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"You are replaceable. Don't forget it." (self.RedPillWomen)

submitted by classy_lassy23

This is exactly what my partner told me last night. And while he wasn't saying it directly at me, I have to admit that it stung quite a bit because I took it personally. But once I got over my feelings of entitlement, it actually got me thinking about what it means to be replaceable.

We are all replaceable to someone. Even as basic members of society, we are replaceable. Most of us will live for 80+ years and then die. The future generation will replace the current one. So on and so forth.

While it's easy to think of being replaceable in terms of the big picture (i.e., society), it's a lot harder to think of it when you're dealing with intimate relationships. There are these funny things called emotions that bond us to certain people and sometimes we forget our role within the relationship. What starts out as a two-way, mutually beneficial setup can easily become a one-way street to misery that we either resign ourselves to or "upgrade" (but really, rinse and repeat). Unfortunately, this has become commonplace with some women even when we don't think we're doing it. We slack off here and there, we gain a little weight (or a lot), we prioritize differently now than a few years ago, etc. And we expect our partners to put up with this. For some relationships, our partners DO put up with this. I've witnessed it in my own social circle and in various other social circles. Why do we do this though? When we start out in relationships, we want to present our best possible self in order to attract/keep the man. So why don't we want to continue to do that 10 or 20 years down the line?

When I first thought of myself as being replaceable, I thought of it in a very negative way. I like feeling special to my partner and feeling replaceable takes away those feelings. It makes you think, "What's the point?". However, I have learned to replace those thoughts with these: My partner is not obligated to be with me. He CHOOSES to be with me of his own free will. Gratitude for that is not out of desperation, but out of humility. I do not think I'm entitled to my partner's love or care or material goods, but I graciously accept and appreciate that he chooses to share those things with me. And because I keep that frame of mind, I am filled with the genuine desire to want to be my best possible self for him. He could still replace me if he wanted, so this doesn't come from a place of fear or manipulation which I think is a common misconception. I could be everything he wanted and he could still say "No", just as I could be a nagging harpy and he could still say "No". So trying to argue that this mindset comes from fear/manipulation is really just a moot point.

We are all replaceable. We should never forget that, in general, others are not obligated to us. We are not special snowflakes and we do not deserve special treatment. Keep abundance mentality in mind, appreciate that your partner chose you, and continue to bring your A-game. Don't get hung up on the details or the little things. Most men are very simple, straightforward creatures. A lot of the "drama" that women blame men for is really what we create out of nothing. When you keep things simple for yourself, you keep things simple for him. And he'll love you for it.


[–][deleted]  (6 children)

[removed]

[–]cats_or_get_out 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeah, the captain could have used a bit more tact on this one (unintentional nautical pun--sorry).

[–]classy_lassy23[S] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

I definitely appreciate your response. Yes, the whole thing came about through a discussion on abundance mentality. Him saying that had nothing to do with me, but it made me think about the concept of being replaceable in a relationship (it does go both ways, really). The reason I felt a little hurt was that he's had many women and he's done more things for me than he has for all but one of those other women. So it did make me feel like a special snowflake for a while and then realizing "hmm, he could technically drop me if he wanted because he has no obligation to me". Knowing myself, though, I know it would be easy to get carried away with that feeling of specialness and might possibly take him for granted. I certainly don't want to do that. So him just generally saying that everyone is replaceable made me kinda stop and think about my own thinking toward him about his behavior toward me.

I'm with you on being irreplaceable to our partners. I think we should all strive to do that. So our behaviors are geared toward making ourselves irreplaceable (we're domestic, we stay in shape, we have hobbies, etc.). It's not thinking "Oh, I have to do this, this, and this or he'll leave me". It's "I know he could leave if he wanted (i.e., no obligation). What am I doing that makes him want to stay? Oh, it's this. Well let's just keep doing it then." Just a little bit of self-awareness. As we grow older with our partners, some of those things change and by that time you have a solid life built together.

Please don't think I'm saying that being replaceable is concrete or a manipulative tactic. I want to (and do) do things for my partner because I love doing them. As long as I uphold my end of the partnership and he holds up his end, then we have success. It has nothing to do with the wall or trading for a younger model. It's about knowing what your responsibilities are, knowing what you signed up for in terms of having a solid relationship, and adhering to those expectations you set for yourself. I would cut and run if my partner called me a "fat ___" or something similar. It goes both ways and I am in no way advocating for emotional/mental abuse. It's simply something to keep in mind. Take away obligation and you take away unrealistic expectations on your partner.

[–]Tumeric25 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Thank you for your objective response and it's great you see many sides. I definitely wrote that post thinking he said those direct words to you and not in general, and it's great you acknowledged that it didn't really apply to your SO.

I'm trying to figure out why my post was deleted as I thought I remained very objective, providing a slightly variable view point whilst still keeping on the self-improvement message. I'm happy to have an open discussion with mods about this (or on private message) to how I should have gone about it instead, and I am very happy that people have appreciated my response.

