THEORYMale shit tests (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by Jikira

In the RedPill there is a concept called shit tests in regards to women. The other day my SO and I were sitting in the car talking and he casually mentioned how one of his friends said he would never date a girl who couldn't accept that he smokes. At that moment I realize he was shit testing me. I kinda of chuckled because I started to remember all the shit test we had before we were dating. How hard I guess he vetted me as well. As a side note, my boyfriend doesn't smoke cigarettes when we started dating he vaped, but he decided to quit on his own. After this I realized something about my boyfriend. His shittest are always testing me over three things money, loyalty, and pressure.


I know money is something very important to my boyfriend. He is a natural provider and he has made my life significantly better. However, his desire to provide for me did not happen after we had sex or even after we started dating. It happen after I started to pass his shittest about money.

  1. He paid for all of my food , but always gave me a chance to help pay

  2. He offers to buy me something more expensive, I offer for something cheaper

3.When we moved in together, he let me decide how I wanted the rent to be split

In all of these situation he gave me an opportunity to show how I will use his money if he became a provider for me. Everytime I passed a test he will be more willing to do things and take the next step in our relationship. A lot of time I did not realize he was testing me, but I glad my values on money align so much with him.


Just like the money one, he would put me in situation and see how I act.

  1. One time he asked me if I wanted to go clubbing with my friends without him

  2. He also asked me my opinions on certain redpill topics like male friends, sleeping around, and marriage (SO does not read Redpill or really knows anything about it)

Just like money he will usually pose a situation to me and see how I react.


Everyone is constantly changing and so am I. We are both way different people from when we first met. Because of the changes he made in our life. My boyfriend likes to see how much pressure I would put on him in a certain way. This brings us back to the whole smoking thing I never ask him to stop. I just told him if he wanted to quit I would totally support him. I don't pressure him to do anything he doesn't want to do. If there is a problem I dislike I bring him the problem and not the solution By doing this I guess in essence I am holding my frame. I am not necessarily telling him what he wants to hear. I am just sticking to my redpill ideology.

[–]HB3234 15 points16 points  (2 children)

I feel like you summed up the most common ones really well. I really liked this contribution, and I'm looking forward to more of your thoughts.

My ex gave me a lot of shit tests. Each them served to highlight how much he wanted out of me, but when I contrasted them with what was coming to the table, I ended that partnership. The tests only work if the class is worth passing.

In addition, I'd add a sex category. Although it can overlap with loyalty (trying to get a feel for attitudes on monogamy, cheating, etc), it can be unique in trying to gauge interest and receptivity to certain acts, frequency preferences, seeing if you are celebratory about sexuality, etc.

Finally, the piece below written by a man, so it has a more male-orientation but it talks about shit tests as things all humans do to all humans when trying to assess them- ex men "ball busting" each other.

It breaks women's tests down to dominance, compliance, and fitness; men wanting loyalty, compliance, and submission seems to fit nicely in turn. Although compliance and submission obviously overlap, I am making a clumsy attempt to distinguish between "will let him make decisions; not be a shrew" as submission and compliancd as "make decisions in line with our values" - please feel free to help me articulate this better.


[–]Ezaar 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I went three links deep from this one link. Shit gets meta real quick fam.

[–]LateralThinker133 Stars 6 points7 points  (0 children)

One caveat. Shit testing and regular testing are two different things. Women shit-test because they are looking for a man to reject their bullshit and handle them like an alpha; if they fail to do so, they mark themselves as beta and make themselves less attractive.

Men test women - and other men - not with shit (a negative) but with responsibility/respectfulness (a positive). He wants to respect you, and you get a chance to demonstrate that you are worthy, or not.

In other words, a woman's shit test is a test to see if a man can handle the woman. A man's test is to see if a woman can handle herself.

Very different types of testing.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)


[–]Jikira[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Ah. Thanks I was trying to think of a better word for pressure, but controlling is great.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (7 children)

You're 1 million percent right about everything but the name. Shit testing (aka fitness testing for a more PG term, thanks to Athol Kay for coining that) is when a woman is seeing if a man is fit to lead. It's essentially testing to see if he's a "fake alpha," and it only happens if she's attracted to him to some degree.

Some of what you're describing are called compliance tests, which are when a man is seeing if a woman will go along with what he wants, and they're very much related to fitness tests. They differ in who is doing them (man vs. woman), why they are done and what passing them looks like.

Others of what you describe are generally called wife tests (or loyalty tests). They're the male analog to comfort tests that women give men, and they test things like loyalty or belief systems. Several examples of these are given on Ian Ironwood's Red Pill Room blog, and a lot of his material is already on the sidebar.

I could be persuaded to do a quick write-up of the four types of tests with examples for how they benefit or screen for women and their individual purposes if there's interest.

[–]HB3234 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Hello, this is me attempting to persuade you to do the write-up. I enjoy your writing and insights.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Haha, thanks. I'll send you a heads-up if I do.

[–]trumpolina 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I second this!

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]Rivkariver2 Star 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I really don't get why these categories are necessary. Why are only women doing shot tests and men are doing compliance? It seems all the same to me.

