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FIELD REPORTWhat I learned about male psychology in line at the airport (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by kittxxn2 Star

Last November, I had a brief exchange with a man while boarding a red eye flight across the country that taught me an invaluable lesson about men and the state of masculinity.

The Exchange: I was exhausted, our flight was delayed, and by the time we began boarding around midnight, many of us had joined together in solidarity of our unfortunate present circumstances. The man standing behind me in line began to engage with me in small talk, as well as a few people around us. He asked me where I was heading, and I told him I had an interview for a nursing program. He said he was traveling for work, and I asked him what he did for a living. He sort of looked down at his feet, and told me, "I don't know, it's pretty boring. You probably wouldn't want to hear about it." I laughed and said I'm sure that's not true. He explained that he worked for a company that was developing electrical devices that would be sealed into the concrete of skyscrapers that could remotely report the structural integrity of the building during earthquakes, hurricanes, etc. "Just an office job." I told him I actually really thought his work was very interesting and very cool, and that I was sure it would save a lot of people's lives. His eyes sort of lit up, he straightened up, stared at me, and told me he'd never really thought about it that way before. We got on the plane, I made my way to my seat, he ended up about ten rows in front of me, and a few minutes after sitting down, he stood up and passed his business card through ten rows of people, and gave me a wave.

I wasn't single, and probably wouldn't have been interested even if I had been. I was just trying to be kind and courteous to a stranger in line. But although he never heard from me, I really do hope he was able to keep that light in his eyes and confidence that I saw develop in those few fleeting moments.

The Lesson: It's the oldest archetype known to man. The Hero. The dragon-slaying princess-saving man of admiration and honor. The man little boys dream of becoming. In 2018, that little boy grows up to be told by women everywhere that his masculinity is toxic, that his strength is oppressive, that his accomplishments are the result of privilege, that his efforts are futile, that his nature is predatory, that fatherhood is meaningless, that husbands are useless...

...that he won't be able to find his way without pulling over and asking for directions.

In five minutes, a few words of encouragement, genuine interest, and admiration from a stranger completely changed this man's attitude about his work. It's quite possible that for the first time since he was a young boy, he felt like he could be a hero. A woman made him feel better about himself, instead of tearing him down. Imagine the impact you could have on a man in a lifetime. I take it back - the oldest archetype isn't the hero. It's the Woman. The Woman Worth Fighting For. The Woman that civilized man, the Beauty to the Beast. Feminism has decided that it's not fair that the hero archetype belongs to men - we want to be heroes too, right? But when you compete with a man instead of supporting him and loving him, you take away his pride and motivation, and become an adversary instead of his princess and number one fan.

Yes, ladies, we have a masculinity crisis in this country. But who's responsible, and what will it take to reverse the damage done? Whether you're entering the dating market, or have been married for 30+ years, take a second to remind yourself to look up at a man, instead of looking down on him. See the hero in them they desperately want to be, even if he does just work an office job. Be a woman who inspires him. Admire his efforts, thank him for his sacrifices, let him be your hero. And as he begins to see himself through your eyes, magic happens. I've even seen this happen over the course of the past several months with my own man, and can't wait to see where he'll go from here.

I hope you all are having a beautiful Tuesday.


[–]LookingForEquanimity 86 points87 points  (0 children)

Just wanted to say that this was such a nice story. So simple but powerful.

[–][deleted]  (5 children)

[deleted]

[–]sasquatch_pants 28 points29 points  (2 children)

What I have learned is that feminism has engraved itself into society and so many young women that even those who aren't self proclaimed feminists see men such as their husbands/bf as subhuman creatures. I have cable again after not having it for like 2 years and the commercials are awful with this!!!!!

[–]CleburnCO 15 points16 points  (1 child)

The motto of "Women need men like a fish needs a bicycle" came directly from feminism...

Feminism started with noble goals. It became something toxic, focused on destruction of the family and making enemies of men and women who dared question why the family was a bad thing.

It its current form, it is not about women...it is just an attack on traditional families and the men/women who want to have them.

[–]mxmoon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I consider myself a feminist, and I’ve met a slew of less than noble men since I was a child. But after having been raised by a single mother, there is no way in hell that anyone could convince me that a child is better off without both parents. Unless the father is physically abusive, in my opinion 2 are better than one. When my daughters see me or my husband come home, their eyes light up and they’re ecstatic. It makes me happy that they get to feel like that twice everyday because it’s both Momma and Dada that come home to them.

[–]MissNietzsche 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Women are so surprised that their husbands would rather go to the bar than come home to a nagging wife.

