FIELD REPORTThe nature of support and being supportive (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by KittenLoves_Endorsed Contributor

We often talk about how important it is for a woman to be supportive to the man in her life. But what exactly is the nature of support? Is it just being "a cheerleader"? Until recently, I assumed the brunt of being supportive fell upon this idea -- of a woman reassuring and encouraging, mainly through her words.

Recently I have realized this idea I had is wrong.

My boyfriend and I have been repainting, slightly remodelling, and redecorating the kitchen over the past few days. Yesterday evening, we finally got everything done, and while I was making dinner, he cleaned up all the mess we'd made over the past few days. (He had enough time to clean everything because what I was making was quite time-consuming. :P)

Once dinner was ready and we sat down to eat, he turned to me and thanked me "for being so supportive. Without you I would have never gotten everything finished today. But seeing you keep working and not give up inspired me to keep going. Otherwise I would have just spend the afternoon playing video games and not finishing anything."

Not only was this a really sweet moment, it also led me to rethink my idea of what it really means to be supportive. It isn't just giving encouragement (although that is definitely part of it), it's working just as hard alongside him; sharing the work; picking things up where he starts to lag; and making long, boring, annoying tasks more pleasant.

[–]stacysmom40 20 points21 points  (0 children)

It sounds like he really appreciates you and that’s great. My husband and I actively try to cultivate and acknowledge our appreciation for each other. We don’t ever want to be taken for granted.

I think support can play out in many ways.

One thing I like to keep in mind is that I have lots of people in my life that I can vent to when I need that, but he really only has me. So if he is dealing with a tough work situation, I’m his sounding board. I actively listen, ask questions, and throw out thoughts or suggestions as needed. He has recently commented on how helpful that aspect of our marriage is.

Knowing when to leave him alone and let him stew on things himself or letting him get distracted with a video game can also be supportive though. We don’t always need to be interacting.

Then there are the more obvious ways I support him. Bringing lunch to his office. Keeping the house a welcoming and relaxing space. Handling minor repairs and car service without involving him. Etc.

Since he makes it possible for me not to work, I kind of think of supporting him as my job now.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Motivation, good habits, followthrough, and overall effort is contagious. I often think, the expectations of my man should not be above those of myself. We are both accountable not just to one another, but to ourselves first. Being supportive is a reflection of effort, not words.

Glad you had a good weekend getting work done! I impressed my man this weekend by scheduling a date at the batting cages (I've never been and he used to play ball), and accompanied him to a spin class the next morning for the first time (fitness is important to him) and made it through quite well! 10.5 mi in 40 mins. Supportive comes in many forms, effort and followthrough count most.

[–]loneliness-incEndorsed Contributor 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'll follow your question with another question - if you were to offer words of encouragement while rolling your eyes or otherwise being insincere, would he feel encouraged and supported?

Obviously, he wouldn't. But why not?

Because the words are just vehicles that transmit something much deeper than words. If that deeper thing is missing and only the (encouraging and supportive) words are present, those same words are empty and therefore insulting.

What is that deeper thing that words of encouragement and support ought to express?

It's your belief in him and his capabilities. It's your admiration for him and what he's accomplished. It's your appreciation and gratitude for that which he does for you.

Words are expressions of these feelings within your heart. These feelings can be expressed through actions as well as a smile, a look and your approving, happy demeanor while he's doing what he's doing. That's why he felt supported.

[–]alpha-zach 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This chick gets it.