ADVICEHow did you find your sex appeal? (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by jennmannequin

During a recent talk with my SO other he expressed to me that I do not sexually excite all of his senses. That I focus on mainly the physical while forgetting that visual and vocal are also large aspects of getting his attention.

RP is relatively new to me. I love it but the hardest thing for me has been finding the new feminine version of myself. I started out losing weight and I feel significantly better about my over all appearance. The thing I am struggling with is having my attitude match the new me.

How did you lovely women soften your hardened shell? Is it possible. How did you learn to be more vocal when it feels so awkward at times?

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Sincerely, A struggling tomboy.

[–]W0zzynix 30 points31 points  (1 child)

My advice, do things that make you feel feminine or bring out your feminine energy. Whether it's baking, yoga, creating something, a bubble bath etc. Some women are just naturally more masculine and that's ok. Be playful, tease him (in a flirtatious way). A lot of it is tapping into your own unique feminine energy and expressing it. You won't be able to change yourself over night. It'll take time, be patient with yourself.

[–]kindlypassive 3 points4 points  (0 children)

How do you playfully tease? Can you give us some examples?

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Men are visual by u/girlwithabike is a good place to start.

Receptivity by yours truly is a good place to continue.

The way you dress, the way you speak and the way you act should be hinting, teasing alluding to sexuality. The idea of a low cut top that shows cleavage (as an example) is to show Some boob without showing the whole thing. It alludes to what's underneath without revealing the whole thing. This teases the imagination and allows it to go wild. In a way, this is more powerful that looking at the actual naked boobs.

Likewise with any other article of clothing, thing that you say or movement you make. It can all be made to be sexually suggestive.

The problem that many people face in a LTR is they tend to feel silly getting dressed up or being suggestive. After all, he just woke up next to you with your messed up hair, drooling mouth and morning breath!

IMO, that's all the more reason to deliberately be sexual. To counterbalance the non sexual energy of messed up hair and morning breath. Don't feel silly, he'll likely appreciate it.

Another reason why some will refrain from acting sexual is because they're too bogged down in the mundane day to day stuff. This too is a good reason to be a little more spicy. So things don't get dull.

A key point to remember is that teasing, suggestion, allure, seduction etc are all wonderful as long as they lead to actual passionate love making. That's when all the teasing becomes fuel in the fire of passion. Otherwise it'll just add to the sexual frustration.

[–]thelittlestpotato 8 points9 points  (0 children)

For me, what helped the most was getting comfortable with being completely vulnerable. I did do other things, such as dressing nicely every day (accentuating features I know he likes about me), and smelling nice. Showering often and (lightly) applying a body oil, perfume, or scented lotion can make a woman more appetizing. However, what really changed the game was getting out of my head and doing what feels right.

To do this, I worked on becoming 100% honest. When my boyfriend asks me what's wrong, I tell him. If I feel like telling him how handsome he looks, I do it. Positive or negative, I don't keep things boxed in, and allow him to see me at my most vulnerable. Some men might not like this, but my boyfriend expresses how important my honesty is to him. Of course I don't allow petty disagreements to fester into lasting anger, but when I am genuinely hurt he is the first to know. This helped me be more vocal and honest in bed (which was so hard for me at first, I'm really shy) as well as in day to day flirting with him.

Another factor is being receptive. I opened myself entirely to his ideas, whether it's a restaurant he wants to try, an outfit he wants to see me in, or something more XXX rated. By letting go of my own judgements or fears, I found that I have a lot more fun. We also fight less, because my heightened receptiveness makes me less stubborn when confronted by a different point of view.

Trust me when I say that I have struggled. We are three years into our relationship and I have to push myself every day. At first, it was so mortifying to be honest that I would literally choke trying to get the words out. But this is one case where practice really does make perfect. As long as you keep trying hard, you will see progress. Embrace the struggle! Don't be too hard on yourself.