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THEORYA man's honesty is a gift (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by [deleted]

Hi everyone,

Today I want to talk about honesty. In this era of political correctness, being truly honest about how you feel and giving your opinions on topics that matter to you have been severely impeded because we're all afraid of offending someone. There is always someone who could take things the wrong way. Men especially need to keep their opinions to themselves.

Society has always catered to women's sensibilities (which feminists don't want to acknowledge), but now, more and more topics are becoming off limits. If a conversation does arise, blue pillers try to steer it in a way that aligns with the feminist agenda, and incorporate things like "misogyny," "victim blaming," "fat acceptance," you get the picture.

I gained 70+ lbs in 6 months from one of my medications (antipsychotic med). At 5'7, I used to be a healthy 145. I got up to 216 at my highest weight. This devastated me. Not only did I now have a pudgy stomach when previously it used to be flat and toned, my legs were like ham hocks, and I was covered in red, angry stretch marks. I looked in the mirror every morning and burst into tears. I felt so awful about myself that my hatred of my body combined with my self harm tendencies, and I tried to burn/cut off my fat. That's how bad it got.

That's just on the subject of how I felt about myself. As far as physical impediments go, I now get asthma and vertigo when I try to exercise. I went to my doctor and I did prediabetic screening, and was told I needed to watch my blood pressure. I can't do even a fraction of the things I used to do anymore.

I also noticed that men were looking at and approaching me less and less. It went from multiple times a day to zero within a few months. Maybe I'll get a smile here and there because I still have a pleasant face (no double chin, thank god), but still, the idea that my face is the only thing men want to look at is pretty depressing.

I would try to express how I felt to my friends and immediately be shut down. It's so funny, feminists complain all the time about others invalidating their experiences, but it's something they are guilty of doing all the time. My friends would tell me "You're not overweight! You're so beautiful! You don't need to change! You can be healthy at a bigger size! Men are stupid for not wanting to be with you! Don't listen to society's standards! Women don't need to look a certain way to be beautiful!"

...Yeah, I know. I know that they meant well, but all they did was invalidate my experience of being an overweight 21 year old woman who used to be healthy and attractive. They tried to convince me that there was nothing wrong when everything was wrong. I knew what they were saying wasn't true, but at the same time, I wanted oh so badly for someone to tell me I was okay. Guess what happened? None of the weight came off.

Enter the man I was dating recently. We met on a dating app (not Tinder, one that's actually meant for relationships). The one full-body picture I put on my profile was from two years ago. I told myself I uploaded it because it was a nice picture (me in a cute apron holding a pie I baked), but at least part of it was because I wasn't comfortable with anyone seeing what my body looked like now.

He messages me, we hit it off, so we make plans for a date. We meet up, things seem to be fine, until we sit down to eat dinner. He says, "you look a bit different than you did on your profile." I ask him what he meant. He says, "it looks like you've gained weight." I get a sinking feeling in my stomach, but I tell him the truth, that I have gained a lot of weight since that one picture. He says, "you're big, but you're pretty."

My mouth flew open. I had never had someone be so blunt with me about my weight before. (He is not American, and where he's from, it's completely okay to comment on a person's weight. I didn't know this at the time, though.)

Anyway, I burst into tears in the middle of the restaurant and started packing up my things to leave. He stopped me and was very apologetic. He said that he didn't mean to hurt me, and if I'm going to be completely honest with myself, did he say anything that wasn't true?

He then sat me down and told me that he believed I had tremendous potential. He was willing to help me lose the weight. He told me he wants me to go to the gym every day, no excuses.

He is the only person who has motivated me to lose this weight, and has believed in my ability to do so. Everyone else just said that I was fine the way I was. He pushed me to improve, and he made me want to be the best version of myself. I had never met a man who has done that for me, until I met him.

I dragged my feet a bit at first, but I made up my mind that I would lose a significant amount of weight when I went on vacation.

I LOST 7 POUNDS IN TWO WEEKS! I didn't even feel like I was denying myself anything! I just cut down on carbs, loaded up on veggies, and got more active. Pretty simple, but man did it make a difference.

I told my friends about how this guy was motivating me to lose weight, and you know what they said? "Oh my god, he's an asshole, why would he ever say anything about your weight?! That's NOT okay. He should accept you for who you are." When I told them I lost 7 pounds, they were soooo happy for me, but of course, they didn't give him any credit for his role in my losing the weight.

