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Showing appreciation to men in general :) (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by Lilia42

I feel like most men don't get enough appreciation in today's feminist world, so I try to make an effort to do my part to counter-act that.

Here are some random examples:

  • I was at a grocery store, and my line's bagger got called away. The male cashier said something, I forget what, but it was apologetic. I responded that it was ok, he was just obviously such a capable guy that he could manage the whole process himself. He said that was the nicest thing anybody had said to him all week!

  • There's a place I walk often that is a bit damaged, and makes being there tedious/slightly more dangerous. Today, it finally got repaired! I was around when the crew were, and I told them that, even though they didn't get to pick where they did repairs, I really appreciated what they were doing, and thanked them. They seemed rather pleased :)

Those are just a couple of examples off the top of my head. But I think it's useful, on a personal level and a societal level, to go out and counteract the negative messages men get. I'd love to hear other people's examples!


[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I agree with your sentiment and I'm trying to remember to do the same. It always warms my heart to see their reaction whenever I do give genuine compliments or express appreciation to men that have helped me out for example, and (without meaning to sound patronising) it sometimes brings out the 'little boy' in them for a moment which is joyful to see!

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (2 children)

I slightly disagree with showing appreciation to men IN GENERAL. In general, I show appreciation to everyone who does something nice/"deserves it". If someone opens a door for me, I say thank you in a friendly tone no matter if it was a man or a woman. Special treatment/appreciation is something reserved for my man only. More day-to-day friendliness and consideration are supportable things nonetheless :)

[–]freebumblebeeendorsed woman 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I dunno, I agree. In general, I'm polite, friendly, and courteous to everyone unless they are explicitly, overtly rude to me. If someone does something worthy of special comment (like helping me, holding the door, whatever), I of course thank them. I give compliments at random also, but I try not to do it when I can be trapped into a conversation afterwards, because a lot of men interpret a compliment as me hitting on them. But something about showing appreciation to men in general is rubbing me the wrong way. Appreciation for what? Existing? Having a penis? Maybe it's the word appreciation, because I feel like that should be reserved for someone having done something worthy of appreciating.

[–]littleteafox 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Interesting point! I like both the idea of posting appreciation for men in general (I don't currently have a SO), and also posting for your specific man. Maybe we could do both - if you have a SO focus on him, if not, post about general appreciation?

[–]iamz3ro 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Men like compliments too you know.

[–]frozen_strawberryEndorsed Woman 6 points7 points  (3 children)

isnt "you're such a good cashier, i'm sure you can scan my things and also put them in a bag right next to you" a pretty big insult? maybe i'm just cynical but i just cant think of a way that that or your version doesnt sound sarcastic. i like how you told those construction workers you appreciated them because nobody thanks them ever probably but a cashier? scanning things and putting them in a bag (which you could help doing, too btw) aint exactly rocket science.

[–]katiemonster 9 points10 points  (2 children)

I assumed she said it in a sort of half-joking way, as in, "Oh, I guess they took your bagger away because you're so good you don't need the help!"

You're right though, it could be condescending. I think it mostly just depends on how it was said.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]Lilia42[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    I don't remember the exact wording, but somehow it doesn't didn't end up being sarcastic :)

    [–]littleteafox 4 points5 points  (4 children)

    Ooh! We should keep this stickied and update it regularly :)

    This morning, I was getting coffee at Wawa and a endearing older man went out of his way to open the door for me, and smiled and chuckled when I said thank you.

    Last night, I stayed late after aikido class talking with everyone and didn't end up leaving until well past midnight. My classmate expressed concern about me being sleepy driving home in a caring, good-natured way and it felt nice to be looked after (in a way) :)

    [–]cats_or_get_out 5 points6 points  (3 children)

    I always pause to let male patrons open doors for me at work (library). Our doors are push button handicap-accessible doors, but I will stand and graciously wait for a man pull on the heavy door for me. When I started a few years here ago, I'd pop the button and zoom! open the door, thinking I was being nice and helpful. No, I was depriving a gentleman of an opportunity to express his masculinity.

    There is a generation of men (and many in the upcoming generation) who enjoy holding the door. Being gracious is a wonderful way to say, "You are a man. I am a woman. We a different and wonderful in our own ways."

    Old school women's lib was about removing gender/sex from these interactions. In their utopia, it would be a person holding a door for a person. It was as if we were all to pretend that men and women were genderless creatures.

    When a woman expresses gratitude at these gestures, she is reaffirming the goodness of masculinity. These men have been given so many strange messages in the past 50 years--many of them implying that men are toxic and that masculinity is something that needs to be neutralized.

    [–]RPDameendorsed woman 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    I have never NOT had a door held open for me by men more than where I work now. It's a setting with young people, many of them well-to-do, and I have had the door shut in my face so many times in recent years. It is never the older men, and it almost never happens to me in settings other than my workplace. I believe it's the impact of third wave feminism on these young men.

    When someone holds the door for me, I always smile and make sure I say a chipper "Thank you!" I love how the men perk right up when you acknowledge them. They smile back and they stand up a little taller. I think they must always first automatically cringe and fear a reaction from grumpy "I can do it myself" sort of woman.

    I do have a story that happened recently:

    My guy and I were buying a bottle of wine to bring to a dinner party, and when we got outside to the parking lot he went around and opened the passenger seat door for me, as he always has. (Got me a good one!) As I got in and he held the door before closing it, a woman driving a sedan drove by. She had a man in the passenger seat, and screeched to a halt and yelled out the window "Good for you! He <gesturing toward man> NEVER opens doors for me!"

    My SO and I laughed and he thanked her. He was quite delighted and I acknowledged that I am very lucky.

    I hope the man in the car finds someone who inspires him to open doors for her, rather than the "it's okay to emasculate him in public" type that he's with.

    [–]cloverdust 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    I love it when a man opens the door for me--it makes me feel like such a lady.

    I was with a group of a people one time, and one of the women commented about how chivalry is "disgusting, disrespectful, and inherently sexist to women." She boasted about how she snaps at men for doing chivalrous things, and it opened my eyes to why more young men don't even bother doing something nice anymore.

    When I take public transit, and I can tell a notable difference in certain cities. I have had men outright cut in front of me in order to get on the bus first, which always surprises me. Not that I go in expecting "special" treatment, but some things are just plain rude.

    But when a man does open the door, or offer his seat on a bus, a simple smile and genuine "thank you" goes such a long way.

    [–]littleteafox 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I love it, too. And when you appreciate it, they love it! It's such a simple thing. I don't know why some women have to hate on it. I don't think any guy opening the door for a woman has any intent on implying that she's too stupid or weak to open it for herself. Geez.

    [–]VanBurensChops 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I love this and completely agree, thanks for posting!

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [removed]

    [–]Lilia42[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    :3