[FIELD REPORT][Field Report] OK let's keep it real for a moment.... (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by [deleted]

This post is inspired by /u/StingrayVC and the post about RPW in a Nutshell. I have kind of gone back and forth on whether or not to post this because well y’all can be blunt and honestly I wasn’t fully ready to hear you out but I am ready.

Seeing as though people keep posting that they don’t agree with all of the basic ideas of RPW I thought about what exactly is it that I believe in. So here goes nothing.

About me:

Well lets start my story about 2 years ago. A feminist, chubby, tattoo covered, successful in a STEM field, single mom, alcoholic, independent woman who don’t need no man. That’s right kiddos. High N count over here. I was everything that was wrong with relationship dynamics. Victimhood was my crux. I could spin anything I did wrong to people and make them feel bad about it. I was manipulative and catty. I hung out with ex’s. I was the antithesis of this subreddit.

I’d come across TRP before but that place scared the hell out of me. I was defensive about my sexual right to bang anyone I wanted to. How dare you call me a slut! How dare you hold me accountable for my actions, thoughts and decisions!!!!!!!!

Oh what a might web of lies I spun.

Fastforward to about a 18 months or so ago. I don’t remember what happened but I know that something inside me came to realize that MMMAAAYYYYBBBBEEE it is me. I won’t lie. I can keep a man. Most guys I have been with have wanted a relationship with me but I think that might be in part of the quality of guy I was with and the fact that I was probably successful at manipulation. So I decided to knock the shit off. I went into monk mode. I stopped having sex. I dedicated myself to working out, my job and my kid. Seeing a therapist. 6 months later got sober.

One day I found the Surrendered Single. I have no idea how I found this book but what struck me was that it was controversial. I’ve always been intrigued by that word. You offer me a controversial donut you can bet your butt I’m eating it! lol So I read it. Then I read it again. Then I read the Surrendered Wife because I thought… ‘what do I need to aspire to after I land a guy??”.

At the time I was using reddit as a go to for crowd sourcing opinions for things like traveling and news. figured why not see if these books are on here. Low and behold I find you guys!! I found EXACTLY what I wanted to be. You guys are inspirational to me because the dynamics you talk about with your men are what I want and covet with a passion!!!!!!!!!!

However, the more I read, the more I realized that I can never be you. I’ve got like 20 strikes against me. How could I possibly land a quality guy? How could I possibly find someone that is a good man and provider when I have lived my life on that CC?

Well, I figured I am going to take what I’ve got and I’m going to apply it as best as I can. I’m going to cut out the toxic non-relationship I was clinging to and start fresh. I was setting out to find MY man.

Dating Life

I started dating on the free app. I surrendered. I talked to anyone and everyone. Weeding out those who wanted just sex and those who would otherwise not make good candidates for me (wants kids when I can’t have anymore or very religious or too far from me etc). I hit a rut. Guys who would go on and on about their ex’s or even one guy who would not STFU about anything. I couldn’t get a word in edge wise. I just wasn’t having a good time. I thought this probably isn’t for me. I need to meet someone in real life.

I realized that my life wasn’t conducive to that though. I rarely went to places where men would congregate, I don’t go to bars, and men I did meet were married or otherwise attached. A friend of mine suggested Tinder. I know I know I know. The hook up app right? Yes. But there have been some lucky stories so I’d figured I’d give it a go. I was on there a total of 2 days. Matched a few guys. Made a handful of dates, then got off of there with phone numbers in tow. I was determined to be pragmatic about my dating.

First guy flaked.

Second guy tried to kiss me after 2 minutes… NEXT

Third guy…. I’m still dating him now. Blue Collar. Divorced. 2 kids who are older. Martial artist. Chivalrous. Calls me on my shit. Handsome. Smart. Lots of friends and great family.

Fourth and Fifth got cancelled because I’m not that kind of girl ;)

My relationship to RPW

I’ve said this before, lately I’ve seen people trying to disassociate themselves with believing in what this sub stands for. The male/female dynamic that was the fundamental basis for this sub to be created is one I fully believe in. However, how does someone like me, who is a self proclaimed former sex crazed maniac land a great guy?

I think the secret is two fold. First, the guys I go for are in my league. There is a league ladies. I’m not saying that my league is a shitty one (I’ll address this in a sec) but it is realistic. I’m not looking to be a trophy wife. I took an honest look at myself and said, ok, the kind of guy who would want to be with me would have x, y, z characteristics. Is that something I can accept? Yes? Ok. Finally, realizing that out of the candidate pool, adopting the RPW ideology and embracing that which I can control….. namely myself…. I am already doing a lot better than most. Do you know how many times men have been surprised by a feminine attitude? I say ‘thank you’ a lot. I maintain a bubbly personality and give out compliments like they were going out of style. I work hard to reign in my hamster and stop reflexively letting my hamster answer for me. I’ve been called “a breath of fresh air”. I’m assuming it is true because that is what I strive to be. I want to be the best version of myself I can be and it shows in the dynamic between me and men. Even my father has noticed a difference in me.

