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Woman drops boyfriend because he lives frugally. Later finds out that he's a heir to a fortune based on oil. (X-post from TRP) (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by AerobusTRP MOD

http://www.redditlog.com/snapshots/1207481

A beautiful example of what women should not do, solipsism in action, and how women typically will look to blame others rather than analyze their own behavior.

My goal in this post is to help RPW who are currently seeking a relationship not suffer the same fate this woman did. The fact is, as women, many of you do want to date/marry guys that have a stable job and is financially well off. I am not saying that you are all gold diggers; I am saying that a man who is financially well off, and possibly rich, is attractive to you and more attractive to you than men that don't. Please don't start giving me comments about how your life is different, because studies have shown this to be the case (a quick youtube search should give you a viral video about this topic). I am making a generalization.

That said, I want to touch on a couple of points we can take away from this.

1) If you honestly have a problem with the relationship you are in, you need to communicate to your partner and address those issues. This woman, in a passive-aggressive manner, shit tested her BF by breaking up with him and wanting him to reclaim her. You know that it was a shit test because just a few days later she messaged him. In short, she was still fixated on him, and tried to get him to chase after her. Most men, especially not men like Will, will do this.

2) The fact that she stated "I'm not a golddigger" tells me she is a gold-digger. As a man who has managed to save up quite a bit of money for someone in undergrad, this is the biggest red flag for me, and it is also a huge red-flag for a cousin and close friend of mine who are rather rich. My message to you RPW is that you need to understand a couple of different things:

2a) Life is not all about money. 2b) If you do choose to focus on his income/assets/wealth, you need to be honest with yourself and decide on what you want. If you don't like a man who is as frugal as Will is, then you need to find someone that better matches what your partner would be like. That said, keep in mind that the more demands you have (in particular financial demands), the smaller your date able pool becomes.

Read the post. See if you can spot the solipsism and hamstering. It's there in all its glory.


[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (1 child)

Facebook is dangerous.

The temptation to be drawn into the highlight reels, to compare your life to the moments that others post is almost irresistible, for men and women alike. And its Toxic beyond anything we can comprehend.

Taking your life and comparing it to the greatest achievements, successes and outright falsehoods that others post to look good is the fastest way to make yourself miserable.

[–]johngalt1234 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good thing I am a man. I just don't care much for facebook anyway other than cyber-stalking other people.

[–]AerobusTRP MOD[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

/u/i_fuck_up_recipes sums it up best:

What was it that made her feel the relationship was juvenile?

  • I have Facebook and am on it every day...after seeing a girl I knew from high school buy her 3rd property with her husband, it felt like my relationship with Will was juvenile

Not anything he was doing, but because she saw someone ELSE doing something and was jealous.

Now, when they broke up, did he do anything juvenile?

  • He sat and listened to everything, seemingly unmoved by it. When I finished talking, he said "fine by me" and asked me to leave
  • I haven't heard a fucking word from Will

All mature behavior. No drama, just a clean break. It's OP that seems unable to handle it.

[–]AerobusTRP MOD[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

THE OP states:

If I had that kind of disposable income, I would definitely want to buy him things that make him happy, because that would make me happy.

That is solipsism 101.

[–]SuperSlavisWifeEndorsed Contributor 21 points22 points  (6 children)

1: Claims she is totally not a golddigger. Means she isn't looking for a millionaire.

2: Dumps a guy for either not having money or not spending money. But money doesn't matter to her. As long as you have enough.

3: Finds out he has a lot of money. Regrets dumping him. Is angry he didn't use his money to win her over like a good Beta provider.

4: Is still totally not a golddigger, but wants him back now she knows he has enough money.

5: Is confused as to why he doesn't want a woman who appears when the $ flag is hoisted.

Although, one note to add:

He was doing very well for filtering out golddiggers who want nothing but his money. However (and I am relying on a woman's recounting of events, so this is all invalid if she's lying or hamster-goggling), he seems to have taken it too far. As in, he's gone from "pretending I'm not wealthy" to "pretending I'm a deadbeat with no money, no future and no provider capacity in general". Which sounds kind of like he's bought into the whole "One day you'll find a woman who loves you for who you are and she'll marry you and be with you forever." All women want to feel provided for by our LTRs and husbands. If he was genuinely that "bad" (again, taken with a pinch of salt), then even women who like him very much will be hesitant to settle, as he would reek of someone who can't provide for her and her children. The thought of marrying someone without much money doesn't bother me. But the thought of marrying someone who can't afford to have even one child, who may not have a pension or any savings, whose job is headed nowhere and who is at greater risk of illness due to a life of poverty is a bit worrying. No woman looking to settle wants a man who is 85+% of the way to being on the streets.

If he's looking out for a frugal LTR or wife, then his method is strongly based in the bluepill "she'll love you for who you are" and may actually interfere with his marriage prospects.