[–]Jikira[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree, but terminology is very important to the Redpill community. I also tested my boyfriend for all three of these things when I was vetting my boyfriend. If the difference were based on how the test is presented I would image a shit test would be more aggressive or disrespectful way of finding a partner's value. Where as a compliance test will be a more respectable way. I agree with it does seem the same, but what you are getting tested on is different. Although most of what the other poster said can be said for both genders. It doesn't matter if the teacher is a male or female a math test is a math test. I need to know if my future captain is going to be as compliant to my life style I want as well as he needs to know if I am.

[–]lidlredridinghood 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Attempting to persuade! Seeing a write up contrasting the different tests works be fascinating and functionally useful.

[–]Rivkariver2 Star 2 points3 points  (3 children)

How do you advise balancing accepting the ways he wants to spoil you and provide with also showing you will not be a crazy spender when you are married?

[–]HB3234 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Accept the spoiling he offers graciously, express gratitude and appreciation so he knows you don't expect it as default/ take it for granted. Don't ask or hint for that 'spoiling' in turn, let him offer it.

If a man offers you something and sees you accepting that gift as failing a test, that's some crazy manipulative behavior. Your bf doesn't seem that messed in the head, so don't anticipate his motives as if he is... trust that what he offers, he wants to give. If you feel it's too excessive for your comfort, you can say something gently but still with gratitude, and if he insists- accept, don't argue!

[–]Rivkariver2 Star 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I always do with gifts and dinner etc. but I guess I notice he likes to get me little things I need to help me save, like around the house stuff. I know he likes to but when it's not an overt gift he won't know I need it unless I ask. I want to not push asking too much with still letting him do that.

[–]Jikira[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

/r/HB3234 said it perfectly, but if you know a special occasion is coming up you can definitely use this to show you are not a crazy spender. For example, I told my boyfriend this year for christmas let's make our own gifts instead of buying. Even then, he still likes to buy me nice things or take me to nice places. If he does I accept it. But I always make sure to let him no he doesn't have to buy anything super expensive.

[–]Sapphire_Jizz 1 point2 points  (1 child)

In other words, men will put women in situations where they have to choose a certain course of action. They will observe these actions and draw conclusions about her character.

Because watch what they do, not what they say.

[–]BewareTheOldMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

...a nice attempt to paraphrase a TRP (Male) dictum/maxim:

"Pay attention to her actions, not her words." or similarly "Read her actions, not her words."

Anyway...I second ReddJive's comments as an accurate assessment of male-female interaction related to fitness/compliance testing. Men are generally more overt regarding communication in relationships and with others. Females tend to communicate covertly, e.g., "You should know me well enough to know what I'm thinking." or "I shouldn't HAVE to tell you, you should just know." NOTE: Men are NOT telepaths/mind-readers.

When a man tests a woman's compliance, it is necessary in order to determine legitimacy and the cost/benefit ratio for continuing a relationship. And yes...men SHOULD be doing this more often.

[–]ReddJive 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Call it what you will...This is RPW after all yet drawing a comparison to TRP concept is inaccurate.

/u/CaptNgrind is correct that that a shit test is a woman's why of making sure the man she is vetting or with is indeed the Alpha he makes himself out to be. They are at first brutal, and harsh but as the relationship grows and the man passes them they become fun and teasing. Jokes if you will. Shit testing happens all the time every day. The term makes them seem like a undesirable thing but in a relationship they are needed. If a man is not being shit tested then he needs to wonder what's up. When my girl shit tests me I enjoy it. It's fun. Sometimes I will purposely encourage them.

A woman scratches the paint, kicks the tires looking for a beta. It's the man's job to make sure there isn't one.

Qualifying, (false) disqualification, freeze outs, aloof assholery, dread game are all like male shit tests.

Differences are, these are more about changing her thoughts, female shit tests are more about gauging his reaction. And that too few guys do these, whereas female shit tests are instinctive.

[–][deleted]  (5 children)


[–]Jikira[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Why are they called shit tests? Well when somebody "gives you shit" and fucks around with your head to see how you will react, what you are experiencing is typically a (series of) shit test(s). Everyone has been shit tested, gets shit tested and will continue to be shit tested; It's an unavoidable part of human interaction.

A. These aren't shit tests.

This is literally the definition of a shittest given by a prominent member of the red pill. My Boyfriend used to give me SHIT all the time to make sure that I was worth it... so yeah he shit test. Anyone can shit test it is not just a women thing.

B. I'm amazed by the differences in lifestyle between men & women in our society sometimes. It literally shocks me, men are basically workhorses constantly subject to the most brutal aspects of human life.

I don't know what part of my post says my boyfriend is subject to anything. On contrary, my boyfriend is very pampered. :) I work three jobs and I am taking 19 hours this semester because someone has to pay for my tuition, my boyfriend has never worked during a school semester. Please... Don't give me that shit. Sure, I agree in our society men are subject to a lot of brutalities, which is why I am also a volunteer and starting my own afterschool program for boys. Please don't sit online and complain about men in society if you are not going to do anything in reality....

[–][deleted]  (2 children)


    [–]pearlsandstilettosModerator | Pearl[M] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Enough. You do not need to come in here and poke at the women in an old thread. You need to return to TRP until you learn how to communicate with women properly.