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ADVICEHow do you know if you’re boring? (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by jackedup23

I feel a little silly asking this, but quite a few posts say that a boring personality can really turn a guy off. So how do you know if you’re boring or not?

I live a slightly dull life, but I enjoy the simple things: reading, cooking healthy (but I eat the same thing a lot) going to the gym, etc. I’m naturally introverted and a little shy when first meeting people because I enjoy one-on-one conversations on deep subjects. I’m very open minded to trying new things, but otherwise I stick to a pretty repetitive and low key routine focused on self improvement. People could perceive this as boring.

So what’s a good indicator to measure boring-ness? Not having plans every weekend? Not having wild and colorful experiences? Being forgettable? I want to know how to improve because now I’m worried that I’m boring.


[–][deleted] 126 points127 points  (7 children)

Men don't say boring as in, "all she does is stay at home reading and cooking healthy", they say boring as in "we went on a date and I had to listen about the Kardashians for 3 hours"

[–]mikstar 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Yes, 100% this. I have a friend like this, she’s never had a boyfriend and she doesn’t understand why. It’s because she’s so boring that any man can’t be around her for longer than a day. My male friends can’t stand her because she talks for hours and hours about the most vapid things. I can have a coffee with her, but any longer than that and I need to escape. I can’t talk about gossip girl for 3 hours.

[–]Pie_021 20 points21 points  (3 children)

Or the other end of the spectrum where she can't seem to hold a conversation. I have talked to girls where you have to really work hard to ask questions and keep the momentum going. That's so annoying.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

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    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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      [–]bloobird08 10 points11 points  (0 children)

      People do that on a date? Yikes.

      [–]Crazypete3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Yeah, we don't really look for adventurous thrill seekers when looking for a relationship. As long as you're open to going on a trip with us to do fun stuff, that's all we care about.

      [–]Wolfssenger 40 points41 points  (2 children)

      I've always been a fan of a saying I once heard: "There are no boring lives, just bad orators." We often witness stories who's premise is mundane, yet the story itself is captivating. Conversely there are plenty of tales with granduer abounding yet are stale and dry. This is due to the fact that stories are less about the actual content and more about the emotions infused in them.

      With this in mind, you can make the most mundane recountings of your life be at least tolerable with expressive, emotive storytelling. Mastering this is a great way to make yourself seem less boring.

      Apart from that I'll parrot what some others have said: you should have a few hobbies you tend carefully to and enjoy.

      Also, you should periodically or regularly, depending on your preference, seek new things to try or experience, and be willing to do things with others. It will make you seem more personable and provide you with fuel for conversations later on.

      Hope this helps.

      [–]suzy2018 10 points11 points  (0 children)

      Just to add to this, try watching standup routines. They’re masters of turning a literal walk in the park into an epic tale.

      When I first started my own social-interaction overhaul (~8 years ago), I binged on standup and “epic” commencement speeches and motivational talks in general. Nothing that those people say is new, but it sure sounds exciting.

      [–]whirlpool4 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      I agree -- as long as you love and accept who you are and what you do, it'll show through the way you communicate and no part of that will come off as boring. Someone who seems defeated or dissatisfied with their lives because they had to settle will also show that and might come off as boring because they've lost their zeal for their own lives.

      [–]KittenLoves_Endorsed Contributor 28 points29 points  (1 child)

      Far more important than constantly doing new and exciting things are having a set of hobbies that you tend to regularly (if you don't have anything other than reading, cooking, and the gym, I'd suggest you look into something else as well to make you a bit more well-rounded; add something creative to the list, eg. music/dance/art/writing, and you're good to go), and being able to maintain an interesting conversation with people. If you don't have things to say, people will consider you boring! This means being up to date on world events, being passionate about things (hence the hobbies), and being witty. Nobody thinks funny people are boring, because they bring joy to others' lives and inspire people to want to be around them. If you're not able to make people laugh, try to work on that. Obviously you don't need to become a comedian overnight, but if you're not the kind of person who can slip humour into a conversation, I would try working on that.

