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THEORYChannel your petty, selfish desire to be better than the women around you, and let it fuel your improvements. (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor

Let's get real for a second here ladies. As women, we are constantly sizing up the competition--at the grocery store, in the classroom, and even with models on TV. Nothing stokes our egos like knowing you are objectively better than most of those women.

Don't get me wrong. This rabid competitiveness is one of the least attractive features of being a women. No one likes the moralizing (or vain) women who can never stop talking about how superior she is to some group or another. However, that does not mean that you cannot tap into this natural urge. If you're like me, empty phrases taken from shampoo ads do not inspire me to change. "Because You're Worth It" doesn't motivate me. But beating the competition does.

Use this desire NOT TO TALK about being better, but to BECOME better. Anytime you think of slipping up on your diet or exercise plan, leaving the house a mess, or getting fast food instead of cooking, remember this. Think of all the women you will be beating each time you excel.

The trick is NEVER TO SPEAK OF THIS. A key feature of poise is to not sing your own praises, and definitely to not talk smack about those who don't do these things. Maybe with your like-minded BFF, but to no one else. Remember the old adage "If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all."

If you practice this, you will know your value (thereby making you confident and able to graciously accept compliments), but you will also make a daily practice of being humble. It takes self control to not talk about how good you are, but it makes you much more likable long-term. Let other people notice your success, and only go into detail if asked.


[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

A long time ago, I read something very similar to this concept. It stated that your jealousies reveal the areas you subconsciously know you are lacking in. It's an easy way to identify the areas you need to improve.

[–]rprollerEndorsed Contributor 5 points6 points  (4 children)

This is awesome! This post comes at an interesting time for me because it just hit me today that my roommate is incredibly jealous of my boyfriend and me. She's usually sweet, but she'll also take any and every opportunity to make us look like fools, usually in a situation she contrived. Examples:

 

--"Hey rproller, come here and take a funny picture with me!" snaps picture of just rproller and immediately turns around to a friend to point out how ugly and stupid I look

--"Hey [rproller's boyfriend], you sure you want to eat that? You sure do jiggle a lot."

 

It bothered me in the past, but now I'm just faintly amused by it. I rest easier knowing that her antics reveals just how insecure and jealous she is.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

You sure do jiggle a lot

Smh!!! So rude!!

[–]rprollerEndorsed Contributor 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's especially rich coming from her because she's skinnyfat. She complains ALL THE TIME about needing to lose the tummy fat while continuing to eat junk food and not exercise.

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's an important step for you. If you are happy, people who aren't will always try to diminish your happiness. You've just got to take it, like you did, as a twisted compliment and move on.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I LOVE this idea! I'm one of those people that loves "gold stars" (aka validation) but my husband does a good job with words of affirmation. But for my own part, I'm definitely going to use "beating other women" as a way to motivate myself. 😂 This is so silly but it is definitely our nature. What a productive way to use it!

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Thanks! I like validation too, believe me! However it's always best when unsolicited because it seems more genuine. My boyfriend is very appreciative, which is an important aspect of why our dynamic works. If he never noticed my efforts, I would end up fishing for compliments (and coming up less satisfied).

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's always nice to be noticed!

[–]vanBeethovenLudwigEndorsed Contributor 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this post because this is something I'm realizing I need to work on! I spent so much time trying to be secure with who I am that now I feel threatened by others who might be "better." Another way I began to look at it was that every man has different preferences, some prefer glamorous women and some prefer demure women, some prefer academic women and some prefer artsy women. The best we can all do for ourselves is be the best version of who we are and let the man who is attracted to that come to you! And also STFU works too 😂😂😂

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I sometimes fall into the "I'm the humblest of them all" trap.

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha! It happens.

[–]beXloved 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Great advice :) I'm really learning to STOP comparing myself to other women. But I want to balance this natural habit to compare with my desire to become the best woman I can be.

[–]fireignition 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Ok but think of this instead: why not be FRIENDS with other women? Huh? :)

[–]SouthernAthenaEndorsed Contributor[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

They're not mutually exclusive concepts. I have two female best friends who are very important to me.

The thing is 1. Not every woman is friend material (especially now that I've left school and the party life, my standards for female friendship have gotten stricter) and 2. My goal is to avoid the crabs in a bucket syndrome. My female friends are women I admire, support, and want to emulate.

However, I come into daily contact with many more women who would rather make excuses than changes. I'd love to help lift them up if they wanted it, but many don't truly want to better their lives (eat healthier, find a better job, get in shape etc.) for one reason or another. That is their choice, but I let it be a reminder to me of what I am working not to be. I am daily surrounded by women who seem to have given up on life. They are obese, hate their husband, hate their children, and are miserable. I don't want that life.

Also, as I mentioned in the original post, this competitive streak isn't a trait I'm proud of, but I know it's one that all but the saints among us possess. Rather than suppress it, I've tried to channel it so that I can better myself. If you only dwell in your own superiority, you become a bad person. I don't recommend that, just the occasional indulgence of the feeling to motivate me.

[–]seashellprincess 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it's awesome to be friends with women who inspire you and help you to succeed and I think those are the most valuable friendships of all