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Discovering My Own Femininity in college (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by [deleted]

To be honest, this has been a journey and I'm learning new things every day. I honestly did not know what being a feminine women truly meant until I realized I was doing college and living my life wrong.

I thought being a feminine women meant being sexy and yeah, that's part of it but there's different ways to be "sexy". I thought this meant wearing crop tops and shorts/skirts to class. I thought it was okay to curse. I thought it was okay to go out and hang out with a ton of guys. I thought it was okay to accept being a guy's plate and not asking for more because nobody wants to be in a relationship, right? I thought it was okay to go out and drink because it's a Friday night and that's what all my friends did. I also thought it would be hard to lead an engaging, interesting life without going out to parties, drinking, etc.

All this time, I thought the things I had been doing were normal. Actually, I was wrong. It was a new normal. It was what I had ACCEPTED when I came into college.

I finally had a WAKE UP CALL.

When I realized what I was doing was wrong, I started to change things up. I stopped cursing and kept a diary. I quit drinking and haven't had a sip of alcohol for two months now. I haven't gone out to parties in the past two months either. I stopped wearing a lot of what I used to and now I wear only knee-length dresses that are pretty, cute, girly. I also don't really hang out with my friends as much as I used to because I can't really relate to them. I started surrounding myself with people who have similar values to me by volunteering more and finding people off campus.

Now that it's summer and I have more time, I'm going to the gym to work on my glutes and quads. LEG DAY <3 I'm also a lot happier because I felt like going to parties and stuff was a quick fix to being single and looking back, let's be real. There's no way I'm going to find my future husband at any of those parties.

For the next six months, I really want to work on changing my life without engaging in vices (booze, boys, parties) so I can better myself as a person. It's not going to be easy but I can't wait to become a happier, better woman.

I plan on getting better at speaking languages (german/french), getting better at playing soccer, getting better at taking pictures, getting better at makeup and getting better at cooking.

At the moment, this is the first time I'm genuinely not looking for a relationship because I want to fix myself up first. I'm starting from ground zero. It's going to be tough. It's going to suck. But it's going to be worth it.


[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (6 children)

I love success stories <3

Just wondering, did you join some clubs to meet others and what kind? Or did you just do volunteering? I'm looking at colleges now and trying to avoid all the party schools if I can help it, and want to find friends with my interests so I don't get sucked into the party scene.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Hey! Haha me too! It's been a long road but I'm glad that I've changed/am still changing for the better.

Well it's the end of the semester. I'm part of a professional fraternity on campus and that's helped. I also volunteer at a pro-life maternity clinic and the women there are great role models there!

I'm glad you're looking at colleges. I definitely did not want to go to a party school either but it's kinda unavoidable at most schools. At some point down the line, you'll find yourself in sticky situations but the way you deal with them is what will make you stronger.

I'm also doing research over the summer and volunteering. I've also joined a bunch of pick-up soccer games through meetup.com for the summer and I plan on joining the club soccer team in the fall. I might join the college Republicans too because I share similar values but we'll see if I have the time.

Make sure that the friendships you make have a solid foundation and are not built on things like drugs, drinking, or partying or if they are already built on common interests, make sure you don't further the bond between your friends on drugs/drinking/partying because it will not work out in the end. It seems like common sense, but when I realized that some of my relationships revolved around the weekend party scene, I ended up cutting them out.

I hope you find the right college but really at the end of the day, you make your experience.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I suppose so. In the research I've done, school are either super-parties every night, too hard to get into, or the ultra-conservative kind that keep serious tabs and are a little too strict for my preferences. I guess my only option would be to go to a school that has minimal partying and stick to my kind of people.

I guess the volunteering is a given, but do intramural sports in general attract all sorts of people? I don't mind having some people I don't agree with as long as there's a good balance.

That's pretty true. It does matter what you make of your college experience, and the school itself isn't responsible for your misfortunes.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I go to a school which has greek life but it isnt huge here either. It's medium-sized.

It's not easy finding that balance but you kind of have to create that sort of experience for yourself in college.

Intramural sports are great. Really you can pursue any of your passions or hobbies.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (2 children)

I'm in college and I got involved to make friends! I work in the university's day care center in the infant room. Since it's a job that requires lots of nurturing, I met a lot of really sweet, traditional, feminine girls that I've made friends with.