      [–]AngusKirk 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      I'd suggest singing lessons. This stuff melts hearts of people.

      [–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 56 points57 points  (1 child)

      You're conflating male SMV with female SMV.

      Women need men to be exciting, fun, ambitious, successful, adventurous etc.

      Men need women to be pleasant, available, kind, soft, sweet, sexual, affectionate etc.

      You don't need to be exciting. Be available, sweet and sexy. Be kind and a soft landing space and you'll be okay.

      [–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

      This is helpful and reassuring advice for us more home-bodied types.

      [–]organicsunshine 11 points12 points  (0 children)

      Men aren't looking for the 'life of the party' in a woman. They like a woman who is stable, so in your case, your definition of 'boring' is a good thing and I don't see anything wrong with it. As you get to know someone and you learn about his interests, you can then take it on to yourself to learn more about it and hold conversations with him going forward.

      The other commenters are correct. A woman can be a hard 10 and if she goes on and on about dumb stuff she may think is 'interesting' a man will just mentally check out. He'd rather hear about your ideas for meals you'd like to make for him or asking his advice on self improvement. Sharing personal stories that don't have to be wild (red flag) but are meaningful to you are also good conversations.

      I wouldn't change if I were you. You sound like you are working to be long term relationship material. Women who have traveled the world and have had all of these crazy experiences without him, will be a red flag and a slight turn off...what's left for you to do together that is new? Catch my drift. You are fine.

      [–]r2401 19 points20 points  (0 children)

      Boring is good. Men don't want to marry someone from sex and the city

      [–]Huffnagle 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      Simple isn’t the same as boring. The fact that you have a simple routine isn’t something that would bother me. If you’re open to trying new adventures, I’d be happy with that.

      Another comment mentioned droning on about stuff like the Kardashian’s. That’s not a problem of a boring life, it’s a problem of being a boring conversationalist. I wouldn’t care if you had a few guilty pleasures, but I’m not terribly interested and I certainly don’t want to hear 25 minutes on Kim’s latest shopping excursion. You say that you enjoy conversations on deep subjects, that’s good. Some guys don’t care, but I don’t really enjoy dumb people who cannot grasp anything deeper than reality TV. If you’re not tone deaf in conversation and take care to keep it two sides it’ll be a non-issue.

      TLDR: Ask questions and don’t drone on to fill empty space in the conversation.

      [–]LittleMissAfrodite 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      It's relative. Your lifestyle wouldn't be boring to someone who does the same thing. Many men are the same way, especially gamers. I'd personally worry more about my ability to simply enjoy my time with my spouse while doing the things we both liked. If you like to read and he likes to watch tv, read while he watches tv. As long as you are doing something together that you both enjoy then you are no more boring than you both are alone. If you aren't bored alone and he isn't bored alone, you can find away for you both to never be bored together.

      [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      I think boring has less to do with what you do and more to do with who you are.

      Boring people have no passions, no interests. Nothing that makes them unique. They don’t add value to conversation because they have nothing unique to say.

      An interesting person has hobbies, they enjoy discussing things, maybe they have a unique way of dressing, maybe they like to wear their hair in a different way.

      A person can live a “boring” life and still be an interesting person.

      I’ve always been a little on the eccentric side. When I was younger I loved to travel, I was always going out on weekends, doing crazy things. Now, I enjoy staying home and reading, watching movies, etc. I still have my eccentric qualities that I value, and I still have unique interests that make me, “me.”

