Wife Tests: A Single Girl’s Guide to Being Wife Potential, Part I
Anyone who has ever spent any time in the manosphere has heard of Ian Ironwood. The man is a genius. I was recently going through some of his posts on his blog and I began re-reading the series he wrote called “Wife Tests”. Now, Ian writes mostly for the male perspective but this series is helpful not only for men but also to women. There have been a few posts from lurkers or new posters asking about ways to improve their girl game or to up their game for future or current relationships. This series will be super helpful for RPW’s new and experienced to read as it serves to instruct and remind us of everything we could be doing. I encourage every lady to read this series but as Ian is a tad verbose at times, I’ve added my own Spark Notes version here. Enjoy!
Please note that when clicking on the links, Mr. Ironwood has retro pin-up-esque photos peppered throughout his posts, some of which may not be appropriate to view at work or around the presence of children. They are not pornographic by a long shot but some are definitely risqué.
This first article is a litany of phrases or utterances that can and should throw up red flags to men vetting a potential partner.
The first and most obvious red flag to everyone here should be a woman using the term “rape culture”.
Anyone uttering this phrase without a trace of humor or sarcasm will most definitely turn into a raging fem-nazi once the honeymoon period is over in a relationship. I don’t feel a need to harp on this phrase for any length of time as I’m certain we are all aware of how over used this phrase is among the feminist army. Fellas, stay away from this kind of woman, ladies, do not be this type of woman. You will nail yourself a low value beta using this mentality as any captain worth his salt wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot pole.
The second “red flag phrase” is “delicate male ego”.
This one should also be relatively self-explanatory. If a woman doesn’t respect a man, all of a man (including his ego) he will not be properly satisfied in a relationship. Everyone has an ego and everyone loves to have someone else build them up (particularly if that other person is attractive). To be a woman who not only won’t build him up and stroke his ego (no matter how silly you personally may think it is) but will actually tear down his ego (and thus sense of worth in a relationship) is not an ideal candidate for a wife.
The third and final example I will pull off the list is the phrase “I want to work on my career”.
Now many women, especially those newer to RPW may prickle at this being a red flag. Practically all women today assume (wrongly) that being highly educated will add to the sexual attractiveness. This is not the case. Men may be impressed or think you accomplished, however a fancy degree or a fancy job do not add to your SMV at all. In fact, Mr. Ironwood postures that it is a red flag for women to say “I want to work on my career” and I can see why. If you and a potential mate are on one of your first dates or just getting to know each other, you are essentially telling him that your career comes first, before anything, including him. No man wants to hear that.
“A woman who sees herself as a professional first will only see herself as a wife and mother second.”
I purposely listed this article after the last bullet point because the two seem to conflict with each other. They do not. Mr. Ironwood clears up this seeming hypocrisy by explaining:
“Being “a good worker” isn’t just an evaluation about her employment status and potential, it’s an evaluation of her character when you broaden your scope to include old-fashioned housework and industry in general.”
Basically this article is discussing what to look for in a woman to ensure that she is not lazy or simply looking for a man to take care of her, rather she is someone who will do a fair share of the work and also care for her man. This is a rather important green flag us ladies will want to fly high when being vetted by a potential man!
Whether your goal is to stay home after marriage and/or children or continue working, there are a few things you should keep in mind now to ensure you are sending the appropriate signals.
Firstly, a woman who won’t work is obviously a red flag. But almost as big of a turn off is a woman who doesn’t know when to stop working or forgets why or who she is working for. /u/SuperSlavisWife just posted a fantastic article a few days ago entitled “Laissez-Faire Homemaking” in which she tells of the dangers and pitfalls of trying to make your home perfect all the time. One such pitfall is becoming a tyrant in your own home. Insisting on perfection all the time puts your husband and kids on edge and does not make the home a happy, inviting place. Such a woman has forgotten whom she is working for. Who are you intending to serve by homemaking? Your answer should be ‘your family’. They shouldn’t be being terrorized for the sake of the picture perfect home. So while it is important to not sit on the couch all day watching The Price is Right all day, it is also important to not become “Monster Stewart”.
For those women who are in the work force, it is important to remember that you have a family and to save some of yourself every day for them. Careers are important but not as important as your marriage and your family.
So how can single ladies demonstrate their ambition and industriousness? Ian answers this in the form of questions men should be asking themselves. Read the full list on his blog but a few of them are:
Does she ask for help even if she doesn’t need it? (Laziness)
Does she try to get you to do her work for her? (Laziness, manipulation)
Does she have a hard time planning the project? (Lack of ambition, trouble planning for the future, laziness)
Does she clean up after herself?
Can she stop the job short of perfection? (knowing when to stop working)
Does she take pride in the work she does?
Does she need you to watch and/or act as a cheerleader for her efforts? (validation-seeking, low self-esteem, attention seeking)
These and the other questions listed are important in determining in ourselves the message we are sending to our men. I encourage you to read the list and answer honestly, using introspection to identify potential places of improvement within yourself.
The final wife test I’m going to touch on today is “domesticity”.
One of the things a man seeks and finds value in when he is looking for his wife is someone with whom he can make a home.
What a surprise. A man wants a woman who knows how to make a home an inviting, warm, soft place to land. Unfortunately because of the feminist movement eschewing any sort of activity related to feminine homemaking, it is a dying art. I myself had no idea how to add special little touches to my own apartment (and worse, I didn’t realize they were missing!) My mother-in-law was the one who taught me the importance of homemaking and what an art it truly is. She showed me how a table cloth and some candles make dinner more special, how fresh flowers placed in a simple vase dress up a window, and overall how these small touches contribute to a house feeling like a home. It is definitely an art many women nowadays do not know how to create.
Little things Ian encourages men to look for in a woman’s home (and thus little touches you can add to yours) are listed in their entirety on this blog post. A few include:
cat/dog – how well are they cared for, groomed, the attention paid to them (all relates to you being able to dote on another living breathing creature. If you don’t want a pet please skip this suggestion!)
general décor – does your house give off a warm, cozy feeling or does it feel like you cleaned out the sale section of Target? Are the pieces original and cohesive to give the house an overall feel or is the paint and decorations discordant?
is the trash and/or laundry piling up – obvious housekeeping skills
That’s all for now, I thank you for reading and hope that these articles will be helpful in stepping up your girl game for your partner, either current or anticipated! I’ll post part two in a few days.