If the town has a good bus system I would live farther from campus than most people. It results in cheaper housing so you live around less party-oriented sorority girls.

It also would help to go to an all-girls school or a religious school, I would figure, but I'm not sure since I go to a public university.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah I go to a private school.

That's great! A lot of the religious organizations, conservative ones. Volunteering and charity orgs are great for meeting new people.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Oh, that is just so cute! I hope I have the chance to do something like that in college. I've checked the student organizations at the places I want to go to, and since I'm looking into engineering and science schools there's less feminine activities.

That's some pretty solid advice about the campus living. I guess it would depend for me where I go, but it's always been part of my plan to look into off-campus housing. Definitely not interested in commuting long distances in a snowy city :( but I guess we'll just have to see...

[–]abdada 9 points10 points  (7 children)

I quit drinking and haven't had a sip of alcohol for two months now. I haven't gone out to parties in the past two months either. I stopped wearing a lot of what I used to and now I wear only knee-length dresses that are pretty, cute, girly. I also don't really hang out with my friends as much as I used to because I can't really relate to them. I started surrounding myself with people who have similar values to me by volunteering more and finding people off campus.

Almost seems like this happens naturally to a lot of dames when it's far too late to add value to their lives and relationships.

Awesome self discovery~

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (6 children)

Yup, I'm glad I discovered this at 19 but even if you're older, it's never too late to stop.

[–]abdada -4 points-3 points  (5 children)

The wiring of the brain/CNS may disagree -- if you stayed on the Common Wisdom track until 25, your brain would likely fight tooth and nail any changes towards a less ostentatious/dramatic lifestyle.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (4 children)

I guess you can call me an optimist but I guess I wrote this as a wake up call to anyone out there. Hope it helps regardless.

[–]abdada 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I would say that optimist women are rare, so I think I would encourage you to continue to be that way.

And I've seen women in their 40s return to some basic 'traditional' behaviors and activities to great success. So it is never to late for some, and it may always be too late for others.

It's just good to see it happening.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

I think optimistic women are common but I think it's harder to find self-conscious/critical women who actually can look at themselves and realize what they've been doing wrong is wrong and that they do indeed need to change.

It's so hard because these days girls in this day and age are "perfect" according to social media. Every girl regardless of how pretty is "perfect" and "Amazing" and "beautiful". It's bs if you ask me.

But yeah, I agree. I hope that people read this and get motivated.

[–]johnnycaustic -3 points-2 points  (1 child)

The very reason for that profusion of "words" is because so few women cultivate any virtues to back them up with.

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[deleted]

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Well, I personally believe that cursing, drinking, and smoking are not feminine behaviors. It's both self improvement and deals with maintaining frame/femininity.

Also, it's all about environment. When a women curses, she creates a negative image for herself. When a women drinks, she is probably at a party and possibly surrounding herself by men (in college). If she drinks, she could act foolishly.

Drinking, partying, and smoking is not conducive to creating a proper feminine environment. When I used to hang out with women who did these things, I'd surround myself by hypermasculinized women. In contrast, volunteering at a maternity clinic where we take care of pregnant women and don't curse, drink, etc. makes me surrounded by women who are feminine, care about motherhood, etc.

[–]Rashiddd 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Interesting. I feel as if that benefits ones motherly instincts, as opposed to the more little girl, helpless, instincts etc. Do you find other practices to benefit those aspects as well?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I think not cursing, not drinking, and not partying has led me to a better group of people: people who are not into this kind of stuff and are spending their time doing something with meaning like pursuing their passions or volunteering.

[–]cxj 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I thought it was okay to curse. I thought it was okay to go out and hang out with a ton of guys. I thought it was okay to accept being a guy's plate and not asking for more because nobody wants to be in a relationship, right? I thought it was okay to go out and drink because it's a Friday night and that's what all my friends did.

It is OK to do all of these things, but they all have consequences that cannot be avoided. None of them are inherently evil, though. You are not a bad person if you have done them.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah it's more about what works for me. Im trying to abstain as much as the possible from drinking/cursing but having the self awareness is nice.

It's been a learning experience