RELATIONSHIPSThoughts on being a Red Pill Woman and points on a Red Pill Man - from someone who grew up this way (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by Captainsgirl

Hi All, Sorry if this seems condescending. I genuinely don't mean it to be. I just see so many posts from women who want to be Red Pill, but whose SO's are...not killing it. So as someone who was raised in a very Red Pill environment (an offshoot of the Pentecostals) can I give you some advice on picking a good Red Pill man?

1) Men that believe that you are there to serve them and being served is their whole job are not good men. In my beliefs, men ARE the leaders, but that doesn't make all of them fit to lead. In fact, being the leader is the hardest job, and any man who thinks your submission is a boon to him is not a true leader. He lives to benefit and serve his family, not the other way around. 2) So how can you tell your man is living these principles? A) Assuming you have been a helpful and useful helpmeet previously, he doesn't criticize small everyday failures. What do I mean by this? I take great pride in keeping my home, caring for our children, and preparing wholesome and tasty meals. My husband knows (from EXPERIENCE, because I have proved myself time and time again) that if he comes home to a messy house, unruly children, and dinner barely on the stove, that my day went seriously sideways somewhere. Because this is not our normal state of being, he can tell within minutes of walking in the door that something went seriously wrong somewhere, and (importantly) he steps in to help me get things back on track. He may order the boys to start picking up. He may offer to call out for takeout. Whatever it is, he sees me struggling (his part of the deal) and he knows this isn't my usual MO (my part of the deal) and as the leader, he works to get us back on track. Note that this is not always fair. Maybe he had a terrible day at work (something I have little control over) and is really just wishing to come home to a peaceful home (something I'm responsible for.) Because I have earned his trust that this is something outside of the norm, he steps in to help get us back on track, because he's the leader. 3) He's aware of his household. The best and most recent example I can give you is this; recently, our dishwasher wasn't working properly. When you set the settings and closed it, sometimes it would work, and sometimes it wouldn't. I had mentioned this to him, but hadn't pressed the issue. Recently I was doing the dishes after dinner, and it wasn't working, so having already loaded a sink full of dishes, I kept opening and closing the thing, hoping that it would work and I wouldn't have to hand wash all of the dishes. I never said a word to him, but after hearing me close thewasher anoht 5 times in a row, he got up from where he was sitting on the couch and without a word other than "let me take a look" took apart the dishwasher (a skill I didn't even know he had) and fixed it for me. Honestly, I found it impressive that he fixed it, but that's not really the point. The point is that I wasn't "nagging" him about it, or even asking him about it, I was just messing with it and he was aware of his household enough to come fix it without being nagged or asked. I didn't have to say anything to him because he is aware of his house and knows what's happening from a room away. That's a badass captain. 4) He doesn't worry himself about women's issues unless you need something from him. We have four boys. You would think I'd be busy enough. But I like my pottery class, and my book club, and volunteering for my local animal shelter. I imagine that if these hobbies interfered with my duties at home, he would say something, but since I have managed to balance my time, these are not things he concerns himself with except to be supportive that I have outside hobbies with Godly women that he trusts. I believe that he likes that I have outside interests, so long as they don't interfere with my role in our family. 5) He makes time to give me the attention I need. He listens to me, and cuddles me and gives me the attention and affection I need from him. In turn, I dote on him and give him back rubs, bring him a drink, et cetera. It's a two way street of seeing "you need this love and attention, so I will happily give it to you."

So, those are my tips on finding a good captain. Good luck, ladies!

[–][deleted]  (1 child)


[–]Captainsgirl[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! That is much better!

[–]SirKolbath 14 points15 points  (4 children)

I do not really disagree with anything that you said. However, I would recommend that you break up your paragraphs a little more and use creative use of white space. That's kind of a wall of text.

I also think you could summarize it very easily by saying that respect is earned and so is contempt. If a man feels that it is his right to be served by a woman that's fine, but what has he done to earn that?

Far too many men want the privileges associated with being an Alpha without any of that wretched responsibility. I find these men to be worthy of nothing but contempt.

An Alpha does not believe that he is perfect. He believes that he is perfectible and strives to reach that point.

[–]Captainsgirl[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Thanks for the constructive criticism! I tried to break it up with "returns" but found (as you did!) that it was a wall of text. Is there a good way to break it up? Anyway, thanks for your comments! I agree that a man who expects respect without earning it is rather useless.

[–]SirKolbath 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Thanks for the constructive criticism!

You're welcome. I'm glad it was accepted in the spirit it was offered.

I tried to break it up with "returns" but found (as you did!) that it was a wall of text. Is there a good way to break it up?

I usually just use a couple line breaks. I generally post and read from the Android app "Reddit is fun", and while it has some vagaries, like being resistant to markup, at least it does line breaks fairly well. . . Maybe use a couple periods, like so?

(Edit: Ha! That clearly doesn't work!)

Anyway, thanks for your comments! I agree that a man who expects respect without earning it is rather useless.

I came to the Red Pill from writing about male sexual Dominance. After witnessing abusive behavior in my male role models, I had to explore what makes Dominance different. It's not solely a matter of consent, because it could be argued that a battered spouse (male or female) proffers nonverbal consent simply by not departing. (Not an argument I would make or agree with, BTW.)

What I realized is that Dominance is earned. It's not simply being a provider. It's being a provider and protector and leader. A Dominant works to improve himself. So when I found the Red Pill, I was already knocking on the door of the philosophy.

I don't have all the answers, but at least I have a couple of the questions.