The point of this post

Putting the principles into practice and taking into account the wonderful advice that has been given here, I have shifted my life for the better. Maybe this relationship doesn’t work out, but it has already been one of the best experiences I’ve ever had. Does my past dictate my future? I don’t think so because I feel like if you are reallllllly fixing your shit and owning up to it, then you too can find someone who is worth it. Do I still have work to do? Yes. Will I always be working on fixing myself? Yes. Am I afraid of the work? HELL NO! I want to be better. I work to be better. I come here to seek advice from women who are living it. I come here to talk about things that I know the average woman would never understand. I come here to read about people who are struggling and seeking advice. I find things I never thought of. Sure it is a tough pill to swallow but anything in life worth having is worth working for.

[–]StingrayVC 24 points25 points  (2 children)

Is it to weird to say that I feel pride in you reading this? What you've done, what you've worked past, the introspection, the hard work and the dedication . . . well done. I have tears in my eyes right now.

I figured I am going to take what I’ve got and I’m going to apply it as best as I can.


Again, well done. I'm so happy for you.

[–]TempestTcup 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I have tears in my eyes right now.

LOL, me too!

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

aww thanks!!! it isn't weird at all. not for me anyways :)

[–]TempestTcup 16 points17 points  (1 child)

This is awesome! So many women ask if they are forever tainted by their past, and we always suggest monk mode and introspection, and it worked well for you!

I say there is always a good chance for recovery if you are determined to work on yourself and become a better woman..

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I've seen posts like that. Some are genuine that they want to change and others want rpw to bend the narrative to their lives to absolve them of their pasts. I don't want that. I think it is important to be held accountable for what you have done and I think you ladies do that very well here.

[–]Beach_Baby 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I want to hug you. Would an upvote suffice?

You're doing great. I feel like you're going to accomplish everything you're trying to accomplish for yourself. :)

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It is a constant need for improvement and the drive to do it. I think i would be lost if I lose that! You can change but it is not and NEVER will be easy.

[–]cats_or_get_out 10 points11 points  (3 children)

I love that others (like your father) notice a change in you, too. How wonderful. :-)

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Yeah. My aunt's husband who is a major alpha guy... he always looked down on me and I remember thinking that who the hell is this guy to judge me. I mean my family knew I was crazy back then so it wasn't like his attitude was unfounded. On Thankgiving he said to me "Hey kid you seem to be doing really good lately!". I just thought.. what in the world. It is so unexpected that the things I try to put into practice are actually taking effect. It just reinforces my good behaviors. Even my other aunt talks to me more. She kinda stopped after I got this big tattoo on my shouder. She said it was ungodly.

[–]SocialIQof0 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I really wish my sister had your introspection. Our dad is a major alpha guy and she fights with him constantly. I gather Thanksgiving was so bad they aren't having Thanksgiving anymore after this year. She's so unhappy, but she can't see why all her relationships have gone bad. I hope someday she'll have an epiphany like you, and will be able to repair some relationships and be happy.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm in my 30's. It can happen at any time.

[–]cathartic_coconut 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Your username is perfection!

[–]vintagegirlgame 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Best of all... You are setting a much better example for the kind of woman your daughter will want to become! Congrats for breaking a pattern that would have left her more at risk than you ever were. When I'm trying to motivate myself to become a better woman and partner for my man, imagining my future children watching (and learning from) how I behave and how I treat him gives me an extra boost to kick my butt into RPW overdrive!

[–]vernicq 4 points5 points  (1 child)

This is absolutely inspiring. I was very much the same way before I found RPW. Now I am slowly improving and working on myself.

You put everything into words that I cannot.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

What I found most helpful in this sub is just asking people to clarify the statements they make. Everyone is so helpful and willing to elaborate. This really is a great community.

[–]FleetingWishEndorsed Contributor 9 points10 points  (1 child)

One of the things about a being a "slut", is that a "slut" is a woman who is giving away what she has very cheaply. If for example you give someone sex for the price of a drink, you are declaring that sex with you is only worth one drink. One of the reasons men are so put off by sluts is that they don't want to feel like they are being screwed over. If you give one man sex for the price of a drink, and demand a commitment from the next one, he is going to feel like a tool. That condemns you to either selling sex for a drink from then on, or getting a man desperate enough that he is willing to be a tool.

However, there is a way out of this loop. If you go into "monk mode" and release woman-version 2.0, and give the new version to one guy to try out exclusively, suddenly you can charge more again. You can charge more than when you only charged one drink because you increased your value. You made yourself more feminine and more attractive to men. Instead of just demanding men pay more, you offered a better product.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That is a really great description of SMV in terms of how much sexual availability is to a single girl. It is hard to figure out when is the right time to give it up because sometimes I would think "wow this guy is showing me interest" and that made my decisions ok. If things didn't work out it was ALWAYS his fault. I like this comment. I'm going to save it to remind myself of it :)

[–]SmirkAddict 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As a complete stranger on the internet, I would like to say I'm very proud of you. It takes so much to be honest about your faults and make concious efforts to change them.