[–]Camille11325 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I'm not the mod who deleted your post but your original response didn't belong in this thread because it was irrelevant and not Red Pill.

RPW is not about policing our SO's tone or manipulating him so that he communicates in a way we deem "tactful and classy". I don't want to go sentence by sentence to point out what was wrong with what you said but I can give examples if you don't understand what I'm talking about.

[–]Tumeric25 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, I understand and I'm sorry my post was taken the wrong way. It wasn't intended to be taken as policing SO's tone or manipulating at all (gosh no!) - it was all about encouraging positivity and self-improvement and how to bounce back from (subjective) negativity which is what I understood RPW is all about (please correct me if I am wrong). Perhaps I used the wrong words, I always thought that 'tactful and classy' were good ways to describe a RPW response, but please advise me how else I should have described it, as I'd really like to know for next time when I write a post.

I can understand why people thought it was irrelevant - I did add a note saying after reading it again, I saw that he didn't say those words directly to her, but there may be a RPW out there who may have had those words said to her and felt upset and helpless and didn't know how to positively go about that situation.

Please don't think I'm trying to argue back, I'm was initially really shocked to hear how negative it was taken, but after looking at it again, I'm trying to understand how to go about responses in a better way, and thank you Camille113255 for taking the time to respond to me.

[–]freebumblebeeendorsed woman 33 points34 points  (15 children)

I actually like keeping this in mind as well. TRP likes to say that only men love unconditionally, but I disagree. No one loves unconditionally, and that's a good thing. I see too many women and men who get married and just give up, and I don't get that at all. This is the person you chose, who chose you, who you want to spend the rest of your life with, and you want to stop trying? Hell no. You should want to make this person's life better.

[–]always-be-closing 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Both sexes have to give, in the end.

Mothers and Fathers are people who give, give, give, give, give to their children.

This is so obvious with men; what woman considers a man a grown-up if he has to get money and support from his parents? It's a certainty while he is a boy, acceptable while he is a student - - a shame when he is older.

But the same goes for women - - it's the plates spun or the ones so horrible they can't even be plated who demand everything.

Children cannot give, and how could they? They take - - unconditional giving is the role of the parent to the child; not the spouse to spouse.

No man or woman is supposed to be the Father or Mother to their wife or husband.

They recoil at it in their own way.

[–]ColdEiric 2 points3 points  (1 child)

'A boy is a man when he produces more than he consumes.'

Every culture of humans on this planet adheres to this, and I doubt that those men would choose to to produce for the sake of bad women when they can choose good women.

[–]always-be-closing 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yep - this is pretty much why I think feminism's third wave is crushing men. When they are their most emotionally vulnerable, just beginning to have sexuality, and crucially - just embarking on the most critical years of education and jobs training....

....instead of being married by their early to mid 20s after a period of courtship, they're watching most women (blatantly sexually compete) with a minority of men. Instead of being young fathers strong enough and now obligated to work like crazy for the sake of their wives and the mother of their children, they're girlfriend-less, jerking off, pizza/xboxing themselves to economic irrelevance.

My uncle works as a clinical psychiatrist and marriage counselor. Men still have not, in "Modern times" completely adjusted to the idea that other men have been fucking their wives and the mother of their children much longer than they have, and when she was more beautiful. It is one of the principal anxieties that comes up, and they are routinely made to feel bad about it - in addition to economic difficulties falling squarely on men to fix.

Society needs to start rewarding and enabling common male successes, or male successes will be uncommon.

[–]JackGoldsteinWrites 12 points13 points  (1 child)

TRP likes to say that only men love unconditionally, but I disagree. No one loves unconditionally, and that's a good thing

I'm not a fan of that TRP edict. I think men sacrifice a lot of their imperative in an LTR, but no person loves unconditionally, imho.

[–]BowlOfCandy 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Loving unconditionally is the ideal, and it is driven by a supply of inspiration. That is a key role for the woman with regards to the man - to inspire.

A man is unstoppable when he is inspired.

[–]classy_lassy23[S] 7 points8 points  (7 children)

I'm so happy to hear that other women out there think similarly. I run into a lot of people who call my thinking backwards and I'm like ....uh, no.

[–]freebumblebeeendorsed woman 19 points20 points  (6 children)

A lot of people are super shocked and appalled and offended that my man and I have clearly stated expectations about keeping ourselves attractive for each other. Like that specifically is omg offensive doesn't he even love you for you?! Yes, he does, but loving me for me doesn't mean he has to be attracted to me if I gain 60 pounds.

ETA: and thank you for posting this! Posts like these are why I love this place--it makes sense and it's practical and yet anywhere else on the internet, you'd be slammed for it.

[–]ddrluna 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Another way of putting it could be, Yes he does love me for me. But if I turn into someone else, say, a 100-pound-heavier, lazier, naggier version of me, it wouldn't be the "me" he was originally attracted to, would it?

