INSIGHTFUL13 Women Reveal How Much Their Engagement Ring Cost, And What It Means To Them (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by rpvelvetcupcake

I found this article in another forum and thought that it would be interesting to post here: http://thoughtcatalog.com/daniel-hayes/2015/10/13-women-reveal-how-much-their-engagement-ring-cost-and-what-it-means-to-them/

Some of the responses were really sweet. It's nice to see that some of the women understood that the ring isn't necessarily significant--it's the fact that he wants you to be his wife which is significant.

It was funny to read the entitlement and justification coming from a couple of these ladies. Why should the opinion of coworkers or friends matter about the cost of your ring?

Like Janice said, drop the friends that critique your man's choice. And like Melody said, albeit much more bluntly, the size and cost of the rock isn't a measure of his love or loyalty for you.

His desire to choose you as his wife should matter more than the ring. The ring is a symbol of your union together. Take away the ring and you're still married, it's replaceable--your husband and your marriage are not.

It's not to say that one can't spend a considerable amount on an engagement or wedding ring. If he can afford it and it's his decision to spend that much on it, it's fine.

But to expect him to spend a specific amount of money in order to keep up appearances or to prove that he really loves you? Lol okay, you go girl.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (3 children)

My wedding band is made of silver. We bought a matching set on Etsy. I could have cared less what the ring was made out of, I wanted the man, not his money. Any woman who is that concerned with the price of the ring... That should be a GIGANTIC red flag to the man.

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Yes, it is certainly a red flag. She's more concerned with showing off what he bought her than in the marriage itself.

P.S. matching sets sounds cute by the way :)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Idk why but I felt strongly about them needing to match. Plus they are engraved with our wedding date and the words "our love is everlasting" so I think they're still pretty meaningful without needing to be 10 grand.

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh the engraving sounds like a sweet touch :)

[–]marley0609 22 points23 points  (3 children)

Back when my husband I are were dating and discussing marriage he asked how must people budget for an engagement ring. I told in the 3+ months worth of income idea and he flat out laughed in my face.

My ring cost something like $130. We picked it out together on kohls.com and went to the store together to buy it.

I honestly don't even wear my ring that much. I never wear it when I'm just at home. And I often forget to wear it when I go to work. It doesn't matter what jewelry I'm wearing, I am 100% married. I don't honor my husband by wearing a ring. I honor him with my thoughts, words, and actions. I don't need a ring to show people I'm married. Most people who come in contact with me end up finding out that I'm married because I talk about my husband all the time.

The whole wedding industry is fucked.

[–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I agree it's merely a piece of jewelry symbolizing something that can't have a price placed on it.

De Beers mining company was brilliant for marketing "diamonds are forever." If it's advertised right, people will buy anything no matter how much they can't afford it lol

Edit: spelling

[–][deleted]  (1 child)


    [–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    It's fascinating, I think it's one of the most successful advertising campaigns ever.

    Yes, at least you'll be able to invest in something that will benefit both of you!

    [–]fhigurethisout 10 points11 points  (4 children)

    Quite frankly if a guy invested three to six months of his income into buying a ring for me, I would be concerned and see it as a red flag. That money can be used on MUCH more important things.

    I would want my partner to understand that giving his commitment to me is already a huge deal. The ring is simply a symbol, nothing more.

    I cant stand the wedding industry. I've been a bridesmaid twice and won't do it again (except for my sis). It's all about how special the woman is. Most of these women are entitled and ungrateful and expect a huge rock on their fingers. For what? Why do they deserve that?most of the time they treat their men like garbage and they just want the societal validation.

    One of my piano students is an adult who has been happily married forty years. i was ranting to her about my bridesmaid woes and how i was frustrated at how overblown weddings & wedding rings were. She told me her husband proposed with a sixty dollar ring and they had a very inexpensive wedding with very few people. She told me it was the happiest moment in her life and actually teared up, smiling, telling me about it. It was so sweet!!

    This is the exact OPPOSITE of my divorced mother. She is a gemologist and keeps telling me whoever i am with must give me some stupidly expensive rock or he isnt worth it. It makes me livid.