I can't wait until I get to the stage of my life where my goal is to create a welcoming home environment that my future husband will want to return to after a long day's work.

[–]Rivkariver2 Star 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It’s so bad that I used to think I was some boy crazy weirdo because I didn’t always want to talk about guys as dumb and silly. Grown women talking like this. They acted like I was somehow emotionally slutty or something because I generally like men as a whole.

[–]laidir7 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I agree mutual respect is being eroded and this is a sad thing but I think to be fair many women have lost this for their husbands maybe because they promise so much but do so little.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Beautiful post. I think it deserves a star if the mods agree u/pearlsandstilettos u/luckylittlestar

[–]LuckyLittleStarModerator | Lil'Star 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Thanks for the recommendation, but /u/girlwithabike beat you to it. She has been awarded a star.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Great minds think alike 😁

[–]kittxxn2 Star[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you!!!

[–]Wolfssenger 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Ha, it's as if you've looked into the core of my being. Yes, all I(and most) men have ever wanted to be is a hero. The hero warrior king, accomplished and revered. Indeed, the fire that engulfs my being is the dream of becoming the honorable warrior, the stoic leader, and finding a woman worth the effort that I have and will put forth. I would even be so pompous as to say that this fire is the epitome of masculinity.

[–]suzy2018 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Agree. I know my worth. I know the hard work and dedication I’ve put in over the years and the intentions and ambition I have for my future self.

I don’t need a woman to coddle me but like anyone, I want to be around someone who values and appreciates those things about me, not someone who minimizes and undermines them.

It’s not the validation I’m in search of, it’s the respect. There is a difference between the two. My own hero is my future self. That’s who I look up to. Yes it’s molded by impressions I get from others I see and read about, but it isn’t determined by anyone but me.

[–]red_philosopher 37 points38 points  (3 children)

Men are never celebrated for what they are capable of these days. Men crave respect. To be respected, and loved, by a woman is one of the greatest desires a man could ever have. Unfortunately, it's also the bane of male existence.

This man is blue-pilled beyond belief. He seeks validation in the approval of women, to the point that he is afraid to be proud of what he does. When you showed him approval, he went full pedestal-mode on you. He doesn't value himself or the effort he puts into his work. He does, however, value the approval of a female stranger who coaxed him into bravery.

Pitiful.

You did learn something valuable about the psychology of blue-pilled men.

They seek female validation above all else.

[–]Xtinamina 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I have to agree with you. I know it makes me sound like a negative Nancy, but based on how easily influenced he was by a positive comment from a female stranger (someone he will never see again), it's a safe bet that he'll be just as easily knocked down and discouraged by the next negative comment that comes his way.

I don't believe that this guy at the airport (or any man, for that matter) needs more women coddling them with reassurances and admiration. I think he needs other men to remind him to be strong (masculine, unswayed, driven, etc) enough to remember that approval (female, especially) is not the goal.

Of course that's not to say don't show approval or admiration for your own SO. That's not what I'm saying at all. I'm just observing that the man in the FR probably has a lot of inner work to do, and it's pretty reflective of today's society's general view on men.

👉Edited to add relevant quote:👈

If you live by other people's approval,

you will die by their rejection.

[–]DrpeppernPBcups 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I think that hearing all the negativity convinces men in a general sense that they’re useless in comparison to a woman. When a man pays you a compliment, doesn’t it motivate you? Honestly, if you made a true effort and anyone noticed, you’d tell yourself that you did a good job. It’s not about coddling men, it’s about letting them know that someone admires their work and effort and just being. Maybe some will change that attitude with one’s compliment. I love the men I work with and I have 3 sons. The way I treat them shapes my environment so easily. Give it a shot and be sincere. Because they are very intelligent and capable.

[–]Rivkariver2 Star 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I kind of agree. I dated someone like this and built him up as a hero, but because he was in this state of mind, he ended up just getting this false bravado, which was unbearable, and didn’t really believe in himself. Men need other men to learn masculinity.

[–]WynterBlu 3 points4 points  (1 child)

This is awesome...also throw in their how you treat your sons if and when you become mothers. I have 3 and truly the way you raise them to be confident, strong men will reflect throughout their lives as well

[–]WynterBlu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

*there...ugh typos!!

[–]murt98 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Heck yeah

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[removed]

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Snide comments are unattractive. Removed.

[–]PurpleLavishness 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol I’m a little interested as too what that user said. Also your comment is just beautiful 👌🏻

[–]humanbynature[🍰] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Someone once commented on Reddit that some men enjoy going getting haircuts because it's the only time a woman touches them and does something nice and comforting for them. I crave touch when I'm single as well, but I acknowledge that I could get a hug or an arm around me in a bar within half hour if I wanted to. Men may go weeks without a single compliment or smile from a woman. When I'm in a good mood, I make it a point to smile and say hello to people in the street no matter what they look like. It may be the only pleasant interaction they have that day.

