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ADVICENeed help with anger phase (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by justfornow55555

Please.

I've been experiencing basically the female version of the anger phase. I'm angry that society taught me to repress all of my natural instincts and desires. I'm angry I have no choice but to work in a very masculine environment. I work hard but I wish I didn't have to go against my nature. I can feel the stress hurting my body.

I'm angry that men are understandably afraid of marriage since feminism and no-fault divorce.

I'm angry my parents' divorce hurt my ability for love. I'm angry most of my 20s were occupied with dealing with their lawsuits and flack and helping my younger siblings out of there, leaving me little time to seek a husband. I love my bf but I know if we met younger I would be less stressed about my own age.

I'm angry the women in my family are so angry at men and taught me terrible things about men.

I'm angry my schools spent so much energy in sex ed essentially teaching it in a way that suggested we were supposed to be promiscuous (one professors literally said he "hoped women would be promiscuous" for their own freedom or something.)

I'm angry that my parents also encouraged that and that everyone was so PC nobody had the courage to tell me the truth about being a woman, seeking a man, age, men not going to like you for being annoyingly witty and all that. Edit: I didn't know until last year that conception gets harder even though you still have periods. I was taught it's all good through menopause.

Not even one woman was a mentor. They all got divorced. Well ok my grandma might be a little bit. Feminist streak but old fashioned about dating. My mother mocks her about it all the time.

I'm angry my moms feminist agenda meant she had to hate makeup, shame me for liking boys.

Honestly I do try to forgive but sometimes I get so angry with society. I don't think I'm a victim now but all of us were lied to and I hate it.

How can I move forward and let this go? I feel it every day getting up and wearing smart business clothes with harsh lines and hearing people yell on the phone all day and everyone trying to get ahead, only to come home too tired to even cook for myself so I don't eat dinner.


[–]indianblanket 14 points15 points  (1 child)

How can I move forward and let this go?

By not letting the horrible things of the past ruin your future, too.
We all only have so much time here, that these mountains you're carrying need to be put down and crossed. It will take time, and it will take whatever your own mind needs.

I'd start with forgiveness. Forgiveness for your own benefit, not because they need or deserve it.
I'd follow with a new start. You have a bf, love him and cherish him, but do not forget to love and cherish yourself.
You lost your 20s, don't let this take your 30s. There's a whole life waiting for you out there (source: my mom had her first baby at 38, married at 39, second child at 40).

There's a lot of love and time left if you're just stop focusing on what went wrong and see what went (or could go) right.

[–]justfornow55555[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You're right I can't let this take my 30s. I'm v glad my man is 10 years older, so he sees me as quite young. Still it sucks to see 20 yr old women sometimes. Who were lucky enough to find RP, or who grew up in more old fashioned areas and married. Most people were not dealing with two incredibly selfish parents whose problems occupied all their time.

I look young too but that doesn't magically increase my fertility.

What is troubling is that my age causes me to put undue stress in the relationship. I find myself desiring to figure out exactly what's going on, instead of having time to relax and enjoy the journey. I don't want to accidentally put in 2 years and something doesn't work out, but I don't want to treat this like a business project either...

[–]rebeccabrixton 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Agree totally. I am now the mum of a little boy and I'd like to add you your list "angry at being told you can have it all" as its more a matter of making it work not like its some Bohemian easy dream.

If we have a daughter I'll try and impart some of this on her. The thing that will bring you the most joy, ahead of career etc long term is a romantic relationship with a good, solid man. That's the main focus alongside education etc you have a dual strategy but focus on vetting and meeting a nice chap.

For my son, I'll explain about how to be a 'proper' man not some fake alpha type just a solid dependable and true to his word, man. Oh and contraception, sadly.

That's how I take this and move forward, I think of the next generation :)

[–]justfornow55555[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's awesome!

[–]xBreakFreex 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Just realise these people didn't do these things to hurt you intentionally. They did it because they were taught those ways as well. Count yourself as being lucky for waking up to the reality in time to turn things around. You should be happy. Maybe now you aren't where you want to be because now you actually see where you want to be and aren't there yet. You will get there. Take leadership of your life. Lead yourself, then lead the people in your life. Lead them all.

[–]Banincoming 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Like child molesters who were victims themselves.

[–]tempintheeastbayEndorsed Contributor 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Woah that's uh...an extreme comparison

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor 5 points6 points  (2 children)

I know how you feel quite similarly. I feel like I have been cheated of true knowledge, especially by my own mother who was simply no good. It's only now I'm older I grew much closer to my grandmother, who is basically an RPW hero. She doesn't even know it.

I was angry too. Simply be thankful you realized now than later, some women never ever see the truth their whole lives and waste themselves away.

Maybe try writing all your frustrations down on a piece of paper and burn that paper? That's a good meditative activity. Imagine all that anger burning away..

[–]justfornow55555[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Good idea with the paper. Yeah it's so hard isn't it. Feeling cheated. Seeing girls whose mother's did teach them. I'm thankful I woke up.

[–]ThatStepfordGalEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is, I was born in a more conservative country but then I came to Australia and was raised on a lot of the Liberal stuff here. Blinded me for a long time. I find doing some meditative actions like that can be therapeutic. Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed I have a bubble bath and meditate on how the water is calming, connecting to my emotions.