On the other hand, she may be exaggerating to make herself sound better for dumping him.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[removed]

    [–]SuperSlavisWifeEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Agreed. She was definitely in the wrong, no matter how BP he is.

    [–]alisonstone 4 points5 points  (2 children)

    Yeah, I am betting that she is exaggerating his "cheapness". But if what she says is true, I don't blame women for leaving him. At the end of the day, children come first and if a guy has not demonstrated that he is capable of supporting offspring, he is an unsuitable mate. He may secretly be very capable of supporting offspring, but his filtering technique would result in women who are very irrational and have poor judgment or women who are low quality and doesn't have many options.

    Also, if he actually marries a woman who believes he is poor, and then she discovers that she is rich, there is no reason to believe that her behavior won't change overnight. He needs to find someone who knows that he is rich and is still okay with living a frugal lifestyle. That may require him to say "no" a lot, which is not an easy thing to do. Pretending to be poor is one way to avoid doing it, but it isn't the best solution.

    [–]johngalt1234 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    You can be minimalistic with a family: http://www.theminimalists.com/children/

    [–]SuperSlavisWifeEndorsed Contributor 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    It's possible, but after a certain point there just isn't enough cash. And, to be honest, were I single, a man who was perfectly matched to me yet unable or unwilling to support the 4-8 children I want wouldn't be an option.

    [–]super-nsfw 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Fantastic points!

    [–]johngalt1234 9 points10 points  (8 children)

    How about finding a man with great potential and helping him build himself up.

    [–]AerobusTRP MOD[S] 5 points6 points  (6 children)

    Women don't want to win, they want a winner.

    Men are the ones who want to buold a life together. Women want to find a man who has already built his life up.

    [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (5 children)

    To be fair, traditionally men "established" themsleves THEN went looking for a wife. This whole building a life together is fairly recent and is likely a cause of divorce

    [–]AerobusTRP MOD[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

    Oh absolutely. I'm not villifying women for wanting to marry a man who has already established themselves. It makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint. Don't risk having children with a man who can't provide.

    [–]vintagegirlgame 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    But how does this factor in if a woman is trying to start a family earlier (as advised by RPW). Say she wants to start having kids in her early 20s, even if she's looking for men in their early 30s it's still harder these days to find men who are "established". The economy crash and shifting cultural attitudes resulted in an extended adolescence and postponing family and financial responsibility being the norm for a lot of men, compared to what it used to be.

    [–]AerobusTRP MOD[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    I'm not sure what you're question is. You are right that cultural attitudes have shifted, and due to the crash, it is harder to find established men.

    That said, the general message of RPW is that you should get married early and marry a successful man who has alpha characteristics so that you will truly be happy. Doing that is not going to be easy. Hence, RPW encourages building up a repertoire of feminine traits, so that you can elevate yourself above most women.

    Does that help?

    You should probably direct this question toward /u/TempestTcup /u/bakerofpie and /u/homo_homini_lupus

    [–]vintagegirlgame 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    I guess what I'm getting at is how does a RPW find a man with potential to become successful in his career, even it he is not yet fully established in his career? And what can she do to help him on his quest for success? Maybe I will develop this question further and post it.

    [–]TempestTcup 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    how does a RPW find a man with potential to become successful in his career, even it he is not yet fully established in his career?

    Look for traits like steadfast, frugal, hardworking, etc. Date people who you can depend on and are looking towards their future.

    [–]LifterofThings 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Or, you know, making her own damn money. That thing we keep hearing the feminist camp insisting that they can do cause they don't need no man, blah blah blah.

    I'm still waiting for them to put their money where their mouths are.

    [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Like a real life Brothers Grimm story

    [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    Wow the users on two x really ripped her a new one. I'm genuinely shocked :o

    [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Don't be. Most responses were not regular twoX users.

    [–]TempestTcup 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    They both had different personalities and were not compatible. Even if she knew that he was loaded, she wouldn't have been happy because he wouldn't have changed to start blowing a ton of money on her or anything. Knowing he was loaded would have made her feel better for a little while because of the facebook bragging rights, but before long she would want a better house, better car etc.

    He needs to look for a nice sensible woman who enjoys the simple life, and she needs to look for a man who enjoys conspicuous displays of wealth.

    It's funny because my husband and I have amassed a ton of money by living frugally and debt free. We prefer to have a very low cost of living, and whereas we can afford cable TV and expensive cars, we like not surrounding ourselves with luxury and baubles.

    The OP's main problem here was her anger and confusion realizing that he had ALL THIS MONEY SHE COULD HAVE BEEN SPENDING! when in reality, her BFs money was not hers to spend, and he wasn't going to become the spendthrift she desires.