[–]Hammocknapping 0 points1 point  (7 children)

While this is a nice story, I’m not sure it has anything to do with the masculine psyche. After an exhausting day filled with delays and inconvenience, I’m sure anyone in the line would have been happy to receive kindness and positivity. Your lesson is a good one, but it seems pretty far removed from your actual experience.

Also, while I don’t compete with my husband, there’s no TRP/RPW advantage to not competing with other men. This is a sexual/relationship strategy, and because I have a husband, I have no need for bolstering the pride of other men.

[–]kittxxn2 Star[S] 23 points24 points  (3 children)

Of course I also meant women should be bolstering the pride of their husbands :) and I guess I just really believe the world would be a better place with more confident, proud men. It’s not just a personal sexual strategy. It’s a reframing of gender relations, in the way that we should treat boys, in the way we talk about Father’s Day, and many other examples that have nothing to do with our own relationships.

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor 8 points9 points  (2 children)

This. So much this.

Have a star from me for this perspective and the whole post. It's wonderful.

(/u/pearlsandstilettos 1 star please)

[–]kittxxn2 Star[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Oh my goodness, thank you so much! You are so kind, and I really admire your work!

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor 4 points5 points  (0 children)

And I yours 😁

[–]red_philosopher 10 points11 points  (1 child)

You are really missing the point. Big time

By admiring your man instead of competing with your man, you elevate your relationship instead of denigrating it. She even said so in her post how her current relationship has changed significantly because of this.

Second, I fail to see the purpose of trying to minimize what the OP is trying to communicate. Also, you minimize it, then say it's a good lesson, then dumpster it by saying the lesson is removed from her "actual" experience. This reeks of BS.

Third, this sub isn't just for married women.

[–]Hammocknapping -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

First, I clearly state that I don’t come compete with my husband.

Second, her story and her lesson don’t line up unless her message is that women should not compete with men as a whole. But, that doesn’t appear to be her lesson. Her lesson is about the importance of uplifting and encouraging her partner. She states that you should support and love instead of compete. Personally, I don’t love and support men I meet in airports.

Comments should not be above critique and discussion.

Finally, her lesson is about intimate relationships. Women who are not married are not looking at all men for a relationship. If your goal is to gain commitment from a guy, then sure apply her lesson. But there’s no need to treat Bill in accounting the same way you would a potential partner.

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

[removed]

[–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

This comment and how you would behave isn't at all relevant to the topic of the post.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[removed]

    [–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] -1 points0 points  (1 child)

    The OP is not interested in the man in question. She is discussing the hero archetype. Your comment is all about you. Your desires are rarely, if ever, relevant.

    You missed the point of the post entirely. Additionally, RPW isn't for you. Among other thing, men must be regular commenters on TRP before they are allowed to post on RPW. Move along now.

    [–]moonchildcountrygirl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I feel there are misunderstandings within the heading of “feminism” as there are from those who claim they oppose it. It’s not a dirty word, especially considering the vile condition many women and girls face globally where they’re essentially lower than dogs. In the west there’s a more nuanced and subtle angles to where male and female energies fall into society. That being said I think you’re spot on that boys are absorbing messages of negativity about their nature, internalizing them, and suffering. I imagine as a woman growing up being told my feminine power causes hurt to innocent people would harm me tremendously (and sadly, many women in religious households HAVE grown up like this.) To me the feminism philosophies of 2018 isn’t a premade beacon of perfection. They’re a bundle of ideas to be sharpened to advance our society. The collateral damage of the me too movement aren’t because women are manhating monsters (though theres an internet bandwagon element to that there) The massive cultural shifts in perspective, that have tipped out of balance in both senses, from a society that degrades shames perverts and belittles women to one that is drawing the filth to the surface where its festering for better or worse. Both men and women need to heal. Solar and lunar energy belong together. Empowering one another, taking the kind of self care to bring peace within ourselves and in our communities will draw us hopefully to where we feel most naturally supported.

    [–]Dwingledork 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    If I were rich enough to give you gold, I would. Thanks for sharing

    [–]kittxxn2 Star[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Thank you, means a lot!

    [–]StinkyDiaper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    This post actually made me tear up. As a man, women will never understand the impact they can have by words and a smile alone.

    The proper comment from a female can absolutely floor us, and push us to our highest heights.

    You did a great thing, and I hope more women can follow for the betterment of society.