    Her current fiance forked out nearly 10k on some massive rock for her. Now they're in pre-marital counselling because she causes so many fights with him lol...she's "ended" their engagement probably 4 times already.

    But obvioooously it's him... not herrr. Yeah right mom,OK.

    [–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Agreed, I would be worried as well with how he is managing his finances depending on his situation.

    Some weddings are giant jokes nowadays, I've heard that it's normal to make the guests pay now, on top of providing gifts...? It's weird how much other people try to pressure some women in expecting more from their fiancés, like he isn't proposing to them, it shouldn't matter.

    +That's a very sweet story about your piano student btw :)

    [–]cxj 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    mind = blown she still has a fiance

    the thirst is real

    [–]fhigurethisout 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    She's really good looking. At 50 she looks like she's in her early 30s. She makes your average 50 y/o woman look pretty bad.

    Good at managing money too, but I don't know if he cares too much about that.

    He's way more masculine than my father ever was. But she's a control freak and treats him like garbage behind his back (always shittalking him when I'm around lol).

    They butt heads like crazy. I stay out of the drama, it's so draining!

    [–]cxj 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    ohhhh ok. Man I wish men were not so looks driven. fuk u biology y u make life so hard

    [–]TempestTcup 7 points8 points  (1 child)

    LOL, we went to a pawn shop and got lovely rings right before we ran off to Vegas to get married :)

    Some people see pawn shop rings as "unlucky" rings because they obviously came from a failed marriage, but I have always thought that people made their own luck, bad or good!

    [–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Oh that must have been exciting! :)

    I wouldn't mind purchasing secondhand for the ring or dress, there would be a lot of classic styles to choose from too!

    [–]LifterofThings 6 points7 points  (3 children)

    Let's play "guess whose marriage is still intact"!

    [–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Lol! Hopefully some of these guys had a prenuptial agreement in place...

    [–]kpak76 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Sadly prenuptial are worthless to us men. A good lawyer can easily circumvent the prenup.

    [–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Really? That's bad to hear

    [–]Canttakethewhyfromme 4 points5 points  (5 children)

    I know men are discouraged from commenting here, but another option is to have a ring made. If you are pretty certain he is going to propose and have already discussed the type of ring you want, this can save money and give you something that is less common. For instance, my wife wears white gold and she liked channel set. Unfortunately, almost all channel set we could find at the time used round cut stones that are more prone to fall out. I found a guy who did jewelry as a side job and he made a ring with princess cut channels and a round center, which were a higher grade and, because I had been looking around, I know it was about $1000 less than what an equivalent ring would have cost at a mainstream jeweler.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)


      [–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      That's so nice being able to have such a personal touch and story with the rings, hopefully they'll turn out exactly how you both want them :)

      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      I have no idea how much my husband paid for my ring (and I don't feel a need to know), but I had his ring made by an Etsy shop. It was less than $200 and it's held up extremely well even though he works with his hands. I couldn't be happier with my Etsy ring buying experience.

      [–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      That's nice that you're happy with it! :)

      [–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      That's a great idea! Many people don't realize that they can get similar rings made at a much more affordable price. Large retails, especially designer retailers such as Tiffany's have insane retail markups due to brand name alone.

      [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (8 children)

      i was told by SEVERAL women of varying backgrounds that a man should invest 3-6 months of his income in an engagement ring -- and that if he does NOT do this, he is not financially investing in the marriage.

      personally, forgive my french, i think that's bullshit and i have since placed each of those women in the bad category regarding relationships. i do not seek their counsel and i never take their "happy" descriptions of their relationships seriously anymore.

      i honestly don't want to know, need to know or care how much my future engagement ring will be. i never knew why other women needed to know either.

      [–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 12 points13 points  (7 children)

      Lol 3-6 months would be better invested in a down payment for a home or to purchase land!

      I think some other women like to know because they use it as a competing status symbol with each other. They want to know the price, the cut, the carat amount etc. just to compare who's fiancé/husband makes more or how much he is willing to spend to say 'I love you.'

