduced me to RP... been a crazy ride, and I'm by far the happiest I've ever been.

    [–]_Vi_999 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Great post! I agree with everything. An amazing marriage has also an amazing sex life.

    [–]wsba910am 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    one of the greatest posts of all time