The thing is, we don't want people to accept us for who we are. What if who we are is fat, lazy, unmotivated, etc.? People have the ability to change and improve, and you and your partner should always be striving to be better for yourselves and each other.

When a man is truly honest with you and isn't trying to sugarcoat what he says, thank him. It's a sign of respect. Unlike 90% of other women, he thinks you can handle it. The truth hurts, but you can turn that pain into motivation. That's what I did, and I'm not going to let anyone who thinks that he shouldn't have said anything about my weight stop me. If he hadn't, I would still be complacent and miserable.

He and I needed to go our separate ways, but his honesty changed my life, and that's no exaggeration.

Welcome a man's honesty. Embrace the truth, and move forward with your life with the newfound knowledge you have. You will be a better woman for it.


[–][deleted]  (6 children)

[deleted]

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (5 children)

Haha, yeah, I told myself it was okay because every other picture was current, so what's the big deal if one of them is old? The current ones were just my face, though, and you can't tell I'm overweight from my face.

I'm going to take a break from dating for now. I'll wait until I'm back at my original weight (145) because I know I'll have many more options at that size.

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

[deleted]

    [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    Ugh, filters are cancer. I avoid them at all costs.

    Yeah, I'm just going to focus on self improvement in general (health and also inner cultivation and all that). I have always struggled with putting myself first and prioritizing my needs over the needs of others, and I have suffered because of it. No more.

    Thank you :)

    [–]sonder_one 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    There are no women with accurate pictures in online dating. None. Every man figures this out quite quickly.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–]sonder_one 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      The Red Pill is about telling unpleasant truths. The Blue Pill is about wishing them away.

      The degree to which photos are misleading is not similar between the genders. It is not close. Yes, men do lie about their height a lot. They have incentive to do this, as women have been shown to attach extraordinary significance to a man's height. You may counter that in a world where every other woman's photos lie significantly, a given woman must do likewise to date "within her league". But the fact remains that women do far more photo editing than men.

      [–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (9 children)

      When I was miserably married at 21, I topped out at 5'5.5" and 270 pounds. I remember looking in a mirror and thinking "I don't even feel like a woman, anymore." I used to think that I looked like a shaved gorilla. What an awful thing to think about oneself.

      After I got divorced, I was walking around the mall with my best friend one day. She nodded to the Hollister store and commented that it was strange that we were too old for Hollister. I realized that I'd never had the confidence or been the size to even shop there. I'd missed a window. How many others was I missing? I prayed for willpower and strength and I lost about 115 pounds over a year and a half... and I kept it off. This gave me the confidence to start dressing in cute dresses and flats, doing my hair and makeup, and dating. Suddenly, men were noticing me. People, both men and women, were friendlier and more relateable. Everyone thinks the worst part of being fat is the insults, but it's not. Few people will outright insult you, but most look right through you and that's a horrible thing for a 23-year-old single woman.

      Today, I catch my profile in the mirror and think about how losing weight changed my whole life. I met and married a wonderful man. I can ride a bike for hours at a time. I workout daily. I rarely have asthma attacks anymore. I'll be able to chase my kids around the yard. I'll have someone with whom to have kids. To think, I could've been fat in 2017, when everyone would show me pictures of Hilda the obese pinup girl and Tess Holliday would tell me I'm beautiful with a mouth full of cake. I'd have been sold the lie of "health at every size" and that "real men love curves." I might have never changed my life with that kind of enabling.

      [–]tempintheeastbayEndorsed Contributor 3 points4 points  (1 child)

      Have you ever heard elna baker's story? She's been featured on some podcasts & "storytelling competitions" (I think there's a Youtube video). There's a really poignant bit where she talks about that "looking right through you" phenomenon that really stuck with me. She says after she lost a ton of weight (100lbs+ as well i think) it was like she found a parallel universe where people were nicer and friendlier and talked to you so much more.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I'll have to look that up! I've never seen or heard anyone mention that and it always baffles me that no one talks about it.

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Wait, you were 170 and lost 90 lbs? I hope that was a typo. That doesn't sound healthy.

      Aside from that, everything you said about how you started putting more effort into your appearance and how people started noticing you are all things I look forward to once I lose the weight.

      You're so right about people looking right through you. I used to be able to capture the attention of most people I encountered; now I'm invisible.

      I wouldn't have changed either if someone didn't wake me up to the state I was in. Now that I can see progress in my weight loss, it inspires me to keep going.