[–]StingrayVC 5 points6 points  (1 child)

May I ask, has your relationship with your child changed as well? And if so, how?

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. We actually had a discussion about this the other day and about what I expect from her. I think the most prominent quotes from her I can take away from the conversation were the following:

"You're a lot less angry"

"i just don't know how to actually clean my room"

"i want to learn to cook more like mama abi" (talking about typical Guatemalan dishes which is where my family is from)

Since those shift change she and I are more open about things. She tells me more problems she's having or even when she feels sad about something. She's 15 btw. Most notably is that she seems friendlier towards me. It's a change that I never expected. Much like my dad noticing things are different with me. I am working hard and that is reflected in people's attitudes towards me.

[–]nopooq 4 points5 points  (1 child)

This was really inspirational. Thank you so much for sharing. Just want to say, I think I will be keeping your attitude and your success in mind as motivation to better myself.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is so nice to hear.

[–]iwishiwasamermaid 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is amazing. I entered my current relationship very similar to your prior self. Divorced, a single mother, high powered career, drinking heavily with a crap load of baggage and an eating disorder (bulimia) to boot. I was manipulative as hell, insulting, condescending. An independent career woman. So hyper sexual (read dependent on sexual validation) I would lash out when he didn't want to have sex with me (shocking). I blame shifted and hamstered and threatened to leave him constantly. The only reason I believe he stayed is we had a child together and his role and bond as a step father to my son from my previous relationship. I found trp probably through twoX and read it in mockery. Until I read about hamstering. I began to get it. I began to realize how awful women were and how awful I was. It's been a slow painful, difficult process of acceptance and self reflection but things are starting to really turn around. I am so lucky he didn't leave and I have a chance to make things right. Congratulations on your journey amd transformation. Very inspiring.

[–]Rougepellet 2 points3 points  (1 child)

This is actually impressive. I didn't think women or beta men who go past a certain point could ever come back. For someone with a high n count who used to be a manipulative feminist to make a comeback like that. Quite impressive, congratulations. I hope you find this new life fulfilling. Don't waste this rebirth, never stop improving and never revert.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I do feel like it is a rebirth. I feel like I have those "aha" moments all the time on this sub. I usually check out TRP now to see what NOT to do and to spot my past behaviors so that I can stop myself before I repeat the same mistakes. It is hard and it is worth it because I really have been happier lately.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow! Wow wow wow. This post is amazing. Good for you for taking a hard look at yourself and seeing yourself clearly. That takes guts and some serious maturity.

[–]justanotherusername4 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This was a great read! So very often people are unhappy but stay stuck because "this is just who I am, take it or leave it". Sure it is easier to blame other people or situations, but that leaves you powerless and out of control. Enter despair and anger. You on the other hand took control and changed what you could. Rather, are changing what you can, as it is an ongoing process. You know, I work in education and meet a lot of young adults who resemble the "former you". I see it as my mission to show them they are in control of their own lives, to show them a world beyond victimhoom and entitlement. It would make many so much happier. They have so much potential, they just don't see it. Some days I feel like giving up trying because I run into a wall so often with them, almost believing myself they cannot change, that they are "just like that". Thank you for showing me even a "tough case" like your former self can eventually get it and change. Your post has been very inspiring to me. Bonus: now you are doing the hard work instead of blaming others for shit, all benefits directly reflect back on you. All good that happens to you is due to your introspection and work. Awesome!

[–]Cathy_Catherine 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This gives me hope and puts a lot of rpw values in perspective, thank you for sharing!!

[–]SocialIQof0 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was a great post! Thanks for sharing! :)

[–]fhigurethisout 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Maybe this relationship doesn’t work out, but it has already been one of the best experiences I’ve ever had. Does my past dictate my future? I don’t think so because I feel like if you are reallllllly fixing your shit and owning up to it, then you too can find someone who is worth it. Do I still have work to do? Yes. Will I always be working on fixing myself? Yes. Am I afraid of the work? HELL NO! I want to be better. I work to be better. I come here to seek advice from women who are living it. I come here to talk about things that I know the average woman would never understand. I come here to read about people who are struggling and seeking advice. I find things I never thought of. Sure it is a tough pill to swallow but anything in life worth having is worth working for."

I teared up as well. this summarizes all my feelings regarding this sub. you are lovely, keep at it.

[–]mytaprct 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Thanks for sharing! Your post inspired me to share one of my favorite writings by Harry Browne, but it was removed.

Perhaps some of you will find it of value too.

[–]TempestTcup 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You got caught in the automoderator purgatory because of your new account. We will try to rescue your comments!

Oh and your post was missing its link :)