Just like a lot of guys are on TRP because they're anything but alpha, I'm on RPW because deferring to my SO doesn't come naturally to me. I'm soft and feminine alright, but I also like to have things under control, make sure stuff gets done. I'm the girl who lets her man decide, but then subtly hints that she'd maybe like the other option better.
So this week I had a big problem. SO and I found out that my brother's girlfriend, who's always been a bit unstable, had done something stupid, crazy and possibly criminal. I didn't know what to do. Confronting her, at the risk of her denying it and everything blowing up in my face? Telling my brother, and possibly hurting him very much by it? Just letting it pass, but then afterwards feel guilty if she would do something even crazier? And the holidays didn't make it easier, I didn't want to ruin things for my familiy. So this thing grew bigger and bigger in my head, I tossed and turned, kept doubting how to proceed, asked my SO's advice a hundred times, but then going 'ok, but what if...' and not acting on it.
Yesterday he got sick of it. He said: 'This has cost you enough sleep. Just say the word, and I'll fix it for you. But then I don't want to hear another word from you about it.'
So I deferred, and I found it incredibly difficult, because this wasn't about deciding which restaurant we'd go to, this was about my family. And I have to admit that I doubted him, I was afraid he wouldn't approach it the right way. But I did it anyway. I kept wanting to give him advice but he didn't want to hear it.
When I came home at night, it was handled. He'd had a good talk with my brother over a beer, and then they had the girlfriend come over and confronted her. They already called to apologise and tonight we're going to talk it over, the four of us.
I feel so incredibly relieved, and love my SO even more because he handled it so calmly, where I had all these scenes in my head about how badly this could go.
I guess my title's wrong because I didn't bring him my problem, I let him take it from me. I guess it takes these kind of delicate problems to really learn how much you can trust your SO.So yeah, another step in my journey towards being a Surrendered Wife :)