      [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (5 children)

      my boss was proud when she told me her husband (33 at the time) bought hers for close to 7000 or so dollars. she loves the cut, color, and shine. she shows it off often.

      i don't doubt she loves her husband but i do find it weird that some women SWEAR by this metric before saying "yes".

      before, i didn't even KNOW how much rings, bands, weddings cost. now that i know, i would feel terrible spending anything north of 1500-2000 for the rings, the wedding, the dress, everything together.

      [–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 5 points6 points  (4 children)

      Right? The retail costs for rings is insane and, coupled with the wedding, would set some people into debt.

      I'm not sure if you've seen Four Weddings on TLC, but they list the cost of the contestants' weddings and I can't believe that people would spend upwards of $40 000 - $100 000. I'm thinking that most can't afford it because they are competing to win a honeymoon trip.

      [–]frozen_strawberryEndorsed Woman 2 points3 points  (3 children)

      Four weddings is such a bitchfest. I don't understand how anyone would willingly participate in that. And it bugs me how female centric those weddings always are. Like it's her day, not theirs. Just not special or romantic or a celebration of love at all.

      [–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

      It's scary how intense some of them can be. A free trip would be nice but at the cost of inviting critical strangers to the wedding and having to "perform" for them, nope no thanks lol

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)


        [–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Yeah some of them do that in the Canadian and American versions. It's ridiculous when contestants start complaining about not seeing the ceremony--or not understanding the language when the ceremony isn't in English.

        [–][deleted]  (2 children)


        [–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        That is rather unfortunate. That was nice of the mother-in-law to help out though.

        [–][deleted]  (2 children)


        [–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        Yes, it's the marriage that counts most of all. That's what makes the ring perfect in my opinion, because it's a reminder of that commitment, like you mentioned.

        [–]mrscross 1 point2 points  (2 children)

        My husband and I spent less on our entire wedding than most of these people spent on their rings! I know a lady who upgrades her ring every so often...she has dropped over 10k on rings. I feel like you invest in your marriage with love, not with a large sparkly object. Not to say there is anything wrong with an expensive ring, just that it isn't a requirement or the only way to show commitment.

        [–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        Why the constant upgrades? I've heard of people doing that for their tenth or fiftieth though.

        By all means if people can afford it that's great but it isn't required for him to drop a small fortune on it.

        [–]mrscross 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        There is literally no reason other than keeping up with the Joneses. She sees something she likes better, bullies her husband into it, and voila. But that's pretty indicative of their marriage as a whole. :/

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        I don't know where I heard it but "I want a marriage not a wedding" is something that has stuck with me through the years. The wedding rings and all that other fluff don't really matter in the big picture. If you can have a grand old wedding that is great but I don't think it is necessary to have a successful relationship. You wind up paying 10k-100k for one night of feeding others to demonstrate that you are solidifying your relationship. Is that really necessary? I personally don't think so. Now if you make it your priority and that you NEED to have the wedding in order to believe that you are in a committed relationship, then there is a problem.

        [–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        That's a good way to put it! Whatever amount spent on the wedding is fine, just as long as you're able to recognize that it won't dictate the type of marriage that you'll work towards having.

        [–]ragnarockette4 Stars 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        I love my ring!

        My fiance spent a decent amount on my ring - about $5000. He had it specifically made to match my tastes. It's gorgeous!

        Of course I would have said yes if he proposed with an onion ring. And I would have said yes if he went to Jared and came back with something that wasn't me. But he didn't and I'm thrilled. Not only is it an amazing symbol of our commitment, but its also a piece of jewelry that I love wearing. I only take it off to shower and sometime I have to peek out of the shower to make sure its safe on the counter.

        My fiance loves how much I love my ring. We both worked really hard to achieve the financial stability and success we have today, so I think it made him feel really good to go out and get me my dream ring.

        [–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Oh that's nice you that you appreciate his pick of a ring so much and that you both worked hard to get it :)

        [–]AEtherialSkies 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        His desire to choose you as his wife should matter more than the ring.

        This is one of the most accurate statement I've heard with regards to the whole engagement situation. You shouldn't have to have an expensive ring, because that extra money can be spent on your life together with your husband.

        Thanks for sharing this story.

        [–]rpvelvetcupcake[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        I have to give that credit my mom for that piece of advice, she mentioned that when we were talking about the article. :)

        Precisely, that extra money could be invested into the future!