      [–]Abara4 10 points11 points  (3 children)

      Went on a date with a gal that I met at a birthday, conversation was great at the bday because we were 4-5 people talking together. On the date we had a cofee and saw a movie. She completely missed the entire point of the movie and then talked about the most vapid and materialistic things, as in what kind of clothing brands she likes and how she was a strong and independent women but somehow had to interrupt the date to go ask her dad if she could have her allowance and money to pay for her rent. She had an insane sense of self-worth when she was kind of dumb, had literally nothing to talk about, didn't read or watch movies, had no idea about politics and was aggressive in the conversation. She was boring.
      As long as you are not insanely materialistic and share some interest with a guy you should be ok. Routine while open to new things and deep conversations is good because it means you are low maintenance but can rise to the occasion if needed.

      [–]bloobird08 19 points20 points  (2 children)

      To be fair, politics are weird to talk about on a first date. I’ve also found some men who are super interested in politics are angry whackjobs. Seeing a guy’s social media filled with political shit is a red flag to me, shows he takes life way too seriously and will be a drag who can’t just have fun and make jokes

      [–]Abara4 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      I agree but she was completely self centered and said that it’s not that she didn’t want to discuss it but that she didn’t have an opinion. You should have at least an interest in local politics and decisions that affect your life. I’m from Switzerland where we have to regularly vote on different topics. It was also part of the usual 1st date process of trying to find things to talk about and common interests.

      [–]bloobird08 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Yeah it may be different where you live, but I know that a lot of women just don’t really enjoy discussing politics. It’s definitely more of a man interest.

      [–]bloobird08 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      I think everyone has different definitions of boring. I don’t think this is something you should worry about. It’s cliche but just be yourself. Would you be happy with the male version of yourself? If you would, then you’re fine.

      [–]imdar3ald3al 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      Just be able to carry a conversation about something your man finds meaningful

      [–]TheLadyLawyer 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      Try hula hooping! It’s fun, great exercise, and some men think it’s sexy.

      [–]AngusKirk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Boring isn't uninteresting or uneventful. I like uneventful afternoons sitting at a park eating sandwiches and ice cream. Boring is like actually bore my head with a drill being preferable than to keep talking to you.

      [–]carrotriver 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Boring people are bored with life...they don't have deep and meaningful interests (plural).

      Do you have multiple deep and meaningful interests of your own?

      Can you get yourself to be interested in what your guy is talking about, be it about himself or his interests?

      If so, you are not boring.

      [–]TheoSunny 8 points9 points  (0 children)

      As a dude who also usually sticks to a repetitive, low-key self-improvement routine, I'd suggest finding a completely new set of people, a new sport/hobby that involves meeting strangers, or just going off to events, concerts and the like with a few friends.

      Oh and put up the most interesting bits of all of those on social media.

      This has worked well enough for me, and while YMMV, it might just work for you too.

      [–]CalvinRichland 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Your interests do not sound inherently boring to me unless that is really all there is. The gym hobby should be transitioned to include a sport. Biking, running, skiing, hiking, martial arts. Something more interesting and fun to do as a couple. You will meet men doing any sport and some are very male dominated giving you easy pickings and low competition.

      As for reading, what are you actually reading? Trash novels or actually learning? If it's just novels that doesn't add much to conversation unless you date english majors that like to hit the gym. I would suggest mixing in some ramdom non fiction in totally random subjects that could have conversation value. What is your ideal man interested in? Read about that and when you meet him you jump to the top of the list.

      [–]aussiedollface 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I think you just need to have “openess to experience”. I could be wrong, but I think when men complain about women being boring it’s more like your refusal to experience new things with him. Perhaps he likes sailing, or wants to try a new cuisine. If you have openess to experience you will join him in this and the two of you will bond over the experience. A “boring” lady might just refuse. I’m a fairly conservative homebody, so I’ve never been the life of the party so to speak. But my hubby likes to try new things and really wants me to join him, so even if I would prefer to potter around at home, I go with him with an open mind and our relationship is the better for it xo

      [–]Happy_Holly87 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Boring is subjective, boring to me might be someone else’s excitement. Usually if someone wants to spend time with you they don’t find you boring.

      I can’t speak for all men but my husband finds bitchy comments, talking about TV and work boring.