    [–]ColdEiric 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    This has completely baffled and upset me. I dated him for 10 months when I thought he was penniless, proof I'm not a fucking gold-digger. I am a 26 year old woman who needs to be pragmatic, I can't just indefinitely date someone with the future being so uncertain. He could've said something, ANYTHING during our break up when I was explaining my doubts about our relationship. Instead he said nothing, and now he refuses to talk to me. It makes absolutely no sense.

    I have heard similar stories girls have been telling about themselves, which supposedly prove that they are not narcissists. As soon as those stories end, I conclude that they are narcissists, and they become 'that narcissist' instead of a girl with a name.

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Notice how one of his gravest sins is refusing to acknowledge her. HER! He won't even TALK to her!

    [–]angeliswastaken 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Even with money, he is still who he is. He's likely still going to live poor just the way he does now. She doesn't like that, and she wont like that if they stayed together. She was right to break up with him, because they do want different things, and different kinds of lives.

    Her attitude towards discovering his wealth proves that she didn't want the man, just a body to fulfill her ideal of a perfect life.

    [–]LadyLumen 6 points7 points  (8 children)

    We are deluding ourselves if we say that money is not important. In this society money is necessary for all the things we need - health, food, and security for one.

    Love is a nice sentiment, but in reality, a woman's not going to live in a dumpster with you if you are dead broke.

    [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    I always said I'd live with my husband under a bridge if that's what it would take to stay together. Money is nice, but it ain't everything.

    [–]AerobusTRP MOD[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Of course money is important. The issue is that the man lived frgually, not wastefully spending his money, the woman got mad and left, and now is sad once she found he is loaded.

    Living frugally whether you have money or not is not bad.

    [–][deleted]  (5 children)

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      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

      in theory women could think the same way

      You're sounding very blue pill

      [–][deleted]  (3 children)

      [removed]

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

        It seemed more like a general complaint about women being attracted to status, like a fat girl being bitter about men not wanting her for her great personality and mainly caring about looks. I also disagree with the golddigger in this story, but let's not be naive here.

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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          [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

          lol this is too funny. I see nothing wrong with netflix and hikes! If she had an issue, scared about the future, she should discuss it openly and honestly. Not the shit test.
          You know how you keep money? You don't spend it willy nilly. I'm sure though that if he needed to make a good purchase like a house, he wouldn't need a mortgage and would get a nice modest house. If his car breaks down, he'll go to a good respected mechanic or get a nice stable car. If he gets injured, he doesn't have to worry he'll starve by not working or hospital bills.
          Love the crazy girl though, oh I saw it on fb, now I have to have it!

          [–]vintagegirlgame 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          But Daddy, I want an oompa-loompa NOW!

          [–]TheToastTotEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I'm not a fucking gold digger

          Hahahahahhaahahaha

          [–]winndixie 0 points1 point  (32 children)

          RP lurker here, and turning "red".

          Funny how if I replace "woman" with "man", and "money" with "sex" in the article, I'd probably get burned at the stake.

          More relevant question though. Her arguments still SEEM flawless to me.

          If a man with disposable income meets a woman he likes, doesn't he want to treat her? He said he "saw me in his future", why didn't he care enough to share these things with me?

          I am pursuing an engineering career and money will be an important goal. How do I filter out women like this in my life? So it's okay to tell a woman you shouldn't feel jealous from other people's lives?

          [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

          You have to look to her behavior. Is she a status whore? Bad news, an FB attention whore? Is she a brand name hoarder obsessed with the latest trend? Does she speak enviously of others?

          [–]vintagegirlgame 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I saw a quote once... "An attention whore is not that different from an actual whore"

          [–]AerobusTRP MOD[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          Don't tell them you are engineer. Lie and tell them you do charity work. Say that it doesn't pay well but is emoptionally fulfilling.

          See if she sticks around or not.

          [–]gabilromariz 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          Nice to hear from a fellow engineering student! My two cents on your questions:

          • the fact that this guy did not reveal everything about himself doesnt mean he didnt care about her
          • you show people you care about them with your actions, not by throwing money at them. Example: I don't treat my man to dinner, but give him backrubs, which is free and plenty fun
          • filter out women who only want your wallet by being a "skittles guy". You don't need to spend money to have a good time together
          • in my book it would be more than fine to put any jealousy in its proper place (out the door) but some people may take offense, ymmv

          [–]winndixie 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          Yeah I don't mean telling some rando woman not to be jealous, but a girlfriend I care about, if she feels jealous, and because of that jealousy demands something from me, I'm gonna tell her to stop.

          [–]gabilromariz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          imo it'll be super effective if you get to the root of what is making her jealous. I'll give you my personal experience on the topic: I used to be very jealous of grand displays of affection.

          My friend's boyfriends would give them jewelry and fancy dinners and talking about their respective weddings. Once this kind of thing happened in front of my boyfriend we had a talk and he made me realize I could only feel jealous of those PDAs if I felt something was lacking in our relationship.

