This post is inspired by /u/StingrayVC and the post about RPW in a Nutshell. I have kind of gone back and forth on whether or not to post this because well y’all can be blunt and honestly I wasn’t fully ready to hear you out but I am ready.
Seeing as though people keep posting that they don’t agree with all of the basic ideas of RPW I thought about what exactly is it that I believe in. So here goes nothing.
Well lets start my story about 2 years ago. A feminist, chubby, tattoo covered, successful in a STEM field, single mom, alcoholic, independent woman who don’t need no man. That’s right kiddos. High N count over here. I was everything that was wrong with relationship dynamics. Victimhood was my crux. I could spin anything I did wrong to people and make them feel bad about it. I was manipulative and catty. I hung out with ex’s. I was the antithesis of this subreddit.
I’d come across TRP before but that place scared the hell out of me. I was defensive about my sexual right to bang anyone I wanted to. How dare you call me a slut! How dare you hold me accountable for my actions, thoughts and decisions!!!!!!!!
Oh what a might web of lies I spun.
Fastforward to about a 18 months or so ago. I don’t remember what happened but I know that something inside me came to realize that MMMAAAYYYYBBBBEEE it is me. I won’t lie. I can keep a man. Most guys I have been with have wanted a relationship with me but I think that might be in part of the quality of guy I was with and the fact that I was probably successful at manipulation. So I decided to knock the shit off. I went into monk mode. I stopped having sex. I dedicated myself to working out, my job and my kid. Seeing a therapist. 6 months later got sober.
One day I found the Surrendered Single. I have no idea how I found this book but what struck me was that it was controversial. I’ve always been intrigued by that word. You offer me a controversial donut you can bet your butt I’m eating it! lol So I read it. Then I read it again. Then I read the Surrendered Wife because I thought… ‘what do I need to aspire to after I land a guy??”.
At the time I was using reddit as a go to for crowd sourcing opinions for things like traveling and news. figured why not see if these books are on here. Low and behold I find you guys!! I found EXACTLY what I wanted to be. You guys are inspirational to me because the dynamics you talk about with your men are what I want and covet with a passion!!!!!!!!!!
However, the more I read, the more I realized that I can never be you. I’ve got like 20 strikes against me. How could I possibly land a quality guy? How could I possibly find someone that is a good man and provider when I have lived my life on that CC?
Well, I figured I am going to take what I’ve got and I’m going to apply it as best as I can. I’m going to cut out the toxic non-relationship I was clinging to and start fresh. I was setting out to find MY man.
I started dating on the free app. I surrendered. I talked to anyone and everyone. Weeding out those who wanted just sex and those who would otherwise not make good candidates for me (wants kids when I can’t have anymore or very religious or too far from me etc). I hit a rut. Guys who would go on and on about their ex’s or even one guy who would not STFU about anything. I couldn’t get a word in edge wise. I just wasn’t having a good time. I thought this probably isn’t for me. I need to meet someone in real life.
I realized that my life wasn’t conducive to that though. I rarely went to places where men would congregate, I don’t go to bars, and men I did meet were married or otherwise attached. A friend of mine suggested Tinder. I know I know I know. The hook up app right? Yes. But there have been some lucky stories so I’d figured I’d give it a go. I was on there a total of 2 days. Matched a few guys. Made a handful of dates, then got off of there with phone numbers in tow. I was determined to be pragmatic about my dating.
First guy flaked.
Second guy tried to kiss me after 2 minutes… NEXT
Third guy…. I’m still dating him now. Blue Collar. Divorced. 2 kids who are older. Martial artist. Chivalrous. Calls me on my shit. Handsome. Smart. Lots of friends and great family.
Fourth and Fifth got cancelled because I’m not that kind of girl ;)
My relationship to RPW
I’ve said this before, lately I’ve seen people trying to disassociate themselves with believing in what this sub stands for. The male/female dynamic that was the fundamental basis for this sub to be created is one I fully believe in. However, how does someone like me, who is a self proclaimed former sex crazed maniac land a great guy?
I think the secret is two fold. First, the guys I go for are in my league. There is a league ladies. I’m not saying that my league is a shitty one (I’ll address this in a sec) but it is realistic. I’m not looking to be a trophy wife. I took an honest look at myself and said, ok, the kind of guy who would want to be with me would have x, y, z characteristics. Is that something I can accept? Yes? Ok. Finally, realizing that out of the candidate pool, adopting the RPW ideology and embracing that which I can control….. namely myself…. I am already doing a lot better than most. Do you know how many times men have been surprised by a feminine attitude? I say ‘thank you’ a lot. I maintain a bubbly personality and give out compliments like they were going out of style. I work hard to reign in my hamster and stop reflexively letting my hamster answer for me. I’ve been called “a breath of fresh air”. I’m assuming it is true because that is what I strive to be. I want to be the best version of myself I can be and it shows in the dynamic between me and men. Even my father has noticed a difference in me.
The point of this post
Putting the principles into practice and taking into account the wonderful advice that has been given here, I have shifted my life for the better. Maybe this relationship doesn’t work out, but it has already been one of the best experiences I’ve ever had. Does my past dictate my future? I don’t think so because I feel like if you are reallllllly fixing your shit and owning up to it, then you too can find someone who is worth it. Do I still have work to do? Yes. Will I always be working on fixing myself? Yes. Am I afraid of the work? HELL NO! I want to be better. I work to be better. I come here to seek advice from women who are living it. I come here to talk about things that I know the average woman would never understand. I come here to read about people who are struggling and seeking advice. I find things I never thought of. Sure it is a tough pill to swallow but anything in life worth having is worth working for.