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[FIELD REPORT]Do what he says. (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by TheLadyPainter

Hello, ladies. I’ve been MIA for a while, super busy and just generally unable to sit down and type anything. I want to check in and make a quick post about what I’ve been working on lately: doing what he says.

It seems so basic – and it is – but I’ve been finding it’s actually one of the hardest parts of being in an LTR. The problem is that there are always multiple reasons to not do what he says: you think he actually wants something else, someone else wants something different, your own judgment… and on and on it spins. There’s a point where you should just stop thinking about that stuff and do what he freaking says.

I’m not saying to just blindly follow orders. Voice your concerns if you must, but in the end, please please please do what he says. And if you really can’t do what he says because it’s horrifyingly against your morals or something, perhaps you shouldn’t be with that man.

Does he want you to wear that dress to dinner? Wear it. It doesn’t matter if you had something else in mind. If it doesn’t match the weather, make it work – add a jacket or different shoes than you usually would wear. He wants to see you in that dress – be his fantasy.

Does he want you to keep something secret? Keep your mouth shut. Will telling someone make you feel good? Maybe. Will it piss him off? Definitely. Take the definite.

Does he like your makeup a certain way? Even if you think you look better a different way, who are you trying to attract? Him. So do it how he likes it.

Does he want you to stay away from a certain place/person? Don’t go there. He probably has a good reason.

Did someone ask you to do something that goes against something he asked? Don’t even try to compromise between the two, just say no.

There are so many ways to go wrong with this. For example, my SO asked me to keep something secret. A while later, I was hanging out with a friend. She was in a situation that the secret was relevant to, and she was feeling pretty crappy about it, so I told her. She felt so relieved, which was great! But then my SO found out and he was pissed beyond belief. In a moment of pity, I picked my friend over my SO. If I just did what he said, she would have gotten over it and he would not be pissed off. You can’t please everyone, so pick your SO.

You can also go very right with this. I am in the middle of planning our wedding and my SO has a very specific request. My entire family wants me to do this one thing differently. I am indifferent to the way it’s done, and they both have good reasons to do it the way they want. I was getting pressure from my family for months, until one day I started to argue with my mother over the phone and just flat out told her, “I can’t please everyone, so if I’m going to choose a side, I’m choosing my husband.” After that, all nagging stopped.

tl;dr Do what he says and you’ll avoid a lot of grief.


[–][deleted] 29 points30 points  (20 children)

Great post! I struggled for a while because I thought my husband did not voice his opinion enough. How would I know what to do if he didn't? There came a point - I'm not sure when it was - when I realize he didn't voice his opinion much because I blew it off when he did. I made it a point every time he voiced his opinion I immediately responded favorable. It took a lot of effort on my part to be aware of what I needed to do. To truly listen to him and do it wholeheartedly. I had to make it a new habit, a good habit.

When I made a point to do exactly what he said he became more willing to voice his opinion. I had to be the one to make the change first. He was tired of voicing his opinion to a girl that wasn't listening.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is awesome. What a great thing to read.

[–]Namelessfear9 3 points4 points  (5 children)

This is pervasive. It's happened in at least tow of my past relationships. At some point, shortly before I ended both of them, I just quit telling her what was on my mind. I resented her (read: whichever girl it was at the time) and blew her off all the time. Why not? She started it, and no amount of reason and tolerance on my part changed it. Pretty soon, I was shopping around for other (usually toxic and worthless, my picker was broken when I was young) women.

Not everything is an opportunity to "discuss" an issue. Not all information is need-to-know. Sometimes things are time sensitive or urgent. Sometimes we are just out of words for the day and any attempt to goad us into conversation instead of simply complying with a request will result in either a fight, or total withdrawal.

Hope this perspective helps validate OP. Keep it up ladies, you are all fighting the good fight. I respect all of you.

[–]delores_rose 6 points7 points  (4 children)

Not everything is an opportunity to "discuss" an issue.

Especially if he is asking you to do something in front of other people. I witnessed this at a party over the weekend, my friend's husband looked mortified when he asked her to make another batch of nacho dip and she replied with some snotty remark about how when they decided to throw this party, he said he would help and she did all the cooking, shopping, blah blah blah...Definitely not the time or place to be having that convo!! I felt so awkward witnessing that.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Yes. Few things are more embarrassing for a man than to have his spouse/SO publicly disagree/berate/make a snide remark right after he has asked for something. When I observe this behavior, I make a point to offer the gentlemen in question my help (usually in conjunction with doing something for my SO).

Example: SO's drink is running low, and another man asks his date to grab him a beer. If she refuses, I'll chime in and say "I was just heading inside to grab Occam a drink, what would you like?" It cuts off the uncooperative woman, minimizes the damage, and generate some respect for my SO.

[–]delores_rose 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Ooh, I will have to steal your moves. You benefit yourself and your SO by being classy and kind, as welll as your SO by getting more respect from other men. Perfect!

