65
66

[FIELD REPORT]I am engaged! (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by valleycupcake

My boyfriend proposed a few days ago, and I said yes! The way it happened just showed how right we are for each other. And I really believe it could not have happened without the support and hard truths that I got from this sub.

Two Christmases ago, I was a FWB trying to rationalize why it was okay. I was still hurting from the breakup of the marriage I had entered into as a teenager, and didn't have plans for the future. Thankfully, I had supportive friends, family, and community. And, very importantly, I had you ladies.

FWB is generally a bad idea. It adds a number to your count, lowering your SMV (mine was only one to start with, but every bit counts). It could have gone very wrong and I could have been hurt big-time. You all told me that. When I have daughters, I will advise them to stay away from it. I advise you ladies to stay away from it. Yet, applying RPW principles, by the grace of God in my weakness and foolishness, allowed me to turn this into a legitimate relationship. I fully embraced the feminine graces and never looked back. When we fell for each other, we fell hard, and started talking marriage and family right away.

We already had a business together, were already very close friends, and were already involved. So when we decided we were ready to call it love and make a future out of it, things got real fast. He has gone through so much personal growth this year. I know that my ability to use my femininity as a soft landing place for him has been instrumental. He went from a smart, talented, and kind person who was also a bit bitter and escapist, to an incredibly driven, hardworking man who is open to influence and is fixed on seeing things as they really are. He has some huge aspirations for life, and now he really believes he can achieve them.

And once I had permission not to do the career path I was “supposed” to do, I found work that I really liked and broke through my unemployment slump with his support. I now have no problem admitting that although I have this advanced degree, my main calling in life is to be a wife and mother. I will work on the side to help the family or as a hobby, but my work will be far second to my true calling, and that’s okay.

I am not an ideal bride by any means. And he’s not a perfect man. But we emphasize each other’s strengths, complement each other’s weaknesses, and are constantly striving to grow. Personal growth is a very RP, very anti-victimhood concept, and we could not have this relationship without it. We have a wonderful life ahead of us!

Thank you for helping to make this possible!


[–]babybluebells 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Are you willing to share some of the changes you went through that turned a FWB into an actual relationship? Congratulations by the way!!

[–]valleycupcake[S] 23 points24 points  (1 child)

I didn't put demands on him and didn't try to fix him. He had a bad habit that he wanted to drop and I really wanted him to drop it. I didn't push it on him, but encouraged him whenever he indicated a desire to change. I continued showing him support through a slow process, and he made it a lasting change when he was ready to do so.

Another thing I did was started acting like a helper. I brought him coffee when we had morning meetings. If we ate together at his place, I cleaned up without being asked. I just started to show him through my actions what a good relationship with me could look like.

I also pulled back a bit in decisions on our business and our personal plans for hanging out. At first, it took him a while to take the reins, but when he did, he grew so much in confidence as he began to demonstrate the ability I knew was there. This helped me to see him as more of a leader and helped him to feel more like a leader, which set the tone for our relationship. Now I have some of those business responsibilities again, but it's because he delegated them back to me, so they've taken on a different tone. As far as drumming up business as well as planning, I have much less stress just assuming he'll do it unless he asks for help than trying to figure out what my half of the work is. He has the relief of knowing exactly what is getting done on my end and the power of being able to take it in the direction he wants.

A couple of times when I came to his place and had to wait a few minutes for him, I folded his laundry. I think he was a little embarrassed that he had unfolded laundry, but he appreciated that I was actively looking for ways to serve him rather than just going on my phone until he was done.

I started dressing more femininely too. I already had a decent wardrobe, but started putting the dresses, skirts, and flowy blouses into heavier rotation and gradually got more of them while phasing out the less attractive pieces.

Going to the gym together was part of it because we were a team there, spotting each other and putting weights on and off the bars. I learned his patterns and became able to do this in synchronization with him without having to ask what he needed.

I became more softspoken with my opinions, offering them only when they were really important or if asked. If he wanted to do something a certain way and I disagreed, I tried to just express my disagreement once and then go with it. He ended up being right most of the time, and has been able to think three steps ahead when I often only see the immediate implications.

So basically I laid it on thick with the lady game while giving him space to make his own decisions and come to his own conclusions.

[–]SoonToBeMrsHim 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Congratulations!! Such a fun and exciting time for you!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Congratulations! You seem much happier than before. If I may ask, what career did you intend to go into, and what did you end up working as?

[–]valleycupcake[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Pardon my manners. Thank you for the well wishes!

[–]valleycupcake[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I have a law degree and now I'm working in politics.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Wow. That's great commitment, to have a job and be at the home! Sorry, I only ask because I'm looking into college soon, and a lot of people in my area encourage huge, high-paying white collar careers first and putting off having a family until later (including my mom). But I hope in the future, I can find a balance like yours when it comes to managing a job and tending to the home, and find a field of work I really enjoy.

[–]valleycupcake[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh. Well if I could do it again I would do alternative education for much cheaper, so I wouldn't have to worry about pulling my weight with finances. Fiancé is finishing school in 2 years while working, and after that I may be able to quit.

I was always told I could be anything I wanted to be, but never had homemaker as an option presented to me. Nobody informed me growing up that fertility declines drastically after 35, and that your mind can wait for an education longer than your body can wait for a baby. I would have done things differently had I considered that. But it is what it is. I can't complain. At 30, I have a great education and a wonderful fiancé, and I am going to do whatever I can to make a happy home out of that.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[removed]

[–]aiofa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Serving another person without looking for something in return is a mark of a faithful and loving woman. Love isn't something that requires gain, only sacrifice. Having a straight forward focus of serving a man and your future family doesn't make you single minded, but committed.

Bitterness has no place here.