[–]Jayms 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I would say channel that energy into taking care of yourself and taking steps to use your new knowledge to start crafting the life and relationship you now want. If you are dissatisfied with your career, start job-hunting and applying for other jobs. If the dress code at your job isn't super strict, start dressing in a more feminine manner. Or go shopping and get some cute clothes to wear on the weekend. Start focusing on what you enjoy and do one thing a day to make yourself happy. Begin with self-care, buy some healthy snacks, order out a healthy meal in the evening, etc.

Realize that you can't change the past and become aware that excessive anger might start damaging your present. That being said, don't beat yourself up for your anger. You are justified in feeling this way. It's like a wave that will eventually pass, you just have to ride it out. If you need some time away from your family or other people, you are allowed to set a boundary and take some time for yourself to reflect and move forward.

[–]justfornow55555[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I think I should get some new clothes actually. Self care etc. and yes it is righteous anger I just don't want it to consume me.

[–]justfornow55555[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Permission to take time away from family. Actually I needed to hear that. Having contact with parents again is weird. Good sonetimes other times awful. I have to remember I'm an adult I'm not going to "get in trouble" for withdrawing from them a bit.

[–]RedCyren 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Don't worry about what you can't control. The past is over, focus on being a better person and happier in the future.

You can reserve the right to be smarter today than you were yesterday. So forgive yourself, and into the future!

[–]justfornow55555[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Letting go of what I can't control is really hard for me. I feel like if I can't control it and it makes me feel bad, I have to figure out a way to make myself feel better and own it. I can't just accept.

[–]Macheako 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Think about this. Your anger...was once their anger. And now they've given it to you.

Do you WANT to give this same anger to next girl in line after you?

It's a simple yes or no.

And if the answer is no, then I don't care what you have to do, but you figure out how to solve that shit. Because life is too fragile, and frankly, were all just a little tired of seeing so many innocent lives get torn apart before they even had a chance.

Don't do it for you, do it for her. Because her, was also once you.

Don't hate yourself, or your family for this anger, that's what put us here. It's time to forgive and remember how to Love ;) So start there. Good Luck N God Bless.

[–]justfornow55555[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Thanks for your replies. I think it's possible to forgive people. Probably the trickiest part is the anger at just being born at this time. I guess I have to take it up with God. Edit: I do have much to be grateful for

[–]Eosei 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can make changes, you're not stuck in "this time". It sounds like you're in a pretty extreme environment especially if you're still in close relations with your family members. But you're not in a pit, you could change your environment and you could be surprised at how much easier it would be to deal with what is pulling you down with relatively small changes, whether they're related to where you live, or just where you work, or who you interact with or like you said just clothes... Maybe the anger is to help you pull away a bit, and from a safer distance it might be easier to forgive and let go of the anger and disappointment.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How can I move forward and let this go?

You don't need to let it go, but you do need to move forward. Rather than letting go, channel all the energy from your anger into changing your life and the lives of others based on your newer and better understanding of things.

[–]zurgenfloggin 1 point2 points  (1 child)

My advice is to eat it.

Running a business sometimes there are expenses...like who pays for postage when I send a paper contract next day air. I just pay and I don't bill the client, it's not worth it. Everything works better when I just eat the expense.

Some things that help me eat (forgive) others:

  1. In this case, and usually, they didn't mean you harm. They believed it was the best thing given their best estimation of reality.

  2. Make peace with the fact that everyone, including your parents and all these other people, are flawed just like you. They are struggling through life just like you and they stub their toes too.

  3. I always ask myself what part did I play in the situation. There is always something I contributed, even if it is just passive acceptance of a lie or enabling bad behavior. Realizing my involvement in a bad "system" takes the heat out of my anger and allows me to forgive.

[–]AdreamaSeize 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How does realizing your part make you feel better? For me, it is a catch 22. I will feel better for knowing that I too didn't know and shouldn't be blamed but at the same time, I contributed and having to live with how it contributed to others. Most days I am good but I have my sad days where I think I just could have done more but then realize, "No, I really did all I could at the time."

[–]Landry86 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is it possible to find a new job? I experience similar struggles… I’m at a desk all day when I should be popping out babies. I’m lucky though because I LOVE my job…it does make the day go by easier (loving what you do). You may also consider moving. I moved to South Louisiana because it isn’t as feminist. The people are very relaxed and nice and I love the easy-going culture and low traffic. It makes life much easier! I struggled in my 20’s also… I grew up in a bad liberal environment (Washington DC) so I did a lot of drugs and suffered from depression. I’m actually more attractive now than I was then and I’m 30 now. I have a loving boyfriend who is 5 years older than I am… we would have what I am proud to call a TRUE red pill relationship. I am feminine, submissive, understanding and loving. He is very masculine, intelligent, and ambitious. I am very self-conscious about my sexual history, though I have been with very few men for a woman my age (which is rare). I wish I had saved my virginity for marriage but there’s no going back. I feel guilty and shameful. Feminism encourages promiscuity and this makes me very angry. I am lucky that I have my boyfriend to talk with and open up about these feelings. Because I love him so much, he is free to sleep with other women (even though he doesn’t) because I want him to feel powerful. I too did not find out until recently that conception gets harder even though you still have periods. Why didn’t they teach THAT in sex ed? I stumbled across this page because I was trying to Google information about having children in your 30’s… I have recently become interested in having children with my boyfriend. A lot of “it’s never too late to settle down and have kids” bullshit popped up. Try to let your anger go and be thankful every day that you are one of the few who swallowed the red pill.

[–]Galadriel26 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Which masculine environment is this? Get a job somewhere else if it bothers you. Study nursing, teaching, something you like to continue doing. Also, take care of your BF! :)