Hi all, I wanted to give an update on my last post where I felt like my opinions weren’t being heard with my fiancé. I got some really great advice from some of you (special thanks to u/Ok_Philosopher!!) and I really appreciated it. I ended up having a really great discussion with my fiancé that opened my eyes to a lesson in the Surrendered Wife that I had previously disregarded.
Like suggested, I made sure to bring up my feelings when we were both relaxed and happy so he knew I wasn’t trying to attack him. We were snuggling after dinner and I brought up how I felt like my opinions were sometimes steam rolled over by his. He understood the metaphor because it was something I had talked about before we were even in a relationship; how as a quieter person, people sometimes pushed me into what they wanted to do because I had trouble saying no. In our relationship, he always promised to be my support system and to say no when I couldn’t.
So when I brought this up to him, he was genuinely shocked. He had never realized that I was expressing my opinions when we had disagreements. I had the tendency of saying things like “Why not ____?” and trying to convince him. I never said I wanted something, but rather tried to reason with him. So of course, in those situations, he would do what he thought was best because he thought I was just offering other points.
This all reminded me of a lesson in the Surrendered Wife about saying I WANT and not trying to reason or nag or convince your partner of something. Make it clear what you want without offering reasons or trying to cajole, and usually your mate wants you to be happy and will happily acquiescence. When reading the book, I thought it was too demanding for me to ever say, and it felt silly but that kind of clarity makes decisions simple.
Anyway, simple miscommunication with the fiancé could have ruined a night for us but thanks to you guys and the Surrendered Wife, it made our relationship even closer