      [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      Edit: 270. Lol.

      Yes, people definitely aren't hateful. They're just totally ambivalent. You may as well not exist. People would actually pass me up in line, because they didn't notice me. It's such a strange phenomenon that no one talks about, because they're too busy insisting they can be beautiful at a heavier weight.

      People still ask me what motivated me and the answer is "success." You lose 10 pounds and that encourages you to lose 10 more. What starts off that first 10 pounds? Realizing that you're looking at a bleak and lonely future, where your most engaging moments are Taco Tuesday with your gal pals, attending weddings as "the fat bridesmaid", and cooing over other people's babies.

      [–]RedPillWonder -1 points0 points  (4 children)

      I topped out at 5'5.5" and 170 pounds.

      And

      I lost about 90 pounds over a year and a half.

      Kara, did you get down to 80 lbs?! So 5'5.5 and about 80 lbs.

      Wow, that is... thin. And I say that as someone who finds a slender or petite figure on a woman attractive. Well, athletic and toned works too with feminine curves, but still, I'm just wondering how healthy it is?

      It obviously works for you, and it's great to hear about the weight loss success, keeping it off and all the many benefits of it for you.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

        [–]RedPillWonder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        OK. I didn't see that. Thanks!

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        Lol, no. That was a typo. I, eventually, got down to about 155, which I guess puts the total at more like 115, but it was more like 100 (not 90) initially and for about a year. I built up a lot of muscle from working out daily and am pretty happy with my current weight.

        [–]RedPillWonder 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Lol OK I gotcha. :)

        I built up a lot of muscle from working out daily and am pretty happy with my current weight.

        Great!

        [–]tempintheeastbayEndorsed Contributor 16 points17 points  (2 children)

        Hm. I'm happy you're making positive changes in your life, and generally I very much agree that difficult truths should be said, and that we too often attack people for recognizing them.

        However, at least where I'm from, this part seemed a little weird:

        "He then sat me down and told me that he believed I had tremendous potential. He was willing to help me lose the weight. He told me he wants me to go to the gym every day, no excuses."

        Perhaps you're summarizing multiple interactions into 1 sentence? But if he indeed told you he "wants you to go to the gym every day" on your first ever encounter, TBH, that strikes me as strangely prescriptive and overly involved in a stranger's life. I'd totally accept that level of involvement from someone I was seeing/dating, but that seems socially odd for an very early interaction, bit like someone you meet at a party telling you what time to go to bed.

        [–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (1 child)

        Yeah, it was a summarization. These conversations happened over the course of several dates. That would be a little weird for a first date, lol.

        [–]tempintheeastbayEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        That makes more sense!

        [–]SeeTheSquirrels 7 points8 points  (5 children)

        If one of your female friends had agreed with you and told you yes, you are bigger but you're still pretty, would you have valued that feedback, or is this feedback more valuable to you because it's coming from a man?

        [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (3 children)

        I think it had more impact on me coming from a man, because in this case, I was romantically interested in the man who told me that. When he told me that I was "big but pretty," it alerted me to the fact that I may not meet his standards for a romantic partner, which motivated me to change so that I could meet his standards.

        Hopefully that makes sense.

        [–]SeeTheSquirrels 4 points5 points  (2 children)

        Thanks for your response. I'm trying to understand RPW a bit more thoroughly. I've read (most) or the sidebar. Where does validation seeking and low self esteem fit in here? From the way you told the story, it seems like you would have just wallowed in your misery until someone came by and picked you out of it. I can see how someone you find attractive not finding you attractive would be a catalyst, but can't that be seen as seeking validation from that man to loose weight as opposed to doing it because you wanted to look a certain way? I guess to me, changing to meet your standards of what you want to be is more valuable than changing to meet the standards of a romantic partner. Is there a pitfall of RPM thinking that you're just trying to please him, and if left to your own devices you would get fat again? I've seen that sentiment on TRP a fair amount.

        Also, you said that men being honest and blunt with you makes you special and different than other women in their eyes, but you also said that this guy is from a country where it's commonplace to be honest and blunt about weight. Perhaps some people are just less likely to sugar coat things because if their upbringing or personality, not because they think you are special?

        [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        No, I would not get fat again if I were left to my own devices. I only gained weight because of the medication I was put on. I had been healthy my whole life prior to that.

        He was the catalyst. I wanted to lose weight anyway, but I just didn't have much motivation to do so.