[–]Kate_A_D 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No one ever truly consents to abuse. Abuse is abuse because it is inflicted by one party to another that did not consent. Abuse victims often don't leave their partners because they have been verbally and emotionally abused into believing they ''deserve'' the poor treatment. Often this is especially true of people who grew up in abusive families and are not equipped with the tools to tell what is ''normal'' apart from what is abusive. Sometimes they even stay because their lives or the lives of people they love have been threatened if they leave.

I would assume a healthy traditional relation would be entirely based on consent. Its about two people coming together and agreeing on how they should work together to live the life they believe is the right one for them, that they are comfortable with and will make them happy. If either of these people come in with the idea that ''I'm the boss and you need to obey me now, and I'll tell you how to live your life'', then this is slipping into the slope of abuse, not a consenting traditional life. Abuse is DEFINITELY not healthy dominance nor should it have its place in ANY type of relationship.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you use two line breaks between paragraphs, then it will space them out "properly." It's one of the quirks of Reddit formatting.

[–]PumpkinSubEndorsed Contributor 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Love this. Your relationship sounds like its a well oiled machine. Its always really nice to have a partner aware enough to help out when you are struggling and offer help. The examples and points you laid out are subtle but to me speak volumes.

I used to bring my man groceries when he lived alone so he had good food to eat and he would come over to my place and w/o prompting would fix little things in my apartment or clean out the dryer hose for example. Stuff I didn't think about. Compliments of each other in the small day to day stuff mean big things over time.

Its a huge relief being with someone that takes care of things on their end and someone you can trust to keep their word.

[–]Captainsgirl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes! This is exactly it!

[–][deleted]  (2 children)


[–][deleted]  (1 child)


    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    This was an awesome read and a great narrative of what a relationship should look like!

    Could you expound more on the disagreeing aspects of a red pill relationship, e.g. how you have arguments, making decisions, etc?

    [–]Captainsgirl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I talked about disagreements a little in my post below to CapNGrind. Let me know if you would like to hear more. :)

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    I agree with most, if not all, of your post. It's a good reminder of things women can bet for.

    With that having been said, it's very focused on what men should be doing for women, which isn't very actionable. A woman has to earn a man who will lead her, etc.

    [–]Captainsgirl[S] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

    You're right! When I was writing the post, I meant to convey that a traditional relationship is a life of mutual service to each other, but I was focusing on what women should be looking for in a man! I was remiss in not touching on what women can do to hold up their end of the bargain! D'oh!

    (Trying this double spacing thing, hope it works to make the post more easily readable.)

    In trying to gather my thoughts on this, the first word that comes to mind is "safety." He should be your "safety", but you should also always be his. Note that I'm starting out talking in emotional terms, rather than a to-do list of "clean the house, cook him tasty food, et cetera." Those things are important, and I'll talk about them later, but to me, the way you see and feel about each other is the wellspring that makes everything else enjoyable, so I'm going to start there. Ladies, cherish your men for the wonderful, intelligent, strong leaders they are. Give him your love and respect with a glad heart. Don't try to nag him or change him. You are not his mother, you are not his boss, you are his helpmeet and his cheerleader.

    There will be times when you disagree with your husband's decisions. State your opinion calmly and pleasantly. Provide any additional info that you feel he needs to help him make his decision. If the two of you still disagree, let it go. I don't just mean let the conversation go, I mean trust in your husband that he has your family's best interests at heart, and that he has thought it through and is making the best decision he can for your family, and understand that he will be responsible for the consequences of the decision. Have faith in that. There have been times when I have struggled with this. One fairly recent example is where my husband chose to put money into fixing a car that I frankly didn't think was worth it. What if the car breaks down yet again? Are we going to be out this money and still have to get a new car? Or pour even more money into this thing? I stated my opinion, he listened to me as he always does, but ended up deciding to fix the car. Frankly, it gave me anxiety! But you know what? If the stupid car breaks again, he'll figure it out. I can let it go, because I trust him. He has proven himself worthy of my faith over and over again, so I give it to him, and I let these things go, truly. I'm not worried about the car any more.

    As for your "job" that will depend. Some families are lucky enough to have a stay at home wife, some aren't in a place where they can afford it, and that's okay too. Whatever your "job" is, work hard at it. Take pride in it. He's working hard, and he will (and should) expect you to work hard too. Everyone has to pull their weight for this thing to work. Whatever you're doing, go out there and make him proud.

    Having said that, even if you're working outside the home, make sure his home is a place that he can be proud of. This doesn't necessarily mean that you work 40 hours a week outside the home and then do all of the cooking and cleaning at home as well. When we were younger, I worked outside of the home for a while, and he would often help with dinner, or washing the dishes or whatever, because we were both working full time and a good captain sees what needs to be done and helps keep things on the right track. I was never his servant, I was always his cherished wife, and he wasn't too good to roll up his sleeves and load the dishwasher or help me fold laundry when the occasion called for it. I was grateful for his help, just as he is grateful for mine.

    Having said that, now that I'm a stay at home mom, you'd best believe that I keep his house clean, and I cook his food, and I wash his dishes and fold his laundry. Our youngest is in preschool 3 days a week, and our older boys range in age from elementary school to high school. I work hard, but I've got the time. His home should be his sanctuary.

    I'm sure there is more, but those were the first things I thought of. I hope this helps. :)

    [–]nanamanana555 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    I think the whole point of the post is how quality male partners lead and support their woman and family (correct me if I'm wrong on any of this OP) in situations that the woman is already doing what she needs to, so what she can expect from her partner.

    Speaking personally, this post was much needed perspective about how you should expect to be treated...if you are also pulling your weight as the woman partner, as OP mentioned basically in every other sentence in the post. It's actionable in the sense that these are qualities that we can look out for in a partner.

    RPW all understand a woman needs to be high quality in certain ways to earn a man who will lead her. That's why most other posts in RPW are about exactly that.