To be honest, this has been a journey and I'm learning new things every day. I honestly did not know what being a feminine women truly meant until I realized I was doing college and living my life wrong.
I thought being a feminine women meant being sexy and yeah, that's part of it but there's different ways to be "sexy". I thought this meant wearing crop tops and shorts/skirts to class. I thought it was okay to curse. I thought it was okay to go out and hang out with a ton of guys. I thought it was okay to accept being a guy's plate and not asking for more because nobody wants to be in a relationship, right? I thought it was okay to go out and drink because it's a Friday night and that's what all my friends did. I also thought it would be hard to lead an engaging, interesting life without going out to parties, drinking, etc.
All this time, I thought the things I had been doing were normal. Actually, I was wrong. It was a new normal. It was what I had ACCEPTED when I came into college.
I finally had a WAKE UP CALL.
When I realized what I was doing was wrong, I started to change things up. I stopped cursing and kept a diary. I quit drinking and haven't had a sip of alcohol for two months now. I haven't gone out to parties in the past two months either. I stopped wearing a lot of what I used to and now I wear only knee-length dresses that are pretty, cute, girly. I also don't really hang out with my friends as much as I used to because I can't really relate to them. I started surrounding myself with people who have similar values to me by volunteering more and finding people off campus.
Now that it's summer and I have more time, I'm going to the gym to work on my glutes and quads. LEG DAY <3 I'm also a lot happier because I felt like going to parties and stuff was a quick fix to being single and looking back, let's be real. There's no way I'm going to find my future husband at any of those parties.
For the next six months, I really want to work on changing my life without engaging in vices (booze, boys, parties) so I can better myself as a person. It's not going to be easy but I can't wait to become a happier, better woman.
I plan on getting better at speaking languages (german/french), getting better at playing soccer, getting better at taking pictures, getting better at makeup and getting better at cooking.
At the moment, this is the first time I'm genuinely not looking for a relationship because I want to fix myself up first. I'm starting from ground zero. It's going to be tough. It's going to suck. But it's going to be worth it.