        Call it what you want. Some people told me "You shouldn't be losing weight for him, you should be losing weight for yourself." I'm doing it mostly for me. In the end, I am the one who would primarily benefit from losing weight, not him.

        [–]SeeTheSquirrels 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        I can understand him being the catalyst. I think I just read your story in such a way that you were losing weight to fit his standards because he thought you were special enough to be honest with. I see a lot of pitfalls in that, but it's good that you're working towards your own personal standards anyway.

        [–]sonder_one 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Women will tell literally everyone that they're beautiful.

        [–]bittersweettruth_ 5 points6 points  (3 children)

        When a man is truly honest with you and isn't trying to sugarcoat what he says, thank him. It's a sign of respect. Unlike 90% of other women, he thinks you can handle it.

        THIS is the source of much of my anger as I swallowed the red pill.

        I wasn't mad at the truth. I was mad that nobody told me the truth. I am forever thankful that at least a few people cared enough about me to tell me what I needed to hear. I just wish it happened much sooner.

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

        Well put. I was pretty astonished when I realized how much this stuff all made sense, yet I had never heard anyone talk about it.

        No one talks about it because it doesn't align with what today's society deems morally "right" or "acceptable." Doesn't make it any less true, though.

        [–]bittersweettruth_ 3 points4 points  (1 child)

        Yet society thinks it's morally "right" and "acceptable" to keep people in the dark about how the world actually works, leaving them confused, angry, and hurt as they struggle to figure out why the same bad shit keeps happening...

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        It's pretty stupid.

        At least we have a place to discuss the alternative to that. That I am grateful for.

        [–]Bamfmaiden 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        Friends are people who help you and motivate you to achieve what you want to achieve. The people you describe are not your friends. I had a similar situation. I was born with slight facial disfigurement. It bothered me forever. I decided to get the minor plastic surgery to fix it. My "friends" all told me I shouldn't-- guys should love me for the way I was. Well, I did NOT like the way I was. One true friend said, "Get the surgery; it's low risk and you will look much better and feel better." I did...and feel great every time I look in the mirror.

        [–]Shaela90 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        This is so true! Truthful, honest feedback is the most important gift someone, anyone, could give you.

        Two years ago I've been told the same thing, that I am starting to gain weight, I look tired and old from lack of sleep and I'm always in a foul mood. I was in a very bad place, depressed, tired, sick, overworked, obsessing about a guy who rejected me and that comment hurt like nothing else. When I got home from work that night, I took a good look at myself in the mirror for the first time in many, many months. I finally saw how low I allowed myself to get. That moment completely turned my life around.

        Fast forward to now, I'm in the best shape of my life, both physically and mentally, look younger than I did when I was 23, I've learned to dress and take care of myself, make three times as much money while working a much easier job, I got hobbies, friends, a social life and a good relationship with a man who wouldn't have given me as much as a second glance two years ago.

        All this because, at some point, someone took 1 hour of their time to actually be honest and blunt with their opinion on me.

        [–]VioletNoRegard 3 points4 points  (2 children)

        Awesome post and I think it was brave of you to admit to being on medication for mental health. I think women with appropriate treatment for mental health and who try to consistently improve aren't the same as "crazy chicks".

        [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

        Thank you :) I am pretty open about my illness. I couldn't give a damn about what people think. I have made it my life's purpose to work in the field of mental health. I want to advocate for people like me and do whatever I can to destigmatize mental illness. I thought I'd start with myself, by being open about my illness. Only when more of us come out of the shadows and show the world that we are just like them, normal people trying to get by and find their place in the world, will the negative stereotypes of people with mental illness start to change.

        I think many of the so called "crazy chicks" out there don't even have a mental illness; they're just bitchy, controlling, needy, jealous, etc. If they do have a mental illness, they might be using it to excuse their actions, or as a crutch to explain why they aren't trying. In any case, I try to distance myself from those women as much as I can.

        [–]VioletNoRegard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Exactly. The typical "crazy chick" is oftentimes just drunk off entitlement and the constant validation she gets from a blue pill world. She pushes men away because what turns her on is a guy who won't be pushed but she's not aware of it. Men move on real quick and feminism tells her "they just couldn't handle her independent strength. Prince Charming is on his way, worry not! Wait until you're 45!"

        [–]Lucretia99 6 points7 points  (1 child)

        This is great. My story is similar, my man told me to go to the gym and that he expected me to take care of myself. 2.5 years later, I'm in the best shape of my life and hot as fuck. Honesty is the best policy.

