Hi everyone, I just need to go on a little rant if that's alright with you. Please let me know if you've ever felt the same and how you come to terms with this.
So, like a lot of us here:
Literally EVERYONE around me has always been supportive of feminism. I am in academia and anything that doesn't automatically spew out feminist ideals is INTENSELY frowned upon. I grew up thinking I should focus on my career and that I should be powerful and competitive and never EVER trust any man and never EVER let go.
I've been in a LTR with the same wonderful man for over 11 years now and am 28 so I didn't mess things up in terms of what RPW teaches. I love him so much and feel privileged and lucky to have met him so young and stayed with him. Ever since I found TRP and RPW (3 years ago) I have always 'accepted' RP truths and became obsessed with these sub reddits and the relevant blogs.
However, I kind of saw it as a sideline thing. Almost like a... I know it is not purely sexual but almost like a 'kink'... Something that you have a great attraction towards but it doesn't mean you want to completely change your life and relationship in that direction. It just felt like a delicious rebellion against feminism, which always felt oppressive to me. So reading these things were a relief.
But I obviously I ended up changing things in my life bit by bit: started acting and feeling more feminine, stopped competing with men.... never wanted children and am now seriously considering it.... I have lost weight... I am working out daily.... I STFU... I am trying to make my partner's life better in every way I can...I have been cooking for him and cleaning more.... I am much more comfortable with sex now that I understand the dynamics a bit better.
I feel like I am finally figuring out what it means to be a woman... and damn it.. IT FEELS GOOD! It feels right. It is liberating to not be angry and being told I am an oppressed victim all the time. It feels amazing not to have to compete and be tense 24/7. Also, my relationship is much better. My SO is so happy and my changes are causing amazing changes in him too and I'm so excited for the future!
But the fact that RP truths feels so right is disturbing to me, right now. I am just scared that maybe it is all true. Maybe we are in fact different from each other, men and women. Maybe women do really crave leadership. Maybe we do love feeling beautiful.
I'm just worried as I let go into this that there is in fact a patriarchy and that I am being internally misogynistic by acting in RP relevant ways. Has anyone here ever felt the same fears? How did you deal with them?
You know, ironically, feminism teaches us that femininity (or feminine characteristics) in its traditional sense is inferior and laughable. And as I accept my femininity more and more. I can't help but to feel like now I am inferior. Less relevant.
It's just amazing that it takes a community labeled as misogynistic to make me accept my femininity and womanhood.
I'm just scared that I am missing something at some point here. Do the feminists see something I'm not seeing? Do they have it right?
I appreciate this might not be the right place to discuss feminism but I am sure people here must have had some inner conflict too. Please let me know how you worked it out! Thanks :)