Sorry if this seems condescending. I genuinely don't mean it to be. I just see so many posts from women who want to be Red Pill, but whose SO's are...not killing it. So as someone who was raised in a very Red Pill environment (an offshoot of the Pentecostals) can I give you some advice on picking a good Red Pill man?
1) Men that believe that you are there to serve them and being served is their whole job are not good men. In my beliefs, men ARE the leaders, but that doesn't make all of them fit to lead. In fact, being the leader is the hardest job, and any man who thinks your submission is a boon to him is not a true leader. He lives to benefit and serve his family, not the other way around.
2) So how can you tell your man is living these principles?
A) Assuming you have been a helpful and useful helpmeet previously, he doesn't criticize small everyday failures. What do I mean by this? I take great pride in keeping my home, caring for our children, and preparing wholesome and tasty meals. My husband knows (from EXPERIENCE, because I have proved myself time and time again) that if he comes home to a messy house, unruly children, and dinner barely on the stove, that my day went seriously sideways somewhere. Because this is not our normal state of being, he can tell within minutes of walking in the door that something went seriously wrong somewhere, and (importantly) he steps in to help me get things back on track. He may order the boys to start picking up. He may offer to call out for takeout. Whatever it is, he sees me struggling (his part of the deal) and he knows this isn't my usual MO (my part of the deal) and as the leader, he works to get us back on track. Note that this is not always fair. Maybe he had a terrible day at work (something I have little control over) and is really just wishing to come home to a peaceful home (something I'm responsible for.) Because I have earned his trust that this is something outside of the norm, he steps in to help get us back on track, because he's the leader.
3) He's aware of his household. The best and most recent example I can give you is this; recently, our dishwasher wasn't working properly. When you set the settings and closed it, sometimes it would work, and sometimes it wouldn't. I had mentioned this to him, but hadn't pressed the issue. Recently I was doing the dishes after dinner, and it wasn't working, so having already loaded a sink full of dishes, I kept opening and closing the thing, hoping that it would work and I wouldn't have to hand wash all of the dishes. I never said a word to him, but after hearing me close thewasher anoht 5 times in a row, he got up from where he was sitting on the couch and without a word other than "let me take a look" took apart the dishwasher (a skill I didn't even know he had) and fixed it for me. Honestly, I found it impressive that he fixed it, but that's not really the point. The point is that I wasn't "nagging" him about it, or even asking him about it, I was just messing with it and he was aware of his household enough to come fix it without being nagged or asked. I didn't have to say anything to him because he is aware of his house and knows what's happening from a room away. That's a badass captain.
4) He doesn't worry himself about women's issues unless you need something from him. We have four boys. You would think I'd be busy enough. But I like my pottery class, and my book club, and volunteering for my local animal shelter. I imagine that if these hobbies interfered with my duties at home, he would say something, but since I have managed to balance my time, these are not things he concerns himself with except to be supportive that I have outside hobbies with Godly women that he trusts. I believe that he likes that I have outside interests, so long as they don't interfere with my role in our family.
5) He makes time to give me the attention I need. He listens to me, and cuddles me and gives me the attention and affection I need from him. In turn, I dote on him and give him back rubs, bring him a drink, et cetera. It's a two way street of seeing "you need this love and attention, so I will happily give it to you."
So, those are my tips on finding a good captain. Good luck, ladies!