I was so happy with how I handled a really difficult STFU situation, I wanted to share and ask you guys to share your own recent STFU wins.
STFU can be especially hard (for me) when I'm feeling insecure, jealous, or I just know I'm "right." I think other women struggle with the same thing maybe? So I was really thankful for my RPW training handling this one...
My fiance is having some drama with his family, including his ex. (They have kids together, and they are from an Eastern culture in which the families remain pretty interlinked, even after divorce.) His ex and their kids have been facing a lot of negative pressure from his family lately, who aren't really treating them well. Because he's a really decent guy, he felt bad for her situation and was encouraging her to take a holiday to visit her brother. He offered to pay for the kids to go along with her, knowing they needed to get away from the negativity.
Though I was happy to see him getting along with her overall (they have not always been so congenial), it seemed as if she was texting more and more. I started to worry that it was too much, that she was leaning on his support too often - but I fought hard against my urge to warn him. I just knew that if I let out the negative feelings I was having, I'd come across as jealous, threatened, catty, and selfish - which, honestly, I was feeling. A lot of his time was being consumed with dealing with her, and it was bugging me - even though I kept reminding myself it involved the kids.
Instead of an argument triggering off, my STFU resulted in him thanking me for being so patient and understanding. And - the kicker?
She finally came on to him via text, told him she still had feelings for him, and wanted to sleep with him (!!!!!). He abruptly told her absolutely no, and that he was not speaking to her again until she got herself under control. If I had told him it was bound to happen, he wouldn't have believed me, and he would've thought I was overreacting and jealous. Without a word, I gave her the space to make it clear to him herself, and he learned a valuable lesson without any issues between us.
If anything, he's doubly thankful that I was so supportive and patient throughout the drama. (I didn't even show a dramatic reaction when he told me what she texted him, even though he was a little nervous to tell me - and now I hope he knows he can continue to be honest if her behaviour is shady in the future. He's reassured me of his loyalty to me, and they haven't spoken since.)
Any recent success stories where you tried STFU and the results were great? SHARE!!! :)