RELATIONSHIPSArticle: "I left the love of my life because I thought I could do better. Now I'm childless and alone at 42" (dailymail.co.uk)

submitted by VigilantRedRoosterModerator

[–]VigilantRedRoosterModerator[S] 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Excerpt: I encouraged him to find a career and was thrilled when he was accepted to join the police in 1995. It should have heralded a new chapter in our lives, but it only hastened the end. We went from spending every evening and weekend together, to hardly seeing one another. Matthew was doing round-the-clock shifts, while I worked long hours on the launch of a new magazine.

Our sex life had dwindled and nights out together were rare. I stopped appreciating little things he did, like leaving romantic notes on the pillow or scouring secondhand bookshops for novels he knew I'd love. He was my best friend, yet I took him totally for granted.

After festering for weeks about his shortcomings, I told Matthew I was leaving. We spent hours talking and crying as he tried to convince me to stay, but I was adamant.

My parents were horrified that I was walking away from a man they felt was right for me. My father's words to me that day continue to haunt me. 'Karen, think carefully about what you're doing. There's a lot to be said for someone who truly loves you.'

But, I refused to listen, convinced there would be another, better Mr Right waiting around the corner.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I've mentioned it before, but I highly recommend the book Marry Him: the Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, by Lori Gottlieb, for anyone who's experiencing this line of thinking. When I was dating, I KNEW I was being overly critical and that it would keep me from meeting someone and I HATED myself for it. I read this book when I came across it while making a New Year's display at work. I met my guy six months later.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I read it too, and I liked it a lot. It reminded me of how before I met my current SO I had such a hard time opening up and really being prepared to getting to know guys. I think I never gave them a chance because I was looking for someone exactly like my ex. Now I'm happy I went through that phase because I wouldn't be with my SO otherwise, but I see a lot of friends stuck in this line of thinking, this waiting for the perfect guy who will fulfill all their desiers, the magical connection that has to be there on the first date... the book all covered it pretty well.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've considered buying a copy for the stubborn daughter I'm sure I'll have one day. ;)

[–]pinkdrawings 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Eight years after that wonderful engagement party in 1989, I walked away from dear, devoted, loyal Matthew, convinced that somewhere out there, a better, more exciting, more fulfilling life awaited me. Only there wasn't. Many will mistake contentment for boredom, forgetting to cherish the good things they have. I would urge those who are considering walking away from such riches to think again.

It seems like a giant issue for a lot of people is not keeping the relationship interesting. They get bored, and leave. If you're not doing fun things together - why are you dating? Obviously most people can't afford expensive vacations or big concerts. But even small, fun things like going to carnivals, circus, or saving up for something you both want to do that isn't SO expensive as a vacation.

I just don't get what is up with people do the same routine all day long, and then are shocked when they're bored.

[–]d3gu 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Daily Mail as a source, though. And Femail.

It's certainly an interesting article but I really honestly don't take anything I read on there seriously. It's hardly one step up from News of the World. If they're not talking about the Royal Family they're talking about conspiracy theories, racist/xenophobic bollocks or total unnewsworthy twaddle like which celebrity's dog shagged another's dog, who avoided which fucking puddle in her high fucking heels.

Sorry but I really do hate the Daily Mail.

edit: I bet this was written by a bored bloke in his 40s (like the letters to 'Dear Abby' or 'Penthouse') - I mean, why post those sappy photos and then obviously and hilariously pixel out some guy's face. It could be her brother or friend for all we know. I bet he doesn't give a shit anymore regardless, it's not illegal to write about a 20+ yr past love.

edit 2: Then her looking gorgeous and mopey in an expensive dress like, 'sigh, what have I done' on the cover of some romance novel. Like you only get one chance to ever meet 1 suitable guy in your whole life.

edit 3: Although I fully doubt this is real (if it is and she's reading this - get some counselling and a reality adjustment. YOU MET AT 17, YOU WEREN'T RIGHT FOR EACH OTHER, MOVE ON DARLING), I do know some people who are similar to this situation and the problem is that they just get stuck in a rut and do what some blokes do - they idealise a person. Penis on a pedestal as opposed to pussy on a pedestal? There's so many awesome people in the world and I bet tons of them are compatible to each other. The problem is that a lot of people are scared.

Disclaimer: I'm not a cheater, I am not into casual sex or anything of the like. I'm just saying that (although I doubt it) if this woman is real she clearly has issues with moving on. Sometimes people just aren't right for each other and THAT'S OK. People grow apart - also ok. You don't have to hate each other. But when you meet at 17 (many years before the prefrontal cortex finishes developing and you finish becoming a full-grown adult) you expect a lot to change as you grow. And some people grow apart. That's fine.

[–]singeblanc 3 points4 points  (1 child)

+1 for hating The Daily Fail. Seriously, fuck them, and don't give them advertising revenue with your clicks.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I actually thought about the age thing myself. I know RP preaches early marriage, but 23 is a lot different than 17. If a mistake was made, I feel like it was not exposing herself to the dating pool earlier in life.

I kind of agree that this was more a cautionary tale than an ACTUAL story, but there are many women who think this way. "He's too boring. He doesn't make enough big romantic gestures. I miss being 21 and dating other men. Blah, blah, blah, alone at 40."

[–]youreallmeatanyway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've got a friend who is 10 years from becoming this woman. Keeps going from guy to guy, hook up to hook up, thinking that the next one will be "the one".