[–]classy_lassy23[S] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

That's so ridiculous. I like to flip the script on them and be like "Well, can you honestly say that you'd still be attracted to so-and-so if he/she gained 40 lbs?" The look of frustration on trying rationalize their way out of it is hilarious. The thing is, maintaining a healthy shape/weight/attractiveness level is an expectation for myself regardless of whether or not I'm in a relationship. Why should that change just because I'm seeing someone?

Also, you are most welcome! :)

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

    [–]classy_lassy23[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    I have an ex-coworker/friend who is 45 and she easily looks 10 years younger. She works out, she eats healthy, she takes care of herself, and she has a great attitude toward life. Hitting the wall/aging is a part of life, but that doesn't give you an excuse to stop taking care of yourself.

    [–]snbdmliss 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    This is the person you chose, who chose you, who you want to spend the rest of your life with, and you want to stop trying? Hell no. You should want to make this person's life better.

    Definitely a good rule for all relationships, from both sides.

    [–][deleted]  (3 children)

    [deleted]

    [–]snbdmliss 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Are you me? I'm pretty much the same way.

    Edit: Being told (or shown) that I'm replaceable is pretty much one of the top ways to hurt me and push me away. If I specifically don't matter to my SO that much, that some other girl will work just as well, then I can't help but to feel that he doesn't really care much about me, or love me, or respect me, or appreciate me, and I need those qualities in a relationship (just like I also provide them).

    [–]classy_lassy23[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    That's fantastic. I love hearing everybody's perspective. I'm motivated by rewards from the challenges. I'm constantly challenging myself to be better in so many ways and I love when others challenge me to be better (there is a difference between being constructive and being downright abusive though). And I'm also a brooding sort of person, so I understand the whole evaluation of a relationship and whatnot.

    It's definitely what will bring out the best in you though. :)

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Thumbs up! :)

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    I feel like the only way you can really be irreplaceable is to love someone unconditionally, because it is exceedingly rare. If he would throw that away, he deserves the replacement he gets. Also, if everyone loved unconditionally then we would still be replaceable but the world would be a Utopia so it wouldn't matter.

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    PS this is why parents are irreplaceable to many.. the unconditional love they give.

    [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    It's of one my old comments in TRP sub. I leave it here.

    Men are Disposable

    The men are valued for what they do instead of what they are. Men are not that necessary for survival of the society. Women are capable of doing all things men do. Let's assume a society of 100 men and 100 women. even if 99 men are dead, society can survive. because that one (happy)guy can impregnate the 100 women. So in case of danger to society, it makes sense to sacrifice men to save the society.

    Men are not replaceable

    Different men have different role in society. Men are valued for what we do. Each men have different skill set. One set of skills cannot be simply replaced by other set of skills. So you cannot replace the army general with a priest. But both of them have their own value in the society. That's why men are the prize.

    Women are not Disposable

    Women are valued more for what they are then what they do. Women's valued for their ability to give birth to kids. men can't do it. Just having a vagina makes them valuable to society. In the same 100 men,100 women society, let say 99 women are dead. Now society is totally fucked. they cannot survive any more. So they are not disposable. I'm sure you heard "Women and children first","10 people killed including 3 women" etc.

    Women are replaceable

    As the value of women depends on their ability to give birth, any women can do it. there is no special skill set involved. Women A can be replaced by Women B. There's no "special snowflake" women. That's why we advise men to have "abundance mentality" here.

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    When I first thought of myself as being replaceable, I thought of it in a very negative way. I like feeling special to my partner and feeling replaceable takes away those feelings. It makes you think, "What's the point?". However, I have learned to replace those thoughts with these: My partner is not obligated to be with me.

    See this is true red pill stuff right. You learn the truth, it makes you sad. You realize there's a shade of positivity and you focus on that instead.

    This is true maturity taking place and maybe becoming mature is synonymous with taking the red pill. What do you think?

    [–]classy_lassy23[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I'm on mobile currently, but I wanted to quickly say that I do think there's some maturity that comes with swallowing the red pill. You stop seeing the world through rose-colored glasses, but you don't dwell on the negative either. In a way, it's almost freeing to not be held down by unrealistic expectations. Ignorance is not exactly bliss.

    [–][deleted]  (11 children)

    [removed]

    [–]Chicane42 15 points16 points  (10 children)

    Don't forget that he's replaceable too. It goes both ways.

    [–]classy_lassy23[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    Absolutely! It does go both ways. Neither partner is obligated to the other, but sometimes we take our partners for granted. I think if both partners want to keep their current partner, then having a little bit of the replacement mentality can help to ensure you stay on your A-game. It seems to be more so for women just because of abundance mentality.

    [–]killking72 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I don't know if this will come across as rude, but I've never seen a woman talk or think this rationally. It's kind of blowing my mind.

    First time browsing RPW though so that's probably the reason.