        [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        That's what I'm going for! Thank you for sharing your story :)

        I can't wait to be wanted and desired again.

        [–]thinkingfemale 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        I am happy for you! I have a question: If you gained weight because of the medication, how come you have no problem losing it now?

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        I switched onto a different medication. Sorry, probably should have mentioned that.

        [–]LOST_TALE 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Men are stupid for not wanting to be with you! Don't listen to society's standards!

        lol as if settling for that is of any help.

        I know that they meant well

        This as a guy, I wouldn't buy for a single moment. Think of it like being an intelligence agent, the only thing I hear is information, and all I got was disinformation. Useless, I didn't care about anything else but what I came for.

        Your acquaintances made me laugh. ''Reality should just be the way I want'' ''other's preferences should twist to my preferences'' ''other's wants are oppressive'' ''patriarchy!''

        [–]HumanSockPuppetEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        Well written, and very astute.

        Hard truths are meant to better us. And as you said, a person will only speak hard truths to us if they:

        1. Believe we are strong enough to handle it.
        2. Care enough about us to sidestep social niceties and tell us something for our own good.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Thank you! Also, thank you for nicely summarizing my points.

        [–]Captainsgirl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        This is one of the things that I truly value about my husband. It hasn't necessarily been about my weight (I'm a healthy weight for my 5'7) but if he thinks I'm wrong about something...he tells me he thinks I'm wrong. He's not unkind about it, but he gives me his honest thoughts and perspective even when they contradict mine. The thing is, we have built up a foundation of trust, where I have an honest belief that he has my best interests at heart. I think that's really important. I believe that putting your faith in the right people is important, but when you know you have the right person, listening to what they have to say is at least as important. The right people want you to be the best you can be. The wrong people are happy to let you slide by because they look good in comparison.

        [–]FriendFrog 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        There is always someone who could take things the wrong way. Men especially need to keep their opinions to themselves.

        I feel the opposite. People need to stop enabling this behavior. Go out & offend someone.

        [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        I'm saying this in the voice of what society thinks, not what I think.

        [–]Startthecar27 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        As others have said. A man can't tell the truth anymore. If I tell the truth at work I can lose job.

        I am glad you are doing well. Are the drugs causing you to eat more?

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        They were. I switched to a new medication and dedicated myself to eating well and getting active. I weighed myself this morning and have officially lost 20 lbs. I'm pretty excited :)

        [–]lilliesblue 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        This is awesome! Thank you for sharing this.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Anytime :)

        [–]SirKolbath 2 points3 points  (6 children)

        The fuck are people down voting this?

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children)

        I don't think anyone has.

        [–]SirKolbath 0 points1 point  (4 children)

        It was up to five votes, then down to two when I commented.

        [–]SoupTyrant 4 points5 points  (1 child)

        It was up to five votes, then down to two when I commented.

        Reddit has an algorithm where posts and comments show plus or minus a semi random number of upvotes in order to obfuscate the real total.

        Pretty sure it's something to do with fighting bot accounts, but that's why posts can "go down" like that even though it's 100% upvoted.

        [–]SirKolbath 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        Oh cool. I wasn't aware of that. Thank you.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        Oh. I don't know. I checked on desktop and it said it was 99% upvoted.

        Whatever, lol. I'm not bothered by it.

        [–]SirKolbath 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Reddit sometimes seems to have a mind of its own. I've seen some amazing, viral posts get a weird number of down votes for reasons I cannot fathom.

        Except for puppies. Those always get up votes.

        [–]lidlredridinghood 1 point2 points  (2 children)

        Ive been experiencing this for the last year... my captain has been motivational and so incredibly supportive. Absolutely life changing.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        It really makes a huge difference. I'm very happy for you :)

        [–]lidlredridinghood 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Good luck on your journey. You'll five a captain who appreciates the work you've put in.

        [–]Jaythrowawayredditor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I m glad he was able to tell you the difference between the old pic and the real you. Maybe an stranger can work wonders by being blunt although most will chicken out And your friends do care about you because not all is about beauty and perfection but from a health point of view they should have encouraged you to lose weight Kudos to you and the honest stranger you met You have potential. You can make it. Other did it and they are not special. Not destined to. So you can make it again and have 145 lbs again. Good luck

        [–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I'm glad you got to experience the wonderful and motivating effects of an honest man! My man is very honest (to the point he pisses people off sometimes), but it's so valuable because you know hey are going to give you honest feedback, and compliments mean so much more.