[–]Thorla 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Do you have any suggestions for how to handle that kind of situation, when you can't link it with your SO? For instance, maybe your SO has a new, full beer, or maybe he's on the other side of the room or whatever, is there a way one could smooth it over a little and not just let the man hang there, all embarrassed?

[–]StingrayVC 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you're filling your own drink or your getting up to get a plate of food, or using the restroom . . . .

[–][deleted]  (12 children)

[removed]

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (11 children)

    My husband does not make my decisions. But I respect the ones he does.

    [–]white_crust_delivery 2 points3 points  (10 children)

    What if you think of something that he hasn't considered when making his decision?

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (8 children)

    Then I'll voice my opinion in a respectful way. And he will take the the new information in and adjust the plan accordingly.

    [–]white_crust_delivery 1 point2 points  (5 children)

    What if he's wrong and you're right (and he doesn't take your opinion into consideration)?

    [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (4 children)

    Well, we'll figure it out when we get there. I really trust my husband. And he has the best of intentions to lead this family. He also trusts me and does value my opinion. But, in the end there can only be one captain. And that's him. So sink or swim I'm following his lead because I said I would in our wedding vows.

    [–]white_crust_delivery 1 point2 points  (3 children)

    Can there really only be only one captain though? Surely there are some domains in which you are more knowledgable and better at making decisions than he is. A functional team can work a little better than unilateral leadership when responsibilities and decisions are distributed to those who are most capable of making them. I fail to see how your husband being male somehow endows him with superior decision making in every domain.

    [–]tintedlipbalm 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    This is not a sub for debate, take your concerns elsewhere.

    [–]white_crust_delivery 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    What I think you mean to say is "I don't have a response to the really rational point you just made." Regardless, although I know you guys aren't really fans of people questioning your views, I guess I'm just genuinely trying to understand how you could possibly prefer that situation. Like I said, there are probably situations where you're more capable of making a decision than your husband is. Doesn't having your autonomy restricted like this bother you at all?

    [–]tintedlipbalm 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Please stop indulging this person's "curiosity". You don't have to justify yourself and your relationship dynamic to the blue pillers that mock this very thread!

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Oh, sorry.

    [–]tintedlipbalm 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    We are not voiceless victims in our relationships. If we have any relevant information, we share it. A good man will listen to his wife's needs, wants and concerns, and make the best decision taking those into account.

    Considering your TBP activity, you are likely going to be banned. It's in the sidebar, just so you know.

    [–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (2 children)

    You can’t please everyone, so pick your SO.

    This is so huge. Thank you for making this post.

    [–]TheLadyPainter[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

    It's harder than it sounds. I'm a chronic people pleaser and it's been difficult to learn that it's better to make my SO happy, than let him be disappointed and make 10 other people happy. But it's so worth it.

    [–]ModernLifeDating 11 points12 points  (2 children)

    This would solve 90% of all relationship problems.

    [–]Namelessfear9 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    Lowball estimate.

    [–]fire-fly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    So true, I think I need to read this post every day until I actually internalize it...

    [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    He probably has a good reason.

    For me, this is the very essence of your post. Do what he says, because he probably has a good reason.

    When I do something the way my SO wants it to be done, it is an expression of my trust in him and his decision making. Furthermore, it helps me relinquish control and has never proven to be the wrong way to go.

    Good piece of advice! I also like your use of examples

    [–]placated_doll 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    Upvoted.

    There was a hill I thought might be worth dying on (a friendship my SO disapproved of) just two weeks into my relationship with my SO. I'm so glad I chose him over the friend who has slowly imploded, and I regret having questioned his judgement. He saw, long before I did, that there was trouble on the horizon. Lesson learned.

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    As a guy, I can tell you.... We are are pretty simple creatures.

    The truth has always been that: women know what men want but, some refuse to do it.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I am not necessarily submissive but I try to not focus on myself anymore like used to. I try to know his favorite foods, pets etc.

    I guess if I put his interests above mine, I might be submissive. Matt Forney said that if a girl puts his interests above hers, then shes submissive.

    [–]pinkstar2345 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I struggle with this a lot. Sometimes it feels he won't want what I want and I'll lose. I guess I need to give up the "competition" aspect.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [removed]

    [–]TheLadyPainter[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Let's say you have a very good friend who you've known for years and years. She started out fine but then she started spiraling. Of course you try to help her and do damage control, but eventually, your husband recognizes that enough is enough and says you should cut ties.

    Any person who feels any sort of emotions will of course protest. You can respectfully provide your arguments, but in the end, a red pill woman will do what he says.

    My SO and I have wonderful discussions about everything from art to politics to religion. We both have our own opinions and they differ quite greatly at times, which makes it interesting. This thread is not about having opinions. It's about respecting his authority.

    [–]ReclaimingFeminity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    This is something I've been making a habit of - It's helped me improve a lot!

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    This is excellent advice!

    [–]VintageVee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Completely agree , great post. I've been focussing on this heavily the last few weeks and we're happier than ever.