          After that we both agreed grand stuff wasn't our thing but we have since improved in that we say something sweet to each other almost daily, rather than put on a big show every once in a while.

          We've been happy for nearly 4 years, while all those wedding-jumpers haven't stuck together for long. I wasn't jealous at all of their show-y gifts after all and I think we wouldn't be together now if his reaction had been to give me everything I "wanted"

          [–][deleted]  (24 children)

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            [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (23 children)

            While I agree with most of what you are saying, I don't agree with keeping finances separate after marriage. At least not as the rule across the board.

            It just doesn't work that way in every situation.

            [–][deleted]  (22 children)

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              [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (12 children)

              This isnt marriage, this is roomates with benefits. We are pro marriage here. This isnt TRP

              [–][deleted]  (11 children)

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                [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (5 children)

                Scale back your snarky misinformed tone, or be gone with ya.

                We don't only benefit financially. That's absurd and rude to suggest. You seem jaded and that's fine, but don't spew your bullshit here. We are pro-marriage here.

                [–][deleted]  (4 children)

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                  [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

                  Who doesn't value intimacy in marriage, I hope you're not suggesting that's the case for HHL. You'd be talking out your ass.

                  Who said they were going to ban you. Knock it off =/= a ban. What will get you banned is arguing like an ass with Mods after we corrected you and asked you to scale your tone back.

                  What you are preaching is the opposite of what we preach at RPW. If you're going to come play here, keep it helpful and in the same direction as our goals please. That's in the sidebar.

                  Welcome to RP, I noticed you said you were new. Maybe you're still in the angry stages, and that's fine. Best of luck on your path.

                  [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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                    [–]TempestTcup 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                    you are going to ban me for repeating what another poster said?

                    No, it's your tone and attitude. We get it: you are angry and afraid that some bad woman is going to take advantage of you. We aren't those women so tone it down.

                    And why do you keep insisting that women get a cash prize when the marriage ends? Most RPW work for a living and many, such as myself, make more than their husbands. Where does this prize come from?

                    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

                    We are aware of the TRP position on marriage. This isn't YOUR place to advocate this. You have no idea what the financial arrangements in my marriage are, so stop fighting like a girl and making things personal

                    We welcoem male commenters in general, but this is our welcome message:

                    This is a spot for like-minded Women to objectively and realistically discuss sexual strategy from an anti-feminist, non-feminist, traditionalist and/or evolutionary psychology perspective. Our focus is on long-term goals that bring long-term happiness. We agree with /r/TheRedPill in it's description of male and female nature and seek to apply it to our lives.

                    You don't have to marry, you dont have to approve of marriage and you can have any opinions you want, but you will not be a hostile presence in this forum this is your only warning

                    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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                      [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                      No, we are not. You are acting like a bull in a china shop, as if we are not FAMILIAR with TRP and dont understand the risks and dangers to men of marriage. We very deliberately try NOT to ban male posters just because male or just because opposing views. You have no more right to be rude and combative here than a TBP person does. Its specious logic to say "feminists ban, you ban, therefore you are like feminists". We are not required to keep nasty hostile oppositional posters here. You are a guest here, not the king

                      [–]gabilromariz 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                      This is an absolute trainwreck. Since when does marriage = access to each other's money? Since when is money the only benefit of marrying?

                      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (8 children)

                      How does that work (across the board) for SAHM's who don't bring money to the table, rather they work on their home and children as a contribution to the success and stability of the marriage?

                      [–][deleted]  (7 children)

                      [removed]

                        [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (6 children)

                        Have you ever been married, divorced, or had to pay alimony?

                        [–][deleted]  (5 children)

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                          [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (4 children)

                          You aren't on TRP - you're at RPW, for one thing. Secondly, you are repeating what you've read vs offering actual experience - and that makes a big difference.

                          It's a good idea for husbands with children to have a woman that can be a SAHM. It's good for the kids, the further success of the husband, the stability of the home life, etc.

                          Alimony isn't as prevalent as you make it sound. Trust is a major benefit between people who marry. Many women do not rake men over the coals. I never have and wouldn't.

                          I understand your concern but don't forget that reading scary statistics doesn't equal actual experience and understanding of the way things work.

                          [–][deleted]  (3 children)

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                            [–]LifterofThings 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                            idk, I think it was good calls all around. Differing views on money is one of the biggest reasons couples split. She's a spender, he's a saver. Case closed.

                            It's kinda funny that she's all upset about it now tho, and all "BUT IM NOT A GOLD-DIGGER!!!!"

                            [–]Lilia42 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                            Wow, what a loss.

                            If a guy buys index funds rather than flowers, it's sexy. It sounds crazy, but I'm instantly more attracted to guys who choose to live without cars (a viable option in my city).

                            People who think that if you have money, you should spend it... Ugh, crazy!