        I always wanted to be an author, and a couple of years ago, he just said, "why don't you write a book?" And we talked about it, and me made me believe that I had it in me to write one. Now I have written that book and I'm very proud. I am working on getting it published. Without him, I probably wouldn't have tried.

        On the other hand, he didn't hesitate to playfully point out when I got chubby from some meds (I rapidly shot up from 140 to 155 at 5'7"). He wasn't mean, especially since he knew it wasn't really in my control, but he still pointed it out instead of pretending like it wasn't happening. He's always been my reality check, which is something we all NEED if we are going to be our best selves!

        [–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I'm glad you got to experience the wonderful and motivating effects of an honest man! My man is very honest (to the point he pisses people off sometimes), but it's so valuable because you know hey are going to give you honest feedback, and compliments mean so much more.

        I always wanted to be an author, and a couple of years ago, he just said, "why don't you write a book?" And we talked about it, and me made me believe that I had it in me to write one. Now I have written that book and I'm very proud. I am working on getting it published. Without him, I probably wouldn't have tried.

        On the other hand, he didn't hesitate to playfully point out when I got chubby from some meds (I rapidly shot up from 140 to 155 at 5'7"). He wasn't mean, especially since he knew it wasn't really in my control, but he still pointed it out instead of pretending like it wasn't happening. He's always been my reality check, which is something we all NEED if we are going to be our best selves!

        [–]alissen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I absolutely agree with this. With the logic of 'everyone is beautiful' - nobody is beautiful because everyone is average. With that logic we do not have standards or taste because everyone is fine as they are. With that logic you could date a guy who doesn't shower because he's beautiful and you'd be an asshole to point out that he could become more attractive by taking care of himself. I wonder.... I really wonder if your friends said the same thing if they were forced to say exactly what they thought. Unfortunately you can't force yourself to think that everyone is beautiful as they are (although I'm sure you did look attractive even if you had put on weight. But I'm also sure your friends thought you looked even better before the weight gain).

        [–]frenchinspace 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        This post is awesome. It reminds me of my SO's honesty which is hard to take sometimes but much appreciated.

        I was reading about your condition though with the meds and taking on weight (congrats on the weight loss you acheived!)

        I was wondering if you would be interested in a documentary called "What the Health" (http://www.whatthehealthfilm.com/) which goes on to explain that what you eat daily really affects how your body stays healthy in the long run. Its about cutting out animal products from your diet and focusing on one more plant based. There was a story covered about this lady who couldn't walk and was on many meds, including anti-depressants, due to her illness (I forget what it was). After I think two weeks of going plant based she no longer needs meds and is walking again. Another story followed a man who had diabetes and after two weeks on a plant based diet he cut his meds in half.

        You said you lost weight and felt better after your small diet change and so that is why I am suggesting this documentary.

        Congrats again! :)

        [–]Breatheinprawna 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Yes! I love and respect men on so many levels. Their opinions matter. Before researching and looking within myself, I thought men were harsh. But now looking within myself and my own problems. How you can change yourself for the better. Hearing something "mean" about yourself could change your life.

        [–][deleted]  (7 children)

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        [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (5 children)

        My family and friends should care whether or not I'm overweight, because at the weight I was at (and even the weight I'm still at), my health is at risk. It has nothing to do with seeing me naked. My family did bring it up, but they were too harsh about it. My friends told me later on that they were concerned, but were too worried about hurting my feelings. The guy I talked about struck a balance between the two.

        Feminism tells women that there's nothing wrong with them in all sorts of ways, including weight. The majority of the people involved in the "fat acceptance" movement would also call themselves feminists. They say that it's society's unreasonable and unattainable expectations for women that need to change, not women themselves. This is true across the board on many feminist issues.

        Well, maybe it's not sane, but pretty much all of my friends (even the male ones) said he was being a dick. That's because of social conditioning.

        [–][deleted]  (4 children)

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          [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

          It is clear that you did not really read my post. I gained weight due to the medication I was on. It ramped up my appetite and slowed down my metabolism. I had been healthy my entire life prior to starting that medication. Only after switching to a new medication was I able to lose any weight. I am not going to get fat again if he dumps me.

          [–][deleted]  (2 children)

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            [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

            Were you manic when you got on that medication? Psychotic? Depressed? There's a reason why I wasn't taking care of myself, and it wasn't because I was lazy.