Hello, ladies. I’ve been MIA for a while, super busy and just generally unable to sit down and type anything. I want to check in and make a quick post about what I’ve been working on lately: doing what he says.
It seems so basic – and it is – but I’ve been finding it’s actually one of the hardest parts of being in an LTR. The problem is that there are always multiple reasons to not do what he says: you think he actually wants something else, someone else wants something different, your own judgment… and on and on it spins. There’s a point where you should just stop thinking about that stuff and do what he freaking says.
I’m not saying to just blindly follow orders. Voice your concerns if you must, but in the end, please please please do what he says. And if you really can’t do what he says because it’s horrifyingly against your morals or something, perhaps you shouldn’t be with that man.
Does he want you to wear that dress to dinner? Wear it. It doesn’t matter if you had something else in mind. If it doesn’t match the weather, make it work – add a jacket or different shoes than you usually would wear. He wants to see you in that dress – be his fantasy.
Does he want you to keep something secret? Keep your mouth shut. Will telling someone make you feel good? Maybe. Will it piss him off? Definitely. Take the definite.
Does he like your makeup a certain way? Even if you think you look better a different way, who are you trying to attract? Him. So do it how he likes it.
Does he want you to stay away from a certain place/person? Don’t go there. He probably has a good reason.
Did someone ask you to do something that goes against something he asked? Don’t even try to compromise between the two, just say no.
There are so many ways to go wrong with this. For example, my SO asked me to keep something secret. A while later, I was hanging out with a friend. She was in a situation that the secret was relevant to, and she was feeling pretty crappy about it, so I told her. She felt so relieved, which was great! But then my SO found out and he was pissed beyond belief. In a moment of pity, I picked my friend over my SO. If I just did what he said, she would have gotten over it and he would not be pissed off. You can’t please everyone, so pick your SO.
You can also go very right with this. I am in the middle of planning our wedding and my SO has a very specific request. My entire family wants me to do this one thing differently. I am indifferent to the way it’s done, and they both have good reasons to do it the way they want. I was getting pressure from my family for months, until one day I started to argue with my mother over the phone and just flat out told her, “I can’t please everyone, so if I’m going to choose a side, I’m choosing my husband.” After that, all nagging stopped.
tl;dr Do what he says and you